Monday, July 31, 2017

OPP - Girl Boner

In her blog post Girl Boner Sweeten Dirty despairs about what is the female equivalent of 'blue balls' for men. As regular readers of my blog know, as far as I'm concerned this is a real affliction. Unfortunately my wife thinks otherwise and leaves me to twist in the wind.
You know how it’s bad for a guy to have an erection for too long, so long it actually gets painful? Is that possible for females? I mean, I think how it works for girls in kind of the same way, the blood rushes to her vulva, only she gets wet instead of hard. 
Anyways, I have been aroused so long (since Monday and this is Thursday as I write this). No amount or type of masturbation helps. Each thought of Josh makes my pussy drip with anticipation, and a rush so hard in my crotch it feels like a ten pound weight is pulling down on it. It is actually getting painful. 
Who knows, maybe this is all in my head, but I am really glad I am not a guy because I think I would have had the longest lasting hardon in existence. Have any other female felt this way? Please email or comment 
Sweeten Dirty

I LOL'ed a little but figured that wasn't something Sweeten Dirty wanted to hear. Instead I made the comment:
Damn! Women get it too? As you know from my blog I start climbing the walls when I go without sex for too long, so I commiserate with you. Life aint fair sometimes! I think instead of Medic-Alert bracelets we should all put on DTF bracelets whenever we need some attention, and that way if we see a fellow sufferer out in public who we think we can help.... 
~ Nero
My suggestion wasn't serious but part of me wishes it could be. Imagine a world where sex life was as simple as looking at someone's bracelet and then deciding yes or no? The bracelets could come in two colors: Black for DTF (down to fuck) and Red for Romance (as in DTF but possibly more). Each bracelet could have special 'diamonds' encrusted to signify what the wearer is open to e.g. oral, anal, straight sex, BDSM, or groups.

Much easier than Tinder, where you have to swipe left or right and then contact the other person to see if they wanna hook up and then arrange a place to meet. Much better just to notice someone's bracelet and go for it - live in the now!! But now I'm thinking too seriously about it and... it's never going to happen so I'll stop. But it would be a fun world to live in, right? Your comments and/or suggestions are welcome below...!

Sunday, July 30, 2017

What women did in 1986!

Lifestyles of the rich and fabulous!

This summer, try to be like soap star Jackie Zeman a.k.a. Bobbie Spencer!

Friday, July 28, 2017

It's #fetishfriday so...

via Instagram

So today I'm gonna feature a few #reposts of the #beautiful #sexy #rubberdoll 🔥

You can find and follow the original herself @rubberdoll ❤️
#fetishmodel #sexy #babe #latexfetish #rubberfetish #pvc #fetish #censored

[Well, you won't see them in this blog today, because they'll just be on Instagram. And yes, I'm totally aware that I gravitate towards posting progressively naughtier pics the longer I go without sex. Why is that?]

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Thirsty Thursday

via Instagram

A mini #shrine for #starfucked #model 😜 find and follow the original artwork @starfuckedmodel 👀

 #fetishmodel #babe #booty #butt #boobs #rubber #latex #leather #lingerie #fetish #corset #thirstythursday #fetishfriday #toomanyhashtags

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

I think iPhoto knows me too well.

via Instagram

Or maybe I'm collecting too many #fetish #babe #latex #rubber #fetishmodel photos!! 😂

iPhoto stores your photos in various ways, including this way. If you're on an iPhone or iPad and you swipe up on an image it shows you a few other photos it thinks you might like ie 'related'. Given how I have plenty of 'normal' photos on my phone it's a bit of a surprise to see how they picked these ones. 

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

TMI Tuesday: July 25, 2017 ~ This One or That One

Choose what you most desire, or would like to have or try?

1. Pilates or HIIT? Why?
~ I had to google HIIT to learn WTF that was (High-intensity interval training) and the answer is simple: neither. I've done Pilates and it drove me nuts - it made no change whatsoever and at one stage I was going twice a week. As for HIIT... it just sounds bad*.

2. Spouse or significant other-lover?
~ I'm confused. Are you asking if I want to have a bit on the side, or my wife? Not a fair question to ask someone who ain't getting much right now! But I do wonder, lately, whether 'a bit on the side' would be good for my mental health.

3. Go clubbing or entertain friends at home?
~ Gah!  I prefer to entertain friends at home but somehow we still (but less so) end up going to a club later anyway. Just last weekend* we were at a very hip club in the city and my wife was complaining about the DJ/music and wanting to go home. I happily took her home but told her the DJ was an old friend of mine and the music he was playing was what the kids are into these days!

~ Since I'm a Lorde fan I'll take the Maybach! But seriously, who needs a luxury SUV? I'll take a cheaper SUV that I can really get dirty, and use the Maybach as my town car.

5. Soccer or Golf?
~ I played soccer as a kid (I was quite good) and had a traumatic experience playing golf so... probably I'll try to master golf now that I'm older and wiser. Besides, soccer is probably too high impact for me at my age. 

I think we all know who prefers Gold plated/painted everything?
Image © GQ Magazine
6. Basketball or Baseball?
~ I'd rather watch Basketball. Baseball can run way too long and be boring.

7. Monster or Red Bull? Why?
~ Ugh, they're both awful. And sweet. I can only handle Red Bull with Vodka in it.

8. Office with a view or work at home?
~ I've had both. Working from home is nice because you can wear what you want and sleep in if you want (assuming you're the boss). If you're not the boss and still have to clock in then I'd rather have an office with a view.

9. Early bird or night owl?
~ Night owl. Too many years in the hospitality business, followed by being my own boss and working from home - thereby meaning I can sleep in if I want to!

10. Boyfriend or Girlfriend?
~ As I alluded to in Q2 above, I could probably try a girlfriend right now. 

11. Ice Cream or gelato?
~ I enjoy gelato but I love Ice Cream. Probably because of it's creamy fattening deliciousness.

12. Silver or gold?
~ I don't wear any jewelry, but if you're asking about investments I'd stick with gold since silver is too volatile. As is gold, I suppose. As a color choice (fashion/furnishings) I'd go with silver.

