Saturday, June 24, 2017

Why Move to Self-Hosting (and Why I Blog)?

This is not one of my old posts, but one by Pervertically Virtuous (scroll to bottom for more info).

It was originally posted in 2013 and I suspect everything she said is now out of date. Blogging as we knew it then (and like the one you're reading now because old habits die hard) is dead in my opinion. My old blog had plenty of readers and plenty of people commenting, but this one is really just a tree falling in the woods. Nowadays people don't 'subscribe' to blogs anymore so it's easy to get lost amongst the vast blogosphere. Most people now only read a blog if one of their friends has linked to it on Facebook - or one of the other myriad of Social Media platforms. 

Social Media has absolutely taken over as the #1 source for people's information these days, outstripping magazines and newspapers, and television. The only people succeeding online are the ones have the resources (people and money) to 'optimize' their blog i.e. pay to have it feature at the top of search engine results. As you can tell from my blog I aint got none of that - and it will only get worse if Trump/The FCC get rid of 'net neutrality' i.e. make it legal for the big internet companies to throttle the world wide web in favor of those paying the highest fees. (Disguised as 'premium service' of course)

(FYI: some links in this post are dead)

Pervertically Virtuous posted: "Last week I mentioned I moved the blog to self-hosting. A couple of fellow bloggers asked me about my motivations for the move. In a way, the move was sort of planned from the very beginning. When I first started blogging 3-4 months ago, I had never blog"

recovered post by Pervertically Virtuous

Why Move to Self-Hosting (and Why I Blog)?

by Pervertically Virtuous
Last week I mentioned I moved the blog to self-hosting. A couple of fellow bloggers asked me about my motivations for the move.
[photo added 2016,
 original lost in recovery process]
In a way, the move was sort of planned from the very beginning. When I first started blogging 3-4 months ago, I had never blogged before, so I wasn't sure I was going to like doing it, wasn't sure people would like it, didn't know how much of my time it would require... I just had no idea how it would go. So I decided to start with to test the waters, and then, if after a few months I felt like it was going well and I was enjoying it, I would then move to self-hosting.
OK, so why?
There's a nice blog post (including an infographic) comparing the pros and cons of vs. (the self-hosted version).
So my reasons to do move to self-hosted:
- Greater control of the look and feel of my site (I'd like to eventually get a designer to make it really cool);
- Ownership of my content;
- No worries about being labeled mature or getting shut down for something doesn't like;
- More detailed statistics and tracking (through Google Analytics);
- Not having place ads on my site (yes, they do this for readers who are not logged in); and
- Adding my own affiliates and ads (there are some options for this on, but they are fairly limited).
This, particularly that last point, leads me to elaborate on why I blog to begin with.
Last month, Nlikes of My Dissolute Life had a thought-provoking post on the Top 10 Reasons Sex Bloggers Blog Sex. It was a good collection of motives, not all of which apply to everyone, of course.
So Why Do I Blog Sex?
1. (Originally #3) I genuinely think I have an interesting and fairly unusual sex life (both the actual sex I have and my opinions and views about it), and I believe the world benefits from knowing about it.
This is by far the most important reason for which I started blogging and for which I will continue to blog for probably a very long time.
Whether others would agree with me about #1 was my greatest concern before I started blogging. My whole life I've been told by friends, lovers, romantic partners, relatives (the few who know a bit about my life), and friends of friends who've heard stories, that I have a fascinating sex life and that I should write a book, or at least a blog, about it. But I didn't know whether I'd be able to pull it off and write it in a way people who don't know me would find it compelling. Based on the feedback I've been getting, both in terms of comments and emails and in terms of views, many people do indeed find my blog entertaining, useful, even inspiring. And that is immensely gratifying and validating.
2. (Originally #7) Writing about my sex gets me off.
I didn't realize this would be the case before I started blogging, but yep, writing up my sex stories definitely gets me wet, and that's a nice perk.
3. (Originally #9) I'm an exhibitionist who gets off on revealing in public what usually is private.
There is a bit of that, I'm sure. I'm both fascinated and bothered by the fact that sex is supposed to be private matters you don't share with people. But sex is such a big part of who I am and I love sharing that side of me with others. The fact that it's kinda forbidden, makes it all the more interesting.
4. (Not in NLikes' original list). Make some money off my blog.
Over the past 4 months, I spent a lot of my time on the blog, writing content, promoting it in various ways (see my guest post on Speaking Out on Nate, Using Networking to Increase Blog Traffic: 10 Lessons from a Novice Sex Blogger), and learning as much as I could about blogging. Those efforts certainly paid off in terms of views. My views increased from 350 in the 1st month, to 20,000 in the 2nd month, to 34,000 in the 3rd month, and will most likely hit 40,000 this 4th month (and that is despite over 2 weeks of that heartbreaking drop in search engine views and 2 weeks of very little new content). From what I understand, this is more views than many long-standing blogs get, and on par with what some pretty successful personal blogs get.
So, if people find the content I provide valuable, it would be nice if my time spent providing that content would also bring in some income. I'm soon graduating from my PhD program and I'm seriously considering not going into academia (which is what I always thought I would do). Instead I would like to try and make it as a freelance writer, combined with some teaching and some research. I would like blogging to be one part of that mix.
What do you think about adding ads and affiliate marketing to a personal blog like this one? Take the poll or leave a comment.
Pervertically Virtuous | June 24, 2013 at 12:43 pm | Tags: blogging, exhibitionism, money, motivation, sex | Categories: Life According to TPVS | 
In the process of recovering my own old posts via email I discovered some of P.V.'s. Like me, her old accounts have been terminated, and she seems to have disappeared from the internet. This is a damn shame since I consider her one of the best sex bloggers I've ever had the chance to read and follow. I'm reposting her old posts as a historical archive, and if she ever returns to blogging I'm happy to hand them back to her.
To be clear: the copyright on this work is hers, and remains with her - I didn't write it and I make no claim to it.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Shame - The Movie

