Monday, November 30, 2015

Saturday Night Sex - Part 3 (FINAL)

Continued from Part 2 - this is the final instalment...
SPOILER: this is pretty much exactly what it looked like!
We left the party at midnite and were in bed by one. My wife snuggled up to me straight away and kissed me. Then she kissed me some more, and stuck one hand down my chest. All the way down to my dick. I was hard and she liked that. She continued kissing me as she tugged on my cock and gave me a gentle handjob. With my free hand I was grabbing her ass and squeezing it, just the way she likes it. She had panties on and was still wearing a pantie liner due to her still having her period. I grabbed her anyway, over the panties and started squeezing her there, again just how she likes it.

She started grinding back against me, and jerking my cock a little firmer and a little faster. Then a lot faster. Without warning she sat up, pushed back the covers, and swivelled down to suck my dick. I was long and hard as she continued her handjob whilst swallowing the head. I moaned as she slurped, and then she moved again. Now she was positioned between my legs and sucking in earnest, swallowing the entire length. After bobbing up and down for a minute or three she pulled back and mashed her breasts into my balls, rubbing her stiff nipples against my nuts. It felt good so I took over hand duties, pumping my cock as she held her breasts and massaged my balls with her fleshy tits and pert nipples.

I loved it and let her know what a great cock sucker she was. Yeah, I was in my dirty talk mode. I told her that I loved her dirty tits, and that I loved her dirty mouth, and that I loved her dirty cock sucking lips. She started moaning and pushing me harder: "Cum on me, cum all over these dirty tits" she taunted. I was close to cumming alright, and warned her she was about to get a big load. This got her more excited and she suddenly jumped up, rotated around, and presented her butt to me. Head down and ass up, she reached back with both hands and peeled down her panties until they were halfway down her butt.

She looked

"Cum on my ass, right in my crack, fill my asshole with that hot sticky cum" she begged huskily, "fire it in there!" And to prove her point she stretched her cheeks wide, her little rosebud peering out in the darkness at me.

That was it, I was ready. I got up and mounted her from behind, my balls thumping into her pussy as my cock - slick with pre-cum - slid up and down the crevice. It felt good but I wanted to fuck her in the ass so bad I knew I had to stop before lust drove me over the cliff. The devil on my shoulder was telling me that she wanted it that way, that she never agrees to it but loves it when I do it anyway, but I knew better. It wasn't worth the risk.

So I continued jacking off behind her as she lifted her ass higher. She was frigging herself with her fingers now, pleading with me to spray my hot jism all over her butt. I told her not to worry, and that I was cumming... r.i.g.h.t.  n.o.w.

"In my asshole!" she said again, "spray it right in the crack - fill my dirty hole!"

I grabbed her hips with both hands and pushed my cock right up to her back door and came hard. I so dearly wanted to push through and fuck her ass but I didn't. She'd just told me to spray it in the crack, not fuck her in the ass, so I didn't. The tip was probably in a little but I used all the restraint I had to ensure I went no further. My spunk pumped out and there was plenty of it. I kept thrusting until I was dry, then rolled sideways off her as she did the same. "Omigod, so much cum" she cried, "get me some tissues - lots of tissues!"

I did just that as she continued her proud lament: "omigod there's a huge puddle of cum in my ass crack... mmmmm, so warm and sticky"

And it was pretty damn good for me too! The only problem is that now, on Monday, as I write this all down... I'm wondering if I should have just fucked her in the ass when I was ready to cum. Looking back at her words now they were quite ambiguous. I could just as easily have interpreted them the other way, right? Or is that just wishful thinking?

Saturday night sex (Part 2)

Sorry for dragging this out, but here's the conclusion to yesterday's story...
All my wife's friends have flirted with me at some stage - it's like 
they're testing me or something. And some of them were very serious.
My wife went out on Friday night and said I was supposed to go too, but failed to give me any advance warning or organise a sitter for our daughter. This of course meant I had to stay home, since we couldn't find anyone at the last minute to look after her.  This allowed my wife to go out on her own, and even though she said she would 'only be showing my face and I'll be home early because I don't even want to go' she didn't get in til midnight. And she'd clearly had a lot to drink

None of this surprised me, but it pissed me off because I knew I'd been played.

What I didn't know was that as the night wore on at the surprise birthday party for the friend of a friend, my wife's friend start confiding to my wife how great she thought I was. I think we can all imagine the scene: two older ladies in a bar with a bunch of younger women, quite pissed because of all the shots they'd done to keep up with the young 'uns, telling each other how great they are. And then when they've finished telling each other how great they each are and how "yew arr my best frend" they then tell each other what great guys they have.

But my wife's friend doesn't have a man, so instead she starts drunkenly telling my wife how great I am and why can't she find a man like me? And then she tells my wife all the specific reasons why I'm so great and why she likes me so much...

I know what you're thinking: threeway, right?

Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking as my wife told me what her friend had said about me. She was telling me all this on Saturday evening as we got dressed for a fancy dress Xmas party (childcare organised, thank god). The reason I was thinking threeway was because I had indeed been getting a vibe off this woman that she was interested in me. Given that she's a 10 and I'm a 7 I'd dismissed these thoughts as foolish and never made a move. I never make a move because I figure the moment I do the magic is ruined.

My wife's female friends have at various times (over the two decades we've been together) invariably crushed on me, and they make it clear they have a little crush on me. But I know what they like about me is my loyalty to my wife and that I'm 'a good guy'. So if I do anything about their crush then I've actually killed what it is about me that they're crushing on. I'm no longer loyal and I'm no longer a good guy - I'm just another bastard male cheating on his wife, just like the assholes they've been dating.