Bonus: Money or fame? Why?
~ Ha! Fame is fleeting and not always profitable, trust me. So I think it's better to have money. You can do whatever you want with money behind closed doors, but fame makes you a prisoner of your public image. You can decide to give away all your money if you don't want to be rich anymore, but you can't stop being famous if the media don't agree.

Double Bonus[es]
About that sex last weekend... and About that sex last weekend... Part 2 (Final)

Triple Bonus
~ This is truly TMI - I have no idea why I shared it! What's My Wife Reading Now?

* On Monday (after a very slow Sunday after a very late night on Saturday) I realized I really do need to do something to retain my flexibility and fitness. I was moving like an old man!


How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Monday, July 24, 2017

MM & TPGMO - Madison Ivy in Stereoscope

MM = Masturbation Monday and TPGMO = This Porno Got Me Off

She's supposed to be a Maid, but seriously,
WTF costume is this? Luckily it doesn't stay on long
The video is nothing unusual or particularly special (which is not to say Madison Ivy is not attractive) but the way I watched it was. Last Thursday night (technically Friday morning) I pulled this video up on my iPad and started watching it. Then I noticed a new Google Chrome icon appear on my laptop. Apparently I've synced my iPad and laptop together so now I was able to open the iPad page on my laptop as well. It took all of twenty seconds to have both screens running the same video at the same time, so I was able to watch Madison masturbating on my left - and also on my right.

I, of course, was sitting in the middle of both screens - so she was moaning either side in stereo! I tried imagining they were twins and I was having a threesome, but my imagination wasn't strong enough and reality intervened after a few minutes. The stereo moans were good though!

As I said, the video is very much a 'straight' porno - Madison lies on the bed and masturbates, and urges us to do the same - but I enjoyed since it had been a week since I'd last had any sexual release. Now that we're home from vacation we are back to old habits, ie ignoring our Wednesday 'date night' (aka 'scheduled sex') but given we're both kinda jet-lagged I'm really not going to worry about it. My wife's pattern seems to be once a month now so my timing for August should be no problem.

I'll just gauge her mood in the middle of each month and see if the hormones have kicked in. And then make my move.

Anyway, if you're at all interested in what dirty ol' Nero gets off on you can see the video here, via Pornhub. They don't allow me to embed it directly here (or is that Blogger?) but if you click the link you can watch it. For the rest of you here are a few photos, courtesy of Twistys. (Full disclosure: I haven't watched the last two minutes of this video!)

Straight women will probably only enjoy the shoes.

UPDATE: I have learnt how to embed! Here's the video. It's quite 'standard' but look at her body, her tan, her pussy, her asshole! So delicious!!


This post has also been submitted to Masturbation Monday

click here for more about 'Masturbation Monday

Sunday, July 23, 2017

What's My Wife Reading Now?

You can buy the book here © Laurelin Paige

Well, not so much right this minute but this is what she was reading on our recent overseas vacation. I thought she had given up on the Kindleporn but I guess when you take a 2.5 week resort vacation with your husband and child you need to find some solace somewhere. She purchased these on about Day 5, which I presume was when her interest in 'family time' gave out. 

Don't get me wrong, I fully understand that a lot of people like 'beach reads' while on vacation, so my wife's behaviour is not wholly abnormal. And our daughter is at 'that age' where all she wants to do is be online with her friends. Like 24/7 all.the.time! Trying to get her to do anything with us, if it meant being out of the free wifi zone, was nigh on impossible.

I've photoshopped out (badly!) her jewelry, lest anyone recognize her!

This is not the only title my wife got, but it was the only one I caught her reading. And by 'caught' I mean I looked over her shoulder and saw it. She was reading a lot of it on her phone and for hours at a time. Like, four hours. My daughter would come back from the pool and tell me "Mommy's coming up too" but Mommy wouldn't show up for another two hours. Meaning a very late dinner for all of us.

When she does the hardcore binge reading I know she's reading something dirty, although 'Found In You' isn't particularly x-rated. the above photo is one of many I took of my wife - each time she was completely oblivious to that fact that I was standing right behind her and shooting over her shoulder. The screen shots below are the actual pages she was reading when I snapped her above!

Update: This is part of a 4 book series and I've just discovered my wife as bought all four. And read them all. Must be good?

Saturday, July 22, 2017

OPP: The Readhead’s Compliment

This is not one of my old posts, but one by Pervertically Virtuous (scroll to bottom for more info)

Pervertically Virtuous posted: "This morning Ace and I had a glimpse into human behavior in way that one rarely does. After our hour of rock climbing, Ace and I stopped at a burrito shop to pick up breakfast on our way to work. Ace went inside while I waited outside with our bikes. Abou"

