Thursday, December 31, 2015

Enjoy the celebrations tonight!

I used to joke that after a decade of marriage your sex life is reduced to six times a year:

1] His Birthday
2] Her Birthday
3] Your Anniversary
4] Christmas
5] New Years Eve
6] Valentine's Day

Little did I know that after two decades of marriage your sex life is reduced to this:

1] His Birthday bad news buddy, that sex you had last weekend was your birthday sex!
2] Her Birthday hey, if it's her birthday shouldn't you do what she wants? and guess what she doesn't want to do?
3] Your Anniversary wow, thanks for a great dinner hon', but, er, well, I'm just feeling so full now - I couldn't possibly...
4] Christmas you're kidding, right?
5] New Years Eve this depends on how drunk she is: is she too drunk, just drunk enough, or not drunk at all? If she's not drunk, forget it.
6] Valentine's Day odds are 50/50 that it's either #3 again or "yeah, I suppose we should, it is Valentine's Day after all"


Enjoy the party tonight - make the most of it while you can!


my wife is actually quite the party girl - she loves to be the center of attention

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

My reaction to Emma Sulkowicz's 8 minute 'rape/not rape' video

Emma Sulkowicz alleges she was raped at Columbia University in 2012, and that the University did not do enough to punish her alleged rapist. As part of an ongoing protest she would walk around Campus carrying her mattress on her back. The University held hearings but determined there was not enough evidence to find the accused guilty of rape. The sex had started out consensual but Sulkowicz maintains he did not stop when she made it clear she wanted him to stop.

Sulkowicz has now graduated and... produced an 8 minute video containing graphic sexual content. She has posted it on her website, together with a statement that says (in part):
It is not a reenactment but may seem like one. Ceci N'est Pas Un Viol is not about one night in August, 2012.
I have watched the video and left this comment on her website:
I'm not interested in watching rape/simulated rape videos but I watched the video because you made it. You say you were raped on campus, you have fought hard to have your story heard and to be believed, so I figured I should watch this. Bizarrely, having watched it I now find myself unable to articulate how I feel now. Awful is one word, but it is just a word - it doesn't cover how I feel. I can imagine the man you accused of raping you will have his own version of what happened, but this is your story and I accept it is true - through your lens. I'm not going to try to second guess his 'defence' - the moment you said "stop!" is the moment he should have stopped. End of story. But he didn't stop, and that makes him a rapist in my eyes. 
Secondary to the making and posting of this video is the comments you have received about it. I assume that the comments are part of the ... the ... whatever it is you are doing here. In this modern world, dominated by 'social media' it is not suprising that so many trolls and haters have turned out to urinate on you. Clearly you've made a commitment to letting these people speak but I'd urge you to have some sort of moderation since already there are a multitude of people trying to threadjack and exploit your site to promote their own agenda(s) - if the comment is not on topic I suggest you delete them. And for those who suggest you have 'made a porn tape' - I have to wonder what sort of porn they watch if they find this sexually stimulating.

Finally, I am left confused by your comments "It is not a reenactment but may seem like one" and "Ceci N'est Pas Un Viol is not about one night in August, 2012. It's about your decisions, starting now. It's only a reenactment if you disregard my words. It's about you, not him. Do not watch this video if your motives would upset me, my desires are unclear to you, or my nuances are indecipherable." I wish I had taken more time to let these statements sink in before watching the video. I am not a mind reader - is this what you allege happened, or not? Did you want us to watch the video or not?
If you want to watch the video (which to me looks like a re-enactment of a rape in a dorm room) you can watch it here. It's a powerful piece of work, and I don't understand how a rape survivor could film it. (That's on me, not her). I'd love to hear what you thought of it in my comments section below.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Little Bunny Sunshine

a post from my old blog, that I recovered via email...

Nero posted: " I love this blog! Check out Little Bunny Sunshine xo"

recovered post on Her Secret Library

Check out this Tumblr blog

by Nero
This is what she looks like, but it's not what her Tumblr is about
I love this blog! Check out Little Bunny Sunshine xo
Nero | November 20, 2013 at 12:30 pm | Tags: Blogs I love 

Sunday, December 27, 2015

"She's not interested in sex"

The Huffington Post recently published a post titled '6 Things Men Complain About In Marriage Counseling'.  Some of them struck an immediate chord with me ("YESSSS!) so I thought I'd share some of them here, and then give you my 2¢ worth afterwards. If you want to read the whole article (and you should) you can find it here.
She's not interested in sex.  
Sex may not be as hot and heavy as it used to be, but for most couples, it still needs to be a priority. Neuman said that men often complain that they're starting to feel more like roommates than spouses -- their wives just don't seem interested in sex anymore."The biggest complaint in the intimacy department for men is not about how satisfying sex is with their wives, but that they feel there's simply not enough," he said.The solution doesn't rest squarely on wives' shoulders, said Neuman; husbands need to work on fostering intimacy by lending their wives some support outside the bedroom."Research shows that when men split the duties of household chores and child-rearing, they have more sex," he said. "Couples need to talk about what will make both of them happier -- what each need in order to create a more intimate relationship."
I love how these types of articles always still manage to turn it back on the men. Sure, if you're still acting like it's 1955 then you're gonna be disappointed when you find your wife isn't greeting you at the door with a cold beer and slippers when you come home from work (and a sexy whisper in your ear about how you can do her doggy style after she's put the kids to bed and you've enjoyed the dinner she's just prepared for you). Even as a kid reading Playboy I never believed married life was gonna be like that. It's 2015 and men are pretty evolved now. The split on household chores might not be 50/50 but we do our share (and it might be more if women didn't micromanage the way we do them).

If I seriously thought doing more chores would get me more sex I'd be cleaning and vacuuming EVERY day, trust me!

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Friday, December 25, 2015

Merry Xmas Everyone!

I hope you have a great day today, and that you got everything you wanted from Santa!

(not that anyone is following or subscribing,

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Christmas Is Almost Here!

