Sunday, January 31, 2016

"I have a lower sex drive than my wife"


Does my wife really have a lower sex drive than me?
Or does she just prefer to play with herself privately?
The Huffington Post recently published a post titled '10 Complaints Sex Therapists Hear All The Time'. My reactions to some of those complaints were different to what the author may have intended so I thought I'd share some of them here, and then give you my 2¢ worth afterwards. If you want to read the whole article (and you should) you can find it here.
I have a lower sex drive than my wife. 
"I frequently see couples where the man is confused about why he doesn't want to have sex and the woman is the frustrated one. Without a clear answer, I end up asking a ton of questions trying to decipher why. If it's because he feels too dependent or too close to his partner, distancing is the goal. Most commonly, men complain to me about not getting the loving contact they want. He may feel she goes through the motions, treats sex like a chore, or just lies there when he wants more love, contact, emotion and presence. Women sometimes make the mistake of thinking their partners are just trying to satisfy a biological need and treat sex in a perfunctory manner, to 'please' the guy. But this shuts men down; they want more passion than that. I remind couples that passion requires engagement, expression, eye contact and trying to really feel. It's more than touch." -- Brandy Engler, Ph.D and author of The Women on My Couch 
I wasn't going to comment on this because obviously I don't have a lower sex drive than my wife, but... some of the stuff resonates with me. My wife and I can have sex but then I fail to climax (or take a long time doing so) because once we start I begin to feel that she's just going through the motions, ticking off 'sex' like it's a chore, or it becomes apparent she's just lying there. To be fair the latter usually comes about after she's told me "okay, we can have sex, but you have to do all the work". I don't mind doing all the work, but I was kinda hoping for some sort of reciprocal reaction.

The problem for me is that I second guess myself and it starts to feel like I'm raping her (which is not the same as actually raping her). She's letting me fuck her but that's about all - and then when I stop (because I'm not enjoying it) she says things like "See! I think you just like the idea of having sex, but you don't really want to do it".

Well, I did want to have sex with my wife and she agreed to have sex with me, but ... it's like asking someone to play a round of golf and they say 'yes' but then give zero fucks about hitting the ball or getting it into the hole. They just wanna ride around in the golf cart ~ with you driving ~ because anything else would require too much effort.

Women shouldn't just let guys fuck them to 'please' the guy. If you don't wanna do it then don't. And if you are going to do it because you've read about 'maintenance sex' and how sometimes even if you don't want to you find you do want to once you've started... well, both those situations require you to be 'in the game'. Sure, by all means tell him he has to 'do all the work' but give him a little encouragement as he does so, to let him know you're actually there. Otherwise he might as well be fucking a hole in the mattress (in which case he'd rather be jerking off, trust me).

See also: "I'm having performance issues"

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Ask PV: Does Your Family Know About Your Sex Life?

This is not one of my old posts, but one by Pervertically Virtuous
In the process of recovering my own old posts via email I discovered some of hers. Like me, her old accounts have been terminated, and she seems to have disappeared from the internet. This is a damn shame since I consider her one of the best sex bloggers I've ever had the chance to read and follow. I'm reposting her old posts as a historical archive, and if she ever returns to blogging I'm happy to hand them back to her. 
To be clear: the copyright on this work is hers, and remains with her - I didn't write it and I make no claim to it. (FYI: all links in this post are dead)

Pervertically Virtuous posted: "Upon discovering my blog, a new reader had many questions for me. I'm answering them one by one, every Thursday.  #2. Does your family know about your sex life, and if so to what extent? My chosen family (husband, friends, lovers, colleagues, etc) know "

recovered post on Pervertically Virtuous

Ask PV: Does Your Family Know About Your Sex Life?

