Wednesday, February 24, 2016

How much Porn do I have to watch before I'm ready to have sex with my wife?

some couples watch porn together - even while having sex!
My wife is so ugly I have to watch a shit load of porn before I can get my dick hard enough to fuck her. No, I don't have a problem with Erectile Dysfunction - she's just that fat and ugly.

But seriously... my wife is not fat or ugly ~ she's hot! ~ so it's not a problem. The correct answer is: I don't need to watch porn first in order to fuck her. Or make love to her. Or however you wish to term it.

Unfortunately my wife can't say the same about me. She needs to read a lot of dirty stories before she's ready to have sex with me. A lot of dirty stories!! I'm not kidding.

We just got back from a four week vacation in South America and we didn't have sex once the whole time we were away. Not once! Now she might argue that we didn't have the chance, since my daughter also came with us (once in a lifetime trip etc etc, so we pulled her out of school), but I'd argue differently. Sure, the week in the Amazon was as hot as hell (we were in the jungle so there was NO air con!!) so we had neither the opportunity or the inclination, but we also took a two week cruise that included FOUR 'sea' days so... there was plenty of opportunity to sneak back to our air conditioned cabin if she was so inclined. But she wasn't.

(And if you think she was worried about our daughter coming back to the cabin and catching us you'd be wrong - all my daughter cared about for the entire four week vacation was the wifi. It was a complete waste of time and money bringing her, as her face was buried in her devices at every opportunity. For her a day at sea on the cruise meant 6 hours of uninterrupted online time)

So... we didn't have sex the week before our vacation, we didn't have sex on our vacation (despite my best efforts), and we didn't have sex when we got back from our vacation.

So after six weeks without sex I was climbing the walls. Last Saturday night I was sure I would get lucky. She had spent the day reading Literotica online (in secret, but I can always tell) and then we went out for a very nice romantic dinner together, which she enjoyed. When we got home I went into the movie room in the basement and loaded up Netflix, planning to watch a romantic movie... my wife went upstairs but said she'd be back shortly.

Shortly never came.

When I finally realised she wasn't coming I went upstairs. She was in the kitchen, with her iPad out. She was back on the 'crack', reading Literotica. She claimed she was watching the movie on TV and reading magazines online. I told her I had a movie cued up on Netflix downstairs and she asked 'which one?'. She didn't like my choice (a 4 star rated independent rom-com) and said she was now in the middle of the film that was on TV (an 80s classic that has been re-run a million times, and something she would never watch ordinarily because she'd seen it already a dozen times) but she said she would come down when it was finished. I knew damn well she was choosing the porn on her iPad over me, so I harrumphed and went back to the movie room.

Three hours later (well after her film had finished) I went back up to see where she was. She was gone, retreating to bed where she could 'read' in comfort. By which I mean read her dirty stories, pluck out her pubic hairs (a strange habit I've caught her doing) and cross her legs really tightly and make herself feel good. Basically I'd been cuckolded by Literotica!

FUCK YOU LITEROTICA!!

We did end up having sex on Saturday night but it's an awkward and unpleasant story. I'll tell you that tomorrow, I promise, but first I just wanted to get this preamble out of the way to prepare you for what comes in tomorrow's instalment. It's also important that you scroll down through the pictures below to get some sense of just how much porn my wife needs to read before she's ready to have sex with me. It may seem like it goes on forever but trust me, keep scrolling.... (there are comments between the photos)

NB: the photos are in chronological order but within each screengrab (a photo of her browser history) you read the titles from the bottom up...





did someone mention lunch? hmmm, that's making me hungry...
wow, it's almost dinner time - I really should stop reading

the break between 'afternoon' and 'evening' is because I took her out to dinner
yup - straight after dinner she was back on the crack


The deleted portion is to hide what she pretended to be reading when
I came up and asked her to come and watch a movie with me in the movie room



it says 'this morning' because it's now after midnight


this is when she stopped reading and went to bed...
did she stop because she was sated, or because she was worried
I'd see she was still up and come to bed too...?




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