The subject for this week's TMI Tuesday was shame, which was interesting because coincidentally my wife and I watched the 2011 movie Shame last Saturday night. It stars Michael Fassbender and Carey Mulligan, both of whom are British actors, but the film is set in New York.

This is the opening sequence of Shame.
Compare this with the closing scene (at end of post) 

Brandon Sullivan (Fassbender) is a sex addict who thinks about sex all the time. He surfs for porn on his work computer, masturbates often (even at work), and eyes up women in whatever situation he's in - in the hopes of having quick anonymous sex with them. The arrival back into his life (and his apartment) of his sister Sissy (Mulligan), from who he was estranged due to emotional family baggage, changes Brandon's life - especially in what he can do in what used to be the privacy and sanctity of his apartment. 

Sissy, unlike Brandon, sees sex and emotional attachment as one in the same. Brandon's life begins to spiral out of control following Sissy's arrival. He gains a better understanding, albeit an unpleasant one, of his life following an incident involving Sissy.

About 35 minutes into the movie my wife decided nothing was happening (she was right) and having seen Fassbender's cock in all it's full frontal glory (let's just say he's bigger than me) in the early scenes she decided she would go to bed. After our disastrous sex on Friday night (no, I still haven't told you that story yet, it was too awful) I had no desire to join her. 

So I stayed and continued watching the movie since I'm the type of guy who generally will always watch a movie to the end.

Lo and behold the movie did pick up the pace (just after my wife left!!) and the story became more apparent. The movie starts as a slow burn but of course Brandon Sullivan is a flaming wreck by the time it ends. It's an intriguing thought provoking movie and I can recommend it (if you prefer independent cinema to blockbuster movies). The film is sexually explicit and this clip is a good example of what the movie is like (as much as YouTube will allow):

Just how sex addicted is Brandon? Well after failing to 'score' in the above scene (although I'd argue his real desire was to get beaten/punished for his sins) Brandon goes to a gay sex-on-site club where he knows a blowjob is guaranteed. Which British director Steve McQueen (12 years a Slave) doesn't shy from showing:

