Monday, January 18, 2016

It started with a Swingers Club and finished with a handjob...

My wife and I almost went to a Swingers Club on Saturday night. If you feel disappointed already, after reading the headline and then immediately seeing 'almost' in the very first sentence... well, you have some sense of how I feel. I feel like Charlie Brown when Lucy swipes the football she told him to kick.


On Thursday night we caught up with one of my wife's oldest friends, who had moved away 10 years ago. We met at a local bar and she had invited some of her other old gal pals along as well - one of whom now worked as the bar manager at a private swingers club in the city. I had heard about this club for many years, but I'd never seen it (there's no signage, you need to be invited to learn the address) nor visited it.

As the night wore on and my wife drank more it emerged that we were going to visit this Swingers Club on Saturday night, as guests of Sally, the woman who worked there. I played it cool, saying nothing but inwardly thinking "Yesssss!"  This was an opportunity to get my wife into a more sexual environment, and bring her closer to some of the fantasies she reads about (so often) on Literotica. To be clear, I knew we wouldn't be doing any swinging ourselves, but it would be fun to look. At the very least my wife would see that some people do choose to try and make their fantasies a reality.

And being a guy, I thought I might get a blowjob out of it. As in, my wife would let another woman blow me while she watched, because blowjobs are harmless right? It's not like I'm cheating, and she'd be right there, so what's the harm? (If that sounds unreal I'll remind you that I blogged [in my previous blog, now terminated] that my wife did take some perverse pleasure in seeing other woman desiring me - once [last century] she made me make out with her friend because her friend had said I looked like I was a good kisser).

On the drive home I told my wife that Saturday night should be interesting.

"What? Oh no," she said "we were only joking"

"Really?" I replied calmly, trying to mask my disappointment "I thought it would be an excellent opportunity to see inside a Swingers Club - if we see anyone we know we have the luxury of telling them we're not members an we only came because Sally invited us..."

"Yeah, I thought so too!!" cut in my wife, all excited "Sally said it's really cool because everyone turns up in their normal clothes, and they start mingling and then as the night goes on they pair off and disappear in to the private rooms, and then they come back later and they're wearing robes because they've been... y'know... doing it in those private rooms. And they don't put their clothes back on, they just keep mingling, and then they pair off again and do it again with someone else!"

I chuckled inside. My wife had turned on that dime so quickly! She was again very excited to see what it was like inside a Swingers Club and so it was agreed we go on Saturday night - just to look.

I wondered if my wife was DTF when we got home, but it was late and I thought it would be smarter to 'save' myself for the Saturday night. If I was going to get blown by a stranger while my wife watched, I better have a good supply of jism ready for when I did. If you're going to put on a show then you better put on a damn show.... [continued after the image]

This is how most people imagine a Swingers Club looks like:
hot sexy classy fantasy couples you'd have no chance with otherwise... 

There was no show.

Saturday rolled around and at 4pm the people we saw on Thursday night turned up to our house for 'drinks'. Sally (the bar manager) wasn't there and I started to wonder if it was still happening. Part of me knew that no Swingers Club wants a bunch of 'tourists' standing in the corner gawping at the regulars - yes, I know some people get off on being watched but it's different when the watchers treat it like a zoo experience (and might look at you judgementally) - but my wife is pretty hot and I figured the club would welcome some fresh blood. Even if she wasn't there to swing she would have gussied up the joint.

But my hopes were dashed at about 7pm when everyone got up to go home. I asked what time we were meeting Sally at the club, and if anyone else was coming aside from my wife and I. It was then that my wife's BFF (the link to Sally) spoke up "Oh you don't want to go there. I've been and it's pretty sad. Nothing but a bunch of middle aged couples standing around trying not to look desperate. There's no-one there you'd want to fuck, or watch fucking"

Speak for yourself, I thought to myself. My wife's BFF was completely unfuckable herself in my opinion, so I suspected she said that out of spite. Maybe she went, sat at the bar, talked to Sally, but got zero bites from any of the swingers. I couldn't imagine anyone choosing her for sex, despite her winning smile. Maybe it was a waste of time for her, but it might be different for us.

But I kept my mouth shut.

Later, when everyone had gone, and after we'd had dinner I asked my wife (oh so nonchalantly) if we were going to the club. No we were not, said my wife, repeating the comments her BFF had made as reasons why not. Instead we watched two romantic movies on Netflix and then went to bed. As I made a move to touch her she recoiled. "I'm a little bit itchy down there" she explained. "Itchy for sex, or scratchy because your period is starting?" I asked.

Well, it wasn't her period and she wasn't hot for sex. I presume I'd played this Swingers Club thing wrong, but for the life of me I couldn't think how. I'd never suggested we'd do anything there (and neither ruled it out) I'd merely suggested it would be fun to check the place out and be voyeurs. Maybe her BFF had said something to her I wasn't aware of? Maybe my wife was worried they'd call her name out when she walked in, as they did for Norm on the TV show 'Cheers'? (That's a joke, BTW, I'm not that paranoid)

So my Saturday night at the Swingers Club devolved to a handjob from my wife at my house. But it was a very interesting handjob - which I'll tell you about in my next post at 8pm tonight EST because once I again I have talked too much already. [here]


  1. Dammn man!! That Peanuts analogy was right on the money with your (non) swinging club experience. Feel really bad for you for being let down at the last minute.

    Anyway, re the image in this post, from my relatively experienced view, I've never experienced a scene such as that and although I'm sure you may have seen the post, for others who havne't, here's the YSL perspective of the good, bad and downright ugly of the swinging club scene:

  2. Yes, as I said, that's the fantasy image. A real swingers club is (I imagine, since I've never been) a lot more 'real' (dare I say 'ordinary'). Just as watching two people fuck at home in front of their handicam is a lot more real than some porn shot in on a film set in the Valley...
    going to your post now... :)


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