Friday, June 3, 2016

9 Reasons Sex on a First Date Does NOT Backfire ~ PART 2

Here are some of the original replies made to 9 Reasons Sex on a First Date Does NOT Backfire on Pervertically Virtuous' original blog (not mine) that I republished on Wednesday. Her original post got such a reaction I felt I should also publish some of those responses. I'll begin with one of her commenters responding to a comment of mine (which I couldn't recover)

kdaddy23 in response to Nero:
A great post, and I thoroughly endorse the closing paragraphs. Men have to do their part too, and recognize that they too have been conditioned with the same BS as women have. Don’t write off a woman just because she said ‘yes’ on the first date. (And why is it guys always take the fuck [...]
Nero, that’s an easy answer: We might not be able to say that we got the girl, but we can say we got the pussy. Crude, perhaps, but accurate; sounds messed up but while we – men – may not be always looking for a LTR when we date, we are looking to get the booty and that is just human nature – for us, anyway. Of course, not all guys think or behave like this – some guys would turn down the booty on the first date. ~ kdaddy23

Pervertically Virtuous in response to kdaddy23's response to Nero:
Nero, that’s an easy answer: We might not be able to say that we got the girl, but [...]
Yeah, I’m not surprised that men will take the booty – it’s evolution at work, but to then judge her as not marriage material because of that, that’s archaic and has no place in modern civilized times.
Men have absolutely a huge role to play in changing things. The more evolved men speak out, the better and faster change will happen for the better. ~ PV

kdaddy23 in response to Pervertically Virtuous:
yeah, I’m not surprised that men will take the booty – it’s evolution at work, but [...]
I ain’t got a problem speaking out (big surprise, huh?). Women, to me, are better when they’re doing what they want to do and not so much what they’re expected to do. Women who have no issues with getting theirs on a first date or just because she was standing next to a guy have always gotten the shitty end of the stick and labeled as whore or slut – and all because they want to get laid, don’t particularly want to marry someone or even have a LTR with someone.

All they want is sex; yet, that good girl image really messes that up for them. Be virtuous… but if you wanna get laid, just do it. A lot of women won’t because they fear they’re gonna regret it… although it’s not possible to regret something you haven’t done, is it? Oh, sure, you can look to the past… but that was then and if women always assume that this is gonna be a problem, well, it’ll always be a problem for them and, sadly, an imagined one.

My current lady and I had sex on our first date and, trust me, I wanted to bone the daylights out of her, too. She made no bones about where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do after we had dinner and, well, you have to admire such courage in women and more so when our society says you shouldn’t ever do this, you shameless hussies.

PV, what else should guys who feel themselves evolved say about this… and then what can we say that women are going to believe? ~ kdaddy23

Pervertically Virtuous in response to kdaddy23:
I ain’t got a problem speaking out (big surprise, huh?). Women, to me, are [...]
It’s hard to break free from the societal norms that have been drilled into us since we were babies. So I’m not surprised that many women struggle with it even when surrounded by supportive, evolved men.

I guess the best guys like you can do is to make your position clear – in direct interactions with women, when discussing things with male friends, when you come across blogs/discussions online… Perhaps one conversation won’t change people’s minds, but the more they hear those views from more people, they will slowly start believing… ~ PV

Brilliant and hilarious critique. Thanks!
I’m wary to have sex on a first date because I’ve been burned by a few men who took good sex as evidence that they loved me (and perhaps that I loved them) and that was so fucking awkward. Now I feel like I can’t have sex with men I don’t love unless I explicitly caveat it with “to be clear – we are not in love”. ~ Brugmansia

Pervertically Virtuous in response to Brugmansia:
Brilliant and hilarious critique. Thanks! I’m wary to have sex on a first date [...]
Thank you, glad you liked it!
Ha, I’ve had that problem a few times, especially when I was younger and dealing with younger men. like you, that taught me to always be very upfront and explicit when sex is casual or when they shouldn’t expect more from me. ~ PV

I can’t believe someone in their right mind has posted what that doctor said. Just like some gay people can be homophobic, some women can be sexist… Thanks for replying to this!
This might be relevant (title is a bit sensationalistic, but the article is worth a read):

Pervertically Virtuous in response to mutantsexy:
I can’t believe someone in their right mind has posted what that doctor said.  [...]
I know, right? It really pissed me off when I saw that article, I just had to respond. What a bunch of bullshit!
I actually just read the article yesterday, it’s pretty good. Tracy Clark-Flory is one of my favorite journalists writing about sex. ~ PV

When was the last time that PhD* got laid? Sex is proven to make people happy. I’m married and I love sex.

