Wednesday, October 26, 2016

“Why do all old statues have such small penises?”

I happened upon this great article on How To Talk About Art History. “Why do all old statues have such small penises?”. Click this link and read the full story, but meanwhile here are a few excerpts:
There are two main reasons why ancient Greek statues have small penises 
Firstly, they’re flaccid. If you compare their size to most flaccid male penises, they are actually not significantly smaller than real-life penises tend to be. 
Secondly, cultural values about male beauty were completely different back then. Today, big penises are seen as valuable and manly, but back then, most evidence points to the fact that small penises were considered better than big ones. 
All representations of large penises in ancient Greek art and literature are associated with foolish, lustful men, or the animal-like satyrs. Meanwhile, the ideal Greek man was rational, intellectual and authoritative. He may still have had a lot of sex, but this was unrelated to his penis size, and his small penis allowed him to remain coolly logical. There are actually quite a few ancient Greek sculptures that have enormous penises. Here’s one:
Greek statue of a satyr, Athens Archeological Museum
Here’s another:
A Greek Terracotta figure of Priapus, © Christie’s 2015

That is the end of the excerpt but there is much much more to be found in the full article (link). 

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

TMI Tuesday: Oct 25, 2016 ~ How’s it going – you know, your relationship?

Get real. Spill. It’s TMI Tuesday!

This photo is off center (I tend to favor symmetrical images) which makes it perfect for this post

1. How did you realize an important relationship (romantic, friendship, business) was over? What was the pivotal moment or statement?
~ There comes a time when you realize "this aint working anymore", when you realize you'd rather be doing other things. Better yet, you realize you should be doing other things because what's happening right now isn't good for you.
On the lighter side, in High School I once broke up with a girl because I couldn't stand her incessant talking. We used to make out all the time, but the day came when I realized we were just making out all the time so I could shut her up! She had to go...

2. Relationship strategy–do you have one? Share.
~ I've been with my wife 20+ years. My strategy seems to be 'hang in there, come what may'. My wife has kind of recognised this, and very occasionally says "I don't know why you put up with me" or "I'm so lucky you stuck it out" when discussing some previous period/ episode in her life.

3. Name two things you appreciate about your current relationship. Why are these things significant? (If not currently in a relationship, feel free to refer to your best relationship)
~ 1. I appreciate that my wife does love me, even if she doesn't want to have sex with me all the time. This is significant because it keeps hope alive!
~ 2. I appreciate that my daughter, who despite her current status as 'terrible teen', is a fantastic person and I both like her and love her dearly. This is significant because some parents become estranged from their kids, and I'm both hopeful and confident that this won't happen to us.

4. In your relationship, do you compromise:
a. a little
b. never – I usually get my way

c. too much, it helps keep the peace
~ ^^^ I have become my father! ^^^

5. If you went to couple’s therapy, which of these are you most likely to have a need to discuss:

a. My significant other feels more like a roommate.
b. Sex is uncomfortable.
c. My partner doesn’t know what I like in bed.

d. “Forget sex! We barely touch.”
~ see also: 6 Things Men Complain About In Marriage Counselling

Bonus: Below is a list of extreme sports. You must pick one sport to try. Why would you do that sport?
1. skydiving
2. volcano diving
3. zip-lining through a jungle
4. bungee jumping
~ I've already done #3 & #4 but I'd like to do #1. The reason I haven't already, seriously, is because I want my daughter to be older in case anything goes wrong. I know the odds of me plummeting to my death are infinitesimal but better safe than sorry. But once she turns 18....!

Double Bonus: In yesterday's post Left alone for five days... what's a boy to do? I said:
But she did 'like' two of my Facebook posts (my real profile, not the Nero one). So basically I've been on my own the whole time.
This morning I woke up to find myself locked out of the Nero account by Facebook, unless I provided a phone number to prove I wasn't a fake account. So... be aware that those Facebook bots are pretty thorough now. They go through everything you post and can recognise words like 'my real profile'. The problem in my case was that at the weekend I started using a third party app to automatically cross post these blog posts to Facebook. That was a mistake, a big mistake. (The x-rated photo probably didn't help - maybe that's what triggered an alert?)

