Monday, January 23, 2017

Ask PV: How Do You Separate Your Two Worlds?

This is not one of my old posts, but one by Pervertically Virtuous
In the process of recovering my own old posts via email I discovered some of hers. Like me, her old accounts have been terminated, and she seems to have disappeared from the internet. This is a damn shame since I consider her one of the best sex bloggers I've ever had the chance to read and follow. I'm reposting her old posts as a historical archive, and if she ever returns to blogging I'm happy to hand them back to her.
To be clear: the copyright on this work is hers, and remains with her - I didn't write it and I make no claim to it. 

(FYI: some links in this post are dead)

Pervertically Virtuous posted: "Upon discovering my blog, a new reader had many questions for me. I'll answer them one by one, every Thursday. #1. How do you separate your two worlds ? What two worlds? I had to ask him for clarification. Your usual day-to-day life, Monday-to-Friday "

recovered post on Pervertically Virtuous

Ask PV: How Do You Separate Your Two Worlds?

by Pervertically Virtuous
2-worlds









Upon discovering my blog, a new reader had many questions for me. I'll answer them one by one, every Thursday.
#1. How do you separate your two worlds ?
What two worlds? I had to ask him for clarification.
Your usual day-to-day life, Monday-to-Friday (world #1) and your crazy sexual escapades (world #2). Is it easy? Any conflicting problems that arise? Etc.. Or are they all indeed one in the same world to a certain extent to which if true i'd be really impressed?
I still don't quite understand the question. There are no two worlds in my life, no facade masking the real person, no Chinese wall between good proper PV and bad naughty PV - everything is part of the same world, my world.
My crazy sexual escapades are just as much part of my usual day-to-day life as any other activity that I love doing, like rock climbing, partying, blogging, watching movies... That doesn't mean I engage in it every day all day long - obviously. But it means my sex life is an inherent part of who I am and it is closely interwoven with all other parts of me.
I know people who live double lives. I sounds horrifying. The tolls of concealing your true identity on your physical and mental health are well documented.
I live my life fairly authentically. Everyone who is close to me and who matters in my life knows about my sexually open lifestyle: my husband, my friends, my lovers, my colleagues.
I have chosen a husband who loves, respects, and supports my sluttiness (see for example, A Fantasy to End All Fantasies). I'd rather be alone than be with someone who didn't. Because that person wouldn't love PV, s/he would love some nonexistent idea of PV.
I surround myself with friends who at least accept my sluttiness. Some of my friends share my lifestyle, others do not. But I have no friends who have a problem with me having my lifestyle. Why would I want to surround myself with such people?!
I don't have a family in the US to hide from. And even if they did live in the US, I wouldn't change my lifestyle because of them. They would have the choice between asking and accepting, or not asking. If they asked and then didn't accept, they would not have me as part of the family. I'd be perfectly fine with that.
And finally, but most critically, I have a career that doesn't require me to hide my sexuality. I don't particularly flaunt it with my colleagues, but I don't hide it either. Most of my close colleagues and bosses know, some more some less, that I live a sexually non-traditional life. If it were to become widely known at the university, I wouldn't lose my job, the worst that could happen is some people would be looking at me funny. And if I did lose my job for what I did in my own personal life, then that is not the right institution for me. It won't ruin my career - I will just change institutions.
You could say I'm lucky to have such a career. And in some ways I am. But this career didn't fall into my lap - I chose it myself, very consciously and deliberately. And it's a personal choice I continue to make as I transition out of being a PhD student. I chose a career (academia) where I knew personal eccentricity was encouraged at best, tolerated at worst.
I know my sex life sounds pretty crazy to other people, but to me it's pretty normal. It's just who I am.
And I've carefully and deliberately crafted a world that allows me to be who I am, most of the time. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Pervertically Virtuous | January 23, 2014 at 10:25 am 

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