[NB: *This post was written on March 29 but held back until now because I didn't want to publish it until my wife was on a plane bound for Europe. I've occasionally had niggling fears that my wife reads this blog, so I don't want to tip off her off as to what I'm planning. To be honest I can't believe she could have actually read this blog and NOT said anything to me about it (because clearly I've got issues, and a caring wife would want to address those) but I figured 'better safe than sorry' so I'm only publishing it now]
|"Stop being so paranoid Nero, you're making a fool of yourself!"|
Well, I'm not sure if it's a cunning plan or a descent into madness but here's what I came up with:
As you will be aware from my recent* whining, my wife and I have not had sex since Mexico - about 3+ weeks ago. Last Friday I wondered if she'd got herself a brazilian, because she'd been for 'a spa treatment' at 4pm (according to her diary) and when she came home (before heading out again) she said to me "I might have a surprise for you later". You can read all about it in "I might have a surprise for you later" ~ Part 1
Since then there's been more teasing from her, as detailed in Sunday's "I might have a surprise for you later ~ Part 2" with the awful finale in "I might have a surprise for you later ~ Part 3". I suppose I could have made this post Part 4 since it relates to Part 1, but it's a fresh angle so let's start anew.
As I mentioned in Part 3, I've stopped initiating sex with my wife because I'm sick of getting rejected each and every time I do. So naturally I was pleased at my wife's recent hints that we might get intimate, although ultimately I was left both disappointed and frustrated. (No surprises there). But regardless of my feelings an even bigger questions remains:
Did my wife actually get her pussy waxed last Friday afternoon?
I still don't know because I still haven't seen it. I know she didn't get her nails done because she did that on Saturday, but what if she just had her eyebrows waxed or some other similar but innocuous treatment? If that's the case then I would be getting all het up over nothing, winding myself up for no good reason. Which is stupid.
So I have decided there is only one way to know for sure: I need to initiate sex with my wife so I can see her pussy! Yes, the regrowth will have started but for my purposes that doesn't matter. I just need confirmation as to whether she got a brazilian or not. If she didn't then I'm an idiot, but if she did... well, why didn't she share that with me? What happened or what did I do over the weekend that put her off wanting to have sex with me? Because for the life of me I can't think of a single thing.
And if she didn't do it for me who did she do it for?
Which brings me to the second part of my plan - the bit that makes it 'cunning'.
If she did get a brazilian that confirms this is the spa she goes to for brazilians. I know she went there just before we went to Mexico and she got one then, but I need to be sure that this is the brazilian place my wife goes to. Because...
If I see later that she goes to this same spa place just before she goes to Europe in April for that conference, the one where she's meeting This Guy and he's registered as her partner for this conference (ostensibly to save him money because 'partners' pay half price) and then after the conference she's flying to his city (still in Europe) for 3 days and 2 nights so he can give her the Grand Tour... well, I think that's a pretty good indication she got herself a brazilian.
|This, essentially, is my cunning plan - distilled to a single image!|
'Ah, but Nero' I hear you say 'how do you know she didn't just get a mani-pedi before she left for Europe? You could be making awful assumptions which have no basis in fact!"
Yes, you are correct. Which is where the 'descent into madness' bit comes in:
I have resolved that if I confirm this weekend that my wife did get a brazilian last Friday then it's reasonable to assume the spa place is the place doing it.
So if she goes back to the spa place just before she goes to Europe then it's reasonable to assume she got a brazilian - something I can confirm by stopping the car halfway to the airport (since she will get me to drive her to the airport) and ask her to lift her skirt and show me her pussy.
If she asks why I will make a joke and tell her it's to 'tide me over' for while she's away.
If she refuses I will be more insistent, and if she still refuses I will tell her of my suspicions.
If she continues to refuse then I'll know she's guilty. Sorry, but I'm not going to accept any crap about 'trust' and my 'paranoia' from her - we've been together for 20+ years and if she wants to stand on principle rather than take the easy [and obvious] opportunity to assuage my suspicions then IMO she is clearly hiding a bald pussy. If she does lift her skirt then I will know one way or another. One of us will have egg on their face, and if it's me then I don't care - at least I'll know she's not up to anything.
'So...' I hear you say 'why are you so paranoid Nero?"
Just click the This Guy tag below to see all the posts involving him. In particular check out this one, in which he sent a private message to my wife to share a cunnilingus video with her. Or this one, where he asked if he could register as her partner for the conference.
Second (and important) Update [April 20]:
1] Yes, she did get a brazilian, as I discovered after I drafted this post (details)
2] Yes, it's a cunning plan, but quite paranoid. As soon as I got laid (details) I became a lot more relaxed and considered the plan cunning but silly.
3] My wife subsequently had a cunning plan too - or am I just being paranoid again?
As you read this I will be on School Camp with my daughter. Yes, my wife conveniently signed me up (without telling me) to be one of the parent helpers on a school camp my daughter is attending this week. This means I will be unable to execute my cunning plan because I won't be here. It also means my wife will have a few days to herself before her departure to Europe to groom herself to her heart's
I tried to get out of it but my wife made it impossible. We had a heated discussion at dinner one night and her actual words were "Why don't you want to do this? Is there something else you're not telling us, because so far you haven't given us one good reason not to go." Nevermind that the last time I went on School Camp my daughter was 6 and I had a massive asthma attack because I'm allergic to the outdoors and almost came home at 2am because I struggled to breathe... nevermind that my daughter is 15 now and quite frankly I have no interest in getting caught up in any teenage shenanigans. "OMG your Dad is sooo old and fat!" or "Ewww, your father was staring at me, what a perve!" etc etc.
It goes without saying that the latter would never happen, but you know what kids are like - they like to bully and they make shit up, and quite frankly I have no desire to put myself or my daughter in that position. But my wife has done it anyway. Which is quite shrewd of her - if you believe she could plan such a thing. They way she tells it this was/is just a great opportunity for some father/daughter bonding - the way my paranoid mind tells it this is a great way to get me out of the way while she prepares for her European Adventure.
As I mentioned in My wife and This Guy, texting again my wife coincidentally booked herself three extra days in London last October, sending myself and our daughter home ahead of her ("it's too expensive to change the flights!"). I had my suspicions then that she was planning a side trip to see This Guy, and I surmised she chickened out after spending all that family time with us. (Or maybe she did meet him and just hid it well?) This time she has no distractions - my daugher and I are gone for 5 days and won't be back until after she has left for her 'conference' in Europe (and the side trip to This Guy's city).
Feel free to tell me I'm going mad in the comments section below...! 🤔