I can't wait to see what Santa has brought me!!

all rights retained by original copyright holder(s) - I do not own these images

Sex on a Tuesday - whaaaat?

Well it's Xmas Eve and I've got things to do so this is going to be such a quick post...
This was how it started...
In my previous post I mentioned we had sex on Sunday night, which seems to be the norm, so I definitely wasn't expecting anything on Tuesday. But I was horny. And our daughter was on a sleepover. So...

At about 11pm my wife went up to bed, and this is when I usually stay downstairs and watch TV. But not tonight. I knew she'd been reading her dirty stories (even though she's changed her iPad password and I can't look at her browser history) so I figured there must be some level of arousal in my wife, so I decided to make my move.

I jumped in the shower.

"You're having a shower, now?" she asked, surprised.

"Yup" I winked, "gonna make myself nice and clean and fresh for you"

"Yeah, no, sorry it's late" she said, "I've got things to do in the morning, it's almost Christmas - y'know?"

I showered any way, and jumped into bed naked after drying myself off. My wife had already switched off the lights and was feigning sleep, but she rolled over to face me when I climbed in.

"We're not having sex" she said, sternly "we just did it on Sunday"

"That's okay" I replied, "we don't have to have sex - we can just cuddle"

And so we cuddled.

And with my free hand I started playing with my dick.

"Are you jerking off?" she asked, in the dark.

"Yes, but that's okay, you don't have to do anything"

And that was about the last thing we said to eachother. My wife seemed happy that I was jacking off and it wasn't long before her hand joined in and took over. Then she played with my balls. Then she threw off the covers and started blowing me, then she resumed jacking me off while she tongued my balls, then she rubbed my cock all over her tits, then she climbed up and mounted me, and then...

Then we fucked.

She rode me for a while, then flopped off, and collapsed onto her back. She spread her legs and that was my cue to mount her. I ran my cock up and down her wet slit, before sliding it in and thrusting slowly. I maintained a slow steady rhythm while I grabbed both her ankles and pulled them up high. I held her legs in a 'V' position, and I continued to hold her aloft, ever so slightly. She noticed it. She started cooing word of encouragement, urging me on, and telling me to keep fucking her like that.

Her breathing got more strained and I could tell she was getting closer. I told her to play with her clit while I fucked her slightly harder, and I pulled her up even higher. Her butt was almost off the bed now, and she was suspended be her ankles as I pounded into her. She started grunting, and her body thrashed around but I maintained my grip on her. She wasn't going anywhere. Except over the edge.

She came.

As is her wont, she flopped back into the bed and had her moment - I released her from my grasp.

"Thank you" she said, softly. Wow, she's never said that before. Never. I must have done something right. Or was it those damned dirty stories?

Then it was my turn.

I rolled her over and pounded her doggy style. Pounding her pussy with my stiff fat cock. I was more aggressive now, not like I had been earlier. It was my turn now and I was going to get mine. And I did. I gripped her hips tightly and pulled her into me, forcing my cock in deep and flooding her cunt with my sperm. No condom tonight, she was getting a full load.

She was getting something herself - she gave her tell tale grunt and clasped her clit with her free hand.

"Seconds? I enquired, gently

"Mmmmmm" was all she said, as she rolled over again, before grabbing a big wad of tissues to clean herself up.

And then it was back to cuddling. And sleep.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Dear Santa...

I used to have a blog on Wordpress that got terminated due to pornographic content. Here's one of those posts... (NB: the links are all dead so don't bother clicking)

Nero posted: " Dear Santa Female Followers of this Blog, Please don't stress about what to get me for Xmas this year, I'm a simple man, and easy to please. Just send me a nude selfie. Or a vid of you and your man having sex. Or you solo, if your man doesn't do"

recovered post on Her Secret Library

Dear Santa…

by Nero
Dear Santa Female Followers of this Blog,
Please don't stress about what to get me for Xmas this year, I'm a simple man, and easy to please.
Just send me a nude selfie. Or a vid of you and your man having sex. Or you solo, if your man doesn't do video.

Nero | December 21, 2013 at 6:46 pm | Tags: selfies, Video, Xmas 

Sunday Sex - and Tuesday too!

If you're here because of Monday's post then be aware that I may have oversold it a little. Yes, I considered the sex on Sunday a little weird and kinda kinky but... it's a different type of kinky. But don't leave just yet, because since writing Monday's post I can now add Tuesday nights sexual encounter. Full details on both after this pictorial interlude...

My wife has trained me how to eat her just right...
So as I recounted in Monday's post my wife had spent the weekend reading dirty stories on Literotica but it wasn't enough to get her horny until Sunday night. And once again it was more me pressing the point than her inviting me to make love to her. By 10pm I'd stewed long enough (again, how can she read and not get me involved>) and so I strode up into the bedroom and told her.

"I want to eat your pussy" I said, as I pulled off the covers.

As is her habit, she feigned refusal but did nothing to stop me once I bent down and pulled her ankles apart. She spread her knees wide to invite me in, and then clamped her thighs around my head as  I went in. She moaned as I swirled my tongue around her pussy, before moving in on the clit. She was already very wet, so I wasted no time. Once I found the spot I kept hitting the mark - my tongue pressed hard and flat against her clit, movement limited to a pulsing back and forward - which is how my wife likes it. She doesn't like the fancy stuff, trust me, she wants it the way she wants it.

I could feel my wife's hand on my head, pressing me in harder and deeper, but it would disappear momentarily before returning. I knew that feeling - she was reading her iPad! Every time her hand disappeared it was because she was scrolling further down the page of whatever filthy story she was reading. This used to get me angry but now I just go with it. I still think it's rude but I sometimes fantasize about watching porn while my wife blows me so I figure it's just the same as that. Except she is living her fantasy!

Suddenly my wife swung one leg hard up in the air, swung it over my head, and brought it down beside her in some sort of scissor movement. At the same time she pushed my head away and whispered our daughters name. Our daughter was opening our bedroom door and trying to get in. Obviously I hadn't heard any of this, what with my wife's thighs clamped around my ears, but luckily my wife's response was lightning fast. She pushed me off the bed and I bundled myself into our walk-in wardrobe, where I hid until our daughter had left.