As promised, here is the closing scene from the movie which {SPOILER!} features the same woman as in the opening scene. But this time she is not wearing her wedding ring and in my opinion she is dressed to seduce. Some critics have suggested that in the opening sequence she rejects his advances, but I would argue she didn't reject him she just didn't know how to respond. In this clip she has clearly made up her mind on how she wants to respond:

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Sex in a tent ~ Part 2 (the sex part)

In Part 1 I had all the same blog tags as this one, but I included none of the details. I also said we only had sex twice on vacation, but I forgot about the third time. Maybe I didn't really forget it, I just cast it from my mind since it was so awful. It happened on the last night of my wife's 'retreat' with my wife's BNG buddies, when we all came back to the 'Eco Lodge' quite drunk after a visit to a local 'club'.

this photo could have been taken in our tent...
We didn't have sex until Day 2 and Day 3 of the vacation, because Day 1 was really just us arriving early evening at our Eco Lodge i.e. a 'luxury' tent. By the time we'd got unpacked, got changed, bicycled into the local town, had dinner, bicycled 'home... well, we were both exhausted and in no mood for sex. Call us old but we were too tired! Besides, it was after midnight according to our body clocks.

On Day 2 I realized her BNG buddies were coming on Day 4 so my opportunities for vacation sex were diminishing. We'd been out all morning hiring scooters and having lunch and mooching around the town before we popped 'home' mid afternoon to get our swimsuits and head out to the beach. Unfortunately (at least that's how she would describe it, I'm sure) my wife can't take off her clothes in front of me without me getting aroused and wanting sex. And today was no different.

She thinks I'm a complete horndog but in my defense I think she's beautiful and I desire her physically. If you saw her too you'd agree. Besides if she wan't so stingy with the sex I might not be so pent up all the time! (That's a LOL if you didn't get it). Luckily my wife was bored so she accepted my request to eat her out - she lay herself down on the bed, with her legs apart.

My wife doesn't want too much foreplay. That doesn't mean she's easily aroused, it just means she finds my beard ticklish or scratchy (depending on her mood) and doesn't want me kissing her neck or breasts for too long. She prefers I get my tongue on her clit pronto. In my defense I'd hardly call it a beard and I only got it when I turned fifty a few years back and we lived in NYC for a month. I'd forgotten my razor and it just kinda grew and all the Brooklyn hipsters were wearing it that way and my wife said it made me look younger (which reflected well on her) so she told me to keep it.

I've offered to resume shaving plenty of times, since I'd rather kiss her neck and suck on her boobies but she always says no. Her girlfriends say I look good (#GeorgeClooney) (#YouNeedGlassesLady) so it has remained. But I digress.

So she's lying there languidly as I'm kissing and licking and nibbling and munching away on her pussy. She smells and tastes fantastic. Then she grabs my head and pulls me in deeper and harder; and then she cums. When she finally releases me I pop my head up - she says nothing but gives me a sly grin that indicates her climax was better than expected. I done good!

You know how it is ladies: you're not really in the mood, kinda ambivalent abut it, but you agree to sex anyway, and then out of nowhere a rather nice orgasm sneaks up on you and gives you an unexpected wallop around the head. It's the reason therapists and relationship experts often recommend to women who say they have low libidos that they should 'just do it' (unless there are other reasons like medical or trauma) to get back in the swing of things. It falls under 'Use it or Lose it' doctrine.

So it's my turn now, which means I pull up beside her on the bed and start jacking off. She starts playing with my balls, then wanking my cock, then licking my cock, then swallowing my cock. She starts jerking me off and tonguing my balls at the same time and it's not long before I'm ready to cum.  I want to fuck her but she says I can't because her period is due.

I push her over onto her back and straddle her tits, my balls resting just below her cleavage. She starts squeezing her boobs and playing with her nipples; which send me over the deep end. Mashing my hot balls into her warm breasts I jack my cock with a tight grip and suddenly I'm cumming, with jism jumping. It's a great release and my wife seems pleased with the load I've ejaculated.