by Pervertically Virtuous
Dont-Ask-Dont-Tell-posterUpon discovering my blog, a new reader had many questions for me. I'm answering them one by one, every Thursday. 
#2. Does your family know about your sex life, and if so to what extent?
My chosen family (husband, friends, lovers, colleagues, etc) know everything. I already talked about that last week (see Ask PV: How Do You Separate Your Two Worlds?). But I assume you're asking about my birth family (parents, siblings, etc) anyway. So here it is.
Some people are close to their parents - they consider them their best friends and share all sorts of personal life details with them. I am not one of those people. And never was.
My parents divorced before I hit puberty, and I spent my adolescent years as a wild child (sex, drugs, and electronica) without much parental supervision from either one of them. During those years, I came to realize my dad is an evil non-human being who I can't stand, and my mom is a lovely, traditional-minded woman who I have nothing in common with (except half my DNA, oddly enough). Hence, I never developed the desire for or the habit of sharing my (sex) life with them.
There was this one time I tried to share something about my sexuality with them: I told them I was bisexual when I was 18 or so, thinking they had the right to know who their daughter is. It was completely and utterly beyond their comprehension. After a month of endless discussions, it became clear that all I did by trying to bring them into my world was cause them sadness and misery. It was pointless. They would be much happier if they didn't know, and I would be much happier if they (my mom especially) didn't suffer because of how I chose to live my life. We've had a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy ever since.
These days, the closest I get to discussing my sex life with my mom is trying to explain to her how I can possibly not want children. That is already more than she can take. It breaks her heart so much, she says she is eternally depressed and won't be able to die happy because of it. I don't think adding my open relationship info to that will help the situation.
So, to answer your question. I'm sure my parents are aware that I'm fairly sexually liberal and experienced. They would need to be really dumb not to have gathered that from the bits and pieces they were exposed to during my adolescent crazy years. But they don't know much and certainly don't have any details - they probably think that I've settled down, now that I'm married. It's safe to assume an openly nonmonogamous relationship is not on their radar. If they openly asked me, I wouldn't lie. But they never ask, and I have no need to initiate disclosure. It also helps that I've been living on a different continent for almost a decade and I only see them once a year or less.
I have a couple of same-age relatives (cousin, sibling) who are fairly sexually open, so they know a bit more about my life (that I have an open relationship with my husband, that I have a lot of sex with a lot of people). But again, they all live in Europe, so the opportunities to discuss my life don't exactly come up on a daily basis.
Pervertically Virtuous | January 30, 2014 at 11:35 am | URL: http://wp.me/p3F90k-xM

Thursday, January 28, 2016

How often do men think about sex?

I used to have a blog on Wordpress that got terminated due to pornographic content. Here's one of those posts... 
(NB: the links are all dead so don't bother clicking)

Nero posted: " Do men, on average, think about sex every seven seconds? The male brain supposedly thinks about sex every 7 seconds, right? It's a statement accepted as fact by many, much like the idea that we should drink 7 glasses of water a day to remain healthy. "

New post on Her Secret Library

How often do men think about sex?

by Nero

Do men, on average, think about sex every seven seconds?
The male brain supposedly thinks about sex every 7 seconds, right? It's a statement accepted as fact by many, much like the idea that we should drink 7 glasses of water a day to remain healthy.
For those too lazy to click the link I'll give you a SPOILER: men do not think about sex every 7 seconds. If you want to know exactly how often then click the link
BTW (since I have your attention) how often do YOU think about sex?
My answer would be "all the time" or "very very often". I'm not so base that I walk around with a perpetual hard on, ogling women, but I do think about it a lot. I think about it when I'm reading your sex blogs, I think about it when I see my wife, I think about it when I think about my wife, and I think about it when I remember the sex I had previously with my wife. Sometimes I even think about it when I see a woman on the street who piques my sexual interest. These women are generally not supermodels, they are 'real' 'normal' women who have a certain something (je ne sais quoi) that makes me think they would be great fun in bed.
The latter is a secret most women don't know. If they did it would deal to any self esteem issues they might have!
Nero | November 28, 2013 at 12:30 pm | Tags: self esteem

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

On Sex while Couchsurfing (Couchbanging)?

This is not one of my old posts, but one by Pervertically Virtuous
In the process of recovering my own old posts via email I discovered some of hers. Like me, her old accounts have been terminated, and she seems to have disappeared from the internet. This is a damn shame since I consider her one of the best sex bloggers I've ever had the chance to read and follow. I'm reposting her old posts as a historical archive, and if she ever returns to blogging I'm happy to hand them back to her. 
To be clear: the copyright on this work is hers, and remains with her - I didn't write it and I make no claim to it. (FYI: all links in this post are dead)

Pervertically Virtuous posted: "Every time I travel alone to a city where I don't know people, instead of staying at hotels, I couchsurf. That is, I use couchsurfing.org to find complete strangers that will let me stay at their place for free. Couchsurfing is primarily about free accom"

recovered post on Pervertically Virtuous

On Sex while Couchsurfing (Couchbanging)?