"I told you we'd wake her up!" my wife hissed, not happy at all. I wasn't happy at her reaction and took it as my cue to leave. I went back downstairs and watched another hour of television. My wife obviously went back to her porn because when I returned she was still on her iPad, but clearly in a more conciliatory mood. "What took you so long?" she asked.

So I resumed the position and went back downtown. She was still very wet and I decided to insert a finger inside her as my tongue worked her clit. I crooked my finger and pressed the fleshy bit, just like I'd read in a 'how to make her squirt' instructional blog once. It didn't make her squirt but I could feel her clamping around my finger as I slid it in and out. She was cumming. I knew this for sure because she had dropped the iPad and had both hands on my head and her thighs locked around my ears.

She finally released me, throwing her arms back on the bed and then letting out a long soft groan.

"That was good" she sighed, her eyes closed.

I wondered what she had been reading, but said nothing. Instead I sidled up beside her - it was my turn now.

"When was the last time you had a shower?" she asked. Wow! That's a moodkiller.

"This morning" I answered.

"No you didn't" she corrected, "you had one last night. Sorry, but I'm not going to fuck you if you haven't showered"

At this point you're probably thinking she's a Grade A bitch, but you're wrong. As I've blogged elsewhere, my wife is a delicate flower and susceptible to 'issues' 'down there' if there's something squirly going on. Luckily I had the answer ready in advance this time - I had condoms! I went to the wardrobe and pulled out a box I'd been given at the last conference I'd been to (host responsibility - go figure!).

"what are those?" she asked

"condoms" I replied

"condoms?" she said, incredulously "what for?"

"since I can't take a shower without waking our daughter, and so you don't have to worry that my dick is dirty" I explained, wincing internally since I knew my dick was fine.

"really?" she said, not sure what was happening.

"yeah, it'll be fun" I responded, throwing the box to her "you can put it on and pretend you're my dirty whore, fucking me for money".

That made her smile, and she opened the box like it was Christmas. She pulled out a condom, ripped it open and peeled it down over my dick. It had crossed my mind to tell her do it with her mouth, like a real prostitute, but I saw no upside in that. Besides, she was into it already - and into it quite quickly I noted to myself. As soon as the condom was on she mounted me in the reverse cowgirl position and started bouncing. She was already wet.

Seriously, it happened that fast. Obviously those stories had once again done their magic!

So I was on my back, my wife was bouncing on my cock and rubbing her clit and squeezing her tits, and it felt great. I'm not sure if she came, but she leaned down and put her head on the bed, but continued thrusting back on me. I took that as my cue to get up and mount her doggy style. She moaned as I re-entered her and said in a low voice "Yeah, fuck me deep". I did exactly that, holding her hips and thrusting in long steady strokes.

Soon I progressed to pounding and she urged me on, imploring me to fuck her harder and faster. She was talking quite dirty and I loved it. She started slapping her clit with her free hand and as always that was enough to finish me off. To finish us both off, as we came together in a very pleasant (understatement!) orgasm.

And that, dear reader, is why I described this as a little bit weird and kinky - because we used a condom and I told her she was my whore (but we didn't roleplay further than that, it went unsaid in both our heads). I really can't remember the last time we've used one, but it was no impediment to pleasure. As for Tuesday's sex... well, I'll post that story tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

TMI Tuesday: December 22, 2015 ~ Let's Play doctor

Busy day, busy week but not too busy for TMI Tuesday :

Let’s play doctor...
Excuse me nurse, but that's not where we keep the tongue depressors I asked for...
1. Have you had major surgery? What type?
~ Does having a kidney stone removed count? It does to me because it's excruciatingly painful. And I get them every six years so...
2. Have you died and been resuscitated?
~ No, but if you're that good in bed I'm willing to risk it!
3. Do you have surgery scar(s) that embarrass you? Where?
~ No, but I do have a big scar on the palm of my hand that doesn't embarrass me. I sliced it right open, lots of blood, very deep, very scary at the time.
4. Do you have a scar, on your body, of which you are proud?
~ Hmmm, I really should read ahead before answering these questions, shouldn't I? I do love showing people the scar and telling them how the whole 'cheek' of my palm was only hanging on by the skin, like a half bitten apple...
5. Have you ever played doctor and nurse as foreplay for sex? Which were you – doctor or nurse?
~ No, but I have playfully suggested it. And been playfully rejected. The photo caption above is testament to the sexy wordplay that fails to excite my wife. I'd be happy to play doctor if she'd be the nurse.

Bonus: Do you like BDSM medical play? What about that excites you?
~ The idea of dressing up and being naughty always appeals to me but my wife just isn't into it, despite all the roleplaying she clearly does in her head (a presumption based on all the dirty stories she reads, which are quite extreme). I'm familiar with BDSM medical play and I would consider that too extreme for me, but I'd be willing to explore it of you were willing to take baby steps.

Bonus Bonus: some questions for you, dear reader...
1] I need a new name for this blog, it's not quite working for me
2] I'm having trouble writing shorter posts. Yesterday's post about the sex I had on Sunday was so long I had to break it into two parts. I like to give context via a preamble, but it goes on for so long I just sound like a whiney bitch. Do you guys even care about context or preamble?
Your feedback in the comments section below is appreciated, thanks.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link totmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Monday, December 21, 2015

Sunday Sex - with a twist!

I did have sex again, and again it was on Sunday night. It seems to be my wife's 'go to' night for ticking off "I must have sex with my husband" from her list.

Actually that's not true. Or is it? I'm confused.

