Sunday, April 30, 2017

MM: What Do You Masturbate To?

Tomorrow is May 1st, which marks the start of Masturbation Month (MM). This gives me a great opportunity to recycle some of my old posts! Like this one, from December 4th, 2016....

I saw this clip on YouTube and it made me wonder 'what do you masturbate to?' 
You meaning you, my readers, not me since we already know what I masturbate to via my semi-regular posts tagged TPGMO (This Porn Got Me Off). As you can see in the video below, people masturbate to some kinky shit -- stuff they might never try in real life ie it's a real fantasy that only lives inside their head.

So, go to the comments section below and spill the beans: What Do You Masturbate To?

click here for more (much more!) 

(originally posted December 4th, 2016)

Friday, April 28, 2017

Flashback: "Smack it!" she begged, "spank my ass!"

My wife is in Europe, on a conference where she's meeting This Guy. After the conference she flies to his home city (also in Europe) for a 3 day visit. But they're not having an affair, they're just good friends within the global BNG network. Nothing to worry about Nero! 
But since I am worried I thought it would be best if I spared you my angst - so I'm on hiatus this week while she's away. Which gives me a great opportunity to recycle some of my old posts! Here's an excerpt from this one, from June 17, 2016....

"Good, you've come to bed" she said, grinning, like she'd been waiting for me. Like she'd been waiting for me because she'd read some very dirty stories and was as horny as fuck.

Oh yeah, she was definitely as horny as fuck.

I'd no sooner got into the bed when she leaned over and kissed me. On the mouth, with tongue.

She never does that.

keep reading - this comes later

... soon my hands were roaming all over her body. I moved one over her breast quickly, to sneakily ascertain her level of arousal. Her nipple was rock hard, jutting out proud and firm. Yeah, she was aroused! She moaned in my ear and pressed her body against me as her hand snaked down to my cock. I was hard too, and she moaned again when she discovered my throbbing erection. I quickly shucked off my boxers and she grabbed my naked length and started tugging on my stiff prick.

.... she got up and straddled my face. She pulled my head up and into her wet pussy, and I tongue fucked her for all I was worth. She seemed to be cumming because she got extremely wet and the taste changed. I loved it.

Suddenly she released me and swung herself around, into the 69 position. She started swallowing my dick immediately, whilst simultaneously planting her cunt on my face. She was a woman on a mission - moaning and groaning as she slobbered all over my fat cock, as she ground her pussy into my mouth. I grabbed her ass and pulled her up a bit, spreading her cheeks so I could inhale her scent properly and tongue her good. It swirled all over her and she just got wetter and wetter.

Again it occurred to me she must have been reading something really dirty because she was working herself into quite the frenzy, and again I didn't care. She was licking my cock, jacking my cock, swallowing my cock, and all the while rolling her hips all over my face and tongue. I think she must have cum again because she arched her back and tried to suffocate me with her twitching pussy. I clapped my hands on her butt cheeks and drove my tongue in even deeper. She was flooding my mouth with her juices - and suffocating me!

... She was moaning again now, and then groaning as I pressed my wet thumb over her rosebud. I pressed the doorbell but did not enter, choosing instead to pummel her pussy - so hard my balls were slapping up against her clit. That set her off on another trajectory as she started slapping her clit with her free hand and grazing my balls in the process.

"I'm going to cum" I warned her.

"Yes yess" she hissed, "cum in me, fill my pussy"

"No, not like this..."

"Where?" she interjected, "in my mouth? on my tits? in my face...?"

Wow! What the fuck had she been reading? She's never talked this dirty before.... [continued]

[first posted on June 17, 2016, you can read the complete story here]


This post has also been submitted to Masturbation Monday - hence it was edited for length.

click here for more about 'Masturbation Monday' (much more!)

Thursday, April 27, 2017

I have hatched a cunning plan!

[NB: *This post was written on March 29 but held back until now because I didn't want to publish it until my wife was on a plane bound for Europe. I've occasionally had niggling fears that my wife reads this blog, so I don't want to tip off her off as to what I'm planning. To be honest I can't believe she could have actually read this blog and NOT said anything to me about it (because clearly I've got issues, and a caring wife would want to address those) but I figured 'better safe than sorry' so I'm only publishing it now]
"Stop being so paranoid Nero, you're making a fool of yourself!"

Well, I'm not sure if it's a cunning plan or a descent into madness but here's what I came up with:

As you will be aware from my recent* whining, my wife and I have not had sex since Mexico - about 3+ weeks ago. Last Friday I wondered if she'd got herself a brazilian, because she'd been for 'a spa treatment' at 4pm (according to her diary) and when she came home (before heading out again) she said to me "I might have a surprise for you later". You can read all about it in "I might have a surprise for you later" ~ Part 1

Since then there's been more teasing from her, as detailed in Sunday's "I might have a surprise for you later ~ Part 2" with the awful finale in "I might have a surprise for you later ~ Part 3". I suppose I could have made this post Part 4 since it relates to Part 1, but it's a fresh angle so let's start anew.

As I mentioned in Part 3, I've stopped initiating sex with my wife because I'm sick of getting rejected each and every time I do. So naturally I was pleased at my wife's recent hints that we might get intimate, although ultimately I was left both disappointed and frustrated. (No surprises there). But regardless of my feelings an even bigger questions remains:

Did my wife actually get her pussy waxed last Friday afternoon?

I still don't know because I still haven't seen it. I know she didn't get her nails done because she did that on Saturday, but what if she just had her eyebrows waxed or some other similar but innocuous treatment? If that's the case then I would be getting all het up over nothing, winding myself up for no good reason. Which is stupid.

So I have decided there is only one way to know for sure: I need to initiate sex with my wife so I can see her pussy! Yes, the regrowth will have started but for my purposes that doesn't matter. I just need confirmation as to whether she got a brazilian or not. If she didn't then I'm an idiot, but if she did... well, why didn't she share that with me? What happened or what did I do over the weekend that put her off wanting to have sex with me? Because for the life of me I can't think of a single thing.

And if she didn't do it for me who did she do it for?

Which brings me to the second part of my plan - the bit that makes it 'cunning'.

If she did get a brazilian that confirms this is the spa she goes to for brazilians. I know she went there just before we went to Mexico and she got one then, but I need to be sure that this is the brazilian place my wife goes to. Because...

If I see later that she goes to this same spa place just before she goes to Europe in April for that conference, the one where she's meeting This Guy and he's registered as her partner for this conference (ostensibly to save him money because 'partners' pay half price) and then after the conference she's flying to his city (still in Europe) for 3 days and 2 nights so he can give her the Grand Tour... well, I think that's a pretty good indication she got herself a brazilian.

This, essentially, is my cunning plan - distilled to a single image!
And I think it's a safe bet that she wouldn't have got it for me. Because (if you need me to spell it out) I won't be seeing her or her bald pussy for 10 days.

'Ah, but Nero' I hear you say 'how do you know she didn't just get a mani-pedi before she left for Europe? You could be making awful assumptions which have no basis in fact!"

Yes, you are correct. Which is where the 'descent into madness' bit comes in:

I have resolved that if I confirm this weekend that my wife did get a brazilian last Friday then it's reasonable to assume the spa place is the place doing it.