So anyway, I'm still feeling flattered by what my wife is telling me, but nowhere near as much as my wife is. She loves it when other women find me attractive, and has said as much many times. Because it's all about her - she wants a man that her BFF's are jealous of, and right now she had one on the hook. And because it's all about her I know that my wife has had zero thoughts about a threeway - she doesn't like to share - so I don't bother mentioning that I had indeed noticed her friend had been very friendly to me every time I saw her these past few months. And I'd thought it was just because I was charming - haha!

So the party was fun, and there was my wife's friend and we got on like a house on fire. My wife loves to 'work the room' so she left me to it, as her friend tried to feel me out as to whether my wife had told me what she'd told her the night before. She didn't ask directly but I knew what she was getting at, so I played dumb. But I wasn't stupid and remained mildly flirty - nothing too obvious, but I kept the frisson alive. Then someone produced a joint so we all shared that and I got a little buzzed - and now I was thinking a threeway might seriously be on the cards.

Then someone's wife just grabbed me and yanked me onto the dancefloor and our moment was over.

By the time I got back to her she was in some sort of snoot, albeit convivial. But the vibe was gone. I think y'all know how that is. One minute you're hot then the next minute you're not, and wondering what happened? Which didn't worry me because I was married and I knew my wife was getting horny watching me getting female attention at the party. She's funny like that, but as I said: we've been together twenty+ years so you just roll with whatever works after a while.

We left the party at midnite and were in bed by one. My wife snuggled up to me straight away and kissed me. Then she kissed me some more, and ran one hand down my chest. All the way down to my dick and then... Aw, we're out of time! This is continued in Part 3 tonight, and I promise it's the final instalment! I've already written it and I'll post it at 7pm Eastern Time tonight. Meanwhile check out the label/tags for a clue as to what happens next.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Saturday Night Sex

We had sex last night. Sex as it has come to be defined in our relationship ie non-penetrative. Not that I mind since she's still having her period (how long do these things take?) I only mention it because all our sex this year seems to be non-penetrative. Every time we do (penetration) she gets some bacterial infection, which is why she avoids it I suppose. I really have no idea what the problem is - do I have a poisonous dick? Is she allergic to my sperm?

I've asked her about it many times but she doesn't like to discuss it. Her doctor always gives her antibiotics and says the blood tests are negative and there's nothing to worry about. It's weird.

But anyway, that's gross so lets get to the good stuff. It starts with a negative, but turns out positive so don't think "oh no, here we go again, that Nero... always complaining". [Story continues after photo]

this image has nothing to do with this post other than hold your
 attention and stop you clicking elsewhere... but hey - nice butt!

So at about 3pm on Friday afternoon my wife tells me that her bank is having a Xmas cocktail party at 5.30pm (she's a High Wealth Customer) and we've been invited. And then at 7pm a casual friend is having a surprise birthday party and I can come to that too. "Great'" I said, "have you organised someone to look after our daughter?" No, says my wife, we'll have to see who we can find.

Straight away I know this is BS and that it will be me staying at home looking after our daughter tonight. These invitations did not come today, they came weeks ago, my wife put them in her calendar, she knew they were happening, but still she did nothing about organising a sitter or a sleepover for our daughter. If she'd told me prior to 3pm on the day that I was also invited to these events then maybe I could have arranged something, but she didn't. Because she didn't really want me to come, right?

But still she keeps up the charade, furiously texting everyone she knows who could take care of our daughter. Unfortunately it's just too short notice for everyone so we're stuck, until finally I say what needs to be said: "don't worry, you go, I'll stay home and look after [our daughter]" This is followed by the further charade of my wife saying if I can't go she won't go either; she doesn't really want to go anyway; she doesn't really know the surprise birthday girl that well anyway; maybe she could skip the bank and just go later to the birthday party; maybe she'll just pop in for a little while and be back by 9pm... yeah yeah, and on it goes. It was a circular discussion with herself that swung between "I don't want to go" and "but I should go because I said I would" and "I won't stay long, I'll just show my face and leave"

She stumbled home at midnight, quite drunk.

Not 'good drunk' either.

'Good drunk' is when she comes home tipsy and horny. I get to fuck her then, and sometimes in a quite nasty way - mmmm. But this was 'I'm really hammered but if I concentrate really hard and move really slowly and talk really slowly then maybe you won't notice'. Of course I noticed - and I wasn't surprised. My wife is 50 but likes to hang out with younger people because they say things like "how old? No! you don't look it" and she feels pretty cool. And to show she's down with the kids she will party hard and be the first to order another round of shots at the bar. Which is possibly why they keep telling her "how old? No! you don't look it".

Anyway, I was in a pissy mood - it had all played out exactly as I suspected it would when she told me at 3pm that we were invited... so I left her to put herself to bed and watched TV instead. Instead of forcing a guilt fuck out of her. (A guilt fuck is where she knows she's been bad and deserves to be punished for it - I get to fuck her hard and selfishly ie no orgasms for her, I just get mine. I know she quite enjoys it but she'll never admit when she's sober, which is a shame because we could explore it more if she'd just cop to it)

"But where's the sex you said you had?" is possibly what you're thinking right now. Well, the sex happened on Saturday night and this post has detailed what went down on Friday night. But something else happened on Friday night, which is what led to the sex on Saturday night. Unfortunately I've talked too much already, so you'll have to wait for tomorrow for that story. It involves what she did on Friday night with another woman - so make sure you come back tomorrow for Part 2!

