Saturday, January 30, 2016

Ask PV: Does Your Family Know About Your Sex Life?

This is not one of my old posts, but one by Pervertically Virtuous
In the process of recovering my own old posts via email I discovered some of hers. Like me, her old accounts have been terminated, and she seems to have disappeared from the internet. This is a damn shame since I consider her one of the best sex bloggers I've ever had the chance to read and follow. I'm reposting her old posts as a historical archive, and if she ever returns to blogging I'm happy to hand them back to her. 
To be clear: the copyright on this work is hers, and remains with her - I didn't write it and I make no claim to it. (FYI: all links in this post are dead)

Pervertically Virtuous posted: "Upon discovering my blog, a new reader had many questions for me. I'm answering them one by one, every Thursday.  #2. Does your family know about your sex life, and if so to what extent? My chosen family (husband, friends, lovers, colleagues, etc) know "

recovered post on Pervertically Virtuous

Ask PV: Does Your Family Know About Your Sex Life?

by Pervertically Virtuous
Dont-Ask-Dont-Tell-posterUpon discovering my blog, a new reader had many questions for me. I'm answering them one by one, every Thursday. 
#2. Does your family know about your sex life, and if so to what extent?
My chosen family (husband, friends, lovers, colleagues, etc) know everything. I already talked about that last week (see Ask PV: How Do You Separate Your Two Worlds?). But I assume you're asking about my birth family (parents, siblings, etc) anyway. So here it is.
Some people are close to their parents - they consider them their best friends and share all sorts of personal life details with them. I am not one of those people. And never was.
My parents divorced before I hit puberty, and I spent my adolescent years as a wild child (sex, drugs, and electronica) without much parental supervision from either one of them. During those years, I came to realize my dad is an evil non-human being who I can't stand, and my mom is a lovely, traditional-minded woman who I have nothing in common with (except half my DNA, oddly enough). Hence, I never developed the desire for or the habit of sharing my (sex) life with them.
There was this one time I tried to share something about my sexuality with them: I told them I was bisexual when I was 18 or so, thinking they had the right to know who their daughter is. It was completely and utterly beyond their comprehension. After a month of endless discussions, it became clear that all I did by trying to bring them into my world was cause them sadness and misery. It was pointless. They would be much happier if they didn't know, and I would be much happier if they (my mom especially) didn't suffer because of how I chose to live my life. We've had a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy ever since.
These days, the closest I get to discussing my sex life with my mom is trying to explain to her how I can possibly not want children. That is already more than she can take. It breaks her heart so much, she says she is eternally depressed and won't be able to die happy because of it. I don't think adding my open relationship info to that will help the situation.
So, to answer your question. I'm sure my parents are aware that I'm fairly sexually liberal and experienced. They would need to be really dumb not to have gathered that from the bits and pieces they were exposed to during my adolescent crazy years. But they don't know much and certainly don't have any details - they probably think that I've settled down, now that I'm married. It's safe to assume an openly nonmonogamous relationship is not on their radar. If they openly asked me, I wouldn't lie. But they never ask, and I have no need to initiate disclosure. It also helps that I've been living on a different continent for almost a decade and I only see them once a year or less.
I have a couple of same-age relatives (cousin, sibling) who are fairly sexually open, so they know a bit more about my life (that I have an open relationship with my husband, that I have a lot of sex with a lot of people). But again, they all live in Europe, so the opportunities to discuss my life don't exactly come up on a daily basis.
Pervertically Virtuous | January 30, 2014 at 11:35 am | URL: http://wp.me/p3F90k-xM

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