I roll over and we both take a long nap.

Day 3 is pretty much the same as day 2 except we got back to the tent later in the afternoon. We'd spent a day on the beach in the sun so when we got back to the tent we were hot and stripped off down to our underwear. Which made me horny so sex ensued. It was the same as the day before except this time I finished by making her kneel on a pillow on the floor beside the bed and jacking off into her mouth. She had her hands cupping her boobs, holding them up to my balls, and they felt warm and great. This good bit came (lest we forget) after the bad bit I mentioned in Part 1.

When I came I pushed my dick into her mouth and she sucked it all out of me. I wanted my dick in her mouth because I wanted that feeling of penetration, and this was the closest to it. Her period still hadn't arrived but she still wasn't going to let me fuck her, so it had to do. I actually wanted to grab her head with both hands and face fuck her but it seemed a little rough for that time of day and besides, she also seemed keen to kinda have me explode in her mouth as she blew me. She was gobbing me down her throat quite hard and fast so I let her have it her way.

Imagine this, but in a tent
And that was the end of our vacation sex because two of the BNG boys arrived later that night and the rest of them arrived the following morning, Day 4. Our tents were all within earshot of each other and I had no desire to unleash their inner frat boy by having sex with my wife, knowing they would hear it. I will admit however that over the following days, left alone and to my own devices while they disappeared all day for their 'learnings', my mind did wander.

I was so horny (this happens when my wife's period is due, it's those damn hormones of hers affecting mine) I started imagining my wife coming 'home' drunk with the guys and one thing leading to another. 'Another' being all the guys lined up and my wife blowing each one of them. This is not a fantasy of mine so I can only chalk it up to my blue balls and a desperate need for release.

It also represents my desire to know how good my wife's oral skills are. As I have noted on this blog before, she has great oral skills - it feels fantastic when I'm in her mouth, but I can never cum just by her blowing me. I always need to do the last bit myself i.e. jacking my cock until I ejaculate. Ditto for her hand jobs - she gets me to the peak but can't quite push me over the edge. So is it me, or are other men like that?

There was only one way to find out, and I had eight guys on site who could make a great sample group for my study. How many could/would cum in her hand, how many could/would cum in her mouth? Should I ask them to choose between 'hand' or 'mouth' or give them two rounds, one for each method?

Ha! There was no way this was going to happen because there was no upside for me. God forbid I unleash her inner slut, and god forbid she discover that a bigger cock than mine really does provide a lot more pleasure. Besides, those guys would all be so excited to finally have her of course they'd cum quickly via her hand or oral skills. It wouldn't be a scientific study at all, the results would be corrupted.

So as I mentioned, we didn't have sex again until the last night of the 'retreat'. They'd graciously allowed me to join them for dinner and drinks, and then we all went to that 'club' after that. It was really just a bar with a DJ and four flashing colored lights. The drinks were watered down but they were so cheap it didn't matter. We slammed them back and at midnight we moved to another 'club' (which again was really just a bar). We did shots there, and then some of the guys wanted to go to a third place, which turned out to be two doors down from where we already were.

At this point two of the guys decided they wanted to go 'home', back to the tents. Their wives and kids were joining them in the morning for a few additional days R&R (not at the Eco-Lodge of course, no they'd been smart enough to book themselves into the Resort) and they didn't want to be too hung over. I thought this was a good opportunity to go as well, since I wanted Anniversary Sex with my wife. Yes, she may have forgotten it but I hadn't!

So we're back in the tent, and the other two guys are in theirs, three tents down the line. I figure that's safe enough, and make my move. My wife responds, and sex ensues. The action is pretty much the same as Day 2 & 3 accept this time we're both liquored up and it's a little more dirty. My wife cums twice and when it's my turn she gets up on all fours and tells me to fill her ass crack with my jizz.

