Sunday, December 20, 2015

"We're stuck in a sexless marriage"

I'm not surprised they're not getting it on, to be honest
The Huffington Post recently published a post titled '10 Complaints Sex Therapists Hear All The Time'. My reactions to some of those complaints were different to what the author may have intended so I thought I'd share some of them here, and then give you my 2¢ worth afterwards. If you want to read the whole article (and you should) you can find it here.
We're stuck in a sexless marriage 
"Oftentimes a low sex or no sex marriage happens when a couple finds themselves in a rut of distraction or avoidance. They are distracted by work, by young kids or the business of everyday life. Whoever was the traditional initiator of sex stops initiating. The non-initiating partner waits, hoping things will get back to ‘normal.’ To get out of a low sex or no sex rut, talk to your partner. Throw out some ideas that you are wondering’ about -- for instance, 'I am wondering if we are both so tired at night that we should try for morning sex?' Keeping your statements vague and phrasing them as 'wonderings' takes the pressure off and makes whatever sexual issue you're avoiding easier to talk about. The truth is, it's not your fault or theirs. Your sex life belongs to both of you." -- Tammy Nelson, certified sexologist and sex therapist and the author of Getting the Sex You Want.
I've all but given up initiating now. I haven't given up completely, usually because I've been driven insane and can't take it any more. Something's got to give, surely, so my resolve eventually breaks (since I've been telling myself for a week "Don't initiate, she'll only reject you again and you'll be crushed - again!") and I make a move. And I get rejected, again, and the cycle continues.

My wife always has an excuse ready, which is often tied to a promise that "we will, tomorrow night, I promise" but as they say: Tomorrow Never Comes. The next night there is always another excuse, as equally plausible as the one given the night before. Eventually you just stop making the move and then you're both alone in the bed in the dark, wondering if you'll ever fall asleep.

Well, she isn't wondering that because she always manages to drift off - fairly quickly too sometimes, affirming that she was indeed tired. Which is when she snores, thereby ensuring I don't fall asleep any time soon. I'm left to wallow in my thoughts and wonder how it got to this. Maybe my dick isn't big enough? Maybe if I wasn't so 'average'? Maybe if I was more like those men in the online erotica she reads?

Given the filth she reads there's no way I can compete with those guys...

[This post is tagged under 'Sunday Reading', where I'll be posting 'serious' stuff that's possibly longer and more boring than my usual rants!]

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