So if she goes back to the spa place just before she goes to Europe then it's reasonable to assume she got a brazilian - something I can confirm by stopping the car halfway to the airport (since she will get me to drive her to the airport) and ask her to lift her skirt and show me her pussy.

If she asks why I will make a joke and tell her it's to 'tide me over' for while she's away.

If she refuses I will be more insistent, and if she still refuses I will tell her of my suspicions.

If she continues to refuse then I'll know she's guilty. Sorry, but I'm not going to accept any crap about 'trust' and my 'paranoia' from her - we've been together for 20+ years and if she wants to stand on principle rather than take the easy [and obvious] opportunity to assuage my suspicions then IMO she is clearly hiding a bald pussy. If she does lift her skirt then I will know one way or another. One of us will have egg on their face, and if it's me then I don't care - at least I'll know she's not up to anything.

'So...' I hear you say 'why are you so paranoid Nero?"

Just click the This Guy tag below to see all the posts involving him. In particular check out this one, in which he sent a private message to my wife to share a cunnilingus video with her. Or this one, where he asked if he could register as her partner for the conference.

Second (and important) Update [April 20]:

1] Yes, she did get a brazilian, as I discovered after I drafted this post (details)
2] Yes, it's a cunning plan, but quite paranoid. As soon as I got laid (details) I became a lot more relaxed and considered the plan cunning but silly.
3] My wife subsequently had a cunning plan too - or am I just being paranoid again?

As you read this I will be on School Camp with my daughter. Yes, my wife conveniently signed me up (without telling me) to be one of the parent helpers on a school camp my daughter is attending this week. This means I will be unable to execute my cunning plan because I won't be here. It also means my wife will have a few days to herself before her departure to Europe to groom herself to her heart's lusty desire.

I tried to get out of it but my wife made it impossible. We had a heated discussion at dinner one night and her actual words were "Why don't you want to do this? Is there something else you're not telling us, because so far you haven't given us one good reason not to go." Nevermind that the last time I went on School Camp my daughter was 6 and I had a massive asthma attack because I'm allergic to the outdoors and almost came home at 2am because I struggled to breathe... nevermind that my daughter is 15 now and quite frankly I have no interest in getting caught up in any teenage shenanigans. "OMG your Dad is sooo old and fat!" or "Ewww, your father was staring at me, what a perve!" etc etc.

It goes without saying that the latter would never happen, but you know what kids are like - they like to bully and they make shit up, and quite frankly I have no desire to put myself or my daughter in that position. But my wife has done it anyway. Which is quite shrewd of her - if you believe she could plan such a thing. They way she tells it this was/is just a great opportunity for some father/daughter bonding - the way my paranoid mind tells it this is a great way to get me out of the way while she prepares for her European Adventure.

As I mentioned in My wife and This Guy, texting again my wife coincidentally booked herself three extra days in London last October, sending myself and our daughter home ahead of her ("it's too expensive to change the flights!"). I had my suspicions then that she was planning a side trip to see This Guy, and I surmised she chickened out after spending all that family time with us. (Or maybe she did meet him and just hid it well?) This time she has no distractions - my daugher and I are gone for 5 days and won't be back until after she has left for her 'conference' in Europe (and the side trip to This Guy's city).

Feel free to tell me I'm going mad in the comments section below...! 🤔

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Flashback: When a woman offers you a meal, you eat...

My wife is in Europe, on a conference where she's meeting This Guy. After the conference she flies to his home city (also in Europe) for a 3 day visit. But they're not having an affair, they're just good friends within the global BNG network. Nothing to worry about Nero! 
But since I am worried I thought it would be best if I spared you my angst - so I'm on hiatus this week while she's away. Which gives me a great opportunity to recycle some of my old posts! Here's an excerpt from this one, from January 11, 2016....

This is just how it started!  Things escalated fast - let's jump straight to the middle part...

"....She sidled up to me and took my dick from my hand, jacking it a few times to test for hardness, before swinging her legs over and straddling me. She didn't mount me, she straddled me and ran her pussy up and down my cock, without letting it pop inside. With her hands next to my shoulders she was leaning all over my body, sensually rolling her pussy all up and down my cock which was mashed beneath her. Her breasts were in my face, rolling back and forth as her whole body moved up and down mine. The penny dropped.

Oh, you want that again? I thought to myself. Taking the bait I said out loud "Mmmmmm, your boobs look so beautiful - I want them in my mouth". And then I did just that, grabbing them roughly and squashing my mouth wide open over her areola. She moaned and pressed herself against my face. I now had both tits in both my hands as she offered them up for my pleasure. Which was her pleasure. 

I grabbed and squeezed her breasts, roughly but not too roughly. I grabbed 'a handful of tit' (something I don't usually do) and brought it to my mouth. I wrapped my whole mouth around her nipple and tried to swallow her breasts. My hands were all over her tits, grabbing and squeezing, but I only had one mouth. I alternated between them in a lustful frenzy - sucking, kissing, swallowing, biting (gently!) and generally manhandling both of them with my hands.

I only broke one hand away so it was free to grab her ass and pull her down harder onto my cock. I still wasn't inside her but she was grinding her sopping wet pussy all over my cock while at the same time pressing her tits even harder into my face. She was moaning and groaning and if I could have seen her face I imagine she would have had her head thrown back and her eyeballs would have been rolling back too. She was enjoying it more than I was.

To prove that point she suddenly jumped off me, and sidled up beside me. She was right up by the headboard, so that my head was below her breasts. She grabbed her own tits, leaned over, and 'fed' them to me.

When a woman offers you a meal, you eat...

It was a good meal and I ate heartily but it was definitely my wife who was getting off the most. I was jacking my cock intermittently but I wasn't getting any real relief since my wife's needs really did require both my hands. And my mouth. And my tongue. And a little teeth action from time to time. She was moaning and talking dirty:

"You like my big titties do you? You like it when I squash them in your face? Yeah, suck 'em - suck these titties..." and on and on she went from there. Last time it had been me doing the talking, but now it was her. And then she escalated things: "What do you want to do to my titties, huh? what do you like?" I told her how great her boobs were, how I loved to squash them in my mouth, how I wanted to lick and squeeze and bite them, but I was scared to get too rough. "Oh, you wanna bite them do you?" she responded, "you wanna grab these big hard nipples and pull on them, pinch them? make it hurt?"

I wasn't stupid. I grabbed a nipple and rolled it between my thumb and forefinger, pulling on it. Then I pulled it a little more, a little harder and a little further. "Mmmmmm, yeah" she moaned, but at the same time grabbing my hand and squashing it against her breast - preventing any further nipple play. "And what else do you want to do? What else do you want to do to me?" she asked. As she said it an image did play in my head:

"I want you to lie face down on the bed with that vibe between your legs" I said, "and then I want to get behind you and lube up your ass and slide my cock up and down your crack while I reach around and manhandle your luscious tits". Clearly I was desperate to cum myself and all this tits-in-my-face wasn't getting me there.