Triple Bonus: I've used that same third party app to automatically cross post my Instagram posts to this blog. Since I post at random times please excuse random images popping up here. They come with the Instagram hash tags in the post title (on this blog) which looks kinda stupid here, but hopefully you'll enjoy the pictures. (If only because I'm such a white middle class male cliche!)

Also: I've changed the widths on the template for this blog. Hopefully that makes it easier to read but if it doesn't or is causing problems please let me know. I tend to read blogs on my laptop, but if you read them on phones or tablets then maybe it's a problem? Hopefully not. (The font looks small to me now, but that could be my eyesight!)


How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Monday, October 24, 2016

Left alone for five days... what's a boy to do?

Firstly I should clarify: my wife left for a conference last Thursday morning but I wasn't home alone - I had my 14 y.o. daughter to look after. But given that's she's fourteen and is at that age where she only wants to be left alone so she can hide in her cave bedroom and hang out online with all her friends (both real world and internet) I was pretty much on my own for the duration.

And if I'm going to 'clarify' I suppose I should go the whole hog: we were supposed to go to the conference together but on the night before we were due to leave my wife's sister had a car accident so my wife cancelled and flew instead to see her sister. Who just happens to live in a swinging town (and also my wife has a few friends there). But just because my wife's sister's accident wasn't life threatening, and my wife decided to book a hotel room in the city, and stay for 5 days... doesn't mean my wife was flying to meet her lover for an illicit long weekend. No, don't get paranoid Nero!

OMFG - the internet os full of images of men jerking off! Who knew?
(until now I've only seen the women doing it online - honest! )
Seriously, the accident was real (but not life threatening) so I don't think my wife was up to any mischief. Or planning any... (but let's see what I can find when she gets home with her devices). It's Sunday afternoon now (as I write) and my wife has only called me once ("my sister is okay!") and texted me twice (both times about our daughter). But she did 'like' two of my Facebook posts (my real profile, not the Nero one). So basically I've been on my own the whole time.

The other factoid you need to know is that we did not have sex the weekend before she left last Thursday (or any time in between, or prior) because at that stage we were both going to the four day conference and my wife often does this crazy thing where she likes to 'wait until we're in the hotel suite'. Yeah, dumb, I know! "Why can't have we sex this weekend and when we get to the hotel in a few days time?" is a question I don't even bother to ask any more.

So given that I hadn't had sex for more than two weeks before my wife flew out early on Thursday morning, can you guess what was the first thing I did after my daughter left for school?

Yup, I fired up the laptop, found some porn, and jerked off.

Normally I'd share with you what got me off in a post tagged TPGMO (This Porn Got Me Off) but quite frankly it was nothing to write home about. It didn't matter though because my dick was hard as soon as I loosened my pants, and when I came it was #*$%ing fantastic. Have you ever been so horny that when you finally do cum it feels like your whole body has exploded, and you cum an absolute gusher? Yeah, it was one of those. There was cum spurting everywhere, and lots of it.

I almost felt bad for my wife, who would have loved to have seen that, but then I figured it was her fault I had such blue balls anyway, so #*$% her. Was 9am too early to be masturbating? HELL NO!! And the same logic applied at lunchtime when I figured another round was in order. I don't know about you, but when I've gone without sex I always want more, even after I do finally get some. It's like those people who try dieting by not eating bad stuff but as soon as they eat one Pringle they can't stop and the whole tube is finished within minutes. And then you're looking in the cupboard for the Doritos.

So just after 3pm I was looking at the clock and thinking that it really wouldn't be too long before my daughter got home from school, and since I had cum twice already today if I was going to do it again (y'know, to flush it all out of my system, because I still had some residual horniness left and that wasn't good) I should probably get started now because it would probably take longer this time. So I did.

It wasn't as good as the first one, but they never are - are they? But it still felt #*$%ing good. It felt like freedom. Freedom from having my sexual release, my sexual pleasure, determined by my wife. She doesn't want to have sex with me unless she wants to have sex with me, and she doesn't want me to masturbate unless she's doing the same (because she doesn't want penetrative sex, but she's horny). And like any slave, once I got a taste of freedom I wanted more. Just before midnite (while my daughter was asleep) I masturbated for a fourth time.

