Thursday, November 30, 2017

If you ever wondered what I looked like...

via Instagram

If you ever wondered what I looked like... well, this guy is wearing my sunglasses! 😎
#bikini #bikinimodel #babe #boobs #neroblogshere

Mutual Masturbation for Wicked Wednesday ~ Part 2

This is a continuation of yesterday's Mutual Masturbation for Wicked Wednesday, obviously! I got sidetracked by my reminiscing about some depraved 80's sex acts so we had make it two parts (and by 'we' I mean 'me'). I believe we were up to this part...
I woke early on Sunday morning, a side effect of blue balls, and a few hours later my wife emerged. She was in her yoga pants and heading out for a 9.30am class. That's a crazy time for a class IMO but whatever, and she was back 90 minutes later. I was in our home office and she came in too. In her tight-fitting yoga pants. The lust on my face must have been obvious because she gave me a coffee she'd bought, picked up her iPad, and left.
I continued what I was doing, thinking she was probably having a shower so I'd give her twenty minutes before popping upstairs to say 'Hi'. As in 'Hi, How you doing'?' Thirty minutes later I heard my wife in the kitchen, my timing off because thank you social media. So I sauntered upstairs to find my wife in the kitchen, drinking tea, and reading her iPad. 

Uh huh. We all know what that means. (Click here if you don't) 

So I walked up behind her, kissed her on the back of her neck, and told her as I walked away (and upstairs) "I'm ready for that hand job now. After I've had my shower." What her reaction was I have no idea, because I was gone. 

Ten minutes later I was done, and staring down the stairs to see where she was. She didn't see me but I could tell she was on her way up, since she was putting away her mug and a few other things. That's the difference between men and women. If a guy knew his wife was upstairs ready and waiting he'd think 'the kitchen can wait' and he'd be up those stairs as soon as he heard the shower finish. A woman will look at the kitchen and think 'how can I relax and be 'in the mood' knowing there's all these dirty dishes in the sink? What if someone comes over and I have to rush downstairs in my bathrobe to let them in? They'll see my dirty kitchen and judge me!'

Okay, not all women would think that. Some (probably my wife) would think 'I'm not his little sex slave. He can't order me around. I'll come up when I'm good and ready. In fact I'm gonna clean up this kitchen first, so he can wait.' 

But I digress - let's get to the sex so we don't have to go to a Part 3...

My wife comes up the stairs and I jump into bed, naked. She walks in and over to her side of the bed. "Ready for me are you?" she says, as she starts to remove her yoga gear. "Yes I am" I reply, "but you can leave that stuff on. You look very sexy in that tight fighting outfit". 

And she did. She was wearing very tight form fitting black yoga pants with a matching half cut bratop. (Female readers may be laughing at this point since I clearly don't know what these items are called - but I di dknow she looked damn sexy!) I threw off the covers to show her how sexy I thought she looked - I was fully erect and ready to go!

So my wife got on the bed, skooched over real close, pressed herself against me, and started jacking me off. Her hand and fingers on my cock felt good and I knew it wouldn't be long before I popped, the anticipation had been so great. In order to prolog the experience I suggested she get out the vibrator. "Which one?" she asked. "Anyone you like" I replied. It was only much later that I realized what she meant was did I want the Verge for me or the Lelo for her. I did mean the Lelo, which is what she pulled from the nightstand drawer.

My wife got back on the bed and started to pull her yoga pants down. "No! No!" I interrupted "just run that vibe over the top of your pants. Crank up the speed if you need to, but keep your pants on".   Little did I realize I'd just signed my death warrant a.k.a. goodbye hand job. My wife siddled up next to me as I continued jacking my rock hard dick while I waited for her to get comfortable.  She didn't get comfortable.

Sorry if it's a little graphic, but I couldn't find one with a woman wearing yoga pants.
But this is what the Lelo looks like. It's not my wife, but I could eat that pussy all day!
My promised hand job was over, as my wife got up and moved down the bed. She repositioned herself so that she was lying down between my legs, and then spread herself a little so she could get that vibe right on the spot she wanted it. I'll admit she looked hot, so I carried on stroking my cock. My wife was lying on her back, propped up on one small pillow, and really getting into it. Her eyes were closed and she ran that vibe over her mound, on her clit, before settling on trying to push it into her cleft - which obviously she couldn't do because of the yoga pants.

I think she was really enjoying that part (the restriction) because she pulled up her top and started squeezing her breasts with her free hand as she plowed her cunt with the vibe. I was up on my knees at this point, pressed right up between her thighs, and she alternated between running the vibe on herself and then on me. Me being my cock and balls. The sensations felt great and I was ready to spray a fountain of cum all over her.