So I'm standing behind her, jacking my cock, but I just can't get there. Finally I think 'fuck it!', grab her hips, and push my dick slowly into her tight wet pussy. She's wet but really tight so I proceed slowly, building up to a steady rhythm. So I'm pumping away as she loosens up and it feels fantastic  but nothing's happening. She's on her elbows now, head down, and grunting with every thrust I give her, and I start to second guess myself.

Is that a grunt of pleasure or a grunt of 'Oh God, when is he going to finish'?

And then I remind myself of how many times on this vacation she's said I can't fuck her and yet here I am fucking her. I decide to pull out, and lay down on the bed. I jack my cock and she starts tonguing my balls, swirling her tongue all around. I moan and tell her how good it feels and she groans and tells me how much she loves licking my balls. Without warning she pushes up on my thighs and pokes her tongue into my asshole. She starts rimming me and it sends an electric jolt right through my body.

This is usually enough to make me cum but for some reason not tonight. Maybe it's the alcohol but we've been fucking around for an hour and although I've peaked several times I've never cum. My cock is fat thick and throbbing and my wife is humming as she tongues my asshole yet still I can't ejaculate. Is this E.D.? How can it be Erectile Dysfunction when I have a massive erection? Whiskey Dick doesn't make you rock hard, it makes you floppy, so what's up?

Hand on my heart, as I write this I can't remember how it finished. I recall telling her to stop, that it wasn't working, that it was my fault not hers, and I remember her crawling up and falling asleep beside me. I can't recall if I came by myself (I know I continued jacking off for a while) or just fell asleep as well. I do recall waking up naked the next morning, but that's about it.

At the risk of sounding like a cliche this doesn't normally happen to me. Sure, we were both drunk but not wildly so. Alcohol may have been a factor but I think the real problem is my headspace. I'm always second guessing myself when we have sex now: does she really want it or is she just placating me, am I any good or is she just placating me (that scolding on Day 3 didn't help), is she doing this (talking dirty/rimming me) just to get me off quickly so it's over...

It's just one big serving of self-doubt soup now. Regular readers will know I considered myself good at cunnilingus (I love it) but maybe I've been imagining it the whole time. When I've written up the various accounts of our (infrequent) sexual activity I've always written it up in a positive fashion but maybe I'm deluding myself? Maybe she doesn't cum as often as I think I she does? Maybe she is faking it and I've been only too willing to believe she wasn't?

I've often said 'if she enjoys the sex when we do have sex, why aren't we having more of it?'  Maybe I've been answering my own question without realizing it: we aren't having lots of sex because she doesn't really enjoy it?

Sex should be fun, not a mindfuck.

"You used to be such a confident guy" said an old girlfriend once, when we had a one-off nostalgic lunch a few years ago, "what happened?"

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

TMI Tuesday: June 20, 2017 ~ Shame!

This is the trailer to the movie Shame, which I review on Thursday...

1. Tell us a sexual thing/fantasy would you never want your friends to know you like or have done?
~ Rimjobs. I love it when my wife tongues my balls, but when she goes down further it's positively electric. But it's not an anecdote you can share with the guys, is it? And it's definitely not something you'd share with friends at a dinner party is it? Honestly, I think after enough wine you could probably get away with admitting to your closest friends you've had anal sex; but there's no coming back from the mental image of her tongue up my ass. 

2. Has anyone ever found an item of sexy underwear, a sex toy or perhaps a picture on your phone that embarrassed you?
~ No-one can find anything on my phone because it's password protected. Does anyone ever leave there phone 'open' anymore? If anyone got into my phone they would just need to look at my Instagram account to see what gets me excited.
Now that our daughter is fifteen I do worry she will see the lube and vibrators in my wife's nightstand drawer, since they are not hidden. I don't think that's a mental image she needs to see and have mentioned it to my wife - who naively insists our daughter would not rummage through our drawers. (I know I did, well before 15)

3. Do you have any fantasies you could never go through with because you think you would feel ashamed?
~ No. But then my fantasies are fairly 'normal'. Anal, threesomes, and BDSM (but really just the dress up part, I'm not into pain). Sometimes I would like my wife to be sexually subservient, which is difficult because I consider myself an evolved human and believe in gender equality.