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Cam girls

I've had cam sex a few times, many many years ago, but I've never paid for it. These days I think all women, even 'amateurs', charge for it now. Or maybe I just can't find those free sites again, with the women who get off by camming with strangers? Anyway, here's a brief excerpt from a hot post by Heaven. You can find the full story here.
I reached over for my Mona. Turned her on. Squirted some lube on the end and laid back. Hiked up my Skirt. rubbing my lubed fingers on my pussy. Parting my lips. Slipped Mona inside. I slide my other hand up my chest. Cupped the bottom of my breast and pinched my nipple, lightly. I slowly popped Mona in and out my my pussy. Squeezing my kegels around her. Feeling the vibrations travel throughout my body. I was close to cumming, but I stopped. 
Pulled Mona out of my pussy and licked her clean before inserting her again. Feeling the buildup of my orgasm and anticipating it again. I started rocking Mona more quickly. Thrusting her with force. Pressing her hard against my Gs-pot. I could feel my juice moistening my thighs. My body was flooded with this tingling feeling. The heels of my feet warmed. Behind my knees began to sweat. I screamed as my orgasm pulsated through my pussy. Biting my lip as I caught my breath... [more]
This is neither Heaven, nor her cam site - please click links above for those

Friday, November 27, 2015

The aftermath of the aftermath...

This might seem silly, to write a followup post to a followup post, but it really does give you an insight into what it's like to live with my wife.

We had sex, kind of, on Saturday night. But since I was the only one who got off I promised on Sunday morning to reciprocate - although later that night she said she wasn't interested because her period had started. Monday was a different story however, and something did happen. Almost.
Same model as yesterday so yes, still not my wife.
I suppose I should explain that I was a little bummed out that we didn't do anything on Sunday night. I thought we were going to and maybe I did get myself a little worked up in anticipation. It all came to nothing of course, because she shot me down. She said she had her period, but that hasn't stopped us fooling around in the past (at the onset of her cycle).

So of course it festered a little in my head all through Monday, but my wife was a closed shop. Her vibe was "don't mess with me today". Equally frustrating was that I know she was reading her dirty stories online. A lot of them. I'm coming to the conclusion (or should that be an assumption, since I'm no scientist and don't really know) that she reads when she menstruates (or is about to) because it triggers some sort of hormonal arousal that relieves whatever is going on down there. (Did I mention that I'm not a scientist?!)

So she read almost all day (surreptitiously, she never does it openly or admits to it) and after dinner at about 9pm she said she was going to bed early 'to read her magazines'. She went upstairs and read her iPad, flipping to Facebook when I popped my head into the bedroom to check if she wanted anything (my wife is a fan of lemon honey ginger tea). She didn't, so I left her to it. And she left me to fester, I suppose.

So I sat downstairs watching some lame procedural cop show on TV, stewing over the idea that my wife was upstairs reading filthy erotica, getting herself aroused, and yet declining all my offers to scratch that itch. It just isn't fair - how would she feel if I watched PornTube for hours in preference to having sex with her? She knows I get horny too but she doesn't care, and just tells me to masturbate.

Okay, she only said that once. But she meant it.

Dammit, if that's what she thinks then maybe I just will...

And next thing you know I'm downstairs, in the basement, watching PornTube on my iPad. Jerking off to some dirty slut who loves it up the ass. Oh yeah, she loves it in the butt. She's begging for it, she's screaming with delight, holding herself wide open so...

I'm done. Damn, that was quick. Now what?

I watch another cop show on TV, then realise it's midnight, and head to bed. My wife is already asleep and I lie there contemplating my wretched life. When I was a teenager I never for one minute imagined that after I got married I would still be masturbating. Silly me - why did I think married life was going to delver me one long sexual smorgasbord? Damn you, Hugh Hefner and Bob Guccione!

To cut a long blog short, this morose trip down masturbation memory lane with Penthouse and Playboy got me excited again. I had an erection, and started stroking it, as you do (or is that just me?). I wasn't jacking for the finish line, I was just enjoying what I was doing because it felt good. Then, without warning, my wife rolled over, grabbed my free hand and brought it up to her breast.

She was awake! And aroused! Her nipple was hard - I stretched over and fondled the other one to be sure. Yes, that was stiff too. By wife said not a word but settled onto her back and stretched out, letting me feel up her tits, still half asleep. So we're both lying on our backs, me with one hand on her breast and the other on my stiff cock. Oh yeah, I was hard now. Now I was jacking my cock in earnest and it felt damn good. My free hand strayed down from her boobs to her pussy. She had panties on and I could feel the pantie liner again as I pressed my palm down on her vulva. She wiggled a bit and I moved my two fingers up to her clit, pressing down firmly - I know she likes that.

She did and slowly pushed herself against my fingers, aroused but sleepy.

I don't think she was getting anywhere, but I was. She hadn't said a word and kept her eyes tightly shut. She was going for the whole ravish-me-while-I-sleep thing, presumably along the lines of one of the many dirty stories she had read before I arrived. I had no idea if I was her Daddy, her Big Black Stud, or a Faceless Rapist but I played my part by not saying a word either. I got up from my side of the bed and walked all the way around to the other side of her. I could have done what I was about to do from my side but this was a bit of theatre and she instinctively knew her role.

