As I said last week:
"I woke up early [Sunday] and went down to the office to draft Monday's post ... I faffed around online for a few hours and by midday I was surprised to realize that no-one else was up. I crept up [to the bedroom] so I could sneak up on [my wife] and sure enough, there she was: in bed with her knees up, legs slightly splayed, reading her iPad. It was obvious she'd been up a while because she had an empty cup of tea beside her - she must have snuck down to make it! It looked like another clearcut case of Kindleporn!! to me.
I leant down and gave her a kiss and told her I was going [out] to look at a few new cars so I would be at least an hour or two. I gave her hip a gentle squeeze (quietly observing that her nightie was already pushed up to almost her hips) and told her that I really enjoyed the massage last night, but felt bad that she hadn't 'got hers'. I kissed her again and suggested she should read her dirty stories and maybe find her own satisfaction while I was out? Maybe she could run herself a bath?
Once again she denied she was reading dirty stories, and insisted it was just chick lit - not clit lit!!!"
Well, as you can see from the images in today's post, my wife was most definitely reading porn (although she prefers the more palatable term 'erotica'). Why is that an issue for me? Well, again, as I said in The Lure of Kindleporn:
"...the reaction from female readers is often "So what? What's the problem? Lots of women get off on reading erotica, it's just fantasy stuff" and I agree. The only problem I have is that she continuously denies it and pretends she isn't into it. I know we all need our own private place, even within a marriage, but on this I feel completely shut out. Excluded."
I'm trying to open up our relationship to include her fantasies and desires (because it's not a one-way street) and yet she consistently rebuffs me. I can only conclude that she actually does not want me to be a part of her sexual life, and that in some way I don't 'measure up' to what she wants (or gets) from a fantasy lover. Which makes it so damn frustrating when I read about so many other female sex bloggers having a great time indulging their fantasies in the real world ie turning fantasy into reality.
My wife doesn't seem to even want to try. She presumably prefers to get off in private. Imagine ladies, if your man spent as much time watching porn at the weekends as my wife does reading it? Would you accept that as fair or reasonable? Especially if you felt you were being ignored sexually yourself? Clearly my wife isn't leaving me to starve, she throws me a bone every now and then (and it's been good lately) but I just find the whole thing... irksome.
And yes, we've done the whole "why dont you just talk it out with her" thing a few years back, but it always comes back to this. As you've seen from the quotes above, when I try to bring it up she won't even acknowledge she's reading the stuff. She denies it:
"[as I] left she said "I don't know where you get these silly ideas from..."Well clearly I'm not making it all up in my head, am I? But that's enough complaining from me, I know you're sick of it. So am I. Hopefully I'll have better news to report this weekend. Or tonight, since it's Wednesday, which is meant to be 'sex night'. She's been out shopping for Xmas gifts so that should have got her all excited...
[Update: Yes, I totally get that I'm just howling at the moon here!!]