My wife got greedy at that point (I'm joking!) and returned the vibe to herself and left it there. I could tell that she too was on her way to a thunderous orgasm, and had possibly had a small one already. I took that as my cue to back off a little so I sat back down and pumped my dick and enjoyed the sight before me. My wife took that (me moving back a little) as her cue to remove her yoga pants so she could get unrestrained access to her sopping wet cunt. 

She lifted her legs in the air and I gave her a hand pulling them down and over her butt (you know how tight these things can be). I got them off her hips and down to her upper thighs but then I stopped. She tried to pull them down further (and off, presumably) but I said "No, leave them there". She did. Her legs were were in the air but kind of bound together, because although the lycra is quite stretchy it can also be quite strong when bunched around your thighs. 

She was now able to get that vibe directly on her clit (which is what she wanted) and I was able to get a great view of her pussy and ass. My wife then started pushing the tip of the vibe into her pussy, but at an angle that had the clit-stimulator (don't laugh, I don't know what that bit is called) pressed hard against her clit. I knew she was enjoying herself because she was moaning and her rosebud was starting to wink.

Which naturally gave me an idea.


My wife never asks for this and it's a very very rare thing we do, and we've run the gamut of mistakes. We do it when we're drunk, we do it without lube, we do it without preparation. Each time we do it (albeit few and far between) we've got one less thing wrong, but I've realized it's all about 'baby steps'. The last time we did it (Kinky Sex in a Hotel Room) was great for me but slightly flawed for her. This time I was determined to get it right, so...

I told her I had an idea of something I wanted to try. When she said "What?" I said "I want to cum in your ass". She followed with "Really?" and I replied "Yeah, but I won't fuck you in the ass, I'll just jerk off until I'm ready to cum - but when I do I wanna cum inside your asshole". My wife didn't seem ultra-enthusiastic but gave me the okay. "Okay, sure" she said. I think she was just annoyed that I was talking too much while she was so close to what we could all see was going to be a very big orgasm for her.

I grabbed the lube from the nightstand and squirted some on her pussy and asshole. She flinched briefly because it was cold, but soon had that vibe back inside and working both her cunt and clit. I dabbed a little more on my finger and then slowly pushed it into her ass. It slid in without resistance. I held it there briefly before working my finger in and out. She felt soft and loose and squishy down there so I inserted a second finger. This was slightly tighter fit but it wasn't long before I was slowly sawing in and out of her. 

I got up on my knees and moved in close. I was now looking down on her and she was a sight to behold. I also couldn't see my fingers going in and out of her ass because it was masked by the yoga pants wrapped around her thighs. I had twisted my hand around by now, and I was now making the 'come hither' curling motion with my fingertips. This apparently is what one must do inside the pussy if you want to stimulate the G-spot (preferably to orgasm) but I was doing it in her ass so I don't know what it was doing for her.

Because she never really tells me if something is good or bad.  Unless it's really bad.

But I could feel the vibe bump against my fingers as she worked it in and out of pussy and she was moaning loudly by this stage. I kept up a steady rhythm with my fingers and they moved in and out quite easily. So easily that I did wonder if I was in the right hole - honestly, she felt so wet and squishy down there I did seriously wonder if I was fingering her pussy instead of her ass. 

Just as I was thinking 'this would be a good time to replace these fingers with my cock, because I think she's ready for anal now' I was rewarded with the sensation of having my fingers squeezed repeatedly as her pussy and asshole contracted and spasmed several times. Whether she came or not I don't know, because she never says, but she did gently try to push my hand away at that point.

I removed my fingers and resumed jacking my cock. My wife was still vibing herself, with her eyes closed and her teeth gritted, so I could see was chasing another orgasm. She looked very hot and quite wanton with her bra pulled above her boobs and her legs slightly splayed as she continued with pushing that Lelo in and out of her wet cunt. I continued to fist my dick and I could feel the cum boiling over in my balls.

"Here I come, I'm cumming" I warned her "I'm gonna cum"

With that I pressed forward and aimed the purple head of my cock at her brown starfish. And came!

That's right, my timing was so off I didn't even have time to push myself inside her - I was ejaculating already. All I managed was a big cream pie splattered all over her asshole. It was a great orgasm for me, tinged only with the regret that I couldn't get my dick in her ass so she could feel what good anal sex is supposed to be like.

Oh well, maybe next time...

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Mutual Masturbation for Wicked Wednesday

This post has also been submitted to Wicked Wednesday 

click here for more 'Wicked Wednesday' stories

Last Wednesday night I actually got laid, which was fantastic given the long drought that preceded it. You can read about it in last Friday's post (second half). As I mentioned in that post the reason we had sex was because I was a little more assertive. I figured the reason we hadn't had sex for so long was that I was too accepting of her postponements - she was always saying 'No' but promising tomorrow night would be a better time. Tomorrow never came of course.