I guess it's a Chicken and Egg situation. Does my wife read a lot of porn (she calls it erotica) in order to arouse herself so that she can stomach having sex with me; or does she have sex with me because she's so horny from reading porn almost non stop across the weekend she can't stop herself? It went down like this.... [continues below]

We saw the new Star Wars film on Saturday night - it was great!
So we watch a few movies on Netflix on Friday night but afterwards she says she's tired and wants to go to bed - there is no invitation for me to join her. Instead she makes it clear that she has jobs to do early on Saturday morning. I kinda blame myself since both movies were a bust. They were meant to be female centric indie romantic films but they both failed to fire on all cylinders. Enjoyable yes, but nothing to make us rush into bed for a good cuddle and some lovemaking.

So I stayed downstairs and watched the new Rob Schneider show on Netflix - I don't love it but I like it - but my wife just doesn't like it, period. So an hour later I head to bed and see the light in our bedroom is on. So much for going to sleep early - she's reading dirty stories on her iPad again! As soon as she hears me she switches out the light and pretends she's asleep. I was too tired myself, so I didn't bother making a move, I let her be.

Saturday morning rolled around I was the one up early, due to some neighborhood kid squealing at the top of his lungs. I got up and went downstairs and mooched around. My wife never got up and I later determined (via her browser history) that she had slept in and then read dozens and dozens of dirty stories on Literotica. I didn't mind - I had chores to do and maybe I'd get lucky tonight?

Of course not.

We went as a family to watch Star Wars - The Force Awakens on Saturday night and we had a great time. Later when we got home we watched another romantic movie (our daughter was in her room, with her sleepover buddy) but like Friday, it was a dud. And as on Friday my wife kissed me good night and told me she was off to bed - she had to get up early to do all those chores she hadn't done this morning! She was lying of course, because again she was back on the crack, reading her dirty dirty stories about big black men raping tiny white women. Making them sluts for black cock, breeding them, and forcing them to do all manner of disgusting degrading sex things that they always end up loving.

I'm sure you're not surprised to learn that she didn't do much on Sunday either, other than mooch around and read her iPad a lot. I had more chores to do, including some Xmas shopping since it was only 5 days away and I hadn't done any! We ordered some Chinese for dinner because my wife had forgotten to go to the market and our cupboards were bare. Seriously! That's a sign someone is an addict BTW - when there's no food in the house. My wife was hooked on her stories and couldn't prise herself away from them. I would have picked up something myself while I was out if I'd known but she had said she was going so I believed her.

Believe it or not, but after dinner my wife said she was going to bed to ... {wait for it} ... catch up on her reading! I couldn't believe it!!

I left her to it, but by 10pm I'd had enough of Rob Schneider and went up to the bedroom determined to get some. She had to be horny now, there was no way one woman could read that many stories and not be ripe for the plucking? It was harvest time! I pushed open the door and strode in - she was sitting in bed, propped up with pillows, legs apart under the covers, and reading her iPad.

What happens next I'll save for Wednesday (since tomorrow is TMI Tuesday) but it was kinda wild and just a little bit kinky....

Sunday, December 20, 2015

"We're stuck in a sexless marriage"

I'm not surprised they're not getting it on, to be honest
The Huffington Post recently published a post titled '10 Complaints Sex Therapists Hear All The Time'. My reactions to some of those complaints were different to what the author may have intended so I thought I'd share some of them here, and then give you my 2¢ worth afterwards. If you want to read the whole article (and you should) you can find it here.
We're stuck in a sexless marriage 
"Oftentimes a low sex or no sex marriage happens when a couple finds themselves in a rut of distraction or avoidance. They are distracted by work, by young kids or the business of everyday life. Whoever was the traditional initiator of sex stops initiating. The non-initiating partner waits, hoping things will get back to ‘normal.’ To get out of a low sex or no sex rut, talk to your partner. Throw out some ideas that you are wondering’ about -- for instance, 'I am wondering if we are both so tired at night that we should try for morning sex?' Keeping your statements vague and phrasing them as 'wonderings' takes the pressure off and makes whatever sexual issue you're avoiding easier to talk about. The truth is, it's not your fault or theirs. Your sex life belongs to both of you." -- Tammy Nelson, certified sexologist and sex therapist and the author of Getting the Sex You Want.
I've all but given up initiating now. I haven't given up completely, usually because I've been driven insane and can't take it any more. Something's got to give, surely, so my resolve eventually breaks (since I've been telling myself for a week "Don't initiate, she'll only reject you again and you'll be crushed - again!") and I make a move. And I get rejected, again, and the cycle continues.

My wife always has an excuse ready, which is often tied to a promise that "we will, tomorrow night, I promise" but as they say: Tomorrow Never Comes. The next night there is always another excuse, as equally plausible as the one given the night before. Eventually you just stop making the move and then you're both alone in the bed in the dark, wondering if you'll ever fall asleep.

Well, she isn't wondering that because she always manages to drift off - fairly quickly too sometimes, affirming that she was indeed tired. Which is when she snores, thereby ensuring I don't fall asleep any time soon. I'm left to wallow in my thoughts and wonder how it got to this. Maybe my dick isn't big enough? Maybe if I wasn't so 'average'? Maybe if I was more like those men in the online erotica she reads?

Given the filth she reads there's no way I can compete with those guys...

[This post is tagged under 'Sunday Reading', where I'll be posting 'serious' stuff that's possibly longer and more boring than my usual rants!]