With her eyes still closed she lifted up her t-shirt and displayed her breasts for me. She started rubbing herself and her intention was clear: cum on my tits, I wanna feel that sticky cum on my warm inviting breasts. And that was just what I intended to do. I jacked my cock harder and faster, I could feel the hot jism swelling in my balls, I was almost there...

Except I wasn't. I was so close, but not close enough. I could feel it, I was almost there, but it wasn't happening. I've read that women experience this a lot (which is why they usually switch to Plan B, the vibe) but it wasn't so great for me. The devil on my shoulder was cursing my wife: "if you'd let me know you were horny I wouldn't have jerked off earlier, dammit!" but of course I remained silent.

I pulled one of my wife's hands off her breast and moved it down to her pussy, then rolled her over so she was lying on her stomach (she likes to masturbate that way). I pulled her panties down and exposed her beautiful butt. It was dark but I could see enough - I straddled her ass and rubbed my dick between her ass cheeks. She felt so warm, I got harder, and I had to pull myself up before I did something stupid like trying to stick it in her butt. I jacked off, my big balls nestled in close behind her, feeling the heat of her pussy.

"Oh yeah, that's hot - I'm going to cum" I said, even though I knew I still wasn't quite there yet. But I was close. My wife could sense it too, and moved both hands to her ass, pulling her butt cheeks wider, inviting me to fill her crack with that warm sticky mess. She knows I like that, I know she likes it too, and yet still not a word had been spoken. I was jacking hard and fast now, pounding my meat, my balls bouncing against her pantied pussy.

And still nothing. It was there but it wasn't coming out. I was a failure. What kind of man can't ejaculate on his wife when she's lying there naked, inviting you to spray your seed all over her? Sure, I'd just cum an hour earlier but I should have been ready to go again, right? A man half my age would have 'recovered' in half the time - but that didn't bother me. What bothered me was that my wife had done exactly what I've often wished she'd do more of - but when she did it I choked.

I pulled her panties back up and then headed off to the bathroom. I might've pretended that I was cleaning myself up and she may or may not have thought I had cum in my hand instead of on her butt but neither of us pushed it. It was the elephant in the room that was best left to sleep. Which is exactly what she did. I on the other hand lay there for another 45 minutes contemplating my miserable existence and what an abject sexual failure I've become.

And that's my problem - I think too much.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

The aftermath of yesterday's post - what happened next?

This is not my wife (but you knew that)

Yesterday I told you about the sex we had on Saturday night. It was great for me and my wife enjoyed it, but she didn't get hers. I offered to go down on her but she said it was late and she was fine, so we drifted off to sleep.

Sunday morning I was in a great mood, which she noted, and I told her that the previous night's blow job was exceptional so why was she surprised? "Men are simple creatures" I observed, "we're very easy to please." I also vowed to reciprocate, promising that she would get hers later when I ate her out. She laughed and said "we'll see".  I cheerfully informed her that I really wanted to inspect that freshly trimmed pussy tonight, and we'd take it form there.

By the time we got into bed that night my ardour had not dampened. I snuggled up behind her and kissed the back of her neck, my hands roaming down to her hips.

"Can I get a look at that lovely pussy of yours?" I enquired, as my fingers gently snaked around to her front.

"Afraid not" she said, as my hand moved under her panties "my period has started."

My fingers confirmed what she was saying, as I felt the pantie liner. I ignored it and pressed my fingers down on her clit.

"Does it matter?" I replied, "I'll be careful"

"Yeah, no thanks" she responded, brushing my hand away "I'm not in the mood"

And so that was that. She wasn't in the mood, which is okay because for me it was all about giving her some of the pleasure she'd given me the night before, so if the lady don't want it then the lady don't want it.  I'm not going to shove it down her throat - you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. I only mention this story as an example of how my wife can be in the mood at some point but not in the mood by the time we get to bed. But that could be said of all women, right?

One minute they want you, and then the next minute they don't - leaving you wondering WTF happened. What did you do that switched her off? You rack your brains for clues but ultimately come up with nothing and chalk it up to "It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind". Which is true, and they exercise that right regularly.

But it's what happened the following night (Monday) that was weird. Freaky weird. I'll tell that story tomorrow... I guess she was horny after all.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

We Had Sex - kinda!

In an earlier post I explained why I'm making posts like these. If this blog is about my lack of sex, then it's only fair I confirm the times we do have sex. And if you're good with maths you'll already be thinking "Aha! You had sex two weeks ago so this puts paid to your complaints that you only get it once a month!"  Well, there's some truth to that but it depends on how you define sex. Did we have sex? The story continues after this pictorial interlude...
Hey! I warned you most of the illustrations in this blog were going to be NSFW!

Firstly, let me state upfront that I do think we had sex even though {SPOILER} I didn't get to place my penis inside her vagina. The crazy thing is that my wife probably wouldn't call it sex (see why in a future post) even though I do, because I've reached the stage where any intimate contact between us qualifies as sex in my book. As it does with many therapists (again, see why in a future post)! Anyway, on with the story...

On Saturday I caught my wife again with the beard trimmer. I didn't catch her doing it, but I walked in on her as she was putting it away (last time I only saw the trimmings in the trash). "Giving yourself a little trim?" I asked. "Yes," she replied "just tidying up" - to which I responded "maybe I'll get to see your handiwork this time?" She just laughed, without commenting further. This was a trademark answer from my wife: totally noncommittal - the laugh indicating that things were good between us, but with no express statement made that could imply that she had made an undertaking whatsoever, should I claim so later that night.

Still, we were off to a concert that night so if she had a good time then surely she would be feeling more romantic when we got home to bed, right?