4. Have you ever felt shame after a sexual experience?
~ Not really, but ... well, how do I explain this? When I haven't had sex for a long time (i.e. two weeks) I start climbing the walls. After another week I am so desperate I get very direct in expressing my needs to my wife. This results in us having some form of sexual intimacy to give me 'relief'. Afterwards I feel bad, and sometimes (if she makes no pretense of doing anything other than giving me 'relief') I feel like a rapist. IMO this is not how a healthy sexual relationship should operate. 
On other occasions she responds well to me 'jumping her' and afterwards she's all "why don't we do this more?" and ... well, you've all read my blog posts about how she promises to commit to have more sexual intimacy with me on a more frequent basis. This lasts about two weeks and then it's back to the drought. 
The obvious coping mechanism (for the lack of sex) is to masturbate. This often leads to mixed feelings, one of which can be shame. Shame in the sense that I despair this is my lot in life: a sad old man destined to be jerking off for the rest of his days because his wife doesn't want to have sex with him.

Bonus: Share a recent non-sexual moment of shame.
~ I really can't think of one. Honest. (Because they're all sexual!!)

Double Bonus:
~ Yesterday I posted Sex in a Tent which oddly enough had no explicit sex scenes in it (because I'm saving those for Part 2 tomorrow). It explains the disappointing vacation we took earlier this month (and you didn't even notice I was gone, right?)


How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Monday, June 19, 2017

Sex in a tent

I'm pretty sure this is the romantic image my wife had in her head when she pictured us at our 'Eco Lodge'!
Men of course are simpler creatures and have one thing on their mind - is a little vacation sex too much to hope for?

In last week's TMI Tuesday: June 13, 2017 ~ Hey folks! I shared the following anecdote in answer to a question:
While my wife has never said “No, it was not good” we coincidentally had something similar happen last week. She was sitting on my face and I was eating her out and then she suddenly sat up and scolded me for not doing it right. I was quite taken aback by her tone. She asked why would I find the spot and then move from the spot, telling me that once she tells me I've found the spot I need to stay on the fucking spot! She then proceeded to ask me if I actually knew where the spot was. 
This was very upsetting (to me) because:
  • she was talking to me like I was an idiot child 
  • after 20+ years together I know where the spot is, and I do know that once you hit the spot you stay on it and don't move from it
  • but I also have to breathe so I have to pull back sometimes or I'll suffocate (she clamps down hard, and smothers me when the pleasure takes over)
  • I also don't want to drown in her juices so I have to pull back sometimes to swallow 
The situation was resolved by changing positions. She lay on her back and I continued.
What I didn't explain (and what makes it worse, IMO) was that this incident happened while we were on vacation. A time when we're meant to be relaxing and enjoying our time together ie having stress free sex! (Yes, that's what my wife says when we don't have sex: "Don't worry, we'll be in XYZ soon and I won't be so stressed out with all this work - we can have plenty of sex then!")  She's just fobbing me off of course because over the years our vacation sex has dropped as well. 

It wasn't exactly the vacation from hell but it was a weird one, and often I wondered why I was there at all. I guess that's because it didn't start out as a vacation but as a BNG 'retreat' for her and her BNG buddies. As you might know, she's a member of a Business Networking Group (BNG) and within that group each branch breaks down further into a 'pod' of 7-8 people. The pod members are meant to bond closely and the rules dictate that each year they go on 'retreat' together to solidify that bond. 

As I've joked many times: 'the BNG is a cult!'

Anyway, my wife's pod decided to go to Costa Rica* and stay at an 'Eco-Lodge' because the theme of their retreat was 'Sustainability'. That meant they would all be burning fossil fuels to fly many hours to get there and then they would stay in tents in the jungle because resorts are bad for the environment. Part of the retreat involved flying in some bearded new age hipster/hippie to run two half day workshops on {holistic management for a sustainable workforce} (I forget the actual mumbo jumbo jargon they used to describe it) for them.