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Butt Plugs and Discussing Your Desires

As you may know, I'm reposting* some old posts from my terminated Wordpress blog to this one (those that I can recover via old emails). This is not a post I made but a reply to a comment I made on Not So Typical Housewife's blog. It was from Feb 26, 2014 and I post it because it seems highlight (to me) that I'm still stuck in the same treadmill I was on two years ago...
(*old posts are usually back dated to the original post date, unlike this one)

notsotypicalhousewife commented: "Dear Nero's wife, TALK ABOUT SEX! Obviously your husband wants to please you and if you don't help him with that you're the only one to blame. Love, me. I wish she'd be more open with you or that I knew how to help you :( I just don't understand wh"

recovered comment on Not So Typical Housewife

in response to Nero:
"If you don't talk about it then it will never get better." OMFG this is SO important! I'm always trying to ask my wife what she wants/desires but she resists. She hates to talk about 'it' and I'm left to guess – which is frustrating. She's stuck in that silly 'if-you-really-love-me-you'll-know' BS. I'm not a [...]
Dear Nero's wife, 
TALK ABOUT SEX! Obviously your husband wants to please you and if you don't help him with that you're the only one to blame. 
 Love, me.
PS - I wish she'd be more open with you or that I knew how to help you :(
 I just don't understand why anyone wouldn't want to discuss what they want with their husband. It makes no sense to me.
Thanks! (I don't understand why she won't talk either. I think she thinks it should all happen 'naturally') ~ NERO

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

TMI Tuesday: December 15, 2015 ~ Computer Behavior

Hello there. Welcome to another TMI Tuesday, with questions by recusen

1. Do you access the Internet on a your own computer or a shared computer?
~ My own - laptop and iPad

2. Do you regularly browse web sites that you would prefer your significant other (or your mother!) not know about?
~ all.the.time!

3. Do you have browser bookmarks for sites you would prefer no one else know about?
~ I do. Under 'sports' - since I have zero interest in sports so my wife wouldn't think to look there. Cunning, right? Funny thing is, I never look at or use these bookmarks.

4. Do you clear your browser history? If yes, how often?
~ Yes, but not often. I just don't think my wife would check - even though I check hers. That's how I know when she's reading from her Dirty Little Porn Library and that she's horny.

5. Do you use “incognito windows” for some of your browsing?
~ No, I'm too lazy for that.

6. Do you overwrite deleted files?
~ No, I'm too lazy for that. Nothing I have is that incriminating. #It'sJustPorn

7. How often do you do a total shut down of your home computer? Tablet?
~ Not as often as I should ie only when either one freezes - which is when I do a 'restart' (since I'm on a Mac).

8. Do you have one or more pseudonyms that you use on the web? How many? What do you use them for?
~ I have four, depending on what sites I'm on. I use them in a pathetic attempt to maintain some form of anonymity. Although I'm fairly sure Facebook, Google, Apple, et al know damn well that it's just me and not four different people sharing one laptop or iPad; I like to delude myself.

9. How many email accounts do you have? Why?
~ over a dozen. I use them for various things ie my different investments and my different profiles. Why? Because it's easier to sort my life that way - I just load each webmail profile into my iPad and I can open the emails I want when I want to see them.

Bonus: Do you use any of the following sites? Which ones? What makes them work for you? SnapChat, Chaturbate, OKCupid, Ashley Madison, Tinder, Down, 3nder, Pure.
~ I don't use SnapChat cos I'm old and can't figure out WTF it's for - sending dick pics? No thanks. I've used Chaturbate, but only as an observer ie for free, I don't have a paid account (meaning I can't ask the girls to do things). As a voyeur I find Chaturbate absolutely awesome (even though I'm not on there much) - there are a lot of amazing women (both amateur* and pro) doing some very sexy/dirty things on there. The other sites I don't use because I'm not looking to cheat on my wife. An old girlfriend lured me onto FetLife so being a voyuer I have a profile there (I only pop in sporadicly, it's mostly BDSM orientated).
* Yes, technically they're not amateurs because they're getting paid, but I think you know what I mean. Any woman out there who likes to be watched can get online and masturbate for money. Just angle the laptop camera so your face isn't showing (and the background is generic) and you're good to go! (The pros show their faces)

Double Bonus: I've blogged previously about my experience on Chaturbate, so you can read that here.** Also, I got laid on Sunday night and you can read about that here
[**Update: that was on the previous blog, that got terminated - so the link takes you to a Cam-sex story]
Nothing spoils the mood more than when your cam-sex model starts texting.
Yes, she's still working that vibe/dildo combo but you know she's just
going through the motions because SHE'S ON HER FUCKING PHONE!!!
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). 
Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. 
Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Monday, December 14, 2015

The Sunday Night Quickie

Just a quick post to acknowledge we had sex last night - oh, happy day!
My wife has no tattoos, so yes, this is not her
It followed the usual 'standard' pattern, but I'm not complaining because I got laid! It went down like this:
  1. She rejected all my advances last week
  2. She said 'wait till the weekend' when she could 'relax'
  3. She rejected my advances on Friday night, even though our kid was at a sleepover and we went out and had a good time
  4. She rejected my advances on Saturday, saying 'wait till tonight' when she could 'relax' - even though our kid was still on a sleepover
  5. She rejected my advances on Saturday night, even though our kid was at another sleepover and we went out again and had another good time
  6. I made no advances on Sunday (because I can take a hint), we collected our kid at lunchtime
  7. I left her to her own 'space'
  8. She started reading her dirty stories on Literotica that afternoon
  9. She kept reading... and reading... and reading

Just after midnight I went up to bed and she was still on her iPad, but on 'Facebook'. Yeah, sure. I knew she'd been reading her dirty stories avidly, because she was oblivious to me peeking through the bedroom door and I could see what she was looking at.

But I said nothing.

She put her iPad down as I stood next to her on her side of the bed.

"Yes?" she asked.

I said nothing, and threw the bedclothes off her. She giggled and laid down flat, asking me "what are you going to do?"

Again I said nothing. I leant down and started kissing her neck. She giggled again and put her arms behind my head, holding me there. My hands roamed to her breasts - they were both firm and 'ripe'. They felt full and her nipples were hard - rock hard. She was already primed and ready - those stories had worked the magic - and there was no need for foreplay. As my head moved down her body she lifted her nightie, reavealing her pussy. Yup, she wanted it alright.

I buried my head between her legs and ate her out - gently at first but escalating rapidly. She held my head in her hands and pulled me in, guiding me left and right as my tongue worked some magic of its own. It did not take long at all, and she came hard. Long and hard - it was probably the quickest orgasm she'd had in a while. Those must have been some stories she'd been reading. She released me from her clamped thighs and I got up and stood again beside the bed.