Well, the concert was good and she did have a good time but ... that didn't guarantee any romance.

I snuggled up gently behind her in bed and gave her a nonsexual hug - which she took as a sexual advance due to a small erection I couldn't hide nudging her in the ass. Honestly, I tried to hold my groin back (if I had wanted to make a move I would have pressed it firmly against her) but she still managed to feel it and her response was immediate:


"What?" I said, confused

"We can't have penetrative sex, I'm still not quite right down there after last time" {what I haven't told you is that after our last sexual encounter my wife had some sort of vaginal infection and went to the doctor to get some antibiotics}

I just froze for a moment, still hugging her but not moving. My brain was running in circles, round and round, before I said out loud: "I'm confused".  I released her and rolled back to my side of the bed.

"Why?" she asked, turning around to face me.

"You said we couldn't have penetrative sex, but you really mean we can't have any sex"

"You can if you want," she said "you'll just have to masturbate yourself"

"I wasn't trying to have sex with you" I countered "and I've said before we don't have to have penetrative sex to be intimate. And if you don't want to have any sex that's fine too, just let me know so I can jerk off in private without feeling guilty". To be honest I was a little pissed off with her language - sometimes she makes me feel like I'm a sex pest, especially when she tells me to 'masturbate yourself'.

Yet her hand was stroking my chest now, I think she was feeling bad for over reacting. It strayed down to my cock, which she could tell was hard. She grabbed it and started stroking me - I put my arm around her and pulled her closer. "Mmmmm" I said "that feels nice".  She continued jacking me with one hand for a while before I took over, allowing her to play with my balls, which I know she likes. My cock was stiff and erect, and my balls were swollen. Her fingers danced around my balls and then back to my shaft. She ran her nails lightly up the length and started tossing me off again.

Then without warning she threw back the covers and manoeuvred herself down between my legs. I took over the hand duties as she started licking the head, before swallowing me whole. She was moaning now, gobbling on my cock (no teeth, thank god) like a woman possessed. I enjoy her blowjobs and this was another great one. She seemed to enjoy it too and we could both feel I was ready to cum.

She leaned back and mashed her full breasts into my balls, which was my cue to carry on jacking my cock until I came. I was jacking hard and her breasts were jiggling and she was crying out "oh yeah baby, spray me with that cum, jizz all over my tits". I couldn't hold back anymore - I released my cock and lent back, awaiting the imminent explosion: "I'm cumming!" was all I could manage.

But instead of waiting for me to flood her cleavage with my sticky mess my wife suddenly grabbed my cock and wrapped her lips around the head. She did this at the precise moment I came, and it was intense. She was jacking the base of my cock with her hand and sucking and swallowing the cum as it pumped through my engorged cock. I'd never felt anything like this before, since she'd never timed it this way before. She was moaning as I flooded her mouth and I was moaning too: repeated cries of "Oh GOD!" with each thrust as I pumped my cum in her warm wet mouth.

She swallowed it all before rolling over back to her side of the bed. "Wow, that must have been good" she laughed, "I've never heard you wail like that before!"

What could I say? She had me dead to rights.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

TMI Tuesday: November 24, 2015 ~ TMI Flashback

Today's TMI Tuesday questions were compiled from the 2010 blog The Pleasure Principle

I first saw her in Ghost World (2001) and I was quite captivated even then
1. Which ONE do you wish you had more of in bed… romance, experimentation, or foreplay?
~ All three would be good but since I can only choose one it would have to be Foreplay. My wife assumes that because I'm a guy I should be instantly erect when I'm aroused. I am erect but I'm not yet rock hard. If she wants me rock hard then she should pay a little attention to the little guy too. I provide a lot of foreplay for my wife so I presume the problem is that when I've finished 'warming her up' she's ready to go and wants me inside her ASAP.

2. What are three mistakes someone could make on the first date with you that would automatically make you turn down a second date with them?
~ Being a guy there aren't many women I'd reject for a second date, unless there's zero chemistry and/or they piss me off. It's usually at the second date that I would decide if there was or wasn't going to be a third. Things that women do wrong include: talking about your ex (or previous BF) too much; seeming too prudish (you don't have to be DTF but neither should you be a puritan); expecting me to carry all the weight during the date - I don't mind paying for the coffee/lunch/dinner but if you can't hold up your half of  the conversation there isn't going to be another date.

3 Tell us something sexual you do not do anymore? Why?
~ We had a very brief flirtation with anal, but no more. The problem was that we never really talked about it, we just did it when lust took over. This meant I wasn't always using lube (because it always just sorta happened) which I know is a big no no. So since we never discussed it like adults (I liked it, and my wife liked it when she was in the mood, but she wouldn't admit she liked it) my wife decided one day that we weren't going to do it anymore. We probably only did it six times, at very random intervals. I think my wife did it to tick off her sexual bucket list; to find out what those dirty stories she was reading were all about.

4. During sex would you rather have a lover: (pick only one)
a. pull your hair
b. scratch your back
c. spank your ass
~ Honestly, none of those appeal. I would however like a lover to call me Daddy during sex and beg me to fuck her (in the ass, if she's up for it). Call it BDSM-lite (even though I've just rejected a, b, and c!)

5. Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much?
~ Hell NO! I absolutely love going down on my wife, and I love when she reciprocates. I love all the other stuff too. 

Bonus: What is the best thing about you?
~ I'm loyal. If you trust me with a secret I'll keep it for life. If you're my friend I'll help you in any way I can. My wife says the best thing about me is that 'I get her'.  

