Tuesday, October 11, 2016

TMI Tuesday: October 11, 2016 ~ The sexes?

If this woman was wearing long black denim jeans and wasn't Asian she'd be a
dead ringer for my wife - the hair is exactly the same! Is she a lesbian?

1. What is femininity to you? Tell us in 50 words or less.
~ It can be anything now - from a girly girl to a butch femme. My wife is a straight woman yet currently sports what I call (not to her face) a 'lesbian haircut' and wears a leather biker jacket. It's the power look du jour amongst powerful women, based on 80's lesbian fashion but worn today by straight powerful women (and lesbians!) and is very chic and feminine.

2. How does femininity come into play in your sexual relationship?
~ My wife is a feminine woman but that doesn't translate into our sexual relationship. She wears expensive lingerie during the day but takes it off before coming to bed. She does not incorporate it into our sexlife. She is often passive in bed, leaving it to me to initiate or take the lead - is that a feminine trait?

3. What does masculinity mean to you? Tell us in 50 words or less?
~ I've never considered myself a man's man (I have zero interest in sports) but the ladies seemed to rate me. I was empathetic and a good listener - which are not considered masculine traits. After 20+ years with my wife some of my ex girlfriends have told me how much I've changed. They say I used to be such a confident, take-no-prisoners sort of guy. A man who knew what he wanted and went for it.

4. Men, we often hear about women’s body image struggles – what are your body image issues?
~ I've blogged on this previously but can't find the link. Women have had body issues for years whilst men have blithely stumbled on through life thinking they are fine. That has changed now as today's young men face the same media messages that women have for decades. Since I'm young at heart I have their self esteem issues: I now consider myself overweight and undersized in the cock department. I never used to feel this way.

This is me (not transgender, but a house husband). I don't wear an apron but you get the picture. 
I make our daughters breakfast and lunch. My wife cooks the dinner, or we eat out. We eat out a lot.
5. Men’s gender role conflict is a psychological state in which restrictive definitions of masculinity limit men’s well-being and human potential. Do you now or have you ever suffered from Men’s gender role conflict? What are you doing to resolve this?
~ The only gender role conflict I've had to deal with is how other people view me. When our daughter was born I stayed home to be the house husband so my wife could continue in her career track. It was the right decision because my wife became highly successful, started her own business, and then sold it for millions a few years ago. That still doesn't stop people (men and women) from raising an eyebrow when they hear the story. It's just not 'normal' for a man to stay home so his wife can work - but my wife and I did it successfully.
Or did we? Long before this TMI question was asked I've been aware that the gender roles in our relationship have been reversed. My wife has become the 'man' - she earns the money, so she decides how it is spent. If she wants to do something she does it, with minimal regard to me. If she wants to stay out late drinking 'for work' she does. If she has a meeting after hours it's my 'job' to fill the gap at home. I often chuckle to myself that I'm like some stereotypical 'wife' - left at home with the kid, wondering who she's with and what time she'll be home. Whenever I see one of those "6... 10... 12 Signs He's Cheating" articles I'm easily able to apply all of those 'signs' to my wife.
What am I doing about it? Well, like all those real wives before me I'm stuck. If I leave I leave with nothing because she has everything in her name, hidden in trusts.
UPDATE: I do recall at the beginning (when I first became 'house husband') I really did have to focus hard on what we were doing. I had to remind/tell myself "you're not the principal breadwinner now, that's not your role anymore, she makes the big money now". It was an adjustment. My role became looking after our daughter and the household - the latter included manly pursuits like home maintenance, rental property maintenance, and administering our stock portfolio and finances. My wife used to focus on these when telling people what I did, as if I was a day trader and we had an extensive rental property portfolio.

Bonus: Does gender have any real meaning anymore?
~ It means something to me, although I acknowledge it is changing significantly in my lifetime. I have one particular gay friend (on Facebook) who is stridently opposed to men having sex changes, and Caitlin Jenner in particular. He says having your dick chopped off and getting a boob job does not make you a woman. The son of someone in my circle is, at age 20, changing his biological gender to become the woman he believes himself to be. I have no problem with that, but I am extremely nervous about parents who agree with their six year old child deciding they were born the wrong sex and commence sex change procedures at that point. 

Double Bonusbusy weekend? then maybe you missed last Saturday's post Anal - Did I finally get it right? (and you don't wanna miss tomorrow's post Donald Trump & Me !!)

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Happy TMI Tuesday!

1 comment:

  1. When I saw Sammi's answer to #3 I was struck by how much it describes me, so maybe I'm a little more masculine than I thought?
    "I think masculinity for me is strong, yet compassionate, sexually confident, an attentive lover and a caring person."
    Obviously I'm no longer sexually confident, but I once was, when I was a younger man. You can find all of Sammi's TMI Tuesday answers here:
    http://funwithsammi.com/?p=8510

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About that sex last weekend...