Wednesday, May 3, 2017

An Update on my Wife's Affair

Today's post is today's post ie a real time post and not a re-run like I've been doing last week, and this week coming (with the exception of yesterday's TMI Tuesday, which was also new).

This is playmate Melinda Mays (Feb 1983). I was going to use
her to illustrate yesterday's TMI post, until I realised an actual
Miss May would be better than Miss Mays for a May post
The truth of the matter is that is that I still have no idea if my wife is cheating on me or not. As you (possibly) know she left last week for a BNG conference in Europe, which finished yesterday. Which is when she flew to This Guy's city for three days of R&R. Since I'm typing this yesterday (meaning she flew there today, as I write) I have no idea what they've gotten up to together. Not yet.

What I do know is that before she left she foiled my cunning plan (see I have hatched a cunning plan! for that story)

What I also know via her Facebook & Messenger account is that they all went clubbing until 5am the night before the conference started and most of them missed the morning session and some didn't even turn up until lunch time. I did not learn this just by looking at my Facebook, I had to hack into her account on her computer and look at the private posts, messages, and photos. They keep all that shit private - on their public Facebook timelines it's all tame stuff to keep their partners happy.

Ladies, if you haven't been on one of these conferences with your man then take it from me: be assured he's behaving like a boorish Frat Boy. Drinking like there's no tomorrow and doing his best to cajole the women -any woman!- to show him their tits. And if that fails he will end up in a Strip Club in the wee small hours just so he can be guaranteed something. Because what happens at Conference stays at Conference.

Only a minority of them will actually fuck around, but they all try. Most of them will put themselves in a position where they feel they could score if they wanted to, but most of them are too scared to actually do it. Much better to tell the guys the next day about what you almost did, than to actually try doing it and make a fool of yourself. Because there's nothing more foolish than a drunk middle aged white guy at 4am trying to fuck with whiskey dick.

This Guy was actually the organiser of the 'Unofficial After Party' that ran until 5am, and according to Messenger my wife left just after 2am and went back to her hotel and left him to it. Based on that I have to assume he had his own hotel room - which would be the smart thing to do if you didn't want other BNG people to know you were up to something. He was also the guy who bought a lapdance and a fuck for his pal in Tijuana because the poor dude had been single for 6 months. My wife was on that infamous unofficial Tijuana side trip (from the L.A. BNG conference two years ago) and that's when she and This Guy somehow bonded.

Anyway, I digress. What I really wanted to update you on was my sex life. As I mentioned in I have hatched a cunning plan! my wife shrewdly sent me away for a week as Parent Help for my daughter's School Camp. That meant I was gone for five days prior to my wife herself leaving for Europe. If you thought my wife might have sex with me before I left then you haven't been following this blog in 2017. Yes, we have not had sex since April 8, and call me a sex fiend but I kinda thought we'd have sex before I left for School Camp on April 23. She said she had a lot of work to do before she left for the conference but... she wasn't actually leaving for Europe for another 5 days (after I left).

So, long story short she aint getting it from me and makes out like she doesn't want it all - hopefully that feeling travels with her.

UPDATE: so she emails me the morning after the conference is finished and everyone is leaving. She of course is heading off to This Guy's city for 3 days of R&R, which she doesn't hide. What I found perplexing was that the email was long and finishes with a request that I pick her up from the airport on Saturday. It had a 'this is the last communication you'll get from me for the next few days' vibe about it. Weird, because she's been texting intermittently the whole time we were apart but... but what? Now suddenly her data plan is maxed out?

Maybe she knows her visit to This Guy is a sore point with me so she thinks it's better not to rub it in? Ladies, a tip from your pal Nero: when you fly off to visit a male 'friend' do not choose that moment to go incommunicado with your significant other. It doesn't help.

So anyway on Facebook he posts one of those map itineraries ("This Guy is flying from [BNG Conference city] to [This Guy's home city"] - complete with dotted line between the cities and an airplane icon) and my wife comments "See you soon!" and I'm like #$%^@&!!! inside but I can't say anything of course because I shut down my Facebook account after Mexico so I shouldn't be seeing it. (I'm looking on her computer, at home). 

To be fair they haven't communicated much via Facebook Messenger - but that doesn't really mean much. Maybe they're using Whatsapp or maybe they don't have to because they're together most of the time? Most of the Messenger messages at the conference were to say things like "I'm downstairs" or "I'll meet you at..."  One message he did send (while she was enroute to Europe) was "I can't wait to see you, it's been two years!! I've had [my wife's name] withdrawal." Sure, it's not "I can't wait to hold you in my arms again" but it doesn't seem very businesslike to me (because BNG stands for Business Networking Group, remember) and is another example of the level of intimacy between them that I found so troubling.

Now that they're at This Guy's city they aren't using Messenger at all (as in zero messages) which indicates to me she's with him full time. It's currently 1.30am where she is now (as I type) and there has been no 'Goodnite xo' message (to me) from her, unlike as in previous days. Maybe she's not back to her hotel yet? The last message I got from her was at 5pm (her time) telling me she was going out to dinner at an organic restaurant that night.

I bet he took her to some bars and a club after that, motherfucker.

Update #2: For the record, let me acknowledge vis a vis my Frat Boy comments above that women attending conferences are just as capable of having affairs as men, if they so choose. They are not delicate flowers being plucked by brutish men. For some women what happens on conference stays on conference too.


  1. I think you are very tolerant allowing this R&R few days with another guy - the power is with you - if she messes up shes an idiot

    1. That's very kind of you to say, but the reality is the past two weeks have highlighted to me how little power I actually have. The only 'power' I have is to decide whether I stay or leave. And that's a big step.
      I know I sound like a cliche (albeit with genders reversed) but if I leave it will seriously affect our daughter (who already has major issues) and aside from the mental anguish (mine) are things so bad that I can't suck it up for a few more years until our daughter is old enough to leave home? And then of course there is the (less important) financial aspect - if I leave I leave with nothing. She has all her (our) assets tied up in trusts in her name. at the least it will be a legal bunfight to untangle.
      And then there is another thing that has occurred to me recently, something I haven't blogged about yet. Most of my negative feelings towards my wife are rooted in the idea that she doesn't appreciate/love me - a conclusion I've come to because we don't have sex anymore. (It's more detailed than that, but that's the heart of it). What if that conclusion is wrong and it's something as simple as my wife is going through menopause and her libido has been crushed.
      I've assumed it's had no effect on her because she shows (nor will admit to) any symptoms, but given what I know of my wife (after 20+ years together) what if it's just her refusing to accept the aging process or that anything is different? This would explain all her acting out at parties, events, etc. She's just trying to maintain the facade of being a younger more vibrant person. (Which is not to say that women going through menopause turn into dried up husks - hopefully y'all get what I mean)


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