recovered post on Pervertically Virtuous

The Readhead's Compliment

by Pervertically Virtuous
redheadThis morning Ace and I had a glimpse into human behavior in way that one rarely does.
After our hour of rock climbing, Ace and I stopped at a burrito shop to pick up breakfast on our way to work. Ace went inside while I waited outside with our bikes.
About 5 minutes later, a fairly attractive woman in her 30's walked out of the burrito shop. The only thing more noticeable about her than her striking red hair was the had huge smile she had on her face. As she closed the store door behind her she literally jumped in the air with both hands giving a little yahoo.
I couldn't help but smile. She noticed me looking at her, said a quick and almost embarrassed 'good morning,' and walked away. No, she skipped away.
Ace followed not too much later.
"What happened to that woman in the shop?" I asked him. Her joy seemed so unexpected that it had to be due to something that had happened inside, I thought.
"What do you mean what happened?" he said, a bit shocked by my question.
"Did you say something to her by any chance?" I asked a more appropriate question.
"Um, yes, I did," he said, confused. "We were both waiting for our food, and she had this amazing red hair that was styled really well. She also had on this black dress with colored embroidery on it that really just all went well together. So I said to her 'Hey, your hair is really awesome'. She casually turned to me with a smile, as cool as can be, and said 'Thanks, I'm actually a hair dresser'. It wasn't mean, it wasn't cold, but it wasn't engaging in anyway to continue the conversation. It was such that I almost, but not quite, felt bad about the intrusion into her morning."
"Well, baby, I think you just made her day," I said as a proceeded to tell him what I had witnessed a minute earlier.
You just never know how a little compliment can affect the person...
Pervertically Virtuous | July 22, 2013 at 10:52 am | 
In the process of recovering my own old posts via email I discovered some of P.V.'s. Like me, her old accounts have been terminated, and she seems to have disappeared from the internet. This is a damn shame since I consider her one of the best sex bloggers I've ever had the chance to read and follow. I'm reposting her old posts as a historical archive, and if she ever returns to blogging I'm happy to hand them back to her.
To be clear: the copyright on this work is hers, and remains with her - I didn't write it and I make no claim to it.

Friday, July 21, 2017

About that sex last weekend... Part 2 (Final)

Wonder Woman as Biker Chick by Dan Mora ©
Continued from Part 1...

Last Friday night we watched '50 Shades of Grey' on the hotel TV - but for a movie based on a book about a d/s relationship it was 98% vanilla ie not very erotic at all.  Despite my wife and I not having any sexual contact since June 23 (Sex last Thursday AND Friday) we were not left feeling aroused, and no sex ensued. Instead we 'talked'.

And then we rolled over and went to sleep.

And then about 5 minutes later my wife rolled around the other way, facing me, and continued trying to go to sleep. Except she was kinda restless, and then she reached out and kinda touched me on my arm. This went on for a bit until I was sure that, yes, she was trying to initiate sex. But I was wary. She's done this before, but when I've responded she's shot me down, and said things like "It's late, I need to sleep". 

But this time it's not super late, and we're on vacation and don't have to get up super early because the Breakfast Buffet is open until 10.30am, so...

I lean forward and kiss her.

She kisses me back.

And then it's on. My hands are all over her, stroking her body, squeezing her breasts gently... and then she throws off the covers, which is my cue to go down on her, which I do. I eat her out and she cums, which is my cue to get up from between her legs and lie back - it's my turn now. She gets up and kneels beside me on the massive hotel bed and takes my dick in her hand, and starts wanking it slowly. I moan so she picks up the pace and starts jerking me off hard and fast.

My groans turn her on so she swivels around and plants her cunt on my face. I start licking her pussy and eating her out again. I assume that since we're in a 69 position she's going to blow me, but I'm wrong. She lays her head on my outer thigh, facing away, and continues the handjob as she pushed back into me. She's grinding her cunt into my wet mouth and wanking me - my prick bouncing in and out of her hair.

For me it's an odd feeling - neither good nor bad, just odd.

I want to cum - it's been so long - but it aint gonna happen this way. Does she want me to ejaculate into her hair? Is that what she wants? It goes against everything I think she's into... but if that's what she wants...? But it's not what she wants - thank god, because like I said: I don't think I can cum that way. I realise that her hand movements are almost robotic - she had started her handjob but my oral efforts had taken over. Her hand was wanking my throbbing cock but her mind was focussed on my tongue and mouth.

I was licking, nibbling, fingering, and feathering her pussy with my tongue and fingers. My hand was somehow reaching around her butt and prodding her wet hole, while my tongue ran circles around her clit. Normally she prefers a flattened tongue pressing hard there, but due to the tangle we'd found ourselves in all I could manage was a darting tongue flicking her here and there. It was not in my usual repertoire because years earlier she had told me she didn't like it that way - but she sure as hell was loving it now.

Maybe it was because this was her second orgasm building?

Whatever I was doing was working because she groaned, arched her back, and pushed herself down hard onto my face. My nose was in her wet hole, my tongue was on her clit, and she sat upright as I (I don't know where this came from, but it seemed to work because she started moaning some more) grabbed her inner thighs with my hands and spread her pussy lips with my fingers. She was fingering her clit now, as my tongue darted around, and then she started bouncing up and down as she came - her fingers squeezing out the orgasm for all it was worth.

"Gahhhh!" she groaned, slumping forward and falling onto the bed. She was clearly done. And now in the prone position. I rolled out from under her and pulled her up by the hips, into the doggy position. She was groggy but compliant, and as I lined up my fat cock she reached between her legs and grabbed it before feeding it into her hungry cunt. My hands clamped around her hips and I pushed forward, squeezing it into her tight little pussy. Literally.

Her pussy was really tight, and it started to hurt. I moved slowly back and forth but it was rough going. She was so tight it was painful. How could that be? Hadn't she just cum twice? She was very wet moments earlier but now she was clamped around my dick like a vice. A dry rusty vice. I asked her if she was okay and she said "I'm good, why? What's wrong?"  I told her she was very dry and tight, and asked her if she wanted any lube. Not that we had any, but I figured we could find a substitute if needed.

She said she was fine and that it felt good and I should just slide it all the way in slowly.

So I did.

It was like anal.

She was so so tight and so so dry it actually started to feel good for me too. I don't know what happened but by the time I was in balls deep she was wet and loosening up just a fraction. I pulled out slowly, pushed myself back in just as slowly and then {Voila!} 'normal transmission' was resumed. I began pumping in and out of her at a steady pace as she got wetter and started to grunt with every thrust. It was clear she wanted to be fucked so I started to pound her a little harder, a little faster.

She started fingering her own clit and when she started slapping it I knew she was going to cum. This always sets me off, and so I told I was about to cum. "Yessss!" she hissed, "cum in my dirty hole!"

Which absolutely finished me off. "I'm cumming" I said, "Now!"  And I did.

