Thursday, December 22, 2016

Date Night: The autopsy

So we had a proper 'Date Night' last night, not just 'Scheduled Sex' on Wednesday. (A quick explanation on that, if you don't know already: we've agreed to 'schedule' sex on Wednesdays and one weekend night to keep the sexual intimacy alive in our marriage because it was fading. It doesn't always happen though, because such is life)

On Tuesday night we went out for an unscheduled dinner. By which I mean my wife got a call at 3pm from a guy inviting her to join him and some mutual friends at a downtown bar at 4pm for Xmas drinks, and then they would have dinner afterwards, about 6pm. My wife's sister and my wife's friend both agree he's a moneyed asshole but she insists he's harmless and is always good for a laugh. So my wife quickly rushes off to get changed and asks if I can drop her off, and then come back later after I've picked up the dog from Doggy Daycare, and join them for dinner at six.

As if I have a choice.
This post may start on a downer (hey, I'm Nero) but trust me:
we get to a good bit (like this) by the end! 

So I drop her off and come back at 6.30pm because I'm a rebel, and it's my wife with two guys and a woman who's just arrived for dinner also. They've obviously polished off a few bottles of wine because my wife is in high spirits and telling everyone what they should have on the menu. Dinner is great but the conversation is terrible. They're all People.With.Money. and don't understand the inappropriateness of the petty crap they're complaining about in their privileged lives.

And then they get into an hour long debate about the best way to diet and keep in shape. They're all doing 'something' and their 'something' is the best because theirs is backed by 'science' and ... blah blah blah ... one guy was trying to convince overweight me to get lap band gastric bypass surgery and is showing me pictures of how he used look 'before'. Dude, I'm overweight, you were OBESE!

So on the way home my wife tells me in the car (because she can sense I didn't have the best time with her friends, who aren't real friends BTW, just people she networks with) that "tomorrow night I thought we'd do something together, just the two of us, since it's Wednesday, y'know?". I said I thought that was an excellent idea and maybe we could go to dinner and a movie? She said that sounded great so we were set - we even agreed on seeing Rogue One.

So on Wednesday afternoon I'm looking forward to a 'proper' date night since so often our social time is really just me accompanying her to a 'thing' she has to go to, or me staying home to watch the kid while she goes out because she has a 'thing' she 'has to' go to. And then... my wife got a call at 3pm from a guy inviting her to join him and some mutual friends at a downtown bar at 4pm for Xmas drinks...

My wife felt it would be rude not to go, and said we'd only stay for a quick drink, and then we'd leave and go and have dinner on our own, and still have time to catch the movie at 7.30pm. Sure, whatever. I've been here before, it's better to expect nothing and just see what happens. My wife took a while to get ready and we didn't get there until 4.30pm. She looked very glam and her boobs were out on show - was that for me (date night!) or her BNG pals that we were joining for drinks?

So we're in the bar but there's only one guy there (the supposed 'organizer') but others have said they 'might come'. WTF? Instantly I'm reminded that this has happened before, and that my wife suffers from chronic FOMO. Fear of missing out. If someone suggests something that could be remotely cool or interesting she's the first to say "I'm in!" That might sound like a good trait in theory but in practice it means we're always going places only to find out others are no-shows or they drop out.

So at 5pm one other guy texts my wife to ask how long we'll be there and my wife replies "we'll be here for ages, come as soon as you can." I know two things: this guy lives a long long way away, and he's sweet on my wife. I know he will be racing over as fast as he can. It's not the first time he's jumped in the car and raced down the freeway because she's texted "you should come here and have a drink with us". So forty minutes later he turns up, and my wife asks him if he's hungry because we're just about to order some food for dinner? WTF?

It turns out our dinner together is going to be bar snacks with these two guys because "'hey!' it would be rude to leave since no-one else is here." Again, WTF?

So at 7.15pm I manage to drag her off to the theatre for our 7.30pm screening. We arrived at 7.30pm which wasn't too late because trailers, and advertising. The film was good, but to be honest I was in a foul mood because basically I'd spent 2.5 hours sitting with my wife while she talked to other men about business and gossip. Business gossip and gossip about rich people I don't know. It's interesting how everyone seems to know who's cheating on who and how that is accepted as 'normal' for People.With.Money. As you can imagine, I have nothing to contribute to this conversation so I'm silent most of the time. And when I do open my mouth someone else talks over the top of me - including my wife!

Anyway we get home and my wife moves straight to the office so she can check her Facebook on her laptop. Date night, huh? Rather than getting pouty I decide to go upstairs and have a shower so I'm nice and clean and she can't get nervous about getting cystitus when we fuck. Penetratively I mean, since it's all been non penetrative sex ever since she got cystitus a while back. My wife walks in as I'm brushing my teeth and asks "Did you have a shower?"

