Tuesday, February 14, 2017

TMI Tuesday – February 14, 2017 ~ Choices, Bonds & Significant Others

Happy Valentine's Day Everybody!
~ NERO xo
1. Scientists claim that being “in love” only lasts within the first six months of a relationship. Are you “in love” with your significant other or are you simply compatible.
~ We've been together for over 20+ years. I'd like to think that means we love each other. That's what our Valentine's Day Cards both said this morning. But as readers of my blog know, our relationship is fraught. I often wonder if my wife is only still with me because she doesn't want 'failed marriage' on her resume?

2. A relationship has a stronger bond when both people in the relationship work toward resolving issues whether it be with kids, finances, management of home, etc. Do you solve problems with your significant other [s.o.] or are you the real and only problem solver.
~ Funny you should ask this, since 'problems' have come to a head this week. My wife earns all the money and I earn nothing (I don't work, because she doesn't want me to work, because I don't need to work, because she has so much money) but I'm the one who's expected to provide our daughters weekly allowance. I literally don't have any money but I have to put money in our daughters account when she needs it. This year our daughter is asking for a $100 every few days because 'Mom said you'd cover my food and clothing costs'. What 15 y.o. needs to spend $200 on 'lingerie'?
It's been brewing a while but this weekend I need to have a sit down with my wife and sort this out - I literally have $8 left in my account.

3. Research shows resentment mounts in couples who have an imbalance in household chore duties. If you live with your s.o. do you both do chores and have an equal amount of chores in the household?
~ We have a cleaner who comes in for 4 hours a week. That covers most of it. We eat out 50% of the time but if anyone cooks it's usually my wife. I clean up afterwards. If I cook I clean up afterwards. We each do our own laundry.

4. Marriage in the U.S.A. has changed over time from being for survival (home, food), to companionate love during most of the 20th Century, to 1960s to present being about personal fulfillment. Is your relationship meaningful to you for companionship or is it personally fulfilling?
~ Not sure if I really understand this question, but it's a great link. I definitely believe our marriage has fallen into a 'Companionate Love' rut; and yet I would say both of us want a 'Passionate Love'. The problem is that my wife has possibly 'settled' for Companionate because she can't be Passionate with me. I have no doubt she considers me overweight and physically/sexual unappealing. Yes, I can make her cum, but I suspect she resents it subconsciously which is why we have irregular sex. 
I, on the other hand, am very passionate about my wife and would love to maintain a passionate intimacy. This excerpt from the companionate love link is most likely what describes my wife:
Older couples with a lifetime of shared history, couples who are not particularly prone to passion in any area of their lives, and those who are dealing with serious life situations may be perfectly content with companionate love.
On the other hand, for many people, life is not complete without passion. Those couples may be at more risk for straying, seeking out passion and novelty with new partners while retaining the comfortable companionate relationship they have at home.
I say that because my wife is going to a conference in Europe in April but staying 4 extra days so she can visit This Guy in another city (his). He's a much younger man and clearly besotted with her (IMO). I think she is flattered by his attentions and has decided to 'allow herself' an affair. How else do you explain taking a side trip to see a guy you've only met twice before? (Both times at conferences, but only once when your husband was there also).

5. In general do people think of you as a “couple” with your s.o. or do they connect with you individually just as much as a connecting with you as a couple. Do you feel you’ve lost your individuality since being in a serious romantic relationship?
~ Definitely. My wife has successively subsumed all my relationships with other people. Anyone I was friends with she became friends with - which is normal when you're a couple but she takes over and then neuters me so that we now only interact as a couple. It's kinda hard to explain accurately without giving away TMI but trust me on it. I simply couldn't imagine going to hang out with one of my friends without my wife but she on the other hand has an additional circle of 'her' friends that I'm not involved with. She goes out with them for group dinners but I'm not invited.
Yesterday's post Two Nights of Mindfuckery was so long I had to leave out that I suspected the reason we didn't have sex on Saturday night was because my wife was irked to see me connecting so well with her BNG buddies. Okay, technically it was their wives I was connecting with, but usually seeing other women interested in me makes her horny. As in: it makes it okay to have sex with me because even though I may be an overweight schlub if other women say I'm a really great guy and they wished they had one like me then it reflects well on her. But for some reason Saturday night was different and she sought to emasculate me publicly by telling these women as we left that we wouldn't be having sex because I'd already had my quota for the month.

Bonus: You are invited to a large cocktail party at a fancy country club where you know no one. When you arrive, the room where the party is being held is already half full of people–naked people. How do you react when you enter the room?
~ First I think "Whoa! A room full of naked women - sweet!!!" And then I think "I'm not expected to take off my clothes too am I? Hell no!!" 
If we were expected to take off our clothes as a condition of entry I would seek a compromise: how about my wife takes off her clothes and I keep mine on? I'm sure with one look at the pair of us they'd agree on the spot!

Double Bonus: Check out the 'Valentine's Day' tag at the bottom of this post for some 'more upbeat' posts about Valentine's Day from previous years.

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Happy TMI Tuesday!

4 comments:

  1. The more I read about your wife the more I think she deserves a good slap! She is certainly a control freak and seems to treat you as if you are her property. Nobody owns another person, we are all just on loan. I hope you had an enjoyable Valentines day.

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm, you probably shouldn't read my next post then (Another Sucky Valentine's Day).
      And yes, I sometimes think my wife deserves a slap too. Given her genre choices in erotic fiction you'd think I would have been able to by now, but I know if I ever did IRL she'd react very badly.
      My wife has a great life and has no clue that the world does not actually revolve around her. That's because she has a wide circle of friends who think she's fantastic and are happy to do anything for her. Those who don't think that way don't matter because they are outside the circle. It's simple logic, according to my wife.

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    2. I assume she has no idea that you write this (great) blog?

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    3. I've often wondered that. Sometimes (like now) I'm on my computer, on my blog, typing away and I wonder if she ever looked over to see what I was doing what would she see? She's about six feet away, on her own computer, right now. I suspect she knows I do something, other than Facebook, but doesn't know exactly what.
      Other days I get paranoid because on the rare occasions we have sex she does something (usually dirty talk) that I figure she must have learnt from reading my blog. TBH I have no idea.

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