Remaining on her side she leant over and took my stiff cock in her mouth. A tentative lick was followed immediately by her swallowing me whole. Oh, she was hot for it alright - what had she been reading? She deep throated me in one fell swoop then began alternating between sucking me off and jacking me off. Very quickly too, like she wanted me to cum then and there. She was definitely on fire, and I realised she was doing all of this while her free hand was fucking her pussy. Wow, I hadn't seen that in a long while!

I could feel myself ready to cum but sensed also that she was on heat.

"I'm ready to cum babe, how do you want it?" I asked

"Anyway you like honey" she replied "how do you want it?"

Knowing this could become a circular discussion if I let it, I gave her my answer:

"Doggy style, I want to stick it in you, assume the position"

"Oooh, yessss!" she hissed, as she got on all fours and pointed her butt in my direction.

I mounted her quickly and slid in easily. She was tight but wet - definitely well primed by whatever dirty stories she'd been reading in those previous hours. It was after midnight but there was no telling if our daughter in the next room was awake, so I resisted the temptation to talk dirty. But I couldn't help myself.

"Mmmmm, that feels real good" I whispered, "real good."

"Yeah, it does, I love it" she responded "pump that cock in and make me cum again"

"You feel so tight" I said, "so so tight, and yet so so wet babe - are you cumming?"

She said nothing, she was moaning now and pushing back against me hard. My fat dick was sliding in and out fast, and my balls were slapping her pussy. She reached out underneath herself and started stroking her clit furiously. This graduated to her slapping her own pussy, working that clit, and crying out "c'mon honey, fuck me with that cock, fill me up, I wanna feel you cum inside me". That was good enough for me. I could feel it happening so I rose up and slammed her hard, pumping her full of my hot jism.

"Here I cum" I said, redundantly "I'm cumming!"

"Ooh yesss" she said, gritting her teeth "yeaahhh!"

Her response was quite gutteral, I'm not sure if she came again but she seemed quite happy with herself. I think I must have hit the spot because afterwards she was quite affectionate and kissed me good night.

So yes, it was quick but good. I know I should be annoyed that she was responding to whatever fantasy those stories had engendered, but I was pleased to be getting some. We haven't had penetrative sex in a long time, so this was a win.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

"She doesn't appreciate me"

My wife used to do this for me on my birthday (or Valentine's Day)
back when we were in our 20s. Those days are long gone!

The Huffington Post recently published a post titled '6 Things Men Complain About In Marriage Counseling'.  Some of them struck an immediate chord with me ("YESSSS!) so I thought I'd share some of them here, and then give you my 2¢ worth afterwards. If you want to read the whole article (and you should) you can find it here.
She doesn't appreciate me.

When speaking with husbands who've cheated, psychotherapist and Neuman Method co-creator M. Gary Neuman said the biggest complaint usually isn't a lackluster sex life, but rather feeling under-appreciated by their wives.
"The problem is, too many women think that if they are overly appreciative to their husbands, they'll reduce their husband's desire to please her. It's quite the opposite. actually. Men are energized when they feel their wives are appreciating them," he said.

Okay, this one is going to seem weird: my problem is not that my wife doesn't appreciate me, it's that she does appreciate me.

She doesn't fawn over me, but every so often she will tell me what a great guy I am and how lucky she is to have me. Sounds great, doesn't it?

The problem is that she only tells me this after* she's just told me about one of her friends' who's man has cheated on her. Or after one of her guy friends has just told her he's cheated on or is leaving his wife. (And I have an opinion on that which I will save for a separate post). It's always related to that, it's never said spontaneously or without being tethered to someone else's fidelity issues. It's like she wants me to know that we will never split up, unlike those other couples who's man has cheated.

So I have to sit there listening to her tell me how lucky she is to have me, and how grateful she is, and how much I 'get' her (*oh, did I also mention she usually tells me all this stuff when she comes home after having a few wines?) and all I'm thinking is... "If I'm that great a guy why don't you want to have sex with me?"

If that sounds shallow and bitter I guess I have to own it, but... ladies... men are simple creatures! A bit of sex (even if it's just a hand job or a blow job) goes a long way towards making us feel like you appreciate and value us!! THAT is why men stray elsewhere - we think you don't want us. And then we meet a woman who does...

[This post is tagged under 'Sunday Reading', where I'll be posting 'serious' stuff that's possibly longer and more boring than my usual rants!]

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Miley is a 'Little'?!

I just saw this music video from Miley Cyrus and it made me chuckle. I doubt Justin Beiber in diapers could pull this off, but hey - she's just being Miley! 
(And if you don't know what a 'Little' is, click here or check out Pinterest

UPDATE: Okay, since I know you're lazy... here's the sexual definition of 'Little' as defined by Xeromag:
LITTLE: Colloquial One who takes the role of a submissive younger person in age play. Usage: Used as a noun; as, Bob is a little.

Friday, December 11, 2015

"I've never been able to make myself orgasm"