Fifteen minutes later we're both in bed and the lights are out. I move over to cuddle her and she asks "Did you have a shower?" like she's forgotten my earlier answer (and my wet hair). Clearly she's becoming obsessed, I guess that cystitus must be really painful (I hear it is). So we're cuddling and my hands are roaming everywhere, before settling on her boobs. At which point she asks me to massage her butt. So I do. I know what she likes, and it involves lots of firm squeezing and fingers and thumbs straying into naughty crevices. There's only so much groping I can do before I can't help myself and give her smack on her ass. She smiles and says "mmmm".  I give her another spank, then I massage her butt, and then I spank the other butt cheek, then I massage that cheek, and ... repeat.

So she lifts her butt up so she's on her knees, ass up and head down, and tells me "oooh, I've been naughty, are you gonna spank me?"

Wow! That's new. This is the first time she's essentially asked for something specifically vaguely kinky, and the first time she's really initiated the 'dirty talk'. So I realize this is a big first step towards her articulating and exploring her darker desires. I'm determined not to fuck it up so I start spanking her ass, alternating short sharp smacks between each butt cheek. I ask her what she'd done that's naughty, and she replies "because I'm a dirty girl". I'd hoped for 'because I want your dick in me', but whatever, baby steps, so I start spanking her again.

"Ow!!!" she cries, not in a good way.

"What's wrong?

"Why did you hit me there? It hurts!"

"Where?" I respond.

"On the back of my legs, you're supposed to smack me on the fleshy part - my butt"

Okay, I was spanking her on her lower butt - just above the back of her legs - which is where I've read you're meant to, and I tell her as much.

"Well, don't believe everything you've read" she replies "that fucking hurts."

Damn, I thought it was meant to hurt - it certainly does in her dirty stories! I can feel the moment has been lost but I vainly try a few more spanks - on the fleshy part of her ass - but then ruin it further by asking her (in what I thought was a sexy whisper) "so who's spanking you, your Sexy Schoolteacher or your Cruel Boss?" Instead of answering my wife lifts her head off the mattress, gets up and crawls over to get between my legs. I can see it all slip away in an instant: the fantasy is dead for her and she's switching into Scheduled Sex Mode.

My wife starts with a hand job, which becomes a blowjob, and incorporates a little assplay for good measure. As much as my brain is upset with me for fucking it up (her spanking fantasy) my body is responding as normal. The handjob and blowjob feel great and I can sense the cum boiling in my balls. I moan to encourage her, and then suggest we switch to 69 so I can eat out her pussy too. I really want to eat her out, and I really want to stick my cock in her pussy, but she's having none of it.

"I want you to cum" is all she says, jacking my dick faster.

"I'm really close, where do you want it?" I reply, hoping she'll say 'inside' and then mount me.

"On my tits" she purrs, pulling my dick into her cleavage and then bending down to take the tip of my cock into her mouth.

Resigned to my choices I lift my ass up further so I'm raised up high: my balls are bouncing on her tits, my cock in her face and her hands underneath - one playing with my balls and the other squeezing my tight butt. (I'm not 'athletic' but even at my age when you're flexing up at that angle your butt feels like a 21 year olds!) Her mouth is wrapped tightly around my cock and she's sucking like someone has a gun to her head.

"I'm gonna cum" I grunt, as much warning as I can manage. I'm surprised myself, since as I've often said on this blog I never cum 'just' by a blowjob. This time is different. I can feel it and I'm ready to blow. She responds by pulling her head off me and taking over with her hand. She's pumping furiously, angling my purple cockhead between her breasts so I can splatter her her titties with my jism. It feels great but for some reason I really want to be in her warm wet mouth so I thrust up again and push my cock at her lips.

She takes the hint and swallows the tip while still jerking me off with her hand. I tell her how good her mouth feels ("mmmm, like a warm wet pussy!") and I'm jacking in and out hard before I announce calmly "I'm cumming. Now." And then I fill her mouth with spunk, pumping in and out like it's the substitute cunt I was craving. After a few thrusts I relax and release, dropping down and out of her mouth. My cock is in front of her tits now, and still spurting out the last drops of my seed. She continues to jerk me off onto her swollen breasts as I notice her swallowing subtly.

It's an almost imperceptible gulp, but I noticed it. Is my wife learning to swallow? Is she developing a taste for cum? (Mine only, I hope!)

My wife is grinning broadly, very happy with herself. She lies down next me, and twists her body over a bit. "Look!" she says proudly, showing me the cum splattered all over both breasts. There's not as much as there would have been if I hadn't cum in her mouth, but it's still quite impressive. It really does look like something you'd see in a porn magazine. The photo I've used in today's post is a reasonable likeness. "Shall I take a picture?" I ask, hopefully - "It'll last longer."

"No!" she says smiling, before reaching to the nightstand to get some tissues to clean herself up. She seems very pleased with it all, and hopefully it went some way to make up for the botched attempt at fulfilling her spanking fantasy. I ask her what she'd like in return but she answers 'Nothing' and says she has to get up early. I suggest using the vibe for 'a quick one' but she declines again, kisses me, and tells me to sleep.

Which I did. Rather well.


  1. Wow, your wife is a busy lady! Try again with the spanking, I love to be spanked, anywhere...

    1. I did, the following night - and with a much better outcome!
      Great foreplay resulting in a very hard pounding doggy style, over an arm chair.


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