Bonus Bonus: 
~ In tomorrows post I talk about my sexual encounter last Saturday night...


How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Monday, November 23, 2015

"My wife expects me to be a mind reader"

If only women were this obvious about what they wanted...!

The Huffington Post recently published a post titled '6 Things Men Complain About In Marriage Counseling'.  Some of them struck an immediate chord with me ("YESSSS!) so I thought I'd share some of them here, and then give you my 2¢ worth afterwards. If you want to read the whole article (and you should) you can find it here.
1. My wife expects me to be a mind reader.
Men talk a lot about how unfair it is that they're expected to know exactly what their wives are thinking and feeling at all times, said Marcia Naomi Berger, a psychotherapist and author of 'Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted'. Then when the husbands misread the situation, they feel like they're somehow the bad guy.
"It's so wrong for women to assume, 'My partner should know how I feel and what I want. I shouldn’t have to tell him,'" said Berger. "Wives should be direct but husbands can also help by encouraging their spouses to say specifically what they want. Then, he should either accommodate or negotiate so both of their needs are met."
This is such an issue with me! My wife and I have been to couples counselling (twice!) and they were very big on getting us to communicate our feelings to each other. Except my wife isn't really into sharing her feelings or telling me what she wants because, yes, she does think "If you loved me would know how I feel and what I want. I shouldn’t have to tell you". And this is just after we've shelled out big bucks to have a counsellor tell us 'don't expect your partner to be a mind reader - tell them what you want'. FFS!

And to be clear: this is also very VERY important when it comes to sex. If you want me to talk dirty then tell me. If you want me to dial back the dirty talk (or STFU completely) then tell me. I'm not a mindreader! If you want me to pull your hair (or not) then tell me - I'm not a mindreader! No guy is ever going to slap you during sex unless you give him permission first. The masterful dominant lover who knows what you really want and doesn't need to ask only exists in Fantasy Romance Erotica.

And if you're a woman who wonders why her husband isn't initiating sex try initiating it yourself. How does he know you want it if you don't tell him? You might think it should be obvious but, based on my own experience, after many years of thinking you've been given the green light to proceed - only to find it's in fact a red light - your brain just switches off and ignores any signals it receives. After too many false alarms you just don't bother responding any more.  

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Alison Brie & Gillian Jacobs ~ A Pin-up Special

Alison Brie & Gillian Jacobs ~ A Pin-up Special
I saw this and thought I'd share. I have no idea why two successful actresses like Alison Brie and Gillian Jacobs would do this but they have so let's not disappoint them by not watching!

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

TMI Tuesday: November 17, 2015 ~ What are you hiding?

1. Tell us something you like but you hide it from your friends because you think they will make fun of you or not understand. ~ I don't hide anything per se since I'm pretty much an open book. Sometimes I have to shut my wife down because she overshares. Especially when she talks about our sexlife! (Which drives me nuts because she makes out that we're sex bandits when in fact we're down to once a month).

2. Tell us something you hide from you family because they would be ashamed of you. ~ I don't think my family would be ashamed of anything I did, but by the same token they wouldn't be rushing to share some of it on Facebook. I don't think my parents were that impressed when as a miscreant youth I got arrested and made it into two local newspapers (one of which was a cover story)!

3. What do you hide from your kids because they just don’t need to know? ~ my teen daughter is into exactly the same stuff I was into at her age but because I'm an old man I can't share it with her because she doesn't want to know. Who wants to be into the same bands their dad liked? Why would she be interested in movies/movie making if that was something her dad did before she was born? Maybe when she's older she'll appreciate it but right now she doesn't want to know (trust me, I made gentle forays) so I'll just let her discover it all for herself. Kids think they invented everything, or did it first.

4. When was the last time you hid from something or someone? ~ Aw, you know how it is: you're at a party or a public gathering or on the street or in a mall and you see someone coming towards you in the distance and you think "oh god, not them, I don't feel like even bothering to say 'hi' as they pass by" so you make a quick detour. Karma being what it is I am punished by the universe: I still get sad myself when I see someone in the distance, realise they've spotted me, and then watch them make a detour.

5. What things or objects do you hide regularly? ~ Food. I have little snacks hidden away because my wife is always on about what I eat and rations me accordingly. My wife hides her vibes, but not very well. They're in the second drawer of her bedside table - I keep telling her our daughter will find them one day but she dismisses my fears because she thinks our daughter wouldn't snoop. What?! She's a teenager! 

Bonus: What did someone hide and you found? ~ My wife hides her online porn addiction, and she doesn't know I know how bad it is. She denies she reads online erotica but her browser history says otherwise. And she reads a lot (I'll blog about it separately), often for hours/days at a time. At which point she insists she's been on Facebook or clothes sites or anything but 

Bonus Bonus: I got lucky laid on Sunday night! You can read about it here.


How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). 
Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. 
Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Monday, November 16, 2015

We Had Sex!

If we were this beautiful we'd be at it like rabbits!

Since this blog is based around the internal struggle I have as I deal with loving and living with a woman who only wants sex once a month it's only fair that I document the actual sex I have.

In my mind (and I'm pretty sure I'm right) it's only once a month - but given that men are stupid maybe it's happening more than I think? Thanks to the handy tag/label "We Had Sex!" I'll be able to track via this blog the number of times we actually do have a sex.

So we had sex last night (Sunday) even though she trimmed her pussy on Friday, and she finished a bottle of wine on Saturday afternoon, and read porn online all Sunday afternoon.