"Mmmmmm, you are a dirty boy" said my wife, as she hopped over and lay face down on the bed. She put the vibe between her legs and turned her head to one side, away from me: "I bet you wanna cum on my ass too, don't you? You dirty dirty boy...." more

originally posted January 11, 2016, you can read the full story here

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

TMI Tuesday: April 25, 2017 ~ pre-Millennium porn

I am currently on School Camp with my daughter (more on that tomorrow Thursday). So here's a lovely picture (and intro) I queued up ahead of time (it wouldn't do to be caught trying to find a sexy pic online while being 'Parent Help' on a School camp would it?). With luck it will fit with this week's questions - and hopefully my answers will follow the image...

Gotta say I'm loving the stash of pre-Millennium porn I rediscovered on an old external hard drive I found in storage! © Suze Randall
1. Does your workplace have a “casual Friday” or a day when you can dress down or out of uniform?
~ Everyday is casual Friday for me. I am now 'retired' and prior to that I had my own business meaning I could wear what I liked ie no suit or tie.

2. Has the growth of social media and unabashed sharing of personal info on social media made you MORE or LESS cautious about your privacy?
~ Yes, a week after I got back from Mexico I deleted my Facebook account. Not so much for privacy fears but because I realised it was just time wasting BS. As for privacy... well, that disappeared a long time ago. We unwittingly gave up our privacy a long time ago. Corporations have a mountain of data on us now, they just haven't found a way to use it all yet. Soon it will be like the movie 'Minority Report' - you walk in to a store and a robot greets you by name and offers you suggestions on what you might like, based on previous purchases (and not just at their store). I could talk all day on this so I'll STFU now...

3. Is gay marriage legal where you live?
~ Yes, and so it should be. Why can't The Gays be miserable too?

4. Is smoking marijuana legal where you live? Under what circumstances?
~ No, but that doesn't stop them! Personally I think it should be legal and taxed. Let's focus on those selling Meth, that's the real killer.

5. Give us a hashtag that best describes your weekend. Hashtag must be 15 letters or less.
~ #IsItTheWeekend?  Honestly, some days I can't tell what day it is. I am indeed a man of leisure.

Bonus: Have you ever stalked a celebrity? Who?
~ No, but I've met a few in my time - either through my job or by random chance. They're mostly just normal people so leave them alone. They don't owe you a selfie or an autograph.

Double Bonus: A week ago I tried my hand at erotic fiction for the Masturbation Monday meme [link]. A tree fell in the woods but there was no-one there to comment on it.

Triple Bonus: For an update on my wife's erotic reading see the end of OPP - How Women Use Porn


How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Monday, April 24, 2017

Flashback: "I can't stop, I AM SO CLOSE!"

My wife is flying off to Europe, for a conference where she's meeting This Guy. After the conference she flies to his home city (also in Europe) for a 3 day visit. But they're not having an affair, they're just good friends within the global BNG network. Nothing to worry about Nero! 
But since I am worried I thought it would be best if I spared you my angst - so I'm on hiatus this week while she's away. Which gives me a great opportunity to recycle some of my old posts! Here's an excerpt from this one, from November 17th, 2016....

".... So in MM - Mutual Masturbation +1 I recounted how I'd plan to have sex with my wife but due to her period I couldn't, so we engaged in... (did the title give it away?) ... a little mutual masturbation instead. It was good but on Sunday morning I woke up feeling still horny. Note I said 'still horny' and not 'feeling horny'. I've become aware that even when I have great sex and had a great orgasm(s) I am always still horny later. Always!

I figure it's because I'm often horny but have to repress myself due to my wife's low libido; so when I do actually cum the floodgates are open and I just want more. This often means that hours after having sex I am in my office watching porn/reading erotica and jerking off. Am I an orgasm addict? A chronic masturbator? Damned if I know, I'm no psychologist.  

Before I got my hands on Playboy (and before 'graduating' to Penthouse) as a young boy
this was all I could jerk off to: lingerie ads in my mother's magazines. Dad had no porn.
Either way, this meant that I was in my basement office at 9am on Sunday (waking up early is another symptom of what I call 'residual horniness') and telling myself I couldn't look at any porn until I'd done my 'chores' ie writing up Monday's post first. The problem is that when I recount a sexual encounter with my wife I get aroused again. This time was no different, in fact it was worse. Not only had I written it up but I also then had to find pictures to illustrate it. Normally I just grab one or two images but this time I ended up with over a dozen - hence this pictorial post!

So my cock was once again rock hard and starting to throb in my pyjama pants, due to being in a constant state of arousal for an hour. I thought now was as good a time as any to 'take a break' and 'reward myself' for my diligent efforts. I pulled up a hidden window on my browser, from the last time I'd been reading Literotica (checking out what my wife had been reading) and there were the 10 unread stories (in different tabs) from the last time. 

I thought I should read rather than watch porn because I had no idea what time my daughter would wake up, and my worst nightmare would be her waking up and hearing her father watching some porn in the basement as she came down for breakfast. 

Anyway, I started reading various stories, stroking my cock but not quite getting off. I heard my wife come downstairs and fix herself something to eat. I kept reading, with one ear open in case she came downstairs to the basement office, but she didn't because she had her laptop with her in the living room. So I kept reading, and then I heard my daughter come downstairs and fix herself something to eat as well. I kept reading, with one ear open in case she came downstairs to the basement office, but I knew she wouldn't because she never comes down. Well, hardly ever, which meant I still had to keep one ear open.

So this led to quite a lot of 'edging'. I would get close to cumming, then I would hear a noise, or the two of them talking, then it would be quiet again so I would continue reading, then I would get close to cumming, then I would hear a noise, or the two of them talking, then it would be quiet again so I would continue reading... and so it went. The whole time my cock is 'fat' ie either rock hard or 'plump' and always close to coming. I was pretty much jacking it constantly.

I read a lot of stories: 'Loving Wives' (hot wives having sex with other men while the husband watched/participated), 'Gangbangs' (we all know those ones), 'Interracial' (white woman [sometimes a 'wife'] discovers big black cock and goes crazy for it), 'Group Sex' (we all know those, usually 3way or 4way Swingers), and I even read a few 'Cuckold' stories (husband get's 'sloppy seconds' [or nothing] after hot wife has been out slutting with other men - often forced [often happily] to eat the other man's cum from his wife's pussy afterwards) even though I normally don't read that genre.

"If she thinks I'm going to eat her out now, she's dreaming" thought Nero, bitterly
I normally don't read that genre because it's not my cup of tea at all, yet this time I was in such a state of arousal I managed to push past the ick factor (swallowing another man's sperm? ugh!) (I wouldn't even swallow my own, actually) and just enjoy the fucking. There's another genre my wife is into: 'Taboo' (code for incest fantasy, where the relatives are all over 18) and I read some of those too. But I was reading mother/son stuff (son comes home from college no longer the kid he was when he left, reminding widow of her long dead husband, lust ensues) and sibling relationships gone awry; not the father/daughter (or uncle/daugher, or grandpa/granddaughter) stuff which my wife prefers and I don't.

I have a daughter so that is completely icky to me, and by the same token I also think sex with my mother would be gross ... but yet I can read a mother/son story - so it's quite a bizarre genre isn't it? Bizarre but very popular, according to the stats. I guess that's why it's called 'incest fantasy' - very few people really want to have sex with a sibling or relative but the stories can be so hot. I guess after all it's the last nasty sex taboo, since we've pretty much all tried some form of anal play at some stage haven't we?