Saturday night's sex followed a similar pattern to Friday. We watched a movie (non sexual) and then went to bed. But we chatted a bit more about '50 Shades' and it's themes, and my wife agreed again that she didn't see me as someone who could do that stuff to her, but then dropped a bomb: "who do you think could do that to me?"

It was quite a clanger but I had no opportunity to reply (other than saying "WTF?" inside my head) because she kept right on talking and then got onto another subject. And then we had sex.

It was similar to the previous nights (see above) but instead of moving her into the doggy position I fucked her on her back with her legs in the 'V' position. I lifted her up by her ankles and held her legs apart as I fucked. We've done it that way before, but not often. The novelty factor really got her excited and she started cumming again as I fucked her. I think what excited her most was when I lifted her butt right up off the mattress and held her there as I continued to pound her.

You know, like a strong brutish alpha-male Bad Boy would...

Thursday, July 20, 2017

About that sex last weekend...

Wonder Woman as Biker Chick by Dan Mora ©
So I told you about the sex we had last weekend but didn't get into too much detail because blogging via iPad is difficult. I have a keyboard that conveniently inconveniently deletes whole sentences/paragraphs randomly, depending on how I pressed the keyboard. Not like a laptop at all, Apple! Anyway, I promised you details so here they are:

On Friday night we watched '50 Shades of Grey' on the hotel TV - because we'd watched almost every other movie on offer during our two week vacation. It was not the sexy movie I was hoping for, and my wife agreed that it was kinda lame because of all the stuff they were leaving out. Not that either of us has read the book of course, but for a movie based on a book about a d/s relationship it was 98% vanilla.

Despite being on a two week vacation in a hot climate (South east Asia) my wife and I had not had any sexual contact since June 23 (Sex last Thursday AND Friday) ie it had been three @#$ing weeks!! In finding that link now I see that our last encounter was also a 'double header' ie sex two nights in a row. I suspect that's because I can only tough it out for three or four weeks but as soon as I'm reminded of what sex feels like I want more, straight away.

Anyway after the movie we had a brief discussion about how lame it was and a very tentative discussion about 'doing that sort of stuff'. She couldn't even say it out loud, and yet I know the majority of her erotic reading titles are in the BDSM or Forced Submission genres. I also know that during our vacation she had returned to reading some Kindleporn, namely this story (sorry, link not up until Sunday). I happened on that by accident so whatever else she got I don't know. but she did spend a lot of time on our vacation reading her iPad.

So we danced around the subject and she pretty much confirmed that I wouldn't be tying her up and spanking her anytime soon. She did mention that I had put a blindfold on her once, and she'd liked that - and I remembered that episode well. I'd put a sleeper mask on her and when she asked why I said so she couldn't see anything, and gave her permission (jokingly, but not really joking) to imagine she was in bed with whomever she wanted to imagine.

She became very aroused and we had really good sex, so I suspect she did indeed imagine she was with someone else - but I did not ask her about it afterwards. And she certainly wasn't 'fessing up to it now, a year or two later!

So we had a discussion without addressing the elephant in the room (ie specifically what her 'dark desires' were, the ones she refers to so often, but obliquely) and the issue became clear in my mind. My wife wants a Bad Boy/Alpha Male to take her roughly, spank her, and then fuck her good and hard. Just like in her Kindleporn erotica. She wants a man to take control and dominate her sexually.

Because those are all the ingredients in her dirty stories that always result in the woman having multiple and intense orgasms - which is what she wants. Sure, her left brain knows those stories are fantasy sex, but her right brain wants it anyway. My/our problem is that we know I am not that guy. Sure, I was when I met her, but in the subsequent decades she has become A Powerful Corporate Woman, used to calling the shots and holding dominion over 100 employees.

Now in those same stories the woman is usually sexualy voracious, enjoying a string of lovers who titillate but never quite fully satisfy her, until she meets The One Guy Who Can Tame Her. Which he does. He is the Alpha Male and when he finally snares her she struggles (at first) before submitting to his desires totally. And in return her desires are also met, totally, and they live happily ever after in their high-powered sexually explosive relationship. Unless it's a book series, in which case other people come into their lives and tear them apart, sexual confusion reigns, torment ensues, but by the final book they're back together again.

But I digress.

To cut this story short (and I see I haven't even got to the sex yet, as usual) my wife is like the illustration above. She's not actually Wonder Woman, and definitely not a Biker Chick, but in her own mind she is. Both. Her problem is that she's looking for a leather clad Bad Ass to sweep her up onto his bike and carry her away; yet she also wants to be the Bad Ass and ride the bike herself. It's quite the conundrum.

I could buy a Harley and a leather jacket no problem, but even if I did she'd never ride with me. Because my wife never rides pillion. She's the driver, not the passenger. She don't play Bass, she plays Lead Guitar. And sings lead vocals. And plays all the instruments in the studio. And could go solo if she wanted it to, and then the band would be fucked so watch yourself and just do what you're told or you're out!

I see I've switched from motorcycle metaphors to band metaphors now so I'll STFU. I'll give you all the sex tomorrow, promise!! 

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Oh how I ❤️ them

via Instagram


I was thinking of changing this account to BUTTS AHOY!! and just posting ass pics all day. Oh how I ❤️ them. Check out this fine selection from @billybilacous !!
#ass #arse #butt #booty #bum

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

TMI Tuesday: July 18, 2017 ~ Sex is no big deal

"I don't see why human people make such a heavy trip out of sex. It isn't anything complex, it is simply the best thing in life, even better than food." 
~ Robert Heinlein, FRIDAY

1. For you, what is sexy time?
~ Sexy time is when we have sex. Or do sexy stuff. Because I'm a man and we think in a linear fashion.

2. If your best friend asked, “Do you think I’m sexy?” What would you say?
~ I'd say "you're so sexy it hurts baby!!" because there's no other way to answer a question like this. If they weren't very sexy I might give them some suggestions when the time is right, but not after a direct question like this.