So I guess it was the online erotica that finally got her over the line, since the other two didn't make any difference on Friday and Saturday nights? Sunday night was exactly the same but with the exception that when I came to bed she rolled over and kissed me. So I kissed her back. And then I grabbed her ass.

And then it was on.

Lots of caresses, turning into fondling and groping, turning into me kissing my way 'downtown', before going full oral on her. It was dark but I could feel the difference her trimmed pussy made on my face. She was in a bit of a frenzy and came quite quickly, before pulling me up and asking me to stick my cock in and fuck her. As in: "stick your cock in and fuck me!" I could tell those erotic stories had really resonated with her because she was talking dirty and verbalising what she wanted me to do to her - which is something she doesn't always do (see next Monday's post)

I mounted her missionary style and fucked her hard, like she wanted. I think she came again, and then it was my turn. "Fill me with your cum!" she said, desperately. (No, that's not me trying erotic fiction, that's exactly what and how she said it). I rolled her over onto her side, lifted one leg, and did her that way (scissor style?). It was good, and allowed me to thrust deeper. She was wet but tight and I could feel every inch. It wasn't long before I could I feel my balls tighten... I was about to cum so I told her. Warned her? "Here I cum, all hot and sticky" - and I did.

Dirty talk always reads so lame afterwards, doesn't it? But in the moment it can be as hot as hell.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

The Mysteriously Trimmed Pussy

I actually have a photo of her pussy trimmings, but thought this pic looked better (no that's not my wife)

Yesterday my wife used my beard trimmer to trim her bush.

I know because I saw the hair trimmings in the trash basket in the bathroom.

Then she went out to a meeting. She goes to a lot of meetings - sometimes in the middle of the day, other times in the middle of the afternoon. Sometimes in the early evening, meaning she'll be late home and I should get my own dinner.

My wife is against 'Brazilians' but like most women she likes to keep her garden groomed.

Which would be nice if I ever got to see the garden, let alone amble through it, but I don't.

So who is she trimming it for? Not for me, clearly. I thought maybe we would have sex last night but we didn't. Again. Which is a damned pity because I do so love going down on her. I'd foolishly allowed myself to think that maybe she had trimmed her pussy for me. But no.

Is my wife having an affair? According to all the tabloid magazines she's definitely displaying some of the '7 Signs Your Partner Is Cheating On You', but I have no real proof.

Friday, November 13, 2015

The 'Genie & 3 Wishes' Fantasy (Part Two)

{Continued from Wednesday's post, which you can find here}

I couldn't find a photo of a twentysomething Brad Pitt, so you get this guy instead.

So I'm lying in bed, tossing and turning and wondering why we aren't having sex. But I already know the answer - it's because I'm fat. I'm not actually that fat (just overweight, I swear!) but in my wife's eyes I'm a beached whale. So I tell myself "I need to lose some weight", but then I think about how I've tried and failed over the previous few years, so what can I do? There is only one option left for me:

I need a Genie who will grant me 3 wishes!

Yeah, that's right - my balls are so blue all I can come up with for a solution is to hope that some magical Genie will miraculously appear and grant me 3 wishes! Sad, isn't it? Sad, and desperate, and... still that doesn't stop me. I imagine a Genie appearing and... I'm immediately crippled with a moral dilemma. y'see according to folklore the Genie has been trapped for in that bottle/lamp for 1,000 years and is so grateful he grants you three wishes. Anything your heart desires.

And that's the trap. In the original story you always get tricked by the genie because you weren't specific about what you wished for, and the moral is 'be careful what you wish for'.

So what I want is to have the body of a twentysomething Brad Pitt, because I know my wife would go for that. But then I imagine {~POOF!~} the Genie gives my the body of a twentysomething Brad Pitt but... who knew he had an incredibly small penis? That was never mentioned in the Tabloids! So I've got the toned, muscled body of a twentysomething Brad Pitt but with a one-inch dick - that #$%ing Genie tricked me! No wonder Brangelina adopted so many kids - they couldn't procreate normally because Brad is so small.

I'm average myself, so I figure not only do I need to ask the Genie for the toned, muscled body of a twentysomething Brad Pitt but I also need to specify the penis size. Which creates more angst. What size would my wife prefer, if she had a choice? She reads a lot of stories on Literotica but only a few of them are 'Big Cock' stories so I don't think she's a Size Queen. But I've also read a lot of online articles/sex blogs myself where women say that a bigger cock is always better than an 'average' sized one (yes yes, always with the caveat "but guys with smaller cocks always try harder, which is better") so I'm fairly certain my wife would like to upsize.

But by how much? She's fairly petite herself so a Footlong would be too much, right?

If 'average' is 6" and 12" is too much then would she prefer 7-8" or 9-10"? 

I think 8" should be enough, since it's bigger than what she's getting now but hopefully not so big she get's a taste for Big Cock and then runs off to find men better endowed than me. Yes, I know she could do that already if she craved something larger, but you know how it is: all your life you loved Vanilla ice cream and then one day you get Salted Caramel with Pecan & Pistachio and suddenly your mouth is like "OMFG - I want more of this, much more!"

So, where are we? The Genie has given me the body of a twentysomething Brad Pitt, with an 8" cock (that stand tall and proud, not bending or twisting left or right, because my wife told me some guys do that - she met one guy who's head almost hooked a bit), and ... I've got one more wish left. I better give myself a 'Get out Of Jail Free' card because in the stories Genies are tricky fuckers and always find a way to foil your plans. That's because they've been trapped in a bottle or lamp for 1,000 years and have gotten extremely pissed off about it.