by Pervertically Virtuous
Couch-surfingEvery time I travel alone to a city where I don't know people, instead of staying at hotels, I couchsurf. That is, I use couchsurfing.org to find complete strangers that will let me stay at their place for free.
Couchsurfing is primarily about free accommodation, of course. I hate paying for hotels, even if I have the money. But it's about more than that. Hotels are sterile, impersonal, isolating; I'd rather stay in a house with a soul with living, breathing human beings who know and love the area, and have built a life there that they can introduce me to. It allows me to be a traveler rather than a tourist. And that's something money can't buy.
In order to maximize my experience (and that of my hosts), I choose hosts who, based on their profiles, seem like cool, interesting people I'd like to hang out with anyway. Of course, I wouldn't be me if I didn't also try to turn my couchsurfing experiences into "couchbanging" experiences. I mean, it's the perfect opportunity to have casual sex: You're already in their home, spending a significant amount of time with them; why not add some more fun to the mix and make your stay even more enjoyable for both? I can see no reason not to.
So whenever I surf, I surf with single guys (or group of guys) and I try to pick the hottest guy I can find in the area. That doesn't mean I'll definitely fuck him or have that as a primary and necessary expectation of my trip. I'm just maximizing the chances that when we meet in person, I'll be attracted to him and want to fuck him. (Which is why it is critical for guys to have good photos of themselves. How else will I know I want to stay with you?) Don't get me wrong, I don't use couchsurfing in order to get laid, I just try to attach the banging onto the surfing. It's the cherry on top.
It doesn't always work out - sometimes there aren't any decent-looking guys who live close enough and are available to host during my time there, but it often does. In over seven years of couchsurfing, I've hooked up with about 70% of my hosts.
That has usually lead to a very enjoyable stay: In addition to the excitement of flirting, the pleasure of orgasms, and the comfort of sleeping in the big bed (instead of the living room couch), I get a host who is really motivated to please me. He will pick me up from the airport, drive me around when needed, cook me dinner, bring me coffee or breakfast in bed... It's a highly mutually beneficial experience, all around.
How about guests, you might ask? Guests are a little different. I don't think it'd be ethical if I discriminated against who I host based on whether I want to fuck them - if I'm available, I'll host all people who seem cool and interesting. So I've certainly hooked up with a few of my guests, but that's less common.
I'm obviously not the only one who ends up hooking up with people I meet through CS. Hookups happen on Couchsurfing a lot - check out this article, for example. There is now a website devoted to such stories (Couchbangs). While for many people it happens organically, some men use it specifically for sex, as a casual sex dating site, developing very deliberate strategies for how to get as much ass as possible. And some of them do it quite successfully, apparently, and write about it on their blogs complete with advice for other men who want to do the same (Maverick Traveler).
I  know what some of you are thinking (Americans in particular): How can that be that safe? What if you get robbed, raped, murdered...? 
Well, you can't exactly rape the willing, can you? ;-)
Kidding aside, yes, of course, that's always a possibility they'll be a serial killer.
But remember, the host is placing himself at risk just as much I am, and perhaps even more. He is opening his house to me, with all his belongings in it. He doesn't know who I am (even whether I'm saying to be who I am) just as I don't know him. Which is where some help with establishing profiles, reference systems, and verification processes from Couchsufing.org comes in play. As do common sense and a little bit of trust in humanity.
After all of that has been taken into account, the probability that my host will try to harm me is way too small to allow it to to take away the highly probable benefits I'd get from couchsurfing. As I've discussed before (Innocent Until Proven Guilty), I refuse to live my life in fear that the worst will happen. For me, life is not worth living without the excitement of risk and the freedom that trust allows. I try to minimize my risk as much as is reasonable, and hope for the best. And if the worst happens, so be it. I'll die much happier than if I'd stayed home safe.
So, have I ever had a negative experience with Couchsurfing or Couchbanging?
Not by my standards. Though I did have one that for some women would probably count as negative.
I was staying with a guy in NYC (back in the day when I didn't live here or have enough friends to stay with always). He was decidedly NOT attractive, but I didn't have a choice, hosts in NYC were notoriously difficult to find (even before the days of airbnb), even for a single girl. He was nice enough. A bit of a conspiracy theories nutcase, but very proper and helpful. For 3 days he showed me around, cooked dinner one night, we went to a cool CS meeting together, went out, it was great.
On my last night, we came home from the club, and were still chatting as I started getting ready for bed. Once in my pajamas, I laid down on the sofa in the living room, and he sat next to me on, still chatting. Then at one point I closed my eyes, I was tired and passing out, and next thing I know, he's on top of me!
That totally took me by surprise. I thought I had been very careful to not give him any signs that would make him think I was interested. But I guess men often don't need any signs, they read sexual intent where there is none on a regular basis.
Instinctively, I pushed him off of me, saying "What the fuck are you doing?!"
"Oh, oh, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" he said, far more embarrassed by his miscalculation than I was upset by it, and immediately got off of me. He apologized profusely for another minute, then went to his room. The next morning he was out of the house before I even woke up. I never saw him again.
I left him a "neutral" reference.
I was completely unfazed by this experience. I shared it with another female CSer once, and she said if that had happened to her, she'd probably run out into the street screaming and never come back. We all have different levels of comfort and should adjust our actions accordingly.
Have you ever couchsurfed? If not, would you? Have you ever hooked up with your host/guest?
Pervertically Virtuous | January 27, 2014 at 11:33 am | URL: http://wp.me/p3F90k-vW

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

"My Wife's Incredible Shrinking Penis"

(Since I'm on vacation I can't participate in the TMI Tuesday meme this week - but this post is TMI!)