3. If your Mom or Dad asked, “How’s your love life?” Would you answer? What would you tell them?
~ first I'd scream because they're both dead... but if we go back in time a bit... I'd tell them it was fine, and thanks for asking. But you don't need to keep asking. My mother often pried but I gave away nothing. Even if my love life was not going well I wouldn't admit it.

4. A young 8-year-old neighbor asks you, “What is the birds and the bees?” How do you reply?
~ I'd tell them that's a question best answered by their Mom or Dad, and that they should ask one of them. And not to be afraid of asking any questions about it, because "your Mom/Dad knows ALL about it. You just have to ask"

5. What would you do if your lover’s turn on is your turn off?
~ I'd thank them for sharing and ask them if I can think on it and get back to them since it wasn't something I particularly enjoy or get turned on by. And then the next day we'd discuss it. It might be something I'd be prepared to try as long as we went over the ground rules.

Bonus: What does it mean to be a man?
~ Honestly? These days I have no idea any more!

Double Bonus: Friday sex and Saturday sex - twice in a weekend and one common denominator? Whaaat?

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Sunday, July 16, 2017

More '50 Shades...' Sex

In yesterday's post I mentioned how we had sex on Friday night after watching '50 Shades of Grey'. And then I promised you more details later, because blogging on an iPad is hard (for me).

These are not those details.

I'm still on my iPad but I just wanted to document that we had sex again last night. Again after a discussion about 50 Shades and again she came a lot. More details next week...

Saturday, July 15, 2017

I finally watched Fifty Shades of Grey last night 🤔

I finally watched #fiftyshadesofgrey last night. Sadly it was neither #bdsm or #erotic. She was right for the role but he was miscast - too vanilla looking. It was hard to imagine him as a 'Bad Boy' - they shoulda made the driver Christian Grey! Well, that's what my wife said afterwards but I'd already picked that as soon as he appeared - as in: I knew he was just my wife's type!

The film was watchable but could have been so so so much better if they hadn't been so chickenshit about showing any actual sex. I predict it will get remade in about 15 years time, with much more 'action'. This movie was clearly made for the mainstream female reader who doesn't mind something 'racey' when she reads it but objects to watching it. 

I was hoping the film would open a discussion with my wife about her 'darker desires' but all she could say was what a disappointment the movie was. I did get an admission from her that we could never 'try that stuff' because she wasn't able to 'submit' to me - that I couldn't tie her up and spank her because she was too Alpha and would just be angry with me if I didn't do it right, 'like in her dirty stories'.

She agreed and fudged on the question about whether she could do it with someone else ie someone more 'menacing', some one more bad boy/roguish. Brutish? My wife countered (as she has before) with "why can't I tie you up and spank you?" And so I repeated my earlier offer: "any time you want to try, you're welcome".

Then we rolled over and went to sleep. And then 5 minutes after that we had sex. 'Straight' sex, but she came a lot. A lot. Given it's been over a month since we last did it I guess she was ready for it too? Yes yes, I've no doubt the movie helped too! I'll tell you more when I'm back home, because this iPad blogging is killing me. :(

#fetish #whips #spanking #fantasy #babes #rubber #latex #leather #stockings

Friday, July 14, 2017

A few snaps I collected for Fetish Friday

via Instagram

A few snaps I collected for #fetishfriday

Find and follow the original artists @agentprovocateur @biancabeauchampmodel @starfuckedmodel @psylocke_model @playfulpromises @rubberdoll @ladylucielatex @chaotex

#rubber #latex #fetishmodel #latexfetish #fetish

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Everyone loves pinups, right?

via Instagram

Everyone loves pinups, right?
Find and follow the original artists @oliviapinupart @lexylu_pinup @dollhousephotographyuk

#pinup #pinupgirl #lingerie #babe

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

How's your #humpday ?

via Instagram

I've been enjoying one hour #beachmassages every day since I arrived so I guess I should #stfu
And they only cost US$7.50 each too!

Mind you they don't look like the lady in this image (borrowed from Instagram). She looks like a resort professional whereas here in Vietnam they're all local women who have set up camp on the beach, adjacent the resort. As in just beyond the boundary. There's always a pretty lady at the front of the cabanas who offers you the best massage ever! and once you say "Okay" she leads you to a table and then her mother or grandmother appears from nowhere and tells you to "lie down!"

The grandmothers are the naughtiest, they run their fingers right up close to your testicles and sometimes pull your shorts down to right under your butt cheeks so you're completely exposed for all to see on the beach.

It's great theatre and all for only US$7.50  - for a full hour!

Depending on the lady the massages vary from good to great to okay.

I'm off to Thailand tomorrow because my wife said since we flew all this way we shouldn't just stay in one place the whole time. I know they have a lot of brothels there so maybe I'll finally get laid? Maybe my wife will outsource the marital sex? LOL

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

TMI Tuesday: July 11, 2017 ~ Get it Done!

All that sustains me now is my rich fantasy life! And I like Jessica Alba (see link)
1. You have 3 days to live:
a. What will you stop doing?

~ I honestly can't think of anything I'd stop doing since I'm not doing anything bad.
b. What will you do before your time runs out?
~ I'll try to be more loving and kind to the people around me, but I won't burden them with "I only have three days to live so I want to tell you..." (This assumes I'm the only one with three days to live - if it's a global problem then I guess I'll be telling my daughter she can use all the internet she likes, and tell my wife to get into the bedroom!)

2. “True wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” – Henry David Thoreau
a. Are you truly experiencing life?
~ I have it pretty good (currently vacationing on a beach in Vietnam) but it is kinda empty because... when you have everything you could want in life you still start thinking about what you don't have. Which in my case is:
b. Are you truly experiencing a full sex life?
~ Hell no! We have sex once a month now, it seems. And I'm assuming it's monthly, even though we still haven't had any since last month, and we're in a hot beach resort with nothing to do but laze beside the pool and sneak off to fuck. But no, she'd rather read her kindleporn instead. Thereby confirming I'm a complete turn off for her.