Four times in one day - it was like I was a teenager again!

I only jacked off twice on Friday, but on Saturday morning my daughter went to friends house for a sleep over so as you can imagine it became a bit of a PornFest. Or should that be a WankFest? Either way I kinda wore myself out so today is a rest day. As it will be tomorrow (today, if you're reading this) since my wife returns in the evening and god forbid she might be horny herself and expect me to fuck her. Imagine if I couldn't perform because I'd wanked myself silly while she was gone?

Mind you, writing this post has reminded me of all the self pleasure I've enjoyed these past few days and I'm kinda hard again. Maybe I should 'relieve the pressure' again, now, quickly, lest I get super-horny tomorrow and can't stop myself? Maybe I should drain my balls of all that dirty cum right now, rather than risk having blue balls tomorrow and doing something silly - like jerking off an hour before my wife gets home because I can't take it any more?

Yeah, best I do it now, for the good of our marriage...

click here for more (much more!) 

Dolph Lundgren and Grace Jones #1983

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Riding Shotgun - Sexiest Cartoon Ever?

Not sure if it is (Robert Crumb anyone?) but it's fun and it's crazy...

Okay, so if you don't know who Robert Crumb is... Fritz the Cat was a 1972 animated film written and directed by Ralph Bakshi and based on the comic strip of the same name by Robert Crumb. The film was the first animated feature film to receive an X rating in the United States. It focuses on Fritz, a cat in mid-1960s New York City, who explores the ideals of hedonism and sociopolitical consciousness. The film is a satire focusing on American college life of the era, race relations, the free love movement, and left- and right-wing politics. Fritz the Cat is the most successful independent animated feature of all time, grossing over $100 million worldwide.

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Cops and White Middle Class Female Privilege

This is not one of my old posts, but one by Pervertically Virtuous.
In the process of recovering my own old posts via email I discovered some of hers. Like me, her old accounts have been terminated, and she seems to have disappeared from the internet. This is a damn shame since I consider her one of the best sex bloggers I've ever had the chance to read and follow. I'm reposting her old posts as a historical archive, and if she ever returns to blogging I'm happy to hand them back to her.
To be clear: the copyright on this work is hers, and remains with her - I didn't write it and I make no claim to it. 
(FYI: some links in this post are dead)

Pervertically Virtuous posted: "Last night on my way to the gym, I ran a red light on my bike at a major intersection in Brooklyn, effectively cutting off a cop car. Well, I didn't quite cut him off - I looked around, saw he was far enough that I could get through the intersection befo"

