Thursday, March 23, 2017

Hooker Hacks: have sex with your husband!!

Just put on something sexy and imagine you're with George Clooney if you have to...
I do a lot of whining on this blog about not having enough sexual intimacy with my wife, and it's a common complaint from many men. It's so ubiquitous that many women just roll their eyes and scoff when a man says it - if you're not getting enough sex it's probably because you just expect it too much, and don't understand foreplay. Not just sexual foreplay, but being loving and attentive before any sexual intimacy begins.

Sure, I get that - it's 2017 after all - but I believe there is still a bunch of us men who are loving and attentive, understand foreplay (ie we don't just rush in), and yet still can't get our wives interested in sex. Whilst some might argue that if you're not interested you're not interested and no one should be forced into having sex if they don't want to (something I and most evolved men would agree with) sex therapists and marriage counsellors have for decades been advising women to 'use it, or lose it'.

Even if you don't really feel in the mood for sex, the advice goes, don't reject your man. Give it a go and you may find once you start your mood changes and you get into it and find it quite enjoyable. The caveat of course is that if it's painful or completely unenjoyable then stop, since you may have deeper issues (physical or mental) affecting your libido (so seek professional help).

My wife is definitely the type to get into it once she starts, but the problem is getting her started. As I've complained previously, I don't understand why she is so reluctant to have sex given that when we do she seems to get off just fine (click the tag 'we had sex' at the bottom of this post for some examples). We are currently at the stage where I have given up trying to initiate because it's just so damn soul destroying to be rebuffed so consistently.

It's like buying a lottery ticket every week... if you don't get a few wins every so often (large or small) then you eventually realise you're just wasting your money and stop buying a ticket.

So when someone shared this story on Facebook recently my interest was piqued immediately. A bunch of hookers in Australia were telling Aussie women how to keep their man: give them some sexual intimacy!! I couldn't agree more!!! To be fair, the hookers escorts sex workers said it's often not even about the sex - some of their clients just want to be listened to, to feel valued and appreciated, and don't always want sex. They just want 'the girlfriend experience'.

Men don't talk about deep issues with each other, [yet] they need someone to talk to. They don't talk to their wives about it, so they talk to the escort.

"They've had some kind of disconnect, for someone to open up to an escort you must think, what happened to your marriage? What kind of marriage do you have? Women have so many different issues they have to deal with, and children can be a big reason for a disconnect."
Yet she assured, "it doesn't mean they've lost interest in their partner, they still want their loving relationship at home".
She said women need to "communicate with their partners and don't let things ride, get deep with your issues. Don't go to sleep on the argument."
And last, but not least: "Don't hold off on the sex. Always have sex. Learn to enjoy it." [more]

I know there are plenty of women out there who might also say 'Hey, I just want to be listened to as well, and valued, and appreciated - and if I was then I might be more sexually intimate too' and I accept that. It's funny isn't it, how a couple might want the same things, but after so many years together they somehow have lost the ability to communicate their needs?

My wife and I have been to marriage counselling twice (two separate courses) and both times (in various sessions) the key message from the therapist has been "You must be open and honest and communicate clearly what you want and how you feel". Things were fine for a month or so and then we fell back into old habits. By which I mean my wife fell back into her old habits: she likes things the way she likes things, and she doesn't like to be told what to do by others.

I'm pretty sure she blames me for her lack of sexual desire - if I was 'sexier' then she'd feel more libidinous ergo "It's not me, it's you"

There was even the time she went on that BNG retreat a year ago (read this and this) and got all pepped up on the personal growth sessions she did as part of that. It was great for about a month and we had a lot of sex (she said she'd learnt how important sex was to men and promised she would be a lot more giving in that regard) but then it all just fizzed out. Old patterns returned. She was busy with 'work' again, 'forced' to go to functions, dinners, and networking events; always too tired or needing to get up early for a meeting so sex was out of the question.

And what do the Aussie sex workers say?

"Men are looking to be understood and be heard. They're looking for that bit of love that they're obviously missing. I could open up a school to teach women how to be intimate because there are so many out there that are not giving intimacy to their husbands."

In some cases, the escorts engage in reciprocal sexual pleasure (girlfriend experiences), but in other cases, they won't have sex at all (companionship experiences).
"There's definitely more demand for it. I can't tell you the number of times a client and I haven't had sex. We may just sit there and talk, we may have dinner. There's so many times that you will not have sex. Sometimes there will be a run of it when I think ... 'wow'. It's not this wild, crazy, hang-from-the-chandeliers porn star experience they want. They just want to be with a girlfriend for an hour. Cuddling, being together, talking, having that intimacy with somebody."  [more]

3 comments:

  1. I totally agree with what you have written. I while ago i read an article about women who "had a go" - even when not initially feeling horny - found their relationship improved and they also felt happier. There is more than one way to skin a cat - if you do not want or physically can not have intercourse then oral is one of many options to play with. I have not always felt like this but once i got with "this program" everything improved in my life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I agree with you agreeing with me! : )
      If intercourse is painful then there are other ways of maintaining sexual intimacy (if that's what you want) with your partner. I for one go bonkers when I don't get any (see my recent posts) and yet when we finally did it last night I could feel the pent up stress simply melting away. (See today's post: https://nerospeaks.blogspot.com/2017/03/the-drought-is-broken.html )
      And if intercourse is painful then see a doctor too!

      Delete
  2. Never underestimate the power of a blow job ladies!

    https://nerospeaks.blogspot.com/2016/09/never-underestimate-power-of-blow-job.html

    ReplyDelete

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