Believe it or not, that was what I was originally going to call this blog, but I demurred in favour of something less confronting. (Although I'm still not happy with the title of this blog, and kinda wished I'd stuck with my first idea). Obviously my wife doesn't have a penis, but she seems to be in control of mine since it's up to her whether I have sex or not. And I (seriously!) have felt in recent years that it is getting smaller. I'm not the only one who has wondered that, as you'll see shortly.

My wife has fantasies about being gangbanged by well hung black men
(because they're all well hung, riiiight?)
I have this nagging recollection of Dr Oz talking about it on Oprah last century, before he got his own show. I think he said something about how as men get fatter as they get older their dicks seem shorter, but it's only because the cock is rooted in the same spot it always and the spreading fat/stomach kind of envelops it. Since I was young and thin at the time it didn't resonate with me, but now that I am older and fatter....

Anyway, I happened upon this website and I spotted another guy who was worried about the same thing. And got the same answer:
Q: As I've gotten older I have gained the impression that my penis is getting shorter.
A: I think this impression is due to weight gain which makes the penis look shorter in proportion. Also fat gathering around the groin area and over the pubic bone can take .5" or more off the apparent length. It also makes the scrotum less distinct where it joins the body. Forget enlargement I'll go on a diet!!
As you will know now ~because you clicked the link as soon as I mentioned it~ the site documents men's penises of all shapes and sizes, so that all men who worry that their dick is too small can see what 'average' really looks like. Just as women obsess that their boobs aren't big enough to be sexy, men worry they don't have enough cock to satisfy a woman. Unlike women however, men can't get penis augmentation surgery to make themselves bigger.

If you like looking at cock then click the link and have a look at page after page of photos of men's dicks - all submitted by the men themselves. At the very least it assuaged my fears that my wife might try to act upon her black cock fantasies (since she reads a lot of that genre on Literotica) and end up running off with him; because despite the popular stereotype black men are also 'average' and not all hung like the guy above.






Monday, January 25, 2016

A Woman Catches Her Husband Cheating....

This old joke is for the ladies - the even older one below is for the guys!
A wife came home early... and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman ... naturally she was somewhat upset.

'You are a disgusting disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife and the mother of your children. I'm leaving you. I'm filing for a divorce in the morning.'

'Hang on just a minute' replied the husband, 'at least let me try to explain what happened'

'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed, 'but they'll be the last words you'll ever say to me!!

And so the husband began with his excuses:

'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a ride to the Homeless Shelter. She looked so down and out that I took pity on her and let her into my car. I noticed that she was very thin, poorly dressed, and very dirty. She then explained that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.

The poor thing devoured them in seconds. Since she needed a good clean up I offered her a shower, which she gladly accepted. While she was doing that I saw that her clothes were really just dirty rags so I threw them in the garbage and gave her some of your old clothes. I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear - just to annoy her - and for good measure I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique but don't use because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued:

'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, ' Please sir, you are so kind and generous - do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use...?'

Sunday, January 24, 2016

"Our marriage is no longer a priority for her"

"I know your job is crime fighting honey, but you're ALWAYS out fighting crime!"

The Huffington Post recently published a post titled '6 Things Men Complain About In Marriage Counseling'.  Some of them struck an immediate chord with me ("YESSSS!) so I thought I'd share some of them here, and then give you my 2¢ worth afterwards. If you want to read the whole article (and you should) you can find it here.
6. Our marriage is no longer a priority for her.
In therapy sessions, men tell Berger that at some point in time, they feel like their marriage took a backseat to nearly everything else in their wives' lives: the kids, her career, nights out with friends. To rebuild that sense of partnership, Berger tells couples to make a real effort to go on date nights once a week.
"It should be a time to relax and daydream out loud, like when you were courting -- before the responsibilities of married life kicked in!" she said. "Then also schedule marriage meetings where you work on resolving issues and fostering teamwork within your marriage."
Date nights -- along with loosely structured conversations about marriage and family responsibilities -- should go a long way in bringing spouses closer together, Berger said.
I almost skipped excerpting this one because it's not about sex (or lack of, which is the reason for this blog) but then I realised this is a problem for me. As my wife overtook me in both career, status, and wealth I observed her take on all the traits usually attributed to men. Her job was very important so if she needed to go to some work related function she would. If she wanted to go out with 'the girls' to wind down after work, she would. It's not an issue, until suddenly after 10 years you realise it is an issue. She comes first, you come second. My wife is forever scheduling meetings and after work functions for the same time our daughter has after school activities. For her this achieves two goals: she can go somewhere with her business buddies and 'socialise' (ie drink) and I can't come because someone has to look after our daughter. (Yes, I'm well aware she's my daughter too and it's not a woman's job to take of the children).