recovered post by Pervertically Virtuous

Cops and White Middle Class Female Privilege

by Pervertically Virtuous
cyclist-running-over-stop-signLast night on my way to the gym, I ran a red light on my bike at a major intersection in Brooklyn, effectively cutting off a cop car.
Well, I didn't quite cut him off - I looked around, saw he was far enough that I could get through the intersection before he got to it - but he was the only car coming this way and I was the only person (on bike or foot) running that red light right in front of him.
By the time I realized it was a cop car, it was too late to stop.
A few seconds later I heard the siren. I knew it was for me.
I contemplated running from him trying to escape. I know people who've done that multiple times: With all the one way streets and busy traffic in NYC, cops often can't keep up with a bike. But we were in a part of Brooklyn I don't know that well and traffic was light that time of the night, so I decided to stop and try to talk my way out of it.
He pulled over next to me, rolling down the passenger window. It was a cute Latino guy in his early 30's, probably not very tall, fairly overweight.
"Do you know you ran a red light? Right in front of me?" he asked, visibly pissed. Understandably so. I would be too if I were him.
"Yes, I know. I'm sorry, officer, I am running late, I was in a hurry." I tried to apologize.
He asked for my ID.  I realized that probably meant a ticket. So as I handed him my ID, I leaned closer to the window and started pleading not to write me a ticket.
He wasn't having any of it.
"Step back ma'am," he said coldly.
"But, officer, please..." I kept trying.
"Step back from my vehicle, ma'am," he ordered more sternly and started rolling up his window.
I obeyed. A few minutes passed as I watched him enter my info in the system. This was it, I thought, I was getting a ticket.
But I couldn't believe it was happening. I don't get tickets. I ALWAYS talk my way out of them. Like that one time I convinced the cops that my pupils were not constricted due to heroin (as they'd suggested), but because it was bright out (which was true; although me and everyone else in the car was rolling their asses off on ecstasy). Or that time I convinced the cop that I was parked in a disabled spot (which no one ever seemed to use) because as a foreigner I didn't realize the disabled sticker applied to the driver and not the car (who belonged to my disabled friend). Or that time I convinced the cop that we were wrapping up the party that my landlord called the cops on me for at 8 AM. Or that time I convinced the cop that I was lost (which was somewhat true) and he should therefore not only forgive me for speeding (50 mph in a 30 mph zone), but help me with directions. I could go on... The only time I didn't manage to talk my way out of a ticket (a noise violation) was a sweet, mellow guy was accompanied by an angry, bitchy female cop.
Was this the first time I was going to get a ticket by a guy?
For a second I thought about offering him a blowjob. I've always wanted to try that - bribe a law enforcement officer with a blowjob - but have never had the chance. This was definitely not the time nor place for it, though. I was on my bike on a very busy street, wearing workout clothes, all sweaty and red in the face after having biked 10 miles, with a dumb-looking bike helmet on my head. I am sure I did not look particularly attractive.
But I couldn't give up so easily. I had to try the pleading once more.
"How much is the ticket?" I asked him, despondent.
"I don't know, about $300," he said.
"$300?!" I exclaimed in horror, genuinely shocked. "Officer, I can't afford that. I'm a student."
"Well, you should've thought about that before running a red light," he responded, much softer now.
"I know, I'm really sorry, I was in a hurry..."
"Do you even realize you ran that light? You didn't even see me."
"I ..." I tried to defend myself.
"Let me finish," he interrupted me. He proceeded to chastise me with a (not entirely inappropriate) lecture on how I was being careless, breaking the law, endangering myself and others on the road, and complicating the co-existence of cars, bikes, and pedestrians.
He (understandably) needed to vent. When he was finished, I used my sweetest voice to say:
"You're right, officer, I know, I shouldn't have done it. But, I did see you, I really did. I looked both ways, you were the only car coming and I calculated that you were far enough, and I had enough time to cross before you even got to the intersection."
"How many times a day do you run red lights?" he asked, visibly calmer and almost amused now.
"I don't know..."
"You don't know?! So you do it all the time?" he responded, laughing.
"No, no. Look, I can't say I've never done it, but I pay attention. I don't do it when there are cars or pedestrians, I'm a really good cyclist, I promise, I've never hit anyone, I've never caused an accident... Please don't write me a ticket, sir, please, I really can't afford $300 right now, I'm just a student."
And with that, I had made my case.
He gave me back my ID.
"OK, I'm gonna let you go now, but I want you to stop at every red light. Even if there's no one coming. Your info is in the system, don't let me catch you again," he warned me. "If I do, I WILL write you a summons, I promise."
I rode off, running my next red light only a few blocks later. It really makes no sense that bikes are expected to stop and stay stopped at red lights when there's no one around. Not in a city where pedestrian jaywalking is all but legal. And not when in Idaho, IDAHO! the land of reason and progressive thinking, cyclists are allowed to treat stop signs as yield signs, and red lights as stop signs?
I know, sooner or later, I am going to have to pay those $300.
In the meantime, I'm grateful to the Universe I was born white, attractive, middle class female.
Pervertically Virtuous | October 22, 2013 at 10:58 am |

Friday, October 21, 2016

Fetish Friday ~ See Through Mesh, Black leather, and Fishnets

Another Fetish Friday pic from Nero's Fantasy File! 

Oh, how I love see-thru mesh - so so sexy! If I came home and found her waiting in my kitchen I'd be a puddle on the floor in no time! I found this image on Facebook, which is why her nipples are covered. I don't think those are maple leaves because she's German, not Canadian.
And don't you love the mask?

Outfit by Kinky-a-Fair / Noir Hotcandy on Facebook