Saturday, February 20, 2016

The Making of a Happy Slut

This is not one of my old posts, but one by Pervertically Virtuous
In the process of recovering my own old posts via email I discovered some of hers. Like me, her old accounts have been terminated, and she seems to have disappeared from the internet. This is a damn shame since I consider her one of the best sex bloggers I've ever had the chance to read and follow. I'm reposting her old posts as a historical archive, and if she ever returns to blogging I'm happy to hand them back to her. 
To be clear: the copyright on this work is hers, and remains with her - I didn't write it and I make no claim to it. (FYI: all links in this post are dead)


Pervertically Virtuous posted: "Upon discovering my blog, a new reader had many questions for me. I'm answering them one by one, every Thursday.  Anthony's question #4 was about how I came to be the way I am. Last week, I talked about five factors that have been most influential in sha"

recovered post on Pervertically Virtuous

The Making of a Happy Slut

by Pervertically Virtuous
Happy-Witch-SlutUpon discovering my blog, a new reader had many questions for me. I'm answering them one by one, every Thursday. 
Anthony's question #4 was about how I came to be the way I am. Last week, I talked about five factors that have been most influential in shaping me as a slut and sexual rebel. But the answer to question #4 wouldn't be complete without also talking about what has allowed me to not just be a slut, but also THRIVE as a slut, physically and mentally. 
So this week, I give you four factors that have been critical for my psychological and physical health and wellbeing while living this lifestyle.
1. Easy, plentiful orgasms. I've been blessed with a highly responsive and easily aroused body that enjoys physical touch immensely and can have an orgasm (or five) pretty much any time, any place, with anyone. And this orgasmic ability has only gotten better as I've gotten older, depending less and less on my partners and more and more on myself - something that is critical when many of your partners are people you barely know, who may or may not care much about your pleasure.
My orgasmic capacity is likely a combination of a biologically determined physiology toward high sexual arousability and responsivity, years of practice (solo and with others) and fine-tuning likes and dislikes, and an assertive personality that likes to take control and responsibility for her own pleasure. Whatever its source, this makes my engagement in casual sex extremely pleasurable and fun. Unlike most women (see this NYT article on women and hookups), I cum virtually every time I have sex (casual or otherwise). If I didn't, I think I'd would be quite frustrated and bitter about my sexplorations.
2. Ability to remain emotionally unattached following casual sex. Some people get attached very easily after sex - even if it was a one-night stand with a random stranger, even if they explicitly didn't want to get attached. Others need a lot more than a few orgasms before they start planning their wedding. I'm of the later kind, at the far end of the spectrum. And this is critical for my sanity. If I wanted lots of sex with lots of people but got easily attached to all those lovers, I'd be screwed, emotionally suffering each time the vast majority of those sexual experiences didn't turn into long love affairs. This way, I can enjoy them for what they are, without disappointments at what they cannot be.
This could be a product of my upbringing, of my fast and furious lifestyle that didn't allow for lasting attachments to form. Or it could be a product of my biology: I might be one of those people who are biologically less susceptible to the effects of oxytocin - the bonding chemical, produced in our brains during sex and especially orgasm. Whatever it is, I'm eternally grateful to have been blessed with it.
3. Stable high self-esteem. My whole life I've had high self-esteem that was completely independent of other people's opinions. Being an open, unapologetic slut, breaking all norms of what respectable good girls are supposed to be like, you can't escape the societal disapproval. There have always been people in my social environment who rejected, ridiculed, or talked about me, in my face or behind my back. If that affected how I felt about myself, I would've put a gun to my head a long time ago. But my self-esteem has always been entirely unfazed by the haters. I know (and always have) I am a worthy human being, no matter what they say, and there is NOTHING in the world that can shake that core belief. I know that not everyone can like me, and I'm perfectly OK with that. In fact, I prefer it that way. What would it say about me if all the different people in the world liked me?!
My high self-esteem is something I can't really take credit for. It could be a product of my early upbringing. In the first 7 years of my life, before my parents divorced, I received lots of unconditional love and messages of intrinsic worthiness from both of them. Or I could have, again, won some genetic lottery (self-esteem is likely heritable to a large extent).
4. Responsible sexual engagement.
The stereotype of a slut is often that of someone who gets trashed before sex, sleeps indiscriminately with whoever happens to be available, often doesn't use condoms, is infected with every possible STI under the sun. That doesn't sound particularly healthy, happy, or appealing.
But I am none of those things. I only sleep with people I find attractive (and as regular readers of this blog know, only a small proportion of the population conforms to my standards of attractiveness). If at any point in time, I start feeling uncomfortable about being with someone, I leave. I don't get drunk before sex (or ever, for that matter). I sometimes do certain drugs before sex, but it's always in amounts moderate enough to maintain control over what I'm doing and remember everything the next day. I don't have sex with people who are drunk or high beyond a little buzzed. I use condoms religiously. I get tested every three months. I'm vaccinated against the STIs that you can get vaccinated against.
These are all personal choices to be as responsible as I can in my risk taking, buttressed by a disposition toward relatively high conscientiousness, and, even more so, information. That doesn't mean I remove all risks (if I did it wouldn't be risk taking), but I minimize them to some personally acceptable level. And so far, considering the number of people I've slept with, I've done pretty well for myself and my physical health and safety.
And there you have it. The full recipe for one Happy Slut. In a nutshell.
Have a question for me? Don't hesitate to ask PV!
Pervertically Virtuous | February 20, 2014 at 10:48 am | URL: http://wp.me/p3F90k-ya

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