But I digress... so I read all these stories, always edging on cumming just as I hear noises on the floor above me. I still have a massive hard on and a very strong desire to cum. I resolve to read one last story and this time to 'finish' regardless - no more distractions!! So I'm jacking my cock, speed reading the story (ie skipping the plot and just fast forwarding to the sex bits) and I hear some movement above me, but I've heard that movement all day so I ignore it, and then I can feel 'it' boiling in my balls, this time I am going to cum, and... I hear footsteps on the stairs above me - someone is coming down!

But I'm so fucking close I can't stop... besides, I've always fantasized about my wife catching me masturbating (as in leading to something better) so I carry on... but what if it's my daughter? WTF?... but I can't stop, I AM SO CLOSE! ... I know they're at the halfway point on the stairs so I can finish, I'm sure of it... I do finish, it's like a Supernova, my orgasm explodes with hyperintensity but is over as quickly as it came... the cum squirts up high and falls back on my hand, I'm careful not to let it go anywhere else... I use my other hand and squeeze my balls and force it out, wringing out the last of my orgasm... I'm quitting the window on my laptop and hopping like a kangaroo to the bathroom (next to our basement office), my pants still around my ankles...


Someone is pulling open the bathroom door.... [continued]

[You can read the complete story here, originally posted November 17th, 2016]


This post has also been submitted to Masturbation Monday

click here for more about 'Masturbation Monday' (much more!)

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Flashback: "C'mon use me, it's all for you baby..."

My wife is flying to Europe, for a conference where she's meeting This Guy. After the conference she flies to his home city (also in Europe) for a 3 day visit. But they're not having an affair, they're just good friends within the global BNG network. Nothing to worry about Nero! 
But since I am worried I thought it would be best if I spared you my angst - so I'm on hiatus this week while she's away. Which gives me a great opportunity to recycle some of my old posts! Here's an excerpt from this one, from July 4th, 2016....

"".... I was talking dirty in her ear, telling her how hot she was, and how all the guys we'd seen tonight would kill to be where I was right now. I said I would bet they'd pay anything for a taste of her sweet pussy, but that they couldn't have it, because it was all for me, she was mine. And I wanted her pussy now, I wanted to go down on her right now, and lick that sweet wet cunt. I told her to sit on my face so I could eat her out.

But she didn't sit on my face, she got down on the bed and stuck her ass up in the air.

"I want that cock!" she said "stick it in me, and fuck me - fuck me now!"

I didn't need to be told twice - I climbed up behind her and grabbed her hips. Holding her firmly I thrust forward, my fat stiff cock slicing through her wet folds without resistance. She felt tight, but ready and I commenced thrusting at a steady pace. It wasn't enough and she begged for more: "Oh yeah, that's good. Fuck me. Fuck me hard. Yeah, pound my ass, use me. C'mon use me, it's all for you baby, fuck my holes with your cock..."

It was a bit like this, but without a third person!
Where had this come from? What stories had she been reading? Why was she now such a dirty talker?

Mentally I shook it off and 'got back in the game'. I told her she was a dirty dirty girl and fucked her harder and faster. She responded by moaning and groaning "Oh oh oh oh..." before pleading for even more. "Yeah, give it to me, fuck me like that, oh that's so good, your cock feels so good inside me, your balls feel so good..."

It felt good alright and it got even hotter when she spread her asscheeks wide with both hands. Did she want it in her ass or was she just teasing me?

"Mmmmm, you look so hot baby" I told her "your ass is so sexy..." I debated asking her to finger her ass but couldn't figure out how to say it right so I went with the generic "you're such a nasty girl, showing me your asshole - it's soooo hot 'n nasty." My wife responded to this by moaning "mmmmm" and then ~deargod!~ running her finger up and down and around her asshole! Jesusmaryandjoseph! This really was next level shit, she's never done this before.

"Mmmmm" I continued "you look so fucking sexy, head down and ass up, getting fucked hard from behind"

"Yeah," she replied "it feels so good, I can feel your balls on my clit"

My balls were slapping her clit, joined by her fingers as she started strumming herself. I grabbed my discarded T-shirt and paused momentarily as I wrapped it underneath her hips and used it as 'reins'. I leaned back and started pounding her really hard and deep, the 'reins' allowing me to tilt right back and then.... [continued]

[you can read the complete story here, originally posted July 4th, 2016]

Friday, April 21, 2017

Mistress Asmondena for Fetish Friday!!

via Instagram

You look fantastic @mistress_asmondena !!
In a parallel universe my wife would be dressing like this. (But not in this lifetime I'm afraid! 😩 😂 )
#fetishfriday #fantasy #wishfulthinking #leather #corset #sexy #rubber #latex #pvc #leatherboots #thighhighs #thighhighboots #toomanyhashtags 

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Me and my Nipple Fetish

It's not really a fetish per se because I don't masturbate to pictures of nipples, but I do enjoy a good pair of nipples. Looking at a bunch of nipple pics will arouse me but if I were to start masturbating I would likely watch some porn (or read some) and I wouldn't be watching nipple play. Probably because I'm lousy at 'search' and when I enter 'nipple play' or 'nipples' on RedTube or Porn Hub I get some really dull videos.

But enough about me, all I wanted to do was share this image with you:

Those nipples look absolutely edible and I would likely go nuts if I was with a woman (sexually) with a pair like these. My wife has big nipples when she's aroused, but not as big as these (well, maybe the one on the right - which is smaller than the one on the left).

I love to kiss, lick, suck, and nibble on them but often my wife tells me to stop because she is feeling too sensitive or ticklish. Which is a damned shame. There have been a few times, however, when I've been able to have a good bit of fun with her boobs/nipples. That was back when my wife was reading Literotica (she seems to have stopped now - or is better at hiding it) and would seek out the 'milk' genre.  That was when this happened:
I thought she was going to mount me cowgirl style but instead she pushed her tits into my face. Taking her cue I opened wide and started tonguing her boobs. She groaned again, so I grabbed one in each hand and started suckling them. She moaned again, this was her tit fetish (via Literotica) come to life. My teeth and tongue worked over both nipples good, as I squeezed her boobs hard.
Her moans and cooing continued, to the point I was wondering if she was cumming. Women orgasming via breast/nipple play is something I've only read about so I don't know how common it really is (ditto for cumming during anal) but my wife was certainly enjoying herself. I started jacking my cock with one hand while I used the other to feed her tits into my mouth. I was holding one like a milk bottle and sucking on her boob like I was drinking her breast milk (another of her favorite fetish stories on Literotica) and wanking with my right hand.
This really set her off and she egged me on: "yeah baby, suck that titty, mmmm.... 
--->  more

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Since no one says Happy Hump Day anymore...

via Instagram

Can we make it Happy Rump Day?
I love that bootie!
(Original image by @suicidegirls ©)
#bootie #butt #ass #arse #rump #humpday #happyhumpday

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

TMI Tuesday: April 18, 2017 ~ Sexual Revelations

Back in my day there was no 'online' - my porn came via Penthouse magazine © image by Suze Randall

1. When did you see your first naked women that was not a family member?
~ I was about 10 years old and walking along a beach in the Fall. I was walking along the road next to the beach and it started to rain so I started to hurry, back to the diner where the rest of my family were. As I started to jog I saw an open trash bin at the side of the road and something caught my eye. It was the crumpled pages of what I would later learn was a pornographic magazine. It was probably Penthouse because I could see spread legs and close up images of a vagina. Naturally I stopped, stepped back, and stared at these images. It seemed like I gazed for a while but I know it was probably fleeting. I remember being mortified at what I saw - WTF was that gash between her legs? Why was she being forced to strip and show her breasts? Why were her legs so far apart?
All this was fascinating but the rain was falling steadily now so I raced back to the diner. Years later I would realise 'she' hadn't been forced to do anything and was just posing ubiquitously.