So last Wednesday I gave her a little nudge, and once she got started she enjoyed herself immensely.

So last Sunday I had to give her a little nudge again. It went down like this...

It wasn't quite like this. Yes, there were sex toys. Yes, there was mutual masturbation. But... well... read on!
Having had my fun last Wednesday I was looking forward to what the weekend would bring. Our 'scheduled sex' agreement agreed would strive to have sex on Wednesday's and again on the weekend (Friday or Saturday, depending the mood/opportunity). Like most political agreements it's a 'goal' rather than something 'set in stone' but since we'd had sex on Wednesday it followed that we would have sex on the weekend too.

That's male logic for you!

Of course we didn't have sex on the weekend. Friday night was the perfect opportunity but... we didn't. Saturday night was the perfect opportunity but... we couldn't.

My wife said she couldn't because she didn't feel well. She clutched her tummy and said it must have been something she ate, and did I have it too? We ate the same food, and I'm the one who always gets food poisoning if there's any to be had... but... no, I didn't have it. It seemed a little like 'the dog ate my homework' to me but my wife must have read my mind: she let out a big fart to prove she was unwell.

My wife never does that in my presence so I had to accept something was wrong. Possibly.

I thought I'd lighten the mood by making a joke. "I guess sex is out of the question then?" I said, to which she joked back "I can still use my hands!" She then made a hand gesture that she thought mimicked a hand job but since she was doing it with both hands it looked more like she was milking a cow. Which perhaps was her point? Anyway, I did not expect any sex that night ("I'm not an animal!") so my wife did not disappoint in that regard.

I woke early on Sunday morning, a side effect of blue balls, and a few hours later my wife emerged. She was in her yoga pants and heading out for a 9.30am class. That's a crazy time for a class IMO but whatever, and she was back 90 minutes later. I was in our home office and she came in too. In her tight-fitting yoga pants. The lust on my face must have been obvious because she gave me a coffee she'd bought, picked up her iPad, and left.

Back in the 80s when Jazzercize and Aerobics were a thing my wife (my GF back then) would come home from the gym in her tight spandex outfits and I would jump on her. She would say "No, I'm sweaty, I need a shower!" and I would tell her it didn't matter, I couldn't wait, and besides - she smelt/felt great this way. It was the pheromones.

I really did enjoy taking her like that - her body was deliciously cold and clammy - and she enjoyed it too. It became a thing. Often times she wouldn't even get her gym gear off. I wouldn't allow it. I'd just  push up her spandex bratop and ravage her tits with my mouth (her nipples were always rock hard) and push my hand between her legs and rub her clit through the tight material. She used to masturbate on her front like that back then, and loved it. When she was 'ready' I would release her, sit up, and then pull her tight spandex gym shorts down to just below her buttcheeks.

Then I would squeeze my cock into her tight wet hole and fuck her like crazy. Her legs were pressed together so I would have to pound into her from above. She loved it. She was always wet AF and would squirm and wriggle, all the while 'bound' by her spandex shorts. Yes, it was a bondage of sorts.  Sometimes, when she had her period, I would just rub my naked self up and down her spandexed ass crack while she lay down with her hand pressed underneath her. She would masturbate from below, over her shorts/unitard, and I would do the same but from above. When I was ready I would release a torrent of cum all over her spandex arse.

Unfortunately gym fashions changed and the day came when the spandex had to go. And with it our little version of kinky sex disappeared as well...

Oops! I see I have digressed and we're out of time. Come back tomorrow for  SeePart 2. No spoilers but let's just say those Yoga Pants make an appearance, as does the vibrator, the lube, and some anal play.  ..

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

TMI Tuesday: November 28, 2017 ~ Spice it up!

Getting frisky and bold are you? Prove it, play TMI Tuesday - Spice it up! 

1. Why should you have sex on a first date?
~ Because I said so, so get on your knees bitch!
Oh, your serious? You should only have sex on a first date if you want to. Don't let anyone force you. A good reason to have it on the first date is that you can find out quickly if you two are sexually compatible. It's also a way to switch gears if the date is only so-so. Dates can sometimes go off the rails so sometimes a quick makeup session/sex can get it back on track*. 

2. Why do you dislike giving oral sex?
~ I don't, I love it. Click on the tags 'oral' and 'cunnilingus' [on the right --->] to see just how much I like it. It started with the girl I lost my virginity to and went from there. Actually, as I type this I'm remembering it started before then - with the girl who first gave me a blow job.

