Saturday, July 23, 2016

5 Reasons Why Straight Men Fear MFM Threesomes

This is not one of my old posts, but one by Pervertically Virtuous
In the process of recovering my own old posts via email I discovered some of hers. Like me, her old accounts have been terminated, and she seems to have disappeared from the internet. This is a damn shame since I consider her one of the best sex bloggers I've ever had the chance to read and follow. I'm reposting her old posts as a historical archive, and if she ever returns to blogging I'm happy to hand them back to her.
To be clear: the copyright on this work is hers, and remains with her - I didn't write it and I make no claim to it. 

(FYI: some links in this post are dead)

Pervertically Virtuous posted: "One night during a few years ago, I found myself at a college house party, finally hooking up with an incredibly hot undergrad on the track team who I'd been flirting with for weeks. Only, his friend and teammate, was just as hot, and I wanted them both. "

recovered post by Pervertically Virtuous

5 Reasons Why Straight Men Fear MFM Threesomes

by Pervertically Virtuous
mfm threesomeOne night during a few years ago, I found myself at a college house party, finally hooking up with an incredibly hot undergrad on the track team who I'd been flirting with for weeks. Only, his friend and teammate, was just as hot, and I wanted them both. We all went up to Nate's room, but as soon as I started making out with his friend, he said "I can't do this. Not with another guy present." His friend was visibly disappointed. As he was leaving, he texted Nate: "You're missing out. Opportunities to double-team are rare."
And he was right. But not only because few women are up for it. Even with a willing female like myself, MFMs don't happen as often as you would think. Although few straight, single guys would think twice about a threesome with two girls, not many are eager to jump in bed with a girl and another guy. Why? I have a 5-reason theory.
Five Reasons Why Straight Men Fear MFM Threesomes
1. Homophobia
Most straight men in the U.S. are homophobic, even those who aren't. Before you start ripping into me about the recent Supreme Court decisions and that most (especially younger) Americans today support gay civil rights, let me point out that you'd be confusing homophobia for heterosexism. Heterosexism is an ideological system that denigrates and stigmatizes nonheterosexual behavior, identity, or lifestyle. By all indicators, heterosexism in the U.S. today is fast decreasing. Homophobia, on the other hand, is an irrational fear of homosexuality (which can result from living in a heterosexist society). And in my experience, the U.S. today is still a deeply homophobic society.
Due to pervasive heterosexism of the previous generations, homophobia has been internalized in today's men from a very early age. If you're not gay, then you do not, by any means, want to be perceived as such. Even liberal men feel uncomfortable being close to another male's naked body in a sexual context. The prospect of their own and the other guy's parts touching during a threesome - even if entirely unintentional - is terrifying, as if that act is going to magically turn them gay. This is not rational thinking; it's a strong, visceral, emotional reaction, often related to disgust. (A friend of mine - with a lot of MFM experiences under his belt - is still to this day mortified by the possibility of the other guy's cum ending up somewhere on his own body.) This deeply ingrained, irrational fear is the single most common reason to avoid MFMs that I hear from men.
My take: This is utterly ridiculous. Nudity is natural, even though America teaches you that it isn't. And being naked next to a man, your naked bodies touching, or even your cocks rubbing while I'm stuffing both of them in my mouth will not make you gay. Not even a little bit. I promise. What makes you gay is attraction to other men, a desire to have sex with them. If you don't have such attractions and desires, no worries, you are not and never will become gay. In that case, an MFM threesome is ALL ABOUT ME, you're both there to play with and please ME, not each other.
2. Fear of unbridled female sexuality
Men often like to fancy themselves (consciously or unconsciously) sexually more powerful, dominant, and experienced than women. And we live in a world that stokes that fancy by teaching us that women are not, and should not, be highly sexual, particularly outside the context of a long-term, monogamous relationship. In such a world, being faced with a woman whose sexual desire is so vast, so strong, so licentious that it cannot be satisfied by one man is intimidating at best, terrifying at worst. Such a woman presents a living, breathing, tangible proof of the seemingly impossible - female desire that is larger than male desire AND larger than men's ability to satisfy it. As such, she threatens to shatter men's idealized image of themselves as sexual powerhouses and destroy their sense of self.
Some men deal with this fear by denying the existence of such female desire (I often hear the "Oh come on, you don't think I can handle you on my own?"), some ascribe it to some sort of deep pathology and decide they don't want to get involved with someone crazy, and some outright admit they are petrified of it. NLikes of My Dissolute Life articulated this fear beautifully in a post explaining his lack of interest in gangbangs (which are just a more extreme version of the MFM threesome): "I find the quantum of desire (or willingness) of a woman participating in a gangbang to be more than a little terrifying. Like rather than the danger being of my [desire] destroying her, it might go the other way."