3. During sex, what is something that usually distracts you?
~ It used to be if I was too hot, or there was noise, but now it's performance anxiety and second guessing myself. [link]

4. Because you are busy, busy, busy you now have been ordered to have scheduled down time of two hours.
a. What time of day do you take your down time?
~ I'm not busy busy busy but I'll play along: I'd take a two hour lunch break for a nice lunch and siesta power nap afterwards.
b. What do you do in your down time?
~ Eating and sleeping, but honestly I really wouldn't mind a long languorous fuck instead if the opportunity presented itself.
Update: oops, I misread that. Currently in my downtime I watch a lot of Netflix. I really love movies (tried and failed to get into the film biz) and they can be a great escape into other worlds/lives (either for entertainment or learning).

5. Thinking about your sex life:
a. What are the positives?
~ I have a rich fantasy life. Despite my wife's attempts to squash it.
b. What are the negatives?
~ I've decided my wife is going through menopause (even if she won't admit it) and therefore her libido is gone so my future lies in masturbation now.

Bonus: In question 5, how can you change the negatives to positives i.e. eliminate them?
~ It's not really a negative since menopause is a fact of life. I can't tell my wife to take HRT (hormone replacement therapy) because it's her body not mine. Like breast implants, a woman has to decide for herself. So I just hang on and hope for the best, because menopause is not forever. In the meantime I just have to ignore that she's gone back to reading dirty stories on Kindle even though she supposedly has no libido.

Double Bonus: Baggage Free Sex

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Say "NO!" To Camel Toe!

Summer is here ladies, but fret not! 
You can avoid camel toe with this simple-to-use protective cover...

I'm trying to think of the male equivalent (because a tennis sock in your underpants is the equivalent of the padded bra) but I got nothing! Any suggestions, dear reader?

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Been here, done this…

I used to have a blog on Wordpress that got terminated due to pornographic content. Here's one of those posts... 
(NB: the links are all dead so don't bother clicking)

Nero posted: " Usually in a chair, but sometimes a variation on the bed (with lots of pillows) Nothing like the feeling of a wet mouth on my cock and stiff nipples scraping my balls…"

recovered post on Her Secret Library

Been here, done this…

by Nero
not the original photo
Usually in a chair, but sometimes a variation on the bed (with lots of pillows)
Nothing like the feeling of a wet mouth on my cock and stiff nipples scraping my balls…
Nero | July 5, 2013 at 12:03 pm | Tags: blowjob, Fingerfuck 

Monday, July 3, 2017

TMI Tuesday: July 4th, 2017 ~ Risk & Judgement

Click the 'Fourth of July' tag at the bottom for proper Fourth of July pics
Happy 4th of July! I'm on vacation so I have no idea if I'll be able to manage the TMI meme this week. Last time I tried doing it with my iPad it was an absolute mess layout and format wise. Since we're gone two weeks I thought it best not to bring my laptop. Our daughter is travelling with us, and were all sharing a room so I'm confident my wife and I will not be having sex for three weeks. 

I tried, the night before we flew out, but by the time I joined her in the bedroom it was lights out and "I'm asleep".  Which is annoying because I knew she'd got a Brazilian that day, so I shaved my beard off, then shaved again that evening, and told her that night (we were at a party, she managed to fit that into her timetable) that I planned to eat her out when I got home.

When we got home and went up to bed she farted around in the bathroom en suite for 30 minutes doing good knows what (getting her makeup etc ready for travel?) which gave me enough time lying in bed to remember I hadn't put the trash out and since we were leaving in the morning why not do it now? Bad move, because by the time I'd done that (and downloaded a few Netflix titles to my iPad) and got back to bed she was 'asleep'.

But she wasn't really, which makes it worse. I touched her shoulder but she ignored me. 
And she wonders why I'm grumpy this morning, as we wait to board.

Anyway, TMI Tuesday has arrived so here we go!

Risk & Judgement

1. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
~ Can't think of anything I'd change since I don't live my life by what others think. Which is why some people think I'm an odd fish.

2. Most recently how did you openly express love?
~ I said "I love you" to my wife. No sex ensued (<--- that's a deliberate LOL, BTW)
3. When is the last time you took a sexual risk? What was it?
~ Every time I try to make love to my wife it's a risk - seriously. If I've judged the moment wrong it goes pear shaped. Trying anal is always risky (so I've stopped), and even rarer is the two or three times (over our 25+ year relationship) I've rimmed her. My wife never gives positive feedback, she just remains silent. Just initiating now is a risk. {sad face}

4. What sexual acts bring you the most pleasure?
~ Anal (giving) and rim jobs (receiving). But any sex is good sex - honest! - I'm grateful for what I can get.

5. Is there a belief or attitude that interferes with you creating or pursuing your sexual fantasy?
~ Yes. Reality never matches fantasy for most people, including my wife. What reads well on a page (or looks good in a porno) may not feel as god IRL. I was actually thinking this today, before you asked: lonely women with may fantasize about sex with a stranger, but that fantasy lover is always a Brad Pitt or George Clooney type. Never the accountant from down the hall who doesn't go to the gym.

Bonus: Tell us something you need to stop wasting time doing.
~ Obsessing about why my wife won't have sex with me. It's menopause - her libido has gone.

Double Bonus: Friday, Oh God it's Friday and Sex last Thursday AND Friday

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

OPP: Baggage Free Sex

Okay, this might be a little different from the usual format of my previous OPP posts, in which I take an excerpt (or two) from another Person's Post and use that as a catalyst to write my own (usually by way of adding my own comment or reaction to what they've said). So bear with me if it seems to meander a little to begin with... we'll get there!