So I need my third wish to protect me from getting Cancer (which killed both my parents) or something equally heinous. But what? And that's where this wide awake nightmare ends. I can never think of a third wish - well, I can think of plenty but I can never settle on one. Everything I can think of leads to a dozen more questions, all of them starting with "What if...?

Clearly I have issues. Most guys would just wish for a big cock, the stamina to fuck forever, and the ability to fuck any woman they wanted. Me, I have to worry about what my wife wants and whether or not the Genie is going to stiff me on the deal. This is my problem in a nutshell and probably explains my now woeful sex life: I over analyse everything and I'm always looking a gift horse in the mouth.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

TMI Tuesday - even though it's Thursday

TMI Therapy

1. What brings you here, to TMI Tuesday blog? ~ I used to do the TMI meme when I blogged on Wordpress, but that got shut down due to pornographic content. Then I continued doing the TMI meme when I blogged on Tumblr, but that got shut down due to pornographic content. So I'm starting again, but this time I will be more careful with the pornographic content in my blog!

2. Have you played TMI Tuesday before? How often do you play? ~ er, see above. This is what I used to do before as well: answering a question ahead of time! I am committed to doing it weekly, as a spur to ensure I keep blogging. Hopefully I won't be the sex blogger who only posts every Tuesday.

3. What’s your problem? ~ now that I'm 50 my sexlife has dwindled to almost nothing. This blog is part of my process in getting my head around that. My wife still loves reading dirty stories online, but she's not so much enamoured with the physical stuff any more. I'm trying to figure out why - we used to have a good sex life (or so I thought).

4. How does playing TMI Tuesday make you feel? ~ It depends on the questions. Some days I'll chuckle and think "I'm not alone!", and other days I'll sigh and think "It's just me"

5. Does TMI Tuesday help you get ideas for writing? ~ I can't think of anything specific but it definitely cajoles me into doing more. Sometimes if I write a long answer to a question it either inspires me to write a full post on the subject, or it stops me because I think "I kinda answered/vented that already on TMI Tuesday"!

6. Is playing TMI Tuesday therapy for you? ~ I think I've answered this already too but... hell yeah! (See ALL my answers above!)

Bonus: If you could wave a magic wand, what positive changes would you make happen in your life? Do you need a magic wand to make the changes? ~ I think I need a magic wand because I can't seem to shake off the extra weight I've put on during our 30 year marriage. Weight my wife didn't tell me was a problem until we were 20 years married. I do have a 'Genie/3 Wishes' fantasy that runs through my head some times, but (see #5 above!) I'll save that for a separate blog post!
{UPDATE: through the magic of 'Scheduled Posts' I whipped out the 'Genie/3 Wishes' fantasy, which you can read here.}

Bonus Bonus: As per my previous TMI posts on Wordpress & Tumblr... I like to throw in something extra to the prescribed TMI questions each week. Today it is a photo, because I like sharing images I find kinda sexy or erotic - because I want this blog to stay a sex blog (not a 'I went to a great restaurant last night' blog):

(Playing in the water is great therapy)

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). 
Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

The 'Genie & 3 Wishes' Fantasy

I often have this ... fantasy? ... daydream? ... thought ... that runs through my head.

It's connected to the fact that I am overweight and this is a problem for my wife, which makes it a problem for me, since my wife doesn't like fucking fat people. Not that I think I am that fat, but she does and she is the decider on whether she fucks someone or not, and she prefers not to fuck fat people. Once a month I get a pass because I'm her husband, and she's horny, so lucky me.

Anyway, she wants me to lose weight and I've tried and I've failed.

I've failed because I broke a tiny bone inside my foot that was never able to be healed properly (god knows we saw enough specialists to try and fix it) so I can't go on long walks or run marathons. I tried to eat less (a LOT less) but damn, I like food. It tastes good and it's yummy. I even tried the 5/2 Diet but that almost killed me. Or should I say I almost killed someone else, I got that irritable.

Of course, it doesn't help that my wife had no problem with the 5/2 Diet and when combined with her exercise routines she has slimmed down to a Size 1. This leads her to make glib comments such as "If you really loved me you'd lose the weight" and "If you really loved me you'd do the exercise" and "I guess it's not really that important to you..." etc etc.

So I'm often lying in bed, tossing and turning and wondering why we aren't having sex. But I already know the answer - it's because I'm fat. I'm not actually that fat (just overweight, I swear!) but in my wife's eyes I'm a beached whale. So I tell myself "I need to lose some weight", but then I think about how I've tried and failed over the previous few years, so what can I do? There is only one option left for me:

I need a Genie who will grant me 3 wishes!

{Continued in Part Two on Friday}

(that's Shakira, according to the original graphic artist)

Yes, this is my first post... WHY?

We all have to start somewhere so I'm starting here.

The obvious question is "why am I blogging?"

I'm blogging because I'm going crazy and I have no one else to talk to. So I'm talking to you - not my therapist, not my wife - you. I need to vent and since this is 2015 I'm going to vent here - not in a diary that my wife might find, but an online journal that hopefully my wife will never see.

I've marked this blog as 'Adult' because it will often discuss sexual matters and use sexually explicit images to illustrate the text. I suppose I should also warn you now that I call a spade a spade and a pussy a pussy and a cock a cock so... read on at your own peril.


(this is what I consider a 'mild' pic - future pics may be rated 'extreme' or 'xxxx')