But the real reason I had to share #6 was that they mention 'Date Night'. This is the go to solution recommended by couples counsellors and... it always starts well but then always peters out to zero. Counsellors and Advice Columnists always tell couples they need to keep their relationship alive by devoting some exclusive time to themselves ("get a sitter!" "send the kids on a sleepover!" "just one night a week for yourselves!") and they're correct. Date Night is a good thing. But it never lasts. It's fun for the first month or two, but by then other issues come into play. Date Night get's postponed for one reason or another, and then Date Night doesn't get postponed, it gets skipped. And then next thing you know you're not having Date Night anymore and it's back to how things used to be.

For me the worst part of Date Night was when we didn't have sex afterwards. If that makes me seem shallow or sexist then read #5 again. My wife and I had some seriously good (IMO, and I'm sure she agreed) Dates and then we get home and go to bed and ... nothing.  Nothing is worse than thinking you've hit one out of the park and then your wife says 'No home run'.

Of course she doesn't say it like that - she yawns loudly and says how tired she is and what a big day at work she has in the morning - before giving you a quick kiss and rolling over.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

“I trim my quim according to whim”

I loved that phrase so much I've stolen it from a fellow blogger, who I invite you to check out. It's from a post she wrote about Body Hair (read it in full here). Here's taste of what she has to say:
I’ve had my share of insecurities about my body, and like many women I’ve spent unnecessary energy being self-conscious about my body hair and how I “should” groom myself. I’m happy to say this issue no longer concerns me. The place that I groom most carefully is the one that’s most hidden. I’ve always shaved fairly generously inside the bikini line, and about a year ago I started completely shaving underneath on a weekly basis. The remaining hair (on my mons) gets trimmed from time to time....
Personally I'm a big fan of the completely bare pussy, but that's probably because at my age it's like finding a Unicorn in the forest. My wife twice waxed herself completely (at different times) but won't do it again as she considers it 'unnatural' - which is a damn shame because I went batshit crazy for cunnilingus while she was smooth. For me it felt really really great eating her out, but the whole 'my-pussy-looks-prepubescent' thing freaked her out.

So... the closest I get to it now are photos like these:
No, this is not the blogger I've linked to
For what it's worth, if the model looks too young then I get creeped out as well. But then I think that of all 'teen' models, shaved or not shaved. 

Friday, January 22, 2016

Sex In A Changing Room

I used to have a blog on Wordpress that got terminated due to pornographic content. Here's one of those posts... (NB: the links are all dead so don't bother clicking)

Nero posted: " iloverealsex: Shopping makes this nerdy girl horny, so they retire to a public restroom for a little dick sucking and cum eating. I have to admit I always get a boner when I see my wife in the changing room. (I always poke my head in ~ if I can ~ to"

recovered post on Her Secret Library

Sex in a Changing Room

by Nero
Shopping makes this nerdy girl horny, so they retire to a public restroom for a little dick sucking and cum eating.
I have to admit I always get a boner when I see my wife in the changing room. (I always poke my head in ~ if I can ~ to tell her if she looks good or not.) (FYI - she asks me to stick me head in ). Obviously I've fantasized about doing it in there too, but it's never happened. She's not even remotely interested.
Has anyone out there done anything sexy in a changing room? I know the cubicles aren't always that big, but where there's a will there's a way - right?
(2015 Update: this is not the original video, obviously. It did not survive the recovery process)

Nero | December 22, 2013 at 12:30 pm | Tags: realworld, SUNDAY SINEMA! 

Thursday, January 21, 2016

At the risk of repeating myself…

a post from my old blog, that I recovered via email...

Nero posted: " ha ha! I've already blogged (twice, I think?) about doing this. If your partner is scared of anal then it's a great alternative. Who knows - maybe that hot jism raining down on her rosebud will one day warm her up to the idea…?"

recovered post on Her Secret Library

At the risk of repeating myself…

by Nero



ha ha!

I've already blogged (twice, I think?) about doing this.
If your partner is scared of anal then it's a great alternative. Who knows - maybe that hot jism raining down on her rosebud will one day warm her up to the idea…?
Nero | November 22, 2013 at 12:30 pm | Tags: Anal, Assplay, masturbation

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

The Ideal Mating Ritual: Nature, Nurture, and the Role of Feminism

This is not one of my old posts, but one by Pervertically Virtuous
In the process of recovering my own old posts via email I discovered some of hers. Like me, her old accounts have been terminated, and she seems to have disappeared from the internet. This is a damn shame since I consider her one of the best sex bloggers I've ever had the chance to read and follow. I'm reposting her old posts as a historical archive, and if she ever returns to blogging I'm happy to hand them back to her. 
To be clear: the copyright on this work is hers, and remains with her - I didn't write it and I make no claim to it. (FYI: all links in this post are dead)

