Sunday, February 12, 2017

Ask PV: The Making of a Slut

This is not one of my old posts, but one by Pervertically Virtuous
In the process of recovering my own old posts via email I discovered some of hers. Like me, her old accounts have been terminated, and she seems to have disappeared from the internet. This is a damn shame since I consider her one of the best sex bloggers I've ever had the chance to read and follow. I'm reposting her old posts as a historical archive, and if she ever returns to blogging I'm happy to hand them back to her.
To be clear: the copyright on this work is hers, and remains with her - I didn't write it and I make no claim to it. 

(FYI: some links in this post are dead)

Pervertically Virtuous posted: "Upon discovering my blog, a new reader had many questions for me. I'm answering them one by one, every Thursday.  #4. What and how many contributing factors do you believe have made the most significant impact into you having the sexual drive to pursue s"

recovered post on Pervertically Virtuous

The Making of a Slut

by Pervertically Virtuous
Genes-Environment-ChoicesUpon discovering my blog, a new reader had many questions for me. I'm answering them one by one, every Thursday. 
#4. What and how many contributing factors do you believe have made the most significant impact into you having the sexual drive to pursue such an intriguing sex life? (If in more detail … how was the road paved, i.e., were you brought up by parents of an open mindset, were you surrounded by friends that shared similar goals/interests?)
This is the million dollar question, really and there are no simple answers. It's a complex interplay among many genetic, environmental, and personal choice factors. And lots of luck.
Here are what I think have been the most critical factors that made me into who I am and allowed me to thrive despite societal disapproval.
  1. High sex drive.
High sex drive is an obvious prerequisite for being a slut. I get horny a lot, I think about sex a lot, I masturbate a lot. When I see someone attractive, my pussy tingles and the first thing on my mind is sex. Not love, not friendship, not personality. Sex.
Science seems to suggest that our basic sex drive level is to a large extent biologically determined (a combination of genetic influences and prenatal development in the womb) most likely linked to testosterone. Although levels vary among members of each sex, men generally have a higher sex drive than women. Somehow, I got the male version. And a fairly extreme version at that.
2. High need for novelty/sensation seeking/curiosity.
Craving novelty is the second basic prerequisite for my kind of life. If I only had high sex drive but low need for novelty, I'd be perfectly happy to have lots of sex with one partner. Instead, I've been driven incessantly by the desire to experience new things, explore new worlds, place myself in risky and exciting new situations. In other words, curiosity. That almost killed the cat. Except that it didn't. And you know what they say: What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
Like sex drive, need for novelty (sexual and otherwise) is to a large extent biologically determined: It has to do with the dopamine- and opioid-driven reward system in the brain. The optimal level of arousal in the brain differs from person to person: For some people, a little bit of novelty/excitement/uncertainty is already too arousing; for other people's brains, mine included, novelty is what lube is for anal sex: "too much is almost enough".
3. Lack of adult supervision growing up.
My parents divorced when I was 8, and my father, who fought tooth and nail to get custody of me in order to hurt my mom - and succeeded in both, didn't quite know how to be a 'responsible' parent. He was was not particularly sexually liberal (nor particularly conservative), but as an academic, he mostly cared about good grades in school. As long as I brought home a 4.00 GPA (and I did so every semester without fail), I was tacitly allowed to do whatever I wanted. He did eventually make a few attempts to reign me in - once he realized how out of control my behavior was, but by then it was too late. I had tasted freedom and there was no going back.
Estranged from my mom and not really limited by my dad, my biological tendencies (high sex drive and high need for novelty) took over. I started going out to clubs and smoking at 10, lost my virginity at 11, started drinking at 12, had my first threesome and started doing drugs (heroin first) at 13. I always hung out with people older than me, most of the time old enough to go to jail for statutory rape for having sex with me. By the time I was 14, I had two (horrible) tattoos. By 16, I had logged in more hours on the dance floor than most people in the world will during their entire lifetimes. By 17, I had tried all drugs available in my part of the world (though I never got hooked on any). By 19, I'd slept with over 100 men and women. (And yet, during that whole time I was a straight A student.)
4. Lack of law enforcement growing up.
I know what you're thinking, especially you in the US: How the hell could you do all those things legally? Who let a 13 year-old into clubs? How did all those adult men not get locked up for statutory rape?
I was lucky enough to grow up in a country which - at the time - had few laws preventing minors from getting in all sorts of trouble available to adults (e.g., smoking, drinking, partying, tattoos, sex). If such laws existed, their enforcement was all but absent. No one ever got carded anywhere. There was no moral panic about sex with underage teens. If you looked the part and played the part - and I looked and behaved much more mature than my age - no one paid any attention to your actual age. All restrictions on minors' behaviors were left to the discretion of their parents. Well, I obviously didn't have that problem with my parents.
5. Personal choice: I chose/choose to live this way.
My biology set me up for a life of slutty, nonmonogamous sex. My familial and social environment during my formative adolescent years allowed that biology to come to express itself. But it is my own personal choices that have kept me at it over the years: I love my crazy sex-filled life, so I make choices that allow me to live it as best as I can.
I was very young when I was first made aware that highly sexual behavior - mine included - was considered inappropriate. (I believe I got my first "slut" label at 9, before I even lost my virginity.) But it didn't make sense to me - I could never understand why others would care how I lived my life or judge me for not living it the way they did - as long as I didn't hurt them or impinged on their freedom to live their lives how they chose. So I decided to simply ignore the haters. "There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about," Oscar Wilde once wrote. I came across this sentence while in middle school - and it was forever etched in my consciousness.
Very early on - and against the advice of many well-intentioned friends, relatives, teachers, and lovers over the years - I decided that in the war between staying true to myself and making sure others like me, myself wins. Authenticity was more important than popularity. Popularity without authenticity was worthless. I was sure that if I was true to myself and loved myself, there would be some people who would love me for who I was.
I made that decision at the tender age of 13 or so, and I've never regretted it since. In fact, I've quite enjoyed playing the role of a sexual nonconformist, rebel, revolutionary. A young lover recently told me that I was like a person from 2070. I *LOVE* that. So I keep making that choice again and again: Where I choose to live, who I choose to associate with, what kind of professional environment I place myself in...
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So there you have it: This is (one) recipe for how a slut is made.
However, to make a happy and healthy slut, you need a few more ingredients. But for those, you have to wait til next week.
Have a question for me? Don't hesitate to ask PV!
Pervertically Virtuous | February 13, 2014 at 10:33 am | 

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