Gemmi72 writes a blog called Corrupting Mrs Jones, which details how her marriage evolved into an 'open' one, meaning she and her husband have sex with other people. She begins her post 'Baggage Free Sex' with:
I read a post recently by Andee that re-ignited a few thoughts that have been percolating in my mind for a while. In her post Andee raises the question “What do men get out of watching their wife have sex with another man?”
That's a question I have often pondered, since it holds held no appeal to me. I can't say it holds any real appeal now either, but as my sex life dwindles I find myself pondering what I'd be be willing to do/accept in order to maintain some sort of sexual connection with my wife. Some of those 'hotwife' stories on Literotica are quite exciting, but as is often discussed on this blog, they're written that way and the reality is a lot more complex than the fantasy. Most sex bloggers who swing will tell you that themselves.

Whilst I would definitely be interested in seeing what my wife looked like (and how she responded) when having sex with someone else, I think the interest is more anthropologically driven than erotic. If we really did it, it would be because I wanted to do it for her because she wanted it, not me. Which is just as bad as a wife not wanting to do it but doing it anyway to please her husband. Most swingers will also tell you that this is not the way to approach it - both partners need to be 100% on board with introducing other lovers into the mix or it will all end in tears.

In the Literotica fiction it usually ends with the reluctant wife finding she absolutely loves it afterall, and becomes a total slutwife, leaving her husband in the dust as she gets it on with everyone. And if it's a story with a reluctant husband they also usually end with him loving it, and he quickly becomes a happy cuckold - serving drinks for the guys screwing his wife, and cleaning up their cum afterwards in a further act of humiliation. I think it's the latter that puts me off the most - watching your wife get fucked by another man is one thing but the idea of having to 'clean up' afterwards makes me gag*.

But I see I have veered off (as I often do) on a tangent already, after just one simple introductory excerpt. The point I wanted to discuss, the part which made me choose Mrs Jones for this OPP, was this bit:
In my own experience Mr Jones and I have addressed this question (“What do men get out of watching their wife have sex with another man?”)several times. Every now and then I encounter a man who I have a deep sexual connection with. These men get me, we share kinks, ideas, fantasies and for some unexplained reason sex with them can be mind boggling. These relationships always push boundaries and sometimes they threaten to spill over into fully blown romantic love but at the end of the day the men I have this connection with are not men I could form a life partnership with.
Actually that wasn't the bit (it's coming next, I promise!) but it's also salient. As I've commented previously in this blog, I am well aware of the sexual fantasies my wife has from seeing her Literotica browsing history, and her choice in Kindleporn. I have even tried to incorporate some of these into our sexlife - either covertly or by openly asking her if she wants to try [insert less-than-vanilla activity here]. She rebuffs these attempts, and if pressed ("why not, you like those stories") insists they're fantasy stuff only and she would never want to do them in real life.

My take on this is that my wife can't see me as the man she imagines in her head delivering the wicked, debasing punishments and sexual ecstasy she experiences in her fantasies. It's a gender reversal of the Madonna/Whore Complex, which is typically ascribed to men. How can the loving husband who's been at her side through thick and thin; and supported her by giving up his work to be the house dad as she climbs the corporate ladder and then launches her own hugely successful million dollar business be the same guy to dominate her in the bedroom?

Love or hate the book/movie, how seriously could you take Mr Gray in '50 Shades...' as your dark, brooding and kinky lover if you also saw him farting, or spitting out a mouthful of food that he thought tasted gross? It's the realities of life that can destory fantasies. Which is why I have genuine respect (and envy!) of people/couples who can put all that crap aside and live out their fantasies. Or at least find a way to incorporate them into their everyday lives. Swingers, for instance, don't swing every night of the week - it may just be once or twice a month or once every three or four months. People into BDSM are not (usually) being thrashed daily, and don't tell me a bukkake party is an easy thing to organise... my point is, if you have sexual fantasies they require a bit of effort to make happen.

But I've digressed again. The real point I want to make is that my wife can't see me as a lover who can do the 'nasty' stuff because she sees me as a 'nice guy'. I'm her 'sweetheart'.  Her head is to full of the entirety of our life/marriage together that she needs a mystery man to be that fantasy lover. And if you think the solution is for me to 'bring back the mystery' or 'be the fantasy lover' let me tell you that only works in Rom-Com's and Self-Help books - it doesn't fly in the real world**.

And let me explain why by letting Mrs Jones explain why, because she's 100% on the money:
So why do I have such a deep and satisfying sexual connection with [these other lovers]? Why do I see fireworks when we are together? The answer is complex but mainly it is to do with the lack of baggage. 
Mr Jones and I are married. We deal with children, money, mortgages, illness, irritating relatives and a whole plethora of unpleasant issues every day. I see him naked every morning. Which is sometimes sexy but a lot of times not.
(the highlighted emphasis' are mine)
I don’t have these interactions with other lovers. Our whole relationship is based on sizzling hot sex. And when the sex becomes not so sizzlingly hot then I am free to move on - no hurt feelings, no financial issues to settle and no custody battles to fight. It is no-strings-attached sex, sex in its purest form.
And that is exactly why secondary lovers are perfect lovers. There is no fucking baggage! They didn't piss you off for some stupid reason the day before - and if they did you can just kick them to the kerb! Adios amigo, it was great while it lasted but it's not working for me anymore and I don't have to make it work because we aint married!!

And the same applies to erotic fiction.

In erotic fiction when he twists your nipple it sends an electric shockwave straight to your vagina, and your pussy burns hot with a hunger that can only be quenched by the immediate insertion of his erect penis. In real life if your husband twists your nipple it sends a bolt of pain across your entire breast and you're like "Ow! WTF was that for?" Another reminder that your inept husband is no Christian Gray.

So in a nutshell, Gemmi72 has explained why my wife can't let her hair down and explore her deeper darker sexual fantasies. I don't match the image in her head of the guy who's going to do all those things to her and bring out her inner sex goddess because I'm the nice guy she's known and been married to for over 20 years. I'm like an old leather jacket that looked pretty damn hot 'n sexy when she first wore it decades ago, but now looks dated and a little out of style. Sure, it will still keep her warm if she needs it, but what she really wants is something that will make her feel sexy. And other women jealous. (Or is that just my wife?)

