Sunday, February 21, 2016

"We have mismatched sexual desires"

The Huffington Post recently published a post titled '10 Complaints Sex Therapists Hear All The Time'. My reactions to some of those complaints were different to what the author may have intended so I thought I'd share some of them here, and then give you my 2¢ worth afterwards. If you want to read the whole article (and you should) you can find it here.
We have mismatched sexual desires 
"The most commonly reported problem I hear about is what sex therapists call 'desire discrepancy': One partner wants sex more often than the other and in a more erotic way. In the beginning of a relationship, the higher desire partner probably kept the erotic energy going in the marriage and it was fun and sexy. After a while, if you're the lower sex-drive partner, it can feel annoying and even manipulative to have a partner who is constantly looking for sex when you aren’t into it. Sometimes it's just because the sex isn’t that great; working on discovering the kind of sex both partners want can improve the performance and eroticism of their sex life. Or it could be that there's tension and frustration in the relationship and it's leaking over into the erotic part of the relationship. If that's the case, it's a hard climb over that kind of resentment in bed. But talking about what's bothering you can actually bring you closer and make you more inclined to want to make love." -- Tammy Nelson, certified sexologist and sex therapist and the author of Getting the Sex You Want
Ow! This cuts close to the bone!!

As regular readers will know by now, this blog is ALL about how I try to deal with the fact that my wife and I have infrequent sex. I used to think we had mismatched libidos, but now I think she has the desire - it's just not to fuck me. She reads sooo many 'erotic stories' (a.k.a porn) on her iPad that it's clear to me she is not frigid.

There's really not much more I can say that Tammy Nelson hasn't already said above. All I can add is that we have tried seeing a counsellor (twice) to discuss the issue, and although it achieved results those results 'wore off' over time. We tried to spice things up, it worked for a while, but eventually my wife had to open her eyes and recognise it was still the same old me fucking her. (That's a metaphor by the way, she didn't actually have her eyes shut while making love to me!!)

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