Tuesday, May 23, 2017

TMI Tuesday: May 23, 2017 ~ Digging Deep

1. The last time you had sex, was it urgent or essential? Consider masturbation or sex with a partner.
~ We had sex on Sunday night, it was non-penetrative (which is now the norm). All very slow and romantic. It was 'scheduled sex' inasmuch my wife agreed to have sex with me every Saturday night last Wednesday when we had a discussion about our lack of sexual intimacy. I am not surprised that we still couldn't manage to make it happen on Saturday night, but we got there in the end. A very intense orgasm for me (unsurprising given it was overdue!) and she said the same. Given her response during my oral assault I believe her.

2. What should you stop doing? Why?
~ I should stop eating so much and/or exercise more. Because I am overweight.

3. What makes you feel strongest? Sexiest?
~ To be honest (#TBH) I'm not one of those people who feel #Strong #Sexy #Blessed! I'm physically strong and I'm emotional strong - despite the impression you might get from reading some of my more despairing blog posts! I suppose I feel sexy when I know I look good, and when other women respond to me. Yes, I'm not so far gone that I don't recognize a vibe.
Something I've been doing this year, which I agree is sad, is using negative mantras. While some people employ positive affirmations ("I am going to have a great day today" or "I can do this, nothing will stop me, etc) I go in the other direction. Whenever I think my wife is giving me the signal that she is receptive to sex I tell myself "she loves me but she doesn't want me sexually" or "you are not what she craves, do not try to fuck her" or "she does not want you, don't be fooled by what she is doing'.

4. When do you feel vulnerable?
~ Every time we get ourselves into a sexual situation I am vulnerable. My wife sends out mixed signals all the time - unless she is sending out no signal at all, which is the norm. If I make a sexual advance towards my wife I know there is a 95% chance I will be rebuffed. Hence the mantras I refer to in Q3 - so I can stop myself from making that advance.

5. What is missing from your sex life?
~ Confidence. Due to the lack of communication on my wife's part I have no idea what she wants, when she wants it, or if she really enjoys it. She seems like she is enjoying, but as I have said before if she was really enjoying it she'd be wanting it more - amiright?
~ Novelty. My wife (used to) read a lot of erotica and enjoyed a variety of genres. But we never once tried any of it in the bedroom. I have made it known that I am willing to try anything but she says it's 'just fantasy stuff' and couldn't imagine doing it in real life. Recently my wife has said (to me) a few times that she doesn't use sex toys, when it has come up in conversation. She says it like it's some sort of decision she's made, like 'I don't eat gluten' or 'no carbs after 6pm'. It's weird considering she seems to cum hard with them - could that be why she's stopped? Does she not want to be reminded of what a deep intense orgasm feels like because I can't deliver the same?

Bonus: If you left your current lover, what would you miss the most?
~ A great question and difficult to answer since (despite all the whining on my blog) I couldn't contemplate leaving her.

Double Bonus: if you read my blog daily you might have seen this spooky coincidence on Sunday. [link]

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Happy TMI Tuesday!


  1. I do have to say that at my age (44) -I enjoy non-penetrative sex, but I don't think its an age thing as I really loved all the other stuff 20 years ago too. Any sexual activity which is intense and enjoyable is sex, in my eyes ...

    1. I do too, and I do consider it 'sex', but sometimes you have a hankering for an ol' fashioned pounding. My wife does too (see the fourth to last paragraph in https://nerospeaks.blogspot.com/2017/05/the-talky-bit-before-sex.html ) but despite all her talk last week about buying new lube because she wants penetrative sex we didn't on Sunday either.
      I think it's an age thing in that as you get older you find some things more difficult. It's not a problem (non penetrative sex) until it's a problem. When you're younger you don't mind changing things up because it's a choice but as the old saying goes: you never miss the water until the well runs dry.

  2. I've heard of negative mantras but they were always mantras to remove negative energy. but I'm with you, the positive reinforcement reaffirmation stuff has never worked on me.

    1. I made that term up to describe my mantras, which are negative not positive :-)

  3. I can relate to a lot of your answers, particually when it comes to negativity and vulnerability.

    1. As I've mentioned in a previous blog, for me it's like Charlie Brown, Lucy and the football. I know she's gonna swipe that football away but I always try to kick it:


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