Saturday, June 10, 2017

OPP: Ask TPVS: Threesomes Versus Airports

This is not one of my old posts, but one by Pervertically Virtuous
In the process of recovering my own old posts via email I discovered some of hers. Like me, her old accounts have been terminated, and she seems to have disappeared from the internet. This is a damn shame since I consider her one of the best sex bloggers I've ever had the chance to read and follow. I'm reposting her old posts as a historical archive, and if she ever returns to blogging I'm happy to hand them back to her.
To be clear: the copyright on this work is hers, and remains with her - I didn't write it and I make no claim to it. 

(FYI: some links in this post are dead)

recovered post on Pervertically Virtuous

Ask TPVS: Threesomes Versus Airports

by Pervertically Virtuous
This is my inaugural Ask TPVS post. I've been getting questions from readers, and I thought it'd be a good idea to answer some of those publicly. I will be answering questions each Monday. Feel free to ask anything and everything, if I have an answer, I'll provide it.

This first one is from a female reader who's been inspired by my "sexventures" to delve into an MFM experience:
I will be traveling this summer, and will have 12 hour layovers in different countries -- which I would prefer to POUNCE than to sit in the airport for that long. What medium would you recommend setting up these encounters through -- Craigslist, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish? Personal & sex safety is a big concern since there is such a small window to meet up, pounce, and then head back to the airport. Also, these are complete strangers, and I will not have the opportunity to feel them out until I meet them in person. I considered FetLife as it is community based and vouched for by members, but I am fairly vanilla aside from my MFM leanings, and did not want to treat FetLife as a meat market. 

I think that's a wonderful way to spend those layovers. I'm happy to hear I've inspired you to embark on such an adventure! :) I've used Craigslist successfully to set up MFMs. CL is not without its issues (I wrote about some of these in Flagged and Removed, and Panty Parade wrote about it here), but you can get laid off of CL by using common sense and having copious amounts of patience. In terms of safety, I have personally never had an unsafe encounter through CL, but some people have ended up dead that way. So you are certainly taking a risk, especially given your specific situation - a single woman in a foreign country. That being said, I've only used CL in the US, and have no idea how useful and safe Craigslist is in other countries, but all things considered, I would probably not use CL.

I would definitely not use FetLife for this purpose, because 1) you're not looking for a kinky encounter and FL is primarily for kinky people; and 2) it is particularly inconvenient as a dating/hookup website (the kinkster search capabilities are extremely limited and frustrating), and this is by design, as they're specifically trying to prevent FL from becoming just another kinky meat market website (like CollarMe is for example).

I've never used OKCupid or POF, so I can't speak to the quality of the men for the specific purpose of an MFM or the safety issues on these. Any of my other readers have any tips/opinions on these websites?

So what would I do in your shoes, as a single woman in a foreign country trying to fuck multiple strangers? I would:

1. Find out what is the most widely used/coolest swinger website in the country where you're going (in the US I'd probably go with Lifestyle Lounge, Kasidie, or SwingLifeStyle),

2. Find the single men there who have lots of positive reviews from women and couples. Why swinger websites as opposed to, say, Adult Friend Finder? Because I think :
  • - 'Popular' men on swinger websites are more likely to be experienced and comfortable with group sex, and that's often key with MFMs which, as I've mentioned before, can be difficult to set up and have everything run smoothly.
  • - Your likelihood of finding someone safe and respectful is higher on the swinger-sites. The swinger world holds single men to pretty high standards in terms of safe sex, respect toward women, looks, behavior, etc., so if someone succeeded in it (i.e. got lots of positive reviews), that means he's doing many things right.

3. Email these guys ahead of time, like 2 weeks or so before your trip. Chat with them a bit, see whether you're feeling the vibe, ask about their past experiences with group sex in general and MFMs in particular, their feelings about it (Do they say they're OK with it so they can fuck you, or are they really passionate about the MFM situation?). Are you looking for two friends, or two guys who don't know each other? Each situation might be different. Ask them about it - some men are comfortable with friends but not strangers, for others, it's the opposite. If you have time and want to be particularly thorough, email also a couple of the women/couples who've left them reviews, and ask them to tell you more about their experience with them.)

4. Meet both of them at the airport bar and have a drink together before you move on to the action. If you're not feeling the vibe, call it off. If your instinct is telling you something is off, listen to it. Don't feel like you have to do it just because you thought you wanted over email. Make sure you make this clear to them during your email communication - my policy with people I meet online for sex is almost always "no guarantees, we meet at the bar and if the chemistry is there, we take it to the next level, if not, no hard feelings").

5. Let a friend know who you'll be meeting up with when and where, and set up a way to communicate with her/him that everything went well at the end.
Also, what should I insist on in terms of protection? You mentioned that you have a "no condom, no sex" policy, which I plan to follow -- but what about for oral sex? I love a hard, thick cock in my mouth, and have never given oral with condoms. Should I insist for these situations?
That's a very good question and one that only you can answer for yourself. The risk of contracting something from oral is obviously lower than from vaginal intercourse, but it's not non-existent. Here's a great article in Salon by one of my favorite journalists writing about sex, Tracy Clark-Flory, on How Risky is Oral Sex; I summarize the main points below.
- HIV is very very unlikely to be transmitted.
- HPV can get transmitted, but a very small percentage of oral cancers are linked to HPV, most of those to HPV 16, which there's a vaccine for these days. (Are you vaccinated against HPV? No? You might want to consider it.)
- HSV (herpes) can get transmitted, although the likelihood of that happening when there is no active sore is pretty low. And you would think people would refrain from having sex when they have an active sore. If you already get cold sores, you don't have to worry about herpes (at least not HSV-1, which is the more common of the two).
- Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, and Syphilis do get transmitted with some frequency, and these are probably what you are most likely to get. Luckily, unlike the viruses, which you get for life and there's no real cure for, these three are fairly easy to treat with antibiotics.

If you have any cuts in your mouth, gums, throat, even minor ones, likelihood of transmission goes up.

In short, the risk of getting something life threatening is extremely small; the risk of getting something annoying but not life threatening is somewhat higher.

I personally choose to take the risk, because the pleasure of enjoying a hard, thick cock in my mouth to me is worth the very small risk of getting HIV (I've had cold sores since I was a kid, and I'm vaccinated against HPV), and I don't think taking a round of antibiotics is a big deal to deal with the bacteria. So I don't use condoms for oral sex and have been lucky enough to never get anything that way (as of now).

Whether you take that risk or not is something you have to answer for yourself given your particular life circumstances, personality, preferences, etc. And then live with the consequences of that choice.
I honestly don't quite know how to move forward, as I have never had a MFM experience before. Any advice or feedback would be truly appreciated!

I hope this was somewhat helpful in terms of setting it up and oral sex protection issues. As for how to go about the MFM itself, given that it's your first time, that's a whole different story. I may have to write a separate post on that.

Good luck and have fun!
Pervertically Virtuous | June 10, 2013 at 10:58 am | Tags: craigslist, Fetlife, MFM, oral sex, safe sex, safety, STIs, threesome, travel, trust | Categories: Ask TPVS |

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