Saturday, September 30, 2017

Kinky Sex in a Hotel Room


When I wrote yesterday’s post about not getting any sex (despite all the opportunities we had now that we were alone [ie no longer with our friends in the villa in Sicily] now with our own hotel rooms as we drive across Italy) I had a nagging doubt. What do I do if we have sex tonite, after I’ve written the post but before it posts as scheduled, in the morning?

I decided I would worry about that when and if we did have sex, and so I scheduled the post as planned. 

Well, as luck would have it (good luck!) the fates intervened and we did have sex last night. And not just any ol’ ‘regular’ sex, this had an added kinky twist. Well, not that kinky by your standards probably but given our vanilla sex life it was quite kinky for us. Yes, it finished with anal sex! 

It went down like this:

We went out for dinner at a local restaurant and then returned to our hotel room about 9.30pm. It had been a long day of touristing so we were kinda pooped. My wife turned on the TV but they were all international 24 hour news channels, only six of them in English, and mostly business news orientated.

I discovered they had a Netflix app on the TV so my wife suggested we watch something. Logging in with the TV remote wasn’t easy, and when I did it was even harder to navigate. The simplest option was to just resume watching the ‘last played’ item, which just so happened to be ‘All Ladies Do It’ (1992), a classic Italian sex comedy (so it says on IMDB) from Tinto Brass - who made the infamous ‘Caligula’ for Bob (Penthouse Magazine) Guccione in the early 80s.

I’d only watched the first five minutes before realising it was pretty much an old school 80s porno (honestly I was shocked when IMDB said it was made in 1992) dressed up as Arthouse cinema - and worse, it was completely in Italian with no English language option (not even subtitles). Which shouldn’t be a surprise really given I discovered the title while searching Netflix titles in Italy.

Anyway, I pressed ‘resume watching’ and so we did. My wife was immediately startled by the content - it was so obviously cheesy, it was all in Italian, and just when she’d got her head around that the lead actress started fucking a stranger in a bathroom at a party! 

I told her what I’m telling you, dear reader: just watch it and enjoy it for it’s awfulness. Seriously. It really is tack-tastic, and the fact you don’t understand it (assuming you don’t speak Italian) just adds to it. We had no idea what we were watching, it was just a myriad of sexual scenes, which only now make sense as I read the IMDB plot summary:

Diana is happily married to Paolo but due to her wild passion for sex, she regularly winds up in short lived erotic adventures, which she doesn't keep hidden from Paolo. On the contrary: by telling him, their sexual relationship is fueled with fresh impulses. When Diana experiences a stormy affair with the poet Alphonse, Paolo gets jealous after all and rejects Diana, who then goes head first in to a wild orgy of sexual excess with her sister and some friends.

What they fail to mention is that director Tinto Brass has a butt fetish. We see a hell of a lot of Diana’s butt, which is great, and often the men are licking or prodding her asshole with their fingers and tongues. Little did I realise what effect this was having on my wife’s subconscious but I was soon to find out...

What we didn’t know, because we don’t understand Italian, is that Diana is given some advice from a fellow cheating wife early in the film (again, quote via IMDB):

Diana: What if you get knocked up? Antonietta: Oh, come on, there's no danger! It's simple, I use the most natural of methods. I just take it here! [Points to her behind] 

So anyway, we watch about an hour of the movie and despite my wife grumbling about how awful it is (sorry ladies, some of the men are not great) she does continue watching it.  Sure, she’s sitting on the sofa in front of our bed checking her messages and Facebook updates the whole way thru but she never says ‘this is stupid, let’s watch something else’. 

I’m sitting in bed, watching her as much as the movie, and observing the nonchalant way in which she watches the movie. Diana has that annoying ‘sex comedy’ giggle that has her laughing all the way through the movie, as if to remind the audience “Oh, I’m having so much fun - life shouldn’t be taken so seriously”. These giggles usually come when some random man makes a pass at at her.

And by ‘making a pass at her’ I mean ‘say a few words and then jump straight to feeling her up’. Who knows, maybe she’s giggling because they said something funny but we missed the joke because we don’t speak Italian? 

Anyway, let’s get to the sex we had, my wife and I, since it was very interesting. Interesting because there have been scientific studies into the effects of porn on women that show women respond to the same visual stimuli as men in the same way as men do - they become aroused. The difference is that female subjects will report they are not aroused, even though the physiological evidence proves other wise. The vagina lubricates and the heart rate quickens.

So while some women may say they don’t like watching porn, they still respond to it viscerally. Which is what happened to my wife. Which is why we ended up having hot and heavy sex. Which was so hot and heavy we ended up having anal sex as well! Anal sex that my wife, inspired by Diana in the film, was proactive in.

Which I’ll have to tell you about tomorrow because this post is too long already - sorry!   But maybe in the meantime you can check if Netflix is showing the movie in your region and watch a little of it, to get a taste of what’s coming in tomrrow’s Post?

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