Monday, March 6, 2017

Ask PV: Do You Ever Develop Feelings for Your Casual Partners?

This is not one of my old posts, but one by Pervertically Virtuous
In the process of recovering my own old posts via email I discovered some of hers. Like me, her old accounts have been terminated, and she seems to have disappeared from the internet. This is a damn shame since I consider her one of the best sex bloggers I've ever had the chance to read and follow. I'm reposting her old posts as a historical archive, and if she ever returns to blogging I'm happy to hand them back to her.
To be clear: the copyright on this work is hers, and remains with her - I didn't write it and I make no claim to it. 

(FYI: some links in this post are dead)

Pervertically Virtuous posted: "Upon discovering my blog, a new reader had many questions for me. I'm answering them one by one, every Thursday. Today is the last in his series of questions. #7. Do you ever become conflicted? As in … your sexual endeavors crossing into emotional feelin"

recovered post on Pervertically Virtuous

Do You Ever Develop Feelings for Your Casual Partners?

by Pervertically Virtuous
Love Sex FriendshipUpon discovering my blog, a new reader had many questions for me. I'm answering them one by one, every Thursday. Today is the last in his series of questions.
#7. Do you ever become conflicted? As in … your sexual endeavors crossing into emotional feelings for any other party involved, i.e., a guy or girl that you may often frequent these sexual events with, perhaps someone you can also confide in from this side of your world that you may from time to time have genuine feelings for?
This is a somewhat confusing question, but I'll try to answer it as best as I can.
Do I have genuine feelings for the people I fuck? Yes, of course. I'm a very passionate person and I care about most people I fuck, even about the one-night stand ones. I care about them in the moment, even if I am to never see them again. I find that sex is best when you love your partner in the moment and I try to practice that as much as I can.
I also love many of them as friends. People who are friends-with-benefits, or even fuck buddies I've been fucking for a while? I often really like and love those people.
Do I ever develop ROMANTIC feelings for them, as in I start wanting to date them? No, almost never. See, I'm an extremely rational person. I don't get infatuated easily. I don't fall in love easily. And I certainly don't mistake infatuation for love.
Infatuation
I'm not completely immune to infatuation, that intense sense of attraction to someone when you first meet them, than debilitating sense of not being able to think about anything or anyone else but them all day long. This doesn't happen to me very often - especially if you consider the number of people I meet, find attractive, and fuck. It probably happens about once in every 50 men or so that I have this involuntary, distracting experience. But it does happen.
When it does, I recognize it for what it is - a chemical reaction in my brain that is creating an idealized picture about someone I barely know. I indulge it a little bit (depending on what the situation is), simply because it's fun, but never let it get out of control. The rational part of my brain immediately performs a relationship checklist analysis and notes all the reasons why this person and I would be completely incompatible in a long-term relationship. Given that I have a very specific - and long - relationship checklist, there is almost always something that's makes a relationship between us impossible. So my rational brain adjusts its expectations - "this is going to be fun, and nothing more than fun," it says to me. "You will not develop romantic feelings about this person," it orders. And I listen.
Romantic Love
For me, love is something that develops over time with someone I have rationally decided to build a relationship with, someone who has passed the relationship checklist test and keeps passing it day after day. I cannot develop romantic love for the fuck buddy or the friend-with-benefits that I've been fucking for a while. If they didn't pass the relationship checklist in the beginning, they're not going to pass it later. That door was closed and cannot be reopen again.
Romantic love doesn't sneak up on me uninvited.
I realize this sounds very cold, calculated, devoid of emotions. And yes, I do sometimes feel like a Vulcan. But with a lifestyle like mine, it's the only logical thing to do. If I got infatuated and fell in love with every Tom, Dick, and Harry I found attractive and fucked, I'd be a complete personal and professional mess! Taking a more rational approach toward love and lust allows me to live this lifestyle happily, healthily, and productively.
Have a question for me? Ask me!
Pervertically Virtuous | March 6, 2014 at 10:49 am | 

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