2. When did you see your first naked man that was not a family member?
~ My father played football when I was very young and after the game they would adjourn to the clubhouse and shower. I followed him in there once and was shocked at what I saw. They were all shapes and sizes and all horribly bushy. I was pleased I had no hair, but even then I suspected I would grow some eventually since all the grown ups had hair 'down there'. 
I wonder what today's young boys would think in a similar situation? Some of the guys would probably be shaved or manscaped so a young boy might not realise everyone grows public hair. (Although these days they probably wouldn't allow young boys anywhere near the men's showers!!)

3. What were the circumstances of each situation?
~ Answered above! (This is why my posts are so long - ask me a question and I'll tell you more than you asked)

4. At what age did you first witness sexual nudity? Was it online or in print?
~ I'm not sure of the exact age but it would have been my early teens, after puberty. We didn't have 'online' then, we kicked it old school with 'print'. It was probably a Penthouse magazine and probably a Suze Randall shoot (her images are imprinted in my brain). I recall being pleasantly shocked to see a pictorial with a naked man in it. She was lying on a sofa and he was standing by her head. His semi erect penis was hanging down and she had her mouth open, as if about to receive it.
Years later I would learn that this was to get around censorship laws. At the time you couldn't show an aroused penis, nor could you show a sexual act. So they had to pose the models looking like they were about to do something (ie about to swallow or about to touch it) and the man's dick had to be less than perpendicular. If it pointed up it was obscene, if it didn't it was not obscene.

5. Sexual revolution – When was yours OR It hasn’t happened yet?
~ As a kid all I read about was the 'Free Love' of the Swinging Sixties and 70s. It seemed like everyone was fucking back then and I had missed out. I recall being tangibly sad about it, as if my generation (of girls/women) had 'wised up' and given up on being the sexual playthings of men. Years later I would realise that there were just as many people fucking in the 80s as there had ever been before (if not more) and I had just failed to apply myself properly.  It turned out my female friends in High School were blowing or fucking their boyfriends - they just weren't telling me about it.
Once I learned that women wanted it too I made up for it in spades.

Bonus: What’s the best sex advice or sex education book you’ve ever read? (Yes, it must be a book, could be online but a book)
~ I'm not sure if it was the best or the worst but it was the most influential. And it wasn't an educational book (sorry, but guys don't read that stuff) nor was it Playboy Advisor, which has actually given good advice at certain periods of history (usually when it had a female editor who tried to give good advice, as opposed to the male editors who would try to be funny and give 'manly' a.k.a. sexist advice).
When I was 15 I secretly read my mother's copy of The Happy Hooker by Xaviera Hollander. Her frank descriptions of her sexual escapades had a profound impact on me, both mentally and physically. When she described how she 'learned' to masturbate at a young age and then discovered 12 different ways to get off it totally rocked my world. Like I said, it was a revelation: women wanted/enjoyed it too!
I wrote a whole post on this in my previous blog (that Wordpress saw fit to terminate due to it's pornographic content) so read this story instead.

Double Bonus: Yesterday I tried my hand at erotic fiction for the Masturbation Monday meme [link]. It's not great, but it's a start.
  Triple Bonus: For an update on my wife's erotic reading see the end of Sunday's post OPP - How Women Use Porn


How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Monday, April 17, 2017

MM ~ the Cam Virgin

This is a fictional piece for this week's Masturbation Monday story prompt. It's the first time I've tried my hand at 'erotica' - maybe I'll write my wife a story one day?

This week's visual prompt, as offered by Masturbation Monday

"What do you mean you've never cammed?" wrote Jackie, via Messenger "it's 2017, cams have been around for at least a decade - you must have cammed by now?"

"I skyped my Aunt once," replied John, "but that was because she was sick and about to die. It was really awkward. I hated it"

"Well, duh" said Jackie "this will be different - A LOT different! :) "

"I dunno" fudged John, who was not at all keen to cam with Jackie. Sure, he wanted to watch her on cam but he did not want her to see him. He was at least ten years older than her for starters, and overweight as well. She was hot and he was... not.

All of a sudden John was feeling like he'd bitten off more than he could chew. He'd talked the talk but now he wasn't so confident about walking the walk. John's midlife crisis was now staring him in the face - he was confronted with his own stupidity. John felt like such a cliche. When John turned 45 he became stuck on the idea that he was Old and that life had passed him by. His efforts to rebel had somehow led him to this point with Jackie, a woman he didn't even know in the real world.

"Do you want to see my tits or not?" typed Jackie, snapping John back to attention.

"Hell YES!!" replied John, realising the train was about to leave the station "I would absolutely love to see those glorious breasts of yours"

"Good, because I want to see your cock. I want you to jerk off for me while I play with my boobs - can you do that for me?" asked Jackie.

The ping from the Skype app told him there was no going back now. She had called him and he would have to accept. The app on his laptop kept chiming, it seemed to be getting louder and louder...

Completely flustered John suddenly stood up, dropped his pants, and accepted the Skype video call.

"Wow!" said Jackie, her voice sounding like soft velvet "you don't waste any time!"

All she could see was John's dick, filling her screen. It was a nice cock, average in size, but it would do. She just wanted to get off and John had intrigued her so today she picked him. What he lacked in size, she decided, he made up for by being a cam virgin. It had been so long since she cammed with a newbie and she relished the opportunity to pop another cherry.

The trick would be to not have him pop too soon - which was always a distinct possibility with Cam Virgins.

"That looks nice John, I like the closeup view" she purred "but you're a bit floppy - would you like me to show you something to perk you up?"

"Yes, please!" said John, a little too desperately.

"And what would you like to see John? You have to tell me, I want to hear it" replied Jackie, who was already feeling warm between her legs.

"I want to see your tits" croaked John, his mouth suddenly dry "I want to see you play with your nipples"

"Like this?" purred Jackie coyly as she pulled the sleeves off her shoulders and pushed her stretch top down to her waist. John's jaw dropped as he gazed at her large breasts, lovingly encased in a white lace bra. He could not believe his luck, it was all true, why hadn't he done this years ago? There really were women out there willing to cam with strangers and show him their tits.

"Oh my god, you're beautiful" beamed John, talking to her tits.

Jackie unclipped her bra at the back and then flipped it off at the front, grabbing a full breast in each hand. She jiggled her tits up and down as she stared at John's cock, which was now fully erect. Gloriously erect.