So my wife tells me about two months ahead of this retreat when and where they're going, but unlike last time (link) this time I can't come. It will just be her and the boys (you know she's the only woman in her pod, right? and one of only about 5 women in the whole area branch of BNG [about 75 in total] ie it's a boys club). When she says I can't come I say nothing, but internally I start the countdown: how long before she realises she's going to be away for our 25th wedding anniversary?

It took a month. 

A month before she was due to go she 'remembers' the significant milestone and gleefully tells me that I can come after all, and we'll go a few days before the rest of pod so we can have 3 days to ourselves at this luxury Eco-Lodge. Yes, I'd dropped a few hints to others about how long we'd been together and I think someone finally gave her a heads-up.  My wife seemed very proud of herself to get me 'in' on this retreat, and said she had convinced the other (male) members of the BNG pod to bring their partners/children too, and make it an 'inclusive' family event.

As it transpired the following happened instead (to cut a long story short):
  • The Eco Lodge turned out to be six large safari tents, each with their own composting toilet (ie not a flush toilet).
  • Due to flies and bugs the mesh flaps had to be zipped closed at all times so it was hot.
  • There was no TV and the promised wifi was almost non-existent - I gave up trying after two days.
  • The swimmable beach was supposedly a 15 minute bike ride away but it was further. On Day 2 we hired a scooter and made the trip in 9 minutes. 
  • There wasn't much to do in the area and what there was my wife didn't want to do in case 'the boys' had booked it as part of the retreat activity program when they arrived later in the week. 
  • Apparently my wife didn't know what the guys had pre-booked, but she was confident I would be able to join in.
  • As it turned out, I wasn't. The retreat was a bonding exercise and since I was not a member of the pod I was unable to participate. No scuba diving or sailing for me!
  • The retreat started at 7am with yoga followed by breakfast and then they drove to a nearby resort (what?!) for the day for their 'workshops'. 
  • Basically once the official retreat started I only saw my wife again at about 10.30pm, when they all returned from dinner at a local restaurant and drinks in a bar. (But I would see her for about 20 minutes at 5ish when they all came back to the Lodge to change for the evening - that's when I saw that my wife had actually packed some fancy outfits after all)
  • Luckily the area was not a happening place, because I know from experience these high flying achievers normally wouldn't even think about heading home until well after midnight.
  • The exception was the last night of the retreat when I was allowed to join them for dinner and drinks afterwards. After the drinks we went to a local 'club' where the night previously my wife had been seriously hit on by a hot lesbian and the boys all wanted to see if it would happen again. (Or they wanted me to see it?) 
  • I could tell from the way my wife told her version of the story enroute that she also wanted to see if it would happen again. 
  • The lesbian was not there, but if you want to know why my wife was hit on it's because she looks like this.
  • The Eco Lodge was in a remote area and there was not much to do or see. Honest. I spent a lot of time just scootering around and taking photos. In the evenings I would watch Netflix shows I'd downloaded.
  • It was not the greatest vacation we've had and I often wondered why she had brought me.

I think she brought me because she was embarrassed she'd forgotten our 25th anniversary. Because I was a late addition I was seated down the back of the plane while she flew up the front (the privilege of booking early). On the return flight it was the same thing but she upgraded herself to business class because some of the other BNG guys were seated there. She sat next to the guy who I know has the hots for her. He's always asking her if she has a sister and can she set them up?

Anyway, I see in my haste to get this down I have omitted the most important part - by which I mean 'most important to me'. We only had sex twice that whole week, and both of them were non penetrative. We only had sex twice because once the other guys arrived and took up residence in their adjacent tents there was no way my wife was going to have sex with me.  They might hear!

But I had anticipated exactly that, hence my desire to make sweet love to her before they got there (in three days time). The problem was that when we got there my wife (who had previously told me to wait til we got there) told me we couldn't have sex because her period was due. Hmmmm, okay, we can do other things, I'm not a neanderthal. 