That was the line that shocked me when I read 'Why All Girls Going to College Should Get a Vibrator', written by Manisha Krishnan in Vice.  As I guy I learnt at a young age how to pleasure myself, and I just presumed girls figured it out early too. Lord knows I caught my daughter rubbing one out lying on her hand humping the floor enough times when she was around 3 or 4 years old, so I just assumed when women grew up they knew what to do. But apparently not:
I remember hearing about the elusive "clitoris" in South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (I was 12), but it would be a decade before I ever found the damn thing. I'm going to go ahead and generalize in saying that guys don't have this issue. They hit puberty, they figure out how to jerk it, and from then on life's one big jizz fest.
Well jizz fest is perhaps over selling it, but yes, there was a lot of wanking going on. And the whole time we guys were wanking we were thinking about a future where we wouldn't be wanking ourselves because girls would be doing it to us! And then they'd be sucking our cocks! Which meant it wouldn't be long before they were fucking us!! Omigod we certainly lived a life of naive eternal hope during our adolescence. Well, my generation did. Adolescents these days are all giving each other handjobs and having oral sex, apparently. (Which scares the bejeebers out of me since my daughter is no longer 3 or 4).
My first relationship was a nightmare on every level, but the sex was particularly sloppy. He was drunk a lot of the time and had no concept of foreplay—one of those dudes who will just push your underwear to the side instead of taking it off. The closest I came to feeling pleasure was when it was over (mercifully that usually meant five to ten minutes). But the most tragic part is, because I had no frame of reference, I thought that was normal. I accepted that sex was overrated, and that we were all kind of in on this big lie together, singing its praises ad nauseam.
Yikes! That makes me feel bad because if I cast my mind back that probably explains why all the the young women I dated had sex with in my early twenties all kinda just laid there, expecting me to light the fireworks. That's not to say they didn't perform a little foreplay - they weren't passive - but when it came to the actual fucking segment of the evening it was assumed the magic would happen when I inserted my penis and began thrusting. Her pussy would explode with thunderous orgasms, if we were doing it right - riiiight?
I didn't purchase my first vibrator until I was 24. A quick survey of my girlfriends revealed that, give or take a couple years, they were the same. Most of us had been having sex for quite a while before we got acquainted with vibrators, and you know what? A lot of that sex was very, very shitty. I went on to date much better men, but the sex still wasn't amazing, in part because I couldn't articulate what I liked. And that can be frustrating for both parties. Eventually, my libido dropped off. I went months, and even more than a year, without having sex. I wasn't loving it, so what was the point? But then, at the nagging of one of my more progressive friends, I got a vibrator. It was an education in getting off. And it made me want to get off more often, both alone and with others.
Well Manisha, if it's any consolation, you kids today have it good. My wife didn't get her first vibrator until she was 44, and that was under the advice of a therapist! We had gone in for 'relationship counselling' due to my inability to cope with her failing libido. This resulted in five sessions during which we discussed our feelings (non sexual) and how we could communicate better about how we felt, in order to build trust. (WTF?!) The sixth and final session was all about just buy a fucking vibrator and try that if he doesn't get you wet. My wife had been hung up for years about how she should be 'naturally' aroused and that any mechanical assistance would be the slippery slope to merely becoming my fuck toy. (Which is ironic, given the subject matter of the erotic fiction she would subsequently end up reading - avidly)
"If I knew how good a vibrator was, I wouldn't have dated my ex for so long," one of my friends told me. Teenage boys know what feels good to them. Vibrators help girls figure out the same. Without that knowledge, we're kind of left to the mercy of the person we're sleeping with, who is likely taking cues from hardcore porn. The end result, from a heterosexual perspective, is a lot of awkward dirty talk and sex that often becomes an exercise in getting the man off.
Yeah, I'd agree with that. Based on my memory, I recall a lot of 'I'm a hot sex goddess and I'm gonna be the best lover you've ever had' sex during the early years. Younger women would pull out all the stops to impress you, but they were doing stuff they thought you'd like, not what they liked.  It was only when they got older that they'd be like 'nah, that doesn't work for me'. By then they'd know their bodies better and they'd know what they did and didn't like.

If I'm to be honest I guess I preferred those early days when I simply thought "wow, this is fantastic!" as opposed to what I have now, which is: "Wait, you were faking it and didn't really like it when...?" It makes you feel like a degenerate. If people were more open and honest with each other I'm sure we'd all find the satisfaction we seek.

Which is why, like Manisha Krishnan, I'm in favor of the University of Toronto including vibrators in its some of its orientation kits, courtsey of local boutique Love Shop. The sooner women figure out what they want the sooner we can all get to the good lovin'.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Wednesday Morning Surprise

Does this gross you out? I know that there are some 'straight' men and
women who couldn't even imagine doing this. Why - is it that kinky?
Given that I was the one who initiated it maybe that heading above is wrong? On second thoughts, no, it's fair. I initiate sex plenty of times and get rejected, so it is a surprise when my efforts are successful. Yes, we had sex - on a Wednesday morning no less! Who has sex on Wednesday morning?

I had tried on Friday night, and I tried again on Saturday night, but my wife was just not up for it. Which was doubly frustrating for me since I knew she'd been reading her dirty stories on both those days - surely she was in the mood? If she was in the mood it wasn't for me and I was fobbed off with various excuses and gentle empty promises of 'tomorrow'. Stop me if you've heard this lament before... yes, I think you have.

Anyway, long story short I tried again on Wednesday morning. My wife had had an early shower and I had one later. She came up from the office to our bedroom just as I'd finished dressing, but I saw it (being fully dressed) as no impediment. "Oh, good you're here" I said, as I grabbed her and turned her around, playfully pushing her towards the bed.

"Ooh, what are you doing? what do you want?" she replied, feigning ignorance but knowing full well what I wanted. She didn't struggle. At all.

"I want that pussy" I said matter-of-factly, "I've been trying to eat you out all week, and now I shall have you". I pushed her down on the bed - if you could call it that since she pretty much fell down onto it herself as soon as I pointed her in that direction.

"No, no, we can't" she laughed, but put up no struggle as I hiked her skirt and pulled her panties down. She happily lifted her butt without prompting to make it easier.

We kissed deeply and I fondled her breasts before moving south. I ran my lips around hers, teasing her, before pushing forward and going to town. Going to town, Downtown. I think I was quite good, or maybe she had also been craving it for days herself, because she let me devour her for quite some time before grabbing me and pulling my head into her. Hard. She ground herself against me and came long and hard, before suddenly letting go and flopping back on the bed. She was done.

I stood up, dropped my pants, and climbed onto the bed beside her. She leaned over and kissed me, using her free hand to grab my dick and slowly start stroking it. The slow strokes became hard strokes, the long hard strokes become vigorous, until finally she swapped positions and took me in her mouth. The handjob became a blowjob, which became a melange of both, with a little ball and ass play thrown in for good measure.

