Sunday, October 2, 2011 ~ Sex With the Other Man
Dave and I actually had sex last night. It has been awhile. I can't even count the days... weeks...? I tried to stay in the moment and not let my mind drift to Drake and how he loves to dominate me during sex. It was difficult, though.
I give Dave a thumbs up for his oral skills, but a thumbs down for falling asleep after he orgasmed (as if that's anything new). We were in the middle of what I thought was a deep conversation about us and suddenly I heard snoring.
It's frustrating. Dave rarely comes to bed. Actually, Dave doesn't sleep much. Maybe 4-5 hours a night. If that. When he does sleep, he prefers sleeping in his computer chair in his studio in the basement. Generally, I sleep alone. If he does come to bed, it is when I am getting up.
Dave complains that we never have sex, but it would help if he spent more time in our bed. [more]
This hit close to the bone. I only sleep 6-7 hours a night and I also wait until my wife has gone to bed and fallen asleep first. And my wife also rates my oral skills highly too! The difference between me and Dave is that I don't go to bed with my wife because she has a 'beauty regime' that can take 10-20 minutes to complete before she finally gets in to bed - by which time I've effectively woken up again and can't sleep.
I can't sleep anyway because all I can think about is 'why aren't we having sex?', 'should I make a move?', 'was that a signal? did she just give me a signal to initiate sex?' - of course if I do make a move either she rebuffs me and tells me it's late and she has to get up early, or a millisecond before I make my move she starts snoring.
Luna's final words resonate with me because like Dave I complain the we never have sex, to which my wife responds with 'you need to come to bed earlier'. The problem is, when I do come to bed earlier we still don't have sex for one reason or another. It becomes a vicious circle: I don't want to come to bed earlier because I can't sleep, and my wife doesn't want to have sex because I come to bed so late.
I was certain Dave and I were headed for a separation. He was planning to move out of state and I would stay here with the kids. It just didn't happen. Somehow, we managed to work things out and now here we are together again as though nothing ever happened.
I love Dave for certain qualities that he has and for the constancy that there is between us (if that makes any sense). I'm just not ready to give that up yet.
It was rather odd, though. I had sex with Dave in the morning and sex with Drake in the afternoon. Different men, different techniques. I try hard not to compare.
One thing that Dave admitted to is his continuing addiction to porn. He was addicted when we met 21+ years ago and he still is. I don't know how to help him deal with it. It definitely affects our sex life, though... [more]
Like I've said all along: Luna Moon is fascinating. I had gotten the impression she would have jumped at the chance to be free of her husband so she could spend more time with Drake and yet when crunch time comes she baulks. She doesn't want her husband to leave, he's like a favorite old jacket - you don't wear it much anymore because it's out of style, but occasionally you pull it out and put it on again and remember how comfortable it is.