"Like what you see?" she asked, grinning.

"Oh god yes," said John "they're magnificent!"

"Good, then wank that cock for me John" said Jackie, as she squeezed and massaged her boobs sensuously "I want to see you nice and hard - you like looking at titties and I like looking at stiff pricks - so show me how great these big luscious tits are John. I bet you'd love to get one in your mouth, wouldn't you John?"  Jackie traced her finger around her areola and gave the nipple a playful flick before stopping to look directly at the camera. She said nothing but her raised eyebrow said 'what next?'

"Can I see you play with your nipples?" asked John, as he started slowly stroking his cock. It felt stiff in his hand but he knew he could make it harder. He started to stroke a little faster as Jackie grabbed her nipples between her thumbs and forefingers and started rolling. He was surprised at how quickly they hardened to her touch. He had had no idea what to expect but he'd hit the jackpot with Jackie. Big boobs and big nipples. Her nipples were exquisite - long and stiff - just how he liked them. Exactly how he liked them.

As John stared at the screen Jackie was staring at hers just as hard. John's cock looked great as he pumped his fist up and down his veiny shaft and she could see the head was turning a nice shade of purple. Her breasts felt great in her hands and she was enjoying the look on his face as she tweaked her nipples. His eyes were totally fixated on her swollen nipples and she could tell he was going to erupt soon. And she hadn't even shown him her pussy yet! Maybe she would save that for next time, she thought, deciding there would be a next time.

"Your cock is sticky!" she laughed, observing the glistening shaft as he jacked his fist up and down his dick.

"Oh god, it is too!" replied John, as he stopped what he was doing and stuck a finger on the tip of his wet prick. He tapped the head and a bead of pre-cum spread from fingertip to cocktip. Jackie moaned at the sight of it, and realised she was quite wet herself. Her pussy ached for attention but she ignored it and continued fondling her own breasts. She pulled one up to her mouth and dropped her tongue to the nipple, swirling all around the areola, licking herself.

"Oh god, that's so hot" said John, "keep doing that..."

John's voice trailed off as he resumed fisting his cock. He was pumping it hard now and Jackie realised he had given up any pretense of putting on a show for her. He was trying to cum now, trying to get himself off. Jackie wanted to get off too, but she would do that later, after the cam session was over. Right now all she wanted was to see John shoot his load all over his lap top. That's what got her off - seeing a man so overcome with his own lust he'd fire a hot sticky mess all over his keyboard.

Sometimes they got so worked up they even hit the screen - she loved that! A jet of hot cum erupting so fast it splattered onto the screen before slowly dripping down... a grey smear on her window that she wouldn't have to clean up.  She would touch her screen as if she was scooping it up and then mime licking their jism off her fingers. They loved that, but what she was really doing was wetting her own fingers - which 30 seconds later would be in her sopping pussy. As soon as she had said "thanks babe that was great, let's do this again" before hanging up on them, of course.

"C'mon John, wank that cock" instructed Jackie, who's wet cunt was telling her to hurry things along. "I want to see your fist fly all up and down that nasty dick of yours, yeah make it rain baby, jerk that cock for me John, I wanna see you cum, mmmmm I'm gonna cum too John, your dick looks so good..."

It wasn't the sight of her big tits and her stiff nipples that got John off, nor the dirty talk. What finally finished John off was the look she gave him as she begged him to cum on her tits. Her lust was so intense it was like she was there in the room with him, not halfway across the country in a different time zone. She grabbed both breasts and thrust them at the camera, her hard nipples seemingly ready to break the glass barrier between them.

Jackie could tell John was about to cum and cupped her boobs in both hands and offered them up to the camera. "Cum on me John" she implored, "shoot your filthy mess all over my beautiful breasts. Paint me with your seed John, splatter me with your spunk..." Jackie twisted her nipples, HARD, for good measure.

John grunted loudly as he fired his load, eyes closed. In his head he was pumping his cock between Jackie's warm bosom, spurting his cum all over her tits as she clasped them together for his pleasure. His hand gripped his cock at the root as his free hand squeezed his balls, wringing out the last of his orgasm. He hissed through his teeth and shook his neck, making it crack. The tension was now fully released, just like his sperm, and he exhaled deeply.

"Thanks babe that was great, let's do this again" giggled Jackie, as she hung up on him. John opened his eyes to see the Skype window blank, and his computer screen smeared with cum. Just like his keyboard. It was everywhere. His two thousand dollar laptop was covered in cum and he had no idea how on earth he was going to be able to clean it all up.

He cursed Jackie - that scheming bitch had probably done it on purpose!

And then he smiled. Maybe next time she would show him her pussy? Yeah, that would be hot - watching her finger herself while he masturbated...


This post has also been submitted to Masturbation Monday. If my words did not work for you then try this video instead!

click here for more about 'Masturbation Monday' (much more!)

Sunday, April 16, 2017

OPP - How Women Use Porn

This post is a mashup of articles written by Playboy and YouPorn, based on data supplied by YouPorn. If you didn't already know, YouPorn is one of the biggest online porn sites on the world wide web [link]. They recently surveyed the people who use their site to find out what they watched, how they watched it, and how often they watched it. This post relates to female users of YouPorn (one in four YouPorn visitors are female):

More than 24,000 women were surveyed, yielding the following data:
  • 76% are millennial women (18-34 yrs of age)
  • 57% consider themselves “heterosexual” 
  • 32% “bisexual” 
  • (So presumably that means about 10% are "lesbian"?) 
  • 18% of women watch porn daily 
  • 63% watch it weekly/a few times a month 
  • 9% watch porn more than once a day. 
  • 54% have not spoken to their friends about their porn viewing habits 
  • 51% would be embarrassed if their friends knew they watched porn, and yet... 
  • 51% of respondents think it’s as acceptable for women to watch porn as it is for men. 

The survey also found that 89% of respondents prefer to watch porn alone. Not surprising since 50% of respondents are “single”, 27% are “dating” and only about 20% are “married”. The majority of respondents that are in a relationship (68% to be exact) agree that watching porn without their significant other doesn’t feel like cheating, and they wouldn’t be embarrassed if their S.O. found out they watched porn alone. 

They also agreed that watching it with their partner hasn’t improved their sex life, which is probably why they watch it alone…at least then they can watch the content that inspires them.

A third of women said they watch porn because they enjoy it. 16% see porn as a way to “satisfy fantasies without acting on them” and 14% tune in because they feel “excited” at that moment. However, while porn may get the juices flowing, she doesn’t want you to share the experience. Nine in ten women prefer to watch porn alone.

YouPorn’s research found that, when women first arrive on the porn site, 34% tend to select videos of women of a similar age, weight and ethnicity. That’s because 56% of women have imagined themselves in a porn of their very own. The second most popular factor that women consider when selecting a video is that the clip features “a female lead or dominant character.” As men tend to do, women generally select videos from a category she’s already familiar with (“Lesbian” being the most popular category) while 23% like to explore options across all categories.


Nero says: I find these results fascinating. As I've mentioned many times in this blog, my wife used to be very secretive about her porn habits. She read a lot of online erotica via Literotica and later she started buying KindlePorn via Amazon. She always denied it (for years!) until one day I confronted her with the obvious. At that point she admitted it, but denied it (binge reading for 4-6 hours, for 2-4 days) was a problem. 