Pervertically Virtuous posted: "I recently stumbled across the Maverick Traveler, the blog of an experienced traveler and womanizer who teaches his fellow brethren how to be real men and get laid as much as they can. A post titled Why Brazilian Guys Don't Need Game, But You Do captures "

recovered post on Pervertically Virtuous

The Ideal Mating Ritual: Nature, Nurture, and the Role of Feminism

by Pervertically Virtuous
primitive_mating_ritualI recently stumbled across the Maverick Traveler, the blog of an experienced traveler and womanizer who teaches his fellow brethren how to be real men and get laid as much as they can. A post titled Why Brazilian Guys Don't Need Game, But You Do captures the author's philosophy on gender roles in the sexual marketplace fairly well.
"In Brazil, communication between men and women is what I call "pure." Pure means men like women and women like men. Pure means the men are expected to pursue women by approaching and courting them. Pure means the women are choosers, eventually settling on the man whom they like.  Pure means women don't play games for the sake of playing games (high-value women do play hard to get, though, which is absolutely normal).
It's all pure because that's how men and women are expected to behave biologically — as animal species that live and reproduce exactly like other animal species on this planet. Just like how the sun rises – and will always rise — in the east and sets in the west, the men and women have a certain predefined mating ritual. That mating ritual is practiced in Brazil.
....
The Western man must learn game [communication between a man and woman with the goal of fucking] because he simply can't get laid using the – natural — techniques that work in Brazil and other (non-Western/feminist) countries."
I don't deny that gender differences in the sexual marketplace exist (in some countries more so than others), with men more likely to be the hunters and women more likely to be the hunted.
What I take issue with is that these gender differences somehow constitute the "pure" mating ritual for humans: a) that they are natural; b) biologically determined and thus immutable; and c) that somehow feminism is to blame for disrupting this natural state of affairs and preventing men from getting laid.
None of these is true.
1. The Male-Hunter/Female-Hunted Mating Ritual is Natural for Humans Because We Are Animals
The argument that this is natural for humans because we are "animal species that live and reproduce exactly like every other animal species on this planet" is preposterous. It assumes that all animal species conform to the Male-Hunter/Female-Hunted system. But there is solid ethological evidence that that is simply not true - there is a vast variety of mating patterns across species. In some, it's the males who hunt, in others it's the females, and in others still it's both. Check out this list of the types of mating systems in the animal kingdom. So, um, which animal species are we supposed to "live and reproduce exactly like"?
There is also substantial anthropological and historical evidence that, unlike most animal species where a single mating system dominates, humans are unusually flexible in this regard. Look at societies before the dawn and outside the scope of Western civilization, and you will find all of the mating systems on the animal kingdom list at some place and time of human history.
In other words, there is no one true, natural mating system predefined once and for all human beings everywhere. Humans are intelligent lifeforms capable of changing their norms, values, and behaviors over time to better adapt to changing environmental and social conditions. Gender roles and mating rituals are no different.
2. The Male-Hunter/Female-Hunted Mating Ritual is Biologically Determined for Humans
I don't deny there are some biologically determined gender differences in sexuality. As evolutionary psychology has argued rather convincingly (in my opinion), some physiological differences between the bodies of men (unlimited sperm, low cost of creating offspring) and women (limited number of eggs, high cost of creating offspring) have likely led to some hardwired psychological differences such that men, on average, desire and pursue casual sex and sex with multiple partners more than do women.
But I don't think these biological differences are as vast as people like Maverick Traveler make them out to be. Instead, socialization in the West latched onto relatively modest biological predispositions and magnified them tremendously over the centuries. For hundreds of generations, women were TAUGHT from cradle to grave to be coy, passive, and receptive, while men were TAUGHT to be dominant, proactive, and aggressive - even to the point of physical abuse.
Alter socialization to promote rather than suppress female sexual assertiveness, and much of the gender differences in sexual hunting rituals will disappear.
3. Feminism Prevents Men from Getting Laid
There are two parts to healthy and happy sexuality for women and men alike:
a) Saying 'no' to the things you don't want, and
b) Saying 'yes' to or going after the things you do want.
Given greater physical and social power over the course of Western history, men have never had much trouble with either a) or b). But women have. And feminism is a tool that can help women with both.
So far, feminism has fairly successfully curbed the 'rights' of men to abuse women (sexually and otherwise) accomplishing a) to a large extent. That battle is not yet finished and in some cases it may have gone too far, deeming ANY expression of sexual interest by a man for a woman in certain contexts offensive or abusive. But I hope that even people like the Maverick Traveler will agree that, for the most part, giving women equal rights as men and protecting them from blatant abuse has been a positive development compared to previous centuries or other societies that still tolerate such behavior.
What feminism has started but not (yet) managed to accomplish is empower women to fully embrace their sexual desires and actively pursue them. Most women are still deprived the psychological and social freedom to have sexual desires decoupled from romantic love, or voice such desires openly and honestly. Because, while some progress has certainly been made, we still live in a world that treats women as sluts for being too sexual, or as crazy for being too forward.
Granted, helping women say 'no' is easier than helping them say 'yes'. You can create laws to send someone to jail for violating someone else's 'no'. You can't exactly create laws to send someone to jail for failing to say 'yes' when she wants to. But that is not to say that b) is mission impossible. Norms and attitudes change slowly, but they change.
If we created a world where unbridled female sexuality was welcomed and celebrated rather than shamed and shunted, and women were encouraged to approach men as much as men are encouraged to approach women, many more women would become approachable, say 'yes' to offers, and actively approach men themselves. Perhaps men would still want more sex and do more of the approaching, but the gender differences will be much reduced. And everyone would be getting more sex with more people, without needing to resort to force, coercion, tricks, or 'game'.
In the quest to create such a world, feminism (at least of the sex-positive kind) is our key ally. Feminism is about female empowerment and gender equality, and being able and willing to respond positively to the advances of a guy you like or approach him yourself is the pinnacle of empowerment and equality.
Of course, that doesn't mean that all women will be (or will be expected to be) highly sexual, forward, and promiscuous. Many will not be. But that will be due to choice, not force.
I think a world where both men and women are encouraged and allowed to be both hunters and hunted (depending on the situation and their personal preferences) would be a better place - and better suited to our modern living conditions - than one where all men are (expected to be) hunters (aggressive to the point of committing sexual abuse) and all women are (expected to be) hunted (passive to the point of acquiescing to sexual abuse).
Don't you?
Pervertically Virtuous | January 20, 2014 at 10:48 am | URL: http://wp.me/p3F90k-xj

