Sunday, March 26, 2017

The Orgasm Gap

So I discovered this clip on YouTube and it coincided with my low self esteem vis vis my wife's orgasms. Basically, like most men, I've been wondering "is she faking it?"

The reason I wondered was because I can't fathom why we would not have sex for two weeks when the last time we had sex was so good. She seemed to enjoy it, she seemed to cum, she seemed to cum more than once, so... why weren't we doing it more often? If it feels good why would you deny yourself? Or is that just my male logic at play?

A recent study has revealed ‘orgasm gaps’ between both the sexes and those with different sexual orientations. US researchers analysed data collected through an online survey, hosted on the NBC News website, based on responses from more than 52,000 participants aged between 18 and 65 who were in a relationship with one person.

“We had the rare opportunity to look at responses from over 50,000 people, including over 2,000 gay, lesbian, and bisexual men and women,” said David Frederick, lead author of the research from Chapman University.

While 95% of heterosexual men reported that they usually or always orgasmed during sexually intimate moments, just 65% of heterosexual women did. By contrast, the figure was 89% for gay men, 86% for lesbian women, 88% for bisexual men and 66% for bisexual women.

The large disparities seen for women of different sexualities, the authors say, could at least in part be down to [lesbian] women being more likely to take turns at inducing orgasms, and having a better understanding than men that female orgasms are not primarily associated with vaginal sex.

“About 30% of men actually think that intercourse is the best way for women to have orgasm, and that is sort of a tragic figure because it couldn’t be more incorrect,” said co-author of the research Elisabeth Lloyd, a professor of biology at Indiana University and author of The Case of the Female Orgasm.

According to the research, only 35% of heterosexual women always or usually orgasm during vaginal sex alone, with 44% saying they rarely or never did. By contrast, 80% of heterosexual women and 91% of lesbians always or usually orgasm with a combination of genital stimulation, deep kissing and oral sex – but without vaginal sex. “To say that there needs to be some education I think is an understatement,” said Lloyd.



  1. Of course, to answer your own questions, this article doesn't speak of hormonal levels, menopause, stress, etc and how that involves her drives even when the sex is good.

    The study is interesting. For myself, need vaginal penetration to orgasm, so I guess I'm in the minority.

    1. I think you're on to something, and it's something that I've been wondering how to approach on my blog.

      I suspect my wife is experiencing or approaching menopause and I've asked her (in a caring, loving way) about it but she says she doesn't know. I've suggested she find out (using Dr Google, at the very least) but she seems reluctant - I suspect for reasons of vanity. As long as I've known her she's been obsessed with not getting old.

      I have no idea about her hormone levels but I would guess her stress is pretty minimal since she's rich and doesn't have to worry about much (unless it's deciding to stay with me). Even her job is 'just' a business consultancy where she only takes on six clients at a time. Maybe the realisation that she IS getting older and is facing/experiencing menopause is what's causing her stress?

      Despite all the venting I might do on this blog about not getting any/enough sex I do a very good job IRL of not burdening her with that knowledge.


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