I could feel myself getting close and asked her if she wanted to mount me - to ride me to the finish line. I know she likes the cowgirl and reverse cowgirl positions, and 
also that she is able to orgasm again after her first, but she declined. 'Oh' I thought to myself 'another non-penetrative sex sex?' so I asked her if she'd like to me to use a condom.

"Why?" she asked, confused.

"Well, I know you worry that every time we have penetrative sex you get some sort of thing afterwards..." my words trailed off, since I really didn't understand her gynaecological issues myself.

"No, that's not it" she said, vaguely "I'm fine"

And so she returned her mouth and fingers to my cock and carried on, leaving me to ponder WTF that all meant. I had to tell myself to snap out of it and get my mind back in the game - I wanted to cum, dammit, and this was not the time for morose introspection! She must have sensed something was up too but took it as meaning she needed to do something special to get me across the line. She pushed my legs up high and ran her tongue down to my balls...
She loves tonguing my balls (she's admitted that much, she says she loves them - so big and hairy!) but it's always a precursor to a rimjob so it's also my cue to lift myself and move my legs back over my body so she can get the access she wants. It's also my cue to start jacking my cock, while she gets her head down low and goes to town. Downtown. Downtown Underground

Having just showered I was clean and fresh so she really went for it - her tongue circled and probed everywhere and it wasn't long before I came hard. Once again (had she learnt from last time?) she managed to wrap her mouth around my cockhead just as I came, which intensified the orgasm immensely. I pumped hot jism into her warm wet mouth and there seemed like buckets of it. It must have tasted good, because she swallowed all of it.
That's a new thing.

Tomorrow's post: "I've never been able to make myself orgasm"

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

"Tell Us About Your Weirdest Sex Dream"

"I was chained and led through the streets, where random men would stop and do whatever they wanted with me"

Jezebel run a 'confessional' series where readers have to reveal some personal/awful anecdote they wouldn't otherwise share. Recently they encouraged their readers to "Tell Us About Your Weirdest Sex Dream" and as you can imagine, the results were hilarious. Jezebel's audience is primarily female and as a guy I find the site an interesting insight into how (some) women think - and I give equal weight to the comments section, not just the article/opinion piece.

You can read all the reader confessions here, but I've excerpted one small section below - and they all relate to one subject in particular: a sex dream involving a family member. When I came to this part of the discussion I stopped chuckling and went "Whoa!"  It stopped me cold because Don't get me wrong, I'm totally aware of that genre in erotica (a.k.a. written porn) - it's delicately labelled 'Taboo' on and my wife reads a lot of it - but it was shocking to see it was an actual thing in real life.

Not that it's an actual thing in real life, it's clear that these women are confessing disturbing dreams that they don't enjoy, but it's weird to think people actually have these dreams. I guess that's what makes them so disturbing - if you have an incestuous dream does that mean you wanna fuck them in real life? No? then As I said: disturbing.

Maybe I'm just projecting, since I don't have sex dreams myself (none that I remember when I wake up at least) but it still raises a lot of questions. I've already asked myself if my wife has any sexual feelings for her father (since she reads Daddy stories) but I discounted that idea a long time ago. Firstly her father aint that pretty, and secondly a whole bunch of women (on my previous blog, the one that got terminated) assured me that they also read 'Taboo' stories and it means nothing ie it's fantasy sex not real desire.

Anyway... this is your cue to share your weirdest sex dreams with us in the comments section below! (NB: I've changed the names of the commenters from the Jezebel thread to preserve their anonymity)

UPDATE: in proofreading this post I've realised I failed to make clear one point: I'm well aware that these women aren't choosing these dreams, nor are they necessarily enjoying them. I think (if I'm reading correctly) they're enjoying it sexually (in their dreams) but are simultaneously creeped out by it. And that is the heart of the matter: we all get turned on by the strangest things at various times and we just need to accept it. They're fantasies, nothing more, nothing less. Some women might enjoy 'rape' stories but that doesn't mean they want to be raped, nor would they enjoy it if they were raped. (That's a redundant statement, isn't it?)

ABC: I dreamt that I was masturbating, and getting really close to coming, when my grandfather walked in, and leaned over me, and decided to stay and watch. And I really, really wanted to finish and come, so I kept at it. I woke up before I could finish, and was crazy horny, but unable to get the idea of my grandfather watching out of my head. 
DEF: Hormones can do fucked things to your dreams I guess. But family sex dreams are always the worst to have. You don’t get to wake up reminiscing of a hot romp. 
GHI: I hate family sex dreams. 
JKL: Been there. Dad... and my one weird cousin. 😫😫 
MNO: I have ones where my dad watches me have sex with my fiance/random who feature on occasion and it’s in the back of your mind for the rest of the day *shudders*. Also, for a while I had a series of dreams where my dad and my childhood best friend were doing it. They had just started working together and got along super well and it disturbed me so much 
PQR: I had one about my uncle... thankfully, he’d married into the family.... but I was 17 and it weirded me out 
STU: Oh jesus. You’ve reminded me of a truly godawful dream I had. in the dream, I woke from a drugged haze to find a family member having anal sex with me. I cringe every time that person touches me now and I’d managed to bury that dream so deep in my memory that I’d forgotten why. fuck. I might need therapy. 
VWX: My sex dreams often end with my parents kicking down the door and demanding to know just what the hell I think I’m doing. And then I realize that I’m still in my childhood bedroom, and I’m 14 again, and oh god, not again, noooo.... and then I wake up. 
YZA: Don’t ever have one. It’s terrible and the shame takes forever to go away. 
BCD: Aaaah, I was debating whether they were too shameful to acknowledge even on a thread like this! Glad / sad they happen to others too. They’re the absolute. fucking. worst. 
EFG: Stepfather. Ugh. He married my mom when I was 4 and was really my father, so it was doubly gross. 
HIJ: I had a sex dream about my LITTLE BROTHER and sometimes I’ll still remember it around him. God, terrible. 
KLM: Especially if the cat is in it too. 
NOP: I’ve only had one, about one of my brothers. It’s not great.