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

TMI Tuesday: January 19, 2016 ~ Analyze Your Sex-Life

I'm not as grey as these two but I'm on my way!
(photo via TMI)
1. What are your sexual strengths and weaknesses?
I'm a giver. I take pleasure in giving pleasure. That's a strength, right? My weakness is that I equate sex with love, hence my self esteem issues arising from the infrequent sex I have with my wife.

2. As a couple, what are your sexual strengths and weaknesses?
I'm not sure how to answer this. When in the right mood my wife will do her best to please me, but she can just as likely not be in the mood to bother ie I have to do all the work and get myself off in the process ie if she cums and I don't that's my problem. My problem is that I can't just cum for my own selfish pleasure, I need her to be 'into it' too (otherwise I may as well just masturbate on my own).

3. How do you make intimacy a priority in a relationship?
We tried 'Date Nights' but those fell by the wayside fairly quickly (she couldn't commit ie she was always scheduling important business meetings/events on Date Night because she said she couldn't help it ie business was her priority). I have felt for a long time that we haven't been making intimacy a priority. And by 'we' I mean 'she'. I have tried all manner of things, often to no avail.

4. How has your sex life changed in the last five years?
It has slowed down immeasurably. Immeasurably because I don't keep a spreadsheet or calendar to track it. But yes, we have a lot less sex now than we used (although it has picked up in the past two months, I'm not sure why). The only 'tracking' I do is via the We Had Sex label/tag on this blog.

5. Has blogging helped your sex life? How?
It has not improved my sex life with my wife, but it has improved the way I deal with it. By venting here I seem to be able to keep a lid on it, and not do something rash like have an affair. (But don't let that stop you from emailing me privately ladies, with those naughty selfies!)

Bonus: Has loneliness or emotional hunger ever caused you to “fall in love”?
I'm not sure about Love but I developed some Very Intense Feelings for a woman I met online, when I felt very lonely and emotionally deprived. We never met in person but we cammed a few times, and spoke all the time via Facebook. I guess it was faux love, but it felt very real at the time. She was 100% honest and real, but I see now how easy it is for lonely people to fall victim to online predators. (I still have contact with her, via FetLife of all places!)

Double Bonus: Did you miss the post about my wife and I going to The Swingers Club? or the sex we had after?

Triple Bonus: I once cammed with another woman I'd met on Facebook (not the one I just mentioned above). She was at work in an office like this and started flashing me...! 
would this pic be better if you saw it from my P.O.V. ?
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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. 
Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Monday, January 18, 2016

About that hand job...

So in my earlier post today I mentioned that we were supposed to go to a Swingers Club on Saturday night but we didn't - and all I got was a hand job from my wife as 'compensation'. Not the blowjob at the Swingers Club I was hoping for (read that story here) but the hand job had an interesting side story to it.

My wife decided she didn't want to go to the Swingers Club after all, and she didn't want to have sex with me later that night either. She said we couldn't have penetrative sex, so I said 'fine, I'll just finger you instead' but apparently that counts as penetrative sex.

Okay.
If you though this post was about a hand job you'd be wrong,
it's about my wife's unexpressed cum fantasy...