When I asked her if she'd brought lube and her vibe she answered "No", which surprised the shit out of me. These past few years she's always brought those with her, even if the majority of times they'd never been used. Because we hadn't had sex (or if we had, it was only once). Straight away I realised that this vacation was not going to be a romantic anniversary get-away and that my wife had not planned (or been inclined?) to have any sex. 

As you can imagine this did not put me in a good mood and my self esteem was hammered. Our three days together seemed to really just be a holding pattern until the BNG guys arrived. Those eight charming rich dynamic captains of industry, half of whom were married, yet only half of those were bringing their family on this family retreat. But their families weren't coming until after the retreat finished. So it wasn't a 'family retreat' at all. It was just me, on my own, hanging around like a third wheel.

Which brings me to the other reason I think she brought me: because she wanted me to see it wasn't much fun and that she wasn't out every night partying with the guys. 

She must think I'm stupid.

This retreat was crap because we were in a damned 'Eco Lodge' in the middle of nowhere with no facilities! Even the other guys were unimpressed and saying next year they'd be returning a traditional resort, to a place where there was decent nightlife. I'm not stupid because I know these guys. They (even the married ones) (especially the married ones?) just want to party and meet girls and pretend they're frat boys again.  Already a few of them are lobbying to go to Tahiti next year. Tahiti!

And my wife is planning to fly solo next year, I know it. This time she'll be sure to make certain the retreat doesn't coincide with our anniversary, I know it. 

At least now, after 25 years, she will finally remember the date we got married. I think.

*not really Costa Rica, just similar. I'm throwing you off the scent.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

OPP: Almost a quarter of men pay for sex once a week!

That seems high to me, but unsurprising when you realise the source of that figure is not a scientific study but from a press release put out by a dating cheating website. The reason I've chosen to share it with you is that it kinda feels about right to me (which still doesn't make the numbers true). The idea of paying for sex seems a lot more palatable to me than cheating on my wife - one is a cash transaction and the other involves me establishing a relationship with another woman (however fleeting) and presumably sharing emotional intimacy with her (as opposed to just the physical intimacy with a prostitute). Both would require lying to my wife to cover up the activity.

Sydney (Australia) escort Lana Jade
A dating website for married people and those who are in a relationship has revealed men pay for sex out of "necessity". 
The website Victoria Milan, an Ashley Madison clone which claims to have clients worldwide, studied more than 6,000 married men and found that paying for sex is a common and often frequent habit for men who are looking to cheat. Close to half the men surveyed, 47.3 per cent, had paid for sex before, Mamamia reported. Almost a quarter of men, 23.3 per cent, paid for sex once a week.

Sigurd Vedal, the founder and CEO of Victoria Milan said men need sex. "Men engaging escorts is a love/hate relationship,' he said. "Men love sex and need to have it regularly and escorts meet that demand. However the majority aren’t satisfied with the experience. "They are often disappointed when the escort doesn’t live up to expectations in the bedroom or doesn’t look like her advertised picture."

Thirty five per cent of men soliciting sex didn't see the experience as a 'pleasure' but as a "necessary sexual release". For those men who hire an escort, 80 per cent said they book for the minimum time possible, which is usually an hour, "to get it over and done with".
The main reasons listed in the survey responses for married men wanting to cheat were that there was not an available person to cheat with (40.1 per cent) and being unable to fulfill sexual fantasies with their long-term partner (36.0 per cent). 
Sydney-based escort Lana Jade previously spoke to the Daily Mail about the reasons why some of her clients choose to pay for sex [link] and explained then that "Men see sex workers for no one particular reason, some are lacking intimacy in their relationships, perhaps their wives don't want to have sex or don't have the time, but they still love their wives so to fill the sexual quota they need they choose, a no strings attached paid encounter".  
"The biggest preconceived idea is the entire booking time is made up of sex," the 28-year-old escort said. "The extended bookings of three hours or more are a lot less about sex and more about connection." 
"Men see sex workers for no one particular reason, some are lacking intimacy in their relationships, perhaps their wives don't want to have sex or don't have the time, but they still love their wives so to fill the sexual quota they need they choose, a no strings attached paid encounter" she explained.