She even claimed she was 'just' reading romance stories with 'a bit of sex' in them. No, she was reading hardcore porn with very explicit scenes (nothing wrong with that, I hasten to add)

My wife's favorite genres were submission, forced submission/rape, interracial/rape, BDSM, and sometimes 'Fetish' (a euphemism Literotica use to cover genres like incest and lactation/milk stories).

My wife seems to have stopped reading porn now (or gotten better at hiding it) since I've seen no evidence of her reading anything for at least six months. She still reads, but they're romance novels (yes, some still with a smattering of sex but nothing like what she used to read). 

She also reads mainstream stuff - it's almost like she's made a conscious choice not to read sex books anymore. Were they leading her into temptation?

Like many couples we experimented with watching porn together in the first decade of our relationship but it was a very brief experiment. My wife basically got jealous of the women on screen and would either openly scoff at them for being ugly skanky hoes or ask me passive agressive questions about what I thought of the girls and if they were more attractive than her. 

In the second decade she 'discovered' Literotica but for her that was not 'porn' but 'erotica'. I've discussed that subject on this blog before so I won't repeat myself. Long story short: my porn was dirty and nasty, her porn was not porn it was erotica. 

Long story short: she doesn’t want me to share the experience. She's one of the nine in ten women who prefer their porn solo. Probably because she doesn't want me to see what she's into because she's worried I might try it in the bedroom. As she says (on the rare occasions we've discussed her habits) she considers it (and remember, she won't admit what 'it' is) fantasy stuff and insists she wouldn't want it in real life.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

It’s always fun to masturbate together? ~ Original Draft

Editorial note:~ This is the original draft of Monday's 'It’s always fun to masturbate together?' post which I ruthlessly edited for length. Readers of the Masturbation Monday meme prefer shorter hotter posts. Today's posts includes all the bits I've cut out (ie me talking about how I felt) plus a few bonus images for your trouble. Feel free to pass judgement in the comments section below. I welcome your editorial criticisms!! Tell me whether you prefer the longer or the shorter version. Maybe you just prefer less depressing whining angst from me?

"It’s always fun to masturbate together. Don’t you think so?"

Thus began the prompt for last week's Masturbation Monday meme - which in turn ended up being a prompt for our 'sex' last Saturday night. I say 'sex' instead of just sex because I'm still in a transitional phase. I'm still coming to grips (no pun intended) with the realisation that most of the sex my wife and I have now is non-penetrative, replaced with what amount to mutual masturbation sessions. Like the one we had on Saturday night, for which I'll give the details to after this short pictorial break:

As well as the question above Kayla Lords also gave us this image as a visual prompt for this week's Masturbation Monday meme

What you see in
What I see in the image above is how I imagine what mutual masturbation should be. Granted the shot is cropped fairly close, but I imagine this couple is masturbating together for their mutual enjoyment. They're not two people coincidentally masturbating side by side who could just as easily have been getting themselves off in separate rooms.

Okay, it wasn't as bad as that. I guess I'm a bit of Glass Half Empty sort of guy so I'll just stick to the facts and let you decide...

We'd been out for an early cocktail party followed by dinner with another couple on Saturday night, but as I've mentioned previously my wife is halfway through a 4 week 'no alcohol' bender. This means she's just drinking water for 4 weeks to prove she's not an alcoholic. I don't think she's an alcoholic but I do think she goes to a lot of social functions and over indulges sometimes. She can't stop at just 2-4 drinks, she just keeps going (if it's a long day/night).

[Side note: That gif above is mesmerizing isn't it? I just keep looking at it as I try to type this. I just want to stop writing and jerk off again. I mean, seriously, just look at that frikken pussy (straight women may just be staring at the cock)! It's so sensual the way she fingers herself.]

Anyway the point is that when she doesn't drink she doesn't get frisky. This doesn't necessarily mean Tipsy = Frisky, but the odds of her getting amorous are greater when she is. Where am I going with this? I dunno. Let's just say we were home by 11pm and my wife went straight to bed to read her magazines. By midnight I thought 'fuck this' and went upstairs to join her - and to see what's up with our 'Scheduled Sex' arrangement.

Because while my wife was looking at fashion magazines I was online and reading a few of Kayla Lords' posts. I was fascinated to see that she describes herself as a 'submissive' which is not what I expected from a woman who writes erotica and operates a few sex blogs. I guess I just didn't expect a woman who seems so confident about her sexuality and forthright about what she wants (and so knowledgeable about what's available) to consider herself sexually submissive. I consider her to be a powerful dynamic individual and...

... and then the penny dropped.

My wife is a powerful dynamic individual... used to ordering everyone around... getting her own way... getting what she wants... making things happen. What if my wife was sexually submissive? I don't think she wants to be tied up and spanked (well, maybe) but what if she wanted me to be more
Alpha in the bedroom? Domanitrix are always in the media talking about how their clients are often high powered captains of industry, politicians, and judges - people used to having a certain level of control over other people but wanting to be told what to do on the bedroom. To have that control stripped away from them.

Maybe my wife just wants to be told what to do in the bedroom? If I recall correctly there have been many occasions when my wife has given out plenty of negative sex vibes and yet acquiesced as soon as I initiate directly. (To be fair it's 50/50 that she could just as easily shoot me down). I decided to put it to the test. I went upstairs, got into bed, and sidled up to my wife.

"What are you reading?" I enquired, as I ran my hand under the covers - from her knee to her inner thigh. It was patently obvious she was reading a fashion magazine.

"This issue seems to be full of 'old lady' fashions this month" she replied, since she also knew I knew what she was reading.

"Uh huh," I responded, glancing at the clothes. They indeed looked a bit dowdy. I was glad she thought so - just because you've hit fifty doesn't mean you have to dress like an Old Maid.  But I wasn't here to talk fashion. "How's the regrowth?" I asked, throwing back the covers so I could see her pussy. It had been two weeks since she had gotten a brazilian and she was still looking quite trim, there was only minimal regrowth. 

My wife's regrowth wasn't as bad as this (not that I'd kick her out of bed)
"...probably needs a closer inspection" I offered, as I got up and moved between her legs. She didn't say anything but she moved her legs wider, as she continued reading. I slowly sunk my head down to her pussy. "Ow, scratchy!" she cried out, as my beard grazed her thighs. She'd never said that before, which was puzzling. I'd had a beard for 2+ years now, something she told me to keep after we visited Brooklyn for 3 weeks without a razor and she decided I blended well with the hipsters.

"I'll shave in the morning" I said, as I spread her legs wider and clamped my hands onto her upper inner thighs. Now all she could feel was the iron grip of my manly hands and my feather-like tongue as it rolled over and around her labia. She continued to read her magazine as I continued to tease her, until finally she dropped her magazine and pushed her pussy up into my face. She had one hand on the back of my head and the other was presumably squeezing her breast. 

I couldn't see but that's what she does when it feels good.