She did say I could play with her tits while I jacked my cock though, which was her way of saying she recognised I needed some sort of release. Which was good, because hell yes, I did. So she snuggled up beside me in bed, put my arm around her, and tilted away from me so I could fondle her boobs with my left hand while I slowly jacked my cock with my right. Her ass pressed against my hip and she moaned as soon as my free hand found her tit. Her nipple was rock hard already - stiff and poking out proudly.

I fondled her as I wanked, but it wasn't long before her free hand was snaking it's way over to my balls. She loves playing with them and so she did, while her left hand found it's way to her pussy. She was rubbing herself and rubbing my balls, and rubbing her ass against my body as my other hand continued to massage her boobs. She started squirming and writhing and then she grabbed my cock and started jacking me herself. This allowed me to have both hands on her breasts and she moaned again, enjoying the attention. As I've blogged previously she seems to be getting off on breast play.

This continued for some time - me nuzzling her neck while I fondled her magnificent boobs, and her jacking me off as she pumped her own pussy - until I found myself with a pressing need to climax. Her hand job wasn't enough - "get between my legs and blow me" I urged, and she did so immediately. She was in a very lusty mood herself and I jacked my cock as she held her boobs in both hands and pressed them against my balls. Her nipples were long and stiff as she scraped them back 'n forth, ducking her head at the same time to lick my cock and swallow the tip.

If I was better writer I could give you a better picture of what was happening, suffice to say it was a mashup of hands, tits, pointy nipples, hairy balls, and her very wet mouth. She started blowing me, determined to make me cum, and I told her how good she felt. I was serious when I said it felt like I was fucking a tight wet pussy - she was doing her best presumably to make up for not letting me fuck her tight wet pussy.

As I felt myself close to exploding in her mouth I told her to get off me so I could cum on her tits. "Yeah!" she said, jumping back onto her haunches and holding up her boobs for me to paint with my sticky jism "cum all over these dirty titties" (It was not the first time she's said this during the night, which is why I didn't simply just cum in her mouth). But that wasn't quite what I wanted. "Get on the floor" I commanded, "on your knees".

"whaaaaat?" she said, thoroughly confused.

"You heard me" I responded "get on your knees, on the floor"

She did as instructed and I sat on the edge of the bed with my feet on the floor, straddling her body. I was jacking my cock and she licked it quickly, swirling her tongue around it before swallowing the head. It wasn't necessary.

"Get back" I shouted "I'm cumming. NOW! All over your dirty titties..."

She threw her head back and sat up a little straighter, holding out her boobs. I came quickly, my spunk firing through the darkness and onto her breasts. I thrust into my own fist as I pumped out every last drop. "Was that good?" she asked softly, when I finished grunting. "Yeah, it was very good" I said, "you better be careful when you get up because I think there's a lot there"

"Uh huh" she said, as she got off her knees and stood up. I could tell from her tone that something was off. Had I once again failed to give her the pornstar experience I suspected she craved ie spraying her breasts with a huge dump of cum? It felt like a lot to me so I wondered what more I could do. Then I heard a proud cry from the bathroom:

"Oooh, yes!! That is pretty impressive!" she said excitedly, to herself.

I got up and went to the ensuite to see what was happening. She had switched on the light and was admiring herself in the mirror - and she hadn't wiped it off yet. She just stood there beaming, looking at the large wads of thick gooey cum at the top of her neck, that were now dribbling down onto her breasts. I had to admit it was kinda impressive and would have made a great Tumblr photo - 10,000 'likes' at least! But I didn't think to take a picture and I doubt she would have let me anyway.

Or maybe she would have, since she stood there looking at it for a while - turning her head to see it from different angles. She was smiling as she grabbed two tissues and started wiping herself clean.

And that, dear reader, is what made a simple handjob so interesting (to me). It confirmed (to me) that my wife was wanting that pornstar moment, and I'd finally sprayed enough cum on her to satisfy that fantasy. The fantasy being that she was so hot men couldn't help but cum bucketloads when in her presence. In my mind we've a ticked a box on some fantasy she's never expressly shared with me (yes, I know: aside from all that dirty talk about me cumming on her tits - but that could have just been stuff said in the throes of passion) and now she has something to squirrel away in her own little spank bank. It's now a personal mental image she can draw upon when she's reading all those dirty stories she loves - in which the men fire long thick ropes of cum all over their wanton slut women.

The problem of course is that while fantasy lovers can cum by the bucket load, mere men cannot - especially after they hit fifty. Cue reader response insisting otherwise. Okay, maybe it's just me then.

The timing was good on Saturday night but I doubt I could do this every time. Maybe if she ever said to me "I really enjoyed that, I'd love you spray a big load all over my tits/ass/face/whatever" I'd make a point of refraining from masturbating so I could. But with our sexlife so sporadic (I can go weeks without any sexual activity with my wife) for my own sanity I need to help myself occasionally - which is usually the day before my wife decides we should have sexy time.

Meaning I can only dump a pint of cum on her, not a gallon.