Sex on a first date is great because you get to figure out if the person you’re currently fucking is someone you want to continue fucking. I would never stay in a relationship if the sex was bad. There are still a lot of people, including women, who believe that being promiscuous is a bad thing. Some even pretend to believe that, but behind closed doors, they suck more cock than a prostitute on 42nd Street. It’s funny how so many men preach about what a woman should and shouldn’t do. Yet many of them are quick to have affairs and engage in sexual behavior that they deem too “provocative” with woman who they are criticizing for being in touch with their sexuality.

Do what you have to do but don’t be a hypocrite.

PhD seems like the type of woman who confuses love with lust. Maybe she needs a course in seperating the two emotions. You can have the best of two worlds if you want. Or you can have just one. It’s all up to the person. If a person can differentiate between the two, what’s the problem?
Has PhD ever had the opportunity to cheat? A first date cannot train a person to be a cheater. You cheat because 1. you’re looking for love or affection or 2. your sexual needs aren’t satisfied by your current partner.

How did this woman get her PhD? ~ CaptKitty
[*the author of the article that PV took to task with her post 9 Reasons Sex on a First Date Does NOT Backfire ~ NERO]

Pervertically Virtuous in response to CaptKitty:
When was the last time that PhD got laid? Sex is proven to make people happy [...]
I know! Especially a woman with a PhD in psych who people will see as an expert! When I read that article in the HuffPost, my blood boiled. I was gonna write up a sex story, but couldn’t resist.
Seriously, how did this woman get her PhD? She doesn’t seem to have basic understanding about the biology and psychology of sex. Or she does, but she has an agenda to keep women and men in the 17th century. Or both. 
And the hypocrisy of men really pisses me off too. ~ PV

I was checking my email this morning while making breakfast and couldn’t stop reading your post. So honest, true and funny. I’m in my early forties and I was speaking with a male friend a few months ago around the same age. We both broke up with our LT partners last year and we were talking about sex on the first date. He was still of the opinion that if a woman slept with him on the first date then he didn’t feel special, because if she slept with him on the first date she would sleep with anyone on the first date. I couldn’t believe it. Of course I challenged him on his opinion and the blatant double standard. A couple of months later he told me he changed his mind. 

Why shouldn’t women be in control of who, when and where they have sex with just like men. What are these invisible rules that make us “over think” every move we make to live up to other peoples unrealistic expectations of what a woman should be. And you know what? This is part of the “game playing” that goes on when two people start dating. Why not just be open and honest with each other. If you are into someone show them. If there’s steaming hot chemistry, and I’ve experienced this a few times, just fuck! Why pass up on the hottest sex of your life.

Sex on the first date could result in a relationship or doom. I had sex with someone on the first date, and that was the expectation from both of us I might add, and I won’t be going back for more. And it’s not because “I don’t want a relationship” it’s because the connection wasn’t really there. I wasn’t into his pheromones and he pulled a horrible sex face. Sorry, I just couldn’t look at him, he looked like a rabbit. It makes me piss myself laughing with girlfriends now, but I was quite put off at the time. We had chatted a lot and met up for sex essentially because I get fucking horny and I need sex!! It’s not just men who feel like this. Everyone needs to know this and accept it. So there can be more than one reason why sex on the first date doesn’t result in a “call back” for a second audition.

The dilemma for a woman who wants a relationship with a particular man, will mean she will focus on what he thinks of her, and sex comes into that equation. We need to break down those ideals around the virgin/whore paradox concerning women. People who subscribe to that place too much emphasis on judging people instead of opening themselves up to accepting people and the wonderful complexities that make a person a unique individual in their own right. ~ ellybale

Pervertically Virtuous in response to ellybale:
I was checking my email this morning while making breakfast and [...]
Amen!  And the ‘rabbit’ comment was hilarious – I’m trying to picture him :) ~ PV

If you don’t fuck on the first date, how will you know if you want a second date was always my dating mantra :) ~ Hyacinth

Pervertically Virtuous in response to Hyacinth:
If you don’t fuck on the first date, how will you know if you want a second date was always my dating mantra :)
Exactly! ~ PV

DISCLAIMER: This is not one of my old posts, but one by Pervertically Virtuous. In the process of recovering my own old posts via email I discovered some of hers. Like me, her old accounts have been terminated, and she seems to have disappeared from the internet. This is a damn shame since I consider her one of the best sex bloggers I've ever had the chance to read and follow. I'm reposting her old posts as a historical archive, and if she ever returns to blogging I'm happy to hand them back to her. 
To be clear: the copyright on this work is hers, and remains with her - I didn't write it and I make no claim to it. 
(FYI: all links in this post are dead)

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