When she released her hand from my head I looked up. She had a hand on each breast and both eyes shut tight as she ground her pussy into my face. "Yeah, just there" she moaned, as my tongue found the sweet spot on her clit. "Don't move!" she hissed, grabbing my head with both hands and locking me into position. I flattened my tongue and held it there, pressing hard, just how she likes it. 

She came, releasing my head and kind of tossing me back. When she cums she doesn't want any more contact down there. It's sensitive, she says. Fair enough, my dick is sensitive after I've come too. I could tell it was a 'small' orgasm (I'm old enough to know that that's how it is sometimes) but I resisted the temptation to go back in for a second. Sometimes I do (after a brief rest period for her) but not tonight - I just wasn't getting that vibe off her.

I rolled over and removed my boxers and then lay back on the bed. She reached over and gave my stiff prick a gentle tug. "Jerk it for me" she said, as her hand dropped to my balls. She started caressing me there as I jacked my cock slowly. She slid one leg over my thigh and started clenching against me. Then she slipped her hand between us and started grinding against her hand, pressed against my thigh. Hmmm, maybe she was looking for a second cum after all?  I put my arm over her shoulder and reached around to her breast, giving her sideboob a firm but gentle squeeze.

My wife rolled onto her back so I could have better access to her breasts... and so she could have better access to her pussy. She had her left on her clit as her right hand continued to play with my balls. My right hand was on my cock and my left hand on her right tit. I was squeezing it a bit harder now, rolling her stiff nipple between my thumb and forefinger. It was rock hard now, as was my cock.

Her back arched and she moved both hands to her cunt. Her eyes were shut and I could see her disappearing into her own little world. I placed each of my hands on each of her breasts and continued massaging them. She was pulling both hands up hard into her pussy, rolling her hips slightly, and her teeth were clenched. I could see she had one finger from her left hand pressed down on her clit, splitting her pussy lips, as the whole of her right hand covered her left and bore down hard.

It was clear she was oblivious to my presence so I let go of her tits and watched as she got herself off. Her butt was lifted ever so slightly off the bed as she pushed up against her hands, which were bearing down with matching force. As I said, she had the finger from her left hand pressed hard on her clit, providing specific local pressure, as the whole of her right hand covered her left hand and provided a dispersed pressure all over her cunt. 

She grunted as she made a few short quick thrusts into her hand - a final hump as her second orgasm overwhelmed her. She slumped back on the bed and breathed. When she finally opened her eyes she looked at my cock and asked "why did you stop?"  I told her I was watching her. "Well it's your turn now" she said, as she turned away and reached over to the nightstand to get the lube.

Lube? So we were going to have penetrative P.I.V. sex after all? I guess the trick was to get her off twice so she was really aroused, and hungry for my dick! Clearly all those times we'd 'just' enjoyed mutual masturbation was because she hadn't had enough foreplay. I resolved to work on that...

My hopes were dashed when she squirted the lube on her hand and grabbed my dick. That's not a bad thing, but it meant we weren't having P.I.V. sex because she always lubes herself first when are. This meant I was getting a lube handjob, which I knew would be nice since I'd asked her to try it that way the last time. Except this wasn't so nice because she a new brand of lube and it dried really fast around my hot cock. Instead of giving me a slick handjob it was like her hand was coated in wallpaper glue.

The problem with lube is that once you start with it you're kind of committed to it. She added more in an attempt to keep things slippery but it still kept drying out - maybe because my cock was hot and throbbing. I told her to use her fingers just on the tip, which she did, but not the way I wanted. She got me close, but not close enough. It was like I was running up a mountain but just as I reached the summit my feet were slipping on gravel. I was running but going nowhere, neither forward nor backward. 

Maybe this is why our sex life is so dysfunctional? We both can get ourselves off better than the other can? She knows the exact rhythm and pressure to apply to her clit and pussy when masturbates and likewise me and my cock? I decided now was not the time for self examination, it would only lead to despondency and a limp cock. "Turn over" I told her, "I'm gonna cum on your ass!"  It was not so much that I wanted to cum on her ass as I needed a mechanism to take over the handjob. I could have cum on her tits but that would only reinforce the fact that she couldn't make me cum with a handjob.

Lying on her stomach meant she would be freed of the burden of trying to jack me off. 

I climbed up behind and started fisting my cock. I wanted to slide it up and down her asscrack but the wallpaper glue was now a dried mess and it felt terrible. I pulled back and just started wanking, my balls pressed against her butt. My wife reached back and started massaging her cheeks but I wanted more. "Show me your asshole," I ordered "I'm gonna cum all over it".  My wife dutifully grabbed her butt cheeks and pulled them wider, exposing her tight little asshole to me. 

"Yeah, that's it" I groaned lustily. We'd had anal sex possibly a half dozen times in our 20+ years together but it still looked like a virgin asshole. Tight and pink. I really wanted to fuck her there, and had convinced myself many times that I deserved to fuck her there is she couldn't accommodate me in the front entrance, but reality prevailed over fantasy and I knew I wouldn't be trying that tonight. But that didn't mean I couldn't have a little fun.

"Stick your finger in your ass" I told her, "I wanna see you finger your asshole while I cum on you"

She placed one finger tentatively in her hole but she didn't go in far. This annoyed me because I've seen her go in a lot deeper before, and in fact give herself a good fingering. Okay, that only happened one time but it was hot and I wanted to see it again. "Deeper!" I said, as I jerked my cock harder and faster. I was ready to cum. Her finger pushed a little deeper but she did it so gingerly she was clearly not 'fingering herself' by any stretch of my dark imagination.

It was then I realised she'd had her nails done, and didn't want the glitter to come off - not on one finger anyway. How would she explain that to friends? Especially if 'that' finger now had a brownish hue? I knew that neither of those would actually happen but I also knew that my wife would worry it might happen, hence her hestitancy to indulge in assplay. I decided it was time to finish this little scene (not that she knew she was in one).

"I'm ready to cum now," I told her "where do you want it?"

"Anywhere you like honey." 

(Okay, she clearly had no sense of where I was going with this)

"Tell me where you want it!!" I said, more gruffly

"On my ass, cum all over my ass" she said, taking the hint. But I wanted more.

"I'm gonna cum in your asshole" I told her, "all over it. I'm gonna fill it up cos there's a lot coming"

She said nothing but pulled her cheeks wider to expose her rosebud. Except it was still pretty tight. I wasn't looking for a gape (personally that does nothing for me) but I was looking for something more relaxed. I realised she thought I was going to stick my dick in her ass...

"Don't worry, I'm not going to stick my cock into that tight little asshole of yours" I said, "but I am gonna fill it with a puddle of cum." That seemed to calm her, I saw her sphincter visibly relax. "Now tell me where you want it!" I continued.

"In my asshole" she replied, "all over my dirty asshole!" 

And so I did, and it was quite a puddle. I surprised myself. It filled her asshole and her ass crack and when she collapsed down on the bed it became quite a sticky mess. Which she loves, when she's in the mood. "Omigod!" she laughed, as she grabbed a huge wad of tissues to clean herself up "you came a lot". Indeed I had, since I needed a few myself.

I'm still no closer to learning if my wife has submissive tendencies but I'm clearly no Christian Grey, and neither is she Anastasia Steele. I guess we'll have to work it out some other way.