Wednesday, January 27, 2016

On Sex while Couchsurfing (Couchbanging)?

This is not one of my old posts, but one by Pervertically Virtuous
In the process of recovering my own old posts via email I discovered some of hers. Like me, her old accounts have been terminated, and she seems to have disappeared from the internet. This is a damn shame since I consider her one of the best sex bloggers I've ever had the chance to read and follow. I'm reposting her old posts as a historical archive, and if she ever returns to blogging I'm happy to hand them back to her. 
To be clear: the copyright on this work is hers, and remains with her - I didn't write it and I make no claim to it. (FYI: all links in this post are dead)

Pervertically Virtuous posted: "Every time I travel alone to a city where I don't know people, instead of staying at hotels, I couchsurf. That is, I use couchsurfing.org to find complete strangers that will let me stay at their place for free. Couchsurfing is primarily about free accom"

recovered post on Pervertically Virtuous

On Sex while Couchsurfing (Couchbanging)?

by Pervertically Virtuous
Couch-surfingEvery time I travel alone to a city where I don't know people, instead of staying at hotels, I couchsurf. That is, I use couchsurfing.org to find complete strangers that will let me stay at their place for free.
Couchsurfing is primarily about free accommodation, of course. I hate paying for hotels, even if I have the money. But it's about more than that. Hotels are sterile, impersonal, isolating; I'd rather stay in a house with a soul with living, breathing human beings who know and love the area, and have built a life there that they can introduce me to. It allows me to be a traveler rather than a tourist. And that's something money can't buy.
In order to maximize my experience (and that of my hosts), I choose hosts who, based on their profiles, seem like cool, interesting people I'd like to hang out with anyway. Of course, I wouldn't be me if I didn't also try to turn my couchsurfing experiences into "couchbanging" experiences. I mean, it's the perfect opportunity to have casual sex: You're already in their home, spending a significant amount of time with them; why not add some more fun to the mix and make your stay even more enjoyable for both? I can see no reason not to.
So whenever I surf, I surf with single guys (or group of guys) and I try to pick the hottest guy I can find in the area. That doesn't mean I'll definitely fuck him or have that as a primary and necessary expectation of my trip. I'm just maximizing the chances that when we meet in person, I'll be attracted to him and want to fuck him. (Which is why it is critical for guys to have good photos of themselves. How else will I know I want to stay with you?) Don't get me wrong, I don't use couchsurfing in order to get laid, I just try to attach the banging onto the surfing. It's the cherry on top.
It doesn't always work out - sometimes there aren't any decent-looking guys who live close enough and are available to host during my time there, but it often does. In over seven years of couchsurfing, I've hooked up with about 70% of my hosts.
That has usually lead to a very enjoyable stay: In addition to the excitement of flirting, the pleasure of orgasms, and the comfort of sleeping in the big bed (instead of the living room couch), I get a host who is really motivated to please me. He will pick me up from the airport, drive me around when needed, cook me dinner, bring me coffee or breakfast in bed... It's a highly mutually beneficial experience, all around.
How about guests, you might ask? Guests are a little different. I don't think it'd be ethical if I discriminated against who I host based on whether I want to fuck them - if I'm available, I'll host all people who seem cool and interesting. So I've certainly hooked up with a few of my guests, but that's less common.
I'm obviously not the only one who ends up hooking up with people I meet through CS. Hookups happen on Couchsurfing a lot - check out this article, for example. There is now a website devoted to such stories (Couchbangs). While for many people it happens organically, some men use it specifically for sex, as a casual sex dating site, developing very deliberate strategies for how to get as much ass as possible. And some of them do it quite successfully, apparently, and write about it on their blogs complete with advice for other men who want to do the same (Maverick Traveler).
I  know what some of you are thinking (Americans in particular): How can that be that safe? What if you get robbed, raped, murdered...? 
Well, you can't exactly rape the willing, can you? ;-)
Kidding aside, yes, of course, that's always a possibility they'll be a serial killer.
But remember, the host is placing himself at risk just as much I am, and perhaps even more. He is opening his house to me, with all his belongings in it. He doesn't know who I am (even whether I'm saying to be who I am) just as I don't know him. Which is where some help with establishing profiles, reference systems, and verification processes from Couchsufing.org comes in play. As do common sense and a little bit of trust in humanity.
After all of that has been taken into account, the probability that my host will try to harm me is way too small to allow it to to take away the highly probable benefits I'd get from couchsurfing. As I've discussed before (Innocent Until Proven Guilty), I refuse to live my life in fear that the worst will happen. For me, life is not worth living without the excitement of risk and the freedom that trust allows. I try to minimize my risk as much as is reasonable, and hope for the best. And if the worst happens, so be it. I'll die much happier than if I'd stayed home safe.
So, have I ever had a negative experience with Couchsurfing or Couchbanging?
Not by my standards. Though I did have one that for some women would probably count as negative.
I was staying with a guy in NYC (back in the day when I didn't live here or have enough friends to stay with always). He was decidedly NOT attractive, but I didn't have a choice, hosts in NYC were notoriously difficult to find (even before the days of airbnb), even for a single girl. He was nice enough. A bit of a conspiracy theories nutcase, but very proper and helpful. For 3 days he showed me around, cooked dinner one night, we went to a cool CS meeting together, went out, it was great.
On my last night, we came home from the club, and were still chatting as I started getting ready for bed. Once in my pajamas, I laid down on the sofa in the living room, and he sat next to me on, still chatting. Then at one point I closed my eyes, I was tired and passing out, and next thing I know, he's on top of me!
That totally took me by surprise. I thought I had been very careful to not give him any signs that would make him think I was interested. But I guess men often don't need any signs, they read sexual intent where there is none on a regular basis.
Instinctively, I pushed him off of me, saying "What the fuck are you doing?!"
"Oh, oh, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" he said, far more embarrassed by his miscalculation than I was upset by it, and immediately got off of me. He apologized profusely for another minute, then went to his room. The next morning he was out of the house before I even woke up. I never saw him again.
I left him a "neutral" reference.
I was completely unfazed by this experience. I shared it with another female CSer once, and she said if that had happened to her, she'd probably run out into the street screaming and never come back. We all have different levels of comfort and should adjust our actions accordingly.
Have you ever couchsurfed? If not, would you? Have you ever hooked up with your host/guest?
Pervertically Virtuous | January 27, 2014 at 11:33 am | URL: http://wp.me/p3F90k-vW

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