My take: I know it's hard to believe that a woman could have such desires, but trust me, we do exist, and many of us are not psychologically damaged. We just really love cock and (occasionally) like to be the center of the attention of more than one man. But just because I want two cocks to play with doesn't mean I think of you as any less of a man, or any less than me. I'm not comparing my desire with yours.
3. Anatomical and performance anxiety
In a world obsessed with penis size and satisfactory performance, often perceived as measures of one's masculinity, many men are concerned about their anatomy and abilities in the sack. An MFM places you in a position of direct comparison with the other guy, and intensifies those anxieties. In this sexual situation with particularly high stakes on masculinity, it's not only about "Am I big and good enough?" but also "What if the other guy is bigger and better than me?
My take: You really shouldn't worry about that too much. This is not a competition. Really. I'm not giving out points at the end. I'm fucking both of you, so I clearly want you both. Plus, I have two cocks to play with, so it's really OK if you're smaller than the other guy. Just relax and enjoy, and chances are, I will too.
4. Insecurity-driven selfishness/possessiveness
Men often like to believe they are the center of a woman's sexual universe. An MFM requires the woman to split her attention between two men, and that forces him to give up his fantasy as the king, the god, the most - and only - desirable man in the world for her. And many men's egos are not stable and secure enough to withstand such a challenge. Possessiveness is the extreme manifestation of this: "I don't want to share "my" woman with anyone". Interestingly, so many of these men wouldn't mind being the center of two women's attention. That's not only selfish, it's hypocritical.
My take: Being selfish is not very nice. And being nice to your sex partners is, well, nice. Especially if they've been nice to you (read: provided you with an FMF threesome). Being possessive is completely unacceptable. (Excluding the rare cases of voluntary D/s slavery), I am not your property and you do not own me. But if you simply can't handle the blow to your ego, it's OK, I understand, many people are weak. I hope you acknowledge your weakness and work on overcoming it.
5. Benevolent sexism
Some "nice" boys feel that MFMs are disrespectful to the woman. Once I asked a fuck-buddy if there were any other hot guys on his soccer team he would double-team me with. He said: "I couldn't do that to you. I like you, you're my friend!" Apparently, MFM is something you do to a random chick you don't care about. The girls you like, on the other hand, need to be protected from such offensive and disrespectful acts.
This is a perfect example of benevolent sexism - the view that women are fragile (read: weak), innocent little things that men should take care of, protect, and revere for their purity. Because such views are seemingly positive, this is a more insidious, and therefore more dangerous, form of sexism than the more overt hostile sexism - the one expressed as blatant negative attitudes and stereotypes about women (e.g., women are incompetent and inferior to men).
My take: This is the most patronizing and offensive bullshit to ever come out of someone who is actually trying to be nice to you. How dare you take away my agency (my role of an active, conscious, equal actor) in the sexual exchange? How dare you assume that you know better than I do what is best for me? How dare you treat me like an object that you perform a sexual act TO rather than a subject that you perform a sexual act WITH?!
Bottom line
I'm not saying that all men who don't want MFMs suffer from these fears or issues. I acknowledge there are men who simply have no desire for group sex or casual sex (which most threesomes are, at least for some of those involved) of any kind. But in over two decades of talking to hundreds of men about their sexual interests, I've encountered a remarkable number of men who are all too happy - if not desperate - to get into an FMF threesome, yet refuse to do an MFM. And their reasons for refusing have boiled down to one or more of these fears.
So, what to do about it?
Stop it!
I know 'Stop it' is easier said than done. Many of these fears touch upon deeply seated insecurities. They get at the very core of your sense of self and threaten to destroy it. These are powerful fears that may require years of work to overcome. But all of these are things that are holding you back from achieving your full potential, from becoming a better, more developed, secure, and enlightened human being. So I hope that next time you are lucky enough to get invited to an MFM, you will ask yourself what's holding you back. And then instead of running away from the scary and the uncomfortable, you will challenge yourself and try to push through the discomfort.
I can only hope that some of you are brave enough to try and overcome it. To try to build a strong and stable sense of self, secure enough to be able to celebrate my wanton desire, not feel threatened by it. It may be hard, but hey, a girl can dream.
Which fears are holding you back? Am I missing any? Please discuss!
Looking to set up an MFM? Try Adult FriendFinder.
Need some new sex toys? Visit Eden Fantasys or Extreme Restraints.
Pervertically Virtuous | July 25, 2013 at 12:20 am | Categories: Life According to PV | 

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