Tuesday, November 15, 2016

TMI Tuesday: November 15, 2016 ~ Shoes & Money


 
1. Who's shoes would you like to fill today?
~ Donald Trump's. I didn't vote for him (don't get me started!) but it sure would be fun to be in his shoes right now. The first thing I'd probably do would be to kick off those shoes and have sex with Melania. (In this fantasy I imagine I'm inhabiting his body and no-one knows he is really me) The second thing I'd do would be to announce that instead of scrapping Obamacare I'm going to accelerate the expansion plan and get more people covered. Then I'd bring back the Glass Steagall Act... and then back to bed with Melania.

2. What is the next big dollar purchase you are planning to make?
~ We are currently deciding the 2017 Travel Budget: Mexico in February, Tokyo in April, Tuscany in September, and we're arguing over where to go in June/July. First World problems, right? :(

3. You have $100,000 to spend on friends. How would you spend it?
~ We're meeting two other couples for two weeks in Tuscany in 2017 so I suppose we could pick up the tab? Or maybe throw a big Xmas party and invite lots of friends for a festive bacchanal?

4. You have $5,000 to spend on your significant other. How would you spend it?
~ When we were 'middle income' I splashed out and bought her a $4,000 diamond ring. It was an expensive purchase for me and yet she lost it in a hotel room because she thought it would be safe to leave it lying around because even though the maids were working minimum wage in a 3rd World Country we were in a 5 Star hotel and no-one would take it, surely? I was very pissed off and that was the end of grand gifts from me.

They say 'Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend!' - my wife sure loves them 
Then about five years later when we were 'upper middle income' I splashed out and bought her a $5,000 diamond ring. Except I didn't actually buy her a ring, instead I took her into Tiffanys and said "honey I love you, it's our anniversary, I've got $5,000 and I want you to choose yourself a ring, anything you like..."  She said "squeeee!" and looked through every ring in the store until she found the one she loved. Except it was $10,000. 

"I've only got $5,000" I said sheepishly, to which she replied "It's my birthday next month, maybe you could buy it for me as a combined anniversary/birthday gift?" I looked at her as if she was crazy - she knew I didn't have a job, because we had agreed I would stay home and be the house husband for our daughter while my wife climbed the corporate ladder. "And it could be my Xmas gift toooooo!" she pleaded.

Having announced the grand gesture it was hard to walk away from it now, so I relented and said yes. "Squeeee!" said my wife. "There's just one more I should show you" said the sales assistant, and brought out a $16,000 ring. My wife loved it, but now wanted to see what else was in that price range. She finally settled on a $20,000 ring. WTF? There was no way I could afford that! No problem, said my wife, she would pay the other $10,000 - and did. I had to split my half over two credit cards, while she just slapped down her Titanium card and said "charge the rest"
When we got home she gleefully showed off her ring and told all our friends I had paid for it. All our friends knew I couldn't afford it and I felt like a complete schmuck.

So, in answer to the question: if I had $5,000 to spend on my significant other I'd save it until I had another $5,000, and then save that too until I had another $10,000. 

5. What is your favorite waste of time ?
~ I like mooching around the house, watching TV, masturbating, and I spend too much time on Facebook. All to stop from dwelling on my dysfunctional marriage with my wife. 

Bonus: Tell us about the most mischievous thing you did as a kid.
~ Starting up the School Bus and driving it a block up the street. (The driver had taken a toilet break, and left the keys and us kids on the bus). When the driver came back no-one said a word, including the driver because that would get him in trouble too.

Double Bonus: Here's what we got up to on the weekend: MM - Mutual Masturbation +1
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Happy TMI Tuesday!

6 comments:

  1. Wow, answer number 4. Sounds like it still cuts deep, jus' sayin'.

    On the reals though, I feel your pain and it's something that I wouldn't forget too readily had it have been me in your position.

    Answers to number 5, I want that life!!! xx

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    1. Yeah it does, it's hard to buy a gift for a woman who has everything (or can buy anything) when you technically have no personal income. I'm aware from other TMI'ers answers to Q2,3, & 4 that I have a pretty good life now, but my wife coming into money hasn't made me any happier. What I didn't reveal in Q2 is that some of the discussion around 2017 travel is that I won't be joining her on some of her trips now. That's a first. Last year she talked about going on a 3 month trek thru Nepal (midlife crisis much? she's never trekked in her life - she doesn't even jog!) so I guess she's building up to that ("bye, see you in 3 months!")?

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    2. Damn man, but at least you have the insight to see things coming and can anticipate these things rather than having a series of unexpected surprises throughout your relationship.

      Well, if there is a 3 month gap, I guess it's either 'big league' ((C) D. Trump) mooching and masturbation or seeking out a lover who is enthusiastic about anal xx

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    3. True.
      If I fuck someone else up the ass that's not considered cheating is it? Or does that rule just apply to blowjobs? (That IS the rule, right? it's not just something Bill Clinton made up?) :P

      Delete
  2. As always vastly entertaining. And who would steal a ring in a 3rd world country? So wrong

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    Replies
    1. I know!
      But seriously, nothing smacks more of first world white privilege than leaving expensive jewelry lying around because the servants wouldn't dare steal it, surely?
      My wife knew she'd done bad, because she never mentioned it until I asked where the ring was months later.

      Delete

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