So that's how things look from my little corner of the universe, but don't let me put words in Mrs Jones' mouth. Check out her post 'Baggage Free Sex' in it's entirety by clicking here and reading it in full, not just the excerpts I've included here.

* Yes, that was a pun.
** Trust me, I've tried.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Watch this before YouTube pull it offline!

No, that's not a clickbait title - I honestly think this video has to be seen to be believed and once word gets out... YouTube are gonna pull it, surely? Because what's in the video matches the title exactly: "Waitress puts hot dog in her vagina before serving it"

Yeah, you read that right! Don't watch it while you're eating!!

Maybe the guy ordered the fish stick and they were out? What do you think her motivation was? Answers in the comments below please...

Saturday, July 1, 2017

OPP: How To Start Exploring Exhibitionism in NYC?

This is not one of my old posts, but one by Pervertically Virtuous (scroll to bottom for more info)
(FYI: some links in this post are live)

Pervertically Virtuous posted: "I'm getting my girlfriend into D/s, collars, the whole deal. Swinging might be immediately out of the question, but I'd love a place to take her and show her off. Fuck her in front of someone and otherwise plant the seeds of exhibitionism. I'm thinking ad"

recovered post by Pervertically Virtuous

Ask PV: How To Start Exploring Exhibitionism in NYC?

by Pervertically Virtuous

I'm getting my girlfriend into D/s, collars, the whole deal. Swinging might be immediately out of the question, but I'd love a place to take her and show her off. Fuck her in front of someone and otherwise plant the seeds of exhibitionism. I'm thinking adult theaters or bookstores would be a good place to test the waters. Problem is I haven't explored that scene in NY. Can you think of anything off the top of your head? And even more generally, if you have any suggestions for like minded couples looking for fun, I'm all ears.
There are many things you can do in public without having sex with anyone else but your partner (as in swinging). Here are a couple of suggestions:
  • On-premise swinger parties
Although you can fuck people other than your partner at swinger parties, you are not required to do so by any means. You can - and many couples do - just fuck your partner while others are watching. The watching part cannot be escaped, people will be watching, although you typically have a choice between different levels of privacy - in some areas of the club/party you may get a serious audience; while in other areas there may be only a few voyeurs.
In NYC, you can choose between going to a regular swinger club (i.e., a club that is open all week long as a swinger club) and going the various types of swinger parties that get organized at various venues by various promoters and at various time intervals (weekly, monthly, bi-monthly).
Regular swinger clubs in NYC:
- Le Trapeze
- Checkmates
- Bowery Bliss
Some on-premise swinger parties in NYC:
- Taste 
- One Leg Up - School of Sex (Behind Closed Doors)
- Sexxy Mofo
- Red Light Events
- Devious Delights
And once you get into the lifestyle, you'll start getting invited to various smaller, private events that are not advertised publicly.
Check out SwingLifeStyle for announcements of parties, or the many swinger party and venue reviews by the NY Swingers couple (they provide info about venues and parties on Long Island, as well as NYC).
  • On-premise BDSM parties
Same rules regarding playing with each other versus playing with others apply as at swinger events. Since you mentioned some interest in BDSM stuff, these might be more appropriate for you two, as there you could show your girlfriend off in a more D/s-y way, collars and all. Although it is worth noting that many swinger events allow for some light bdsm, and you may often find a dungeon-room at such events. These days there are also a few events that cater to BOTH swingers and kinky people.
Please note that many BDSM parties don't allow sex (oral, vaginal, or anal), so make sure you go to one that does. A good rule of thumb is: If it's at a bar/club, i.e. if they're selling alcohol, there is no sex (damn US laws); if it's at a private loft, a dungeons, etc, sex is most likely (but not necessarily) allowed.
The best way to find out about on-premise BDSM parties is through FetLife.
  • Adult theaters
Once upon a time (long before my time here), NYC was teeming with adult theaters, with Times Sq being THE go-to area for these (and other unsavory types of entertainment). When Rudi Guiliani decided to clean up the city of all its vices, he killed them all, and Times Sq is now tourist-central, a place where no self-respecting New Yorker spends any time near. As I understand, there are only 2 or 3 adult theaters left in the city (Kings Highway CinemaBijou CinemaCinema Odyssey (?), and they cater almost exclusively to gay men and can be very very seedy. This is definitely not the place to take your girlfriend to.
If any of my readers have any info on another still-operating adult theater, please please let me know!
  • Porn shops with glory holes or peep show
This might be the closest you could get to your original adult theater/bookstore idea. I hear there are a number of places in Chelsea, but they all cater exclusively to gay men. It seems like there's still one or two on 8th ave around Times Sq (48th or so), and one on 53rd street and 2nd where apparently straight men go to get sucked off by gay guys. Anyway, I've never done been to a place like this (you're giving me ideas now!), so I can't be of much help about whether that would work.
I've been trying to Google research this for an hour now, without much luck. If any of my readers have any info on any porn shops with glory holes, peep shows, or anything similar, please please let me know!
  • Good ol' outdoor sex
NYC is a big city, and although sex in public is illegal in NY, it is legal for women to be topless. So there's a lot you can do to explore exhibitionism outdoors, like a park at night, a deserted parking garage, a rooftop...?
Hope that helps somewhat, and good luck in your sexplorations!
Pervertically Virtuous | July 1, 2013 at 10:21 am | Tags: adult theater, bdsm, exhibitionism, play party, porn shops, public play, swinger parties | Categories: Ask PV, Sex Stories 
In the process of recovering my own old posts via email I discovered some of P.V.'s. Like me, her old accounts have been terminated, and she seems to have disappeared from the internet. This is a damn shame since I consider her one of the best sex bloggers I've ever had the chance to read and follow. I'm reposting her old posts as a historical archive, and if she ever returns to blogging I'm happy to hand them back to her.
To be clear: the copyright on this work is hers, and remains with her - I didn't write it and I make no claim to it.