3. Tongue or no tongue? Explain.
~ Kissing? Not so much. It just seems so adolescent. My wife isn't a fan either. Or maybe I'm just a clumsy kisser?

4. Would you have a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mama?
~ Ha! Regular readers will know I already have a Sugar Mama. My wife sold her company for millions a few years back so I want for nothing. (Except more frequent sex!) 

5. What’s a sure sign that you need to get laid?
~ After about two weeks without sex I start climbing the walls. My brain collapses and I become focussed on all things sexual. Check out my recent post What happens when I don't get enough sex?
UPDATE: Ash's answer to the question has reminded me of another sign. Ash get's moody, and so do I. And then I get grumpy. Which just gets my wife so hot she can't hep herself and has to fuck me right there on the kitchen counter.
Oh wait, it's the opposite of that. I get grumpy because I'm not getting any, which just makes me even less sexually attractive to my wife. It becomes a vicious cycle.

Bonus: Right this very second, which do you prefer – to make love or fuck like a wild animal?
~ I definitely prefer to fuck like an animal. I think my wife prefers it that way too. Making love requires romance but when we're romantic we aren't horny. Not that we're kinky, but 'making love' implies 'vanilla'.

Double Bonus: I got laid last Wednesday, you can read about it here: Thanksgiving Sex. I also had a mutual masturbation session with my wife last Sunday, which you can hopefully read about tomorrow. It started well then veered into analplay...

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Monday, November 27, 2017

A Walk In The Woods

This fictional post has also been submitted to Masturbation Monday.
Click the link to see other erotic stories based on the photo prompt below! 

It truly was a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment.

I was walking through the woods, part of my usual Sunday morning exercise routine, when something to the side caught my eye. Something unusual, something that shouldn't have been there. Something that didn't... fit.

I stopped walking and stepped back a few paces to cast my eye through a gap in the trees. I could see it properly now, in a very small clearing about forty feet to my right. It was a woman, hugging a tree. I've never seen an actual tree hugger before but there she was, standing right up against the tree with her arms outstretched. Holding the tree.

It was the oddest thing I'd seen in a long time.

As I looked more closely I observed that she wasn't so much hugging the tree as 'assuming the position'. Which just raised more questions. What the fuck was she doing - and who for? Was there someone else with her? My eyes darted left and right as I scanned the forest to see who else was around. There didn't seem to be anyone anywhere - just her, lying prone against a tree.

My curiosity was piqued and I found myself moving closer towards her. Stepping carefully to avoid making a noise I came to an abrupt halt about thirty feet away. She was naked!

Well, not fully nude - just naked from the waist down. She was wearing a fitted black t-shirt and black boots but what I had assumed were skin-tight leggings were in fact her actual legs. They were long and tan reached all the way up to what I assessed to be a very nice ass. The left and right sides of my brain argued amongst themselves: yes that's a great butt but why is she dressed like that? Un-dressed like that? Who or what is she waiting for?

Nervous now, I once again scanned my surroundings. There was no-one anywhere. Just a statuesque babe hugging a tree. My chest was beating hard as my body went into fight or flight mode. Women just don't appear half naked in a wood, waving their arse at you - that simply doesn't happen. There had to be a catch - it must be a trick! I scanned the woods again, looking for cameras this time - was I being punk'd? Again, I could see nothing out of the ordinary.

Nothing out of the ordinary other than a beautiful woman standing semi naked in a clearing, of course.

I was about twenty feet away from her now, moving silently closer with each footstep. Her face (the side I could see) was natural yet slightly quirky looking - but she had the body of a goddess. Long wavy blond hair; soft brown eyes; a rose bud mouth; long luscious legs; slim hips; and fulsome breasts that were squeezed beautifully inside that tight black tee.

My dick was hard.

My dick was hard and my brain was in chaos - you can't just creep up on a naked woman in the woods! I should let her know I'm there. I should cough, or... something? What if that freaks her out? What if she screams and someone else comes and calls the police and then I'm the creepy pervert in the woods spying on nudists?

What, suddenly I'm the bad guy?

Yeah, I am a bad guy.

I'm a bad guy because my dick is hard. My dick is hard because I'm staring at a ripe and juicy piece of ass and I don't fucking care. She's no nudist, if she was she'd have all her clothes off - not just her pants. So who the fuck was she and why was she standing there like that? Her arms were resting on the tree now and


I was about fifteen feet away when I stood on a fallen branch that broke loudly beneath my feet. Dammit! That delicious butt had me so mesmerized I'd forgotten to watch where I was walking. She'd heard the sound, I knew it, and her head slowly started to turn in my direction.

"Don't turn around!" I barked, surprising even myself. "Keep your eyes face forward!"

Her head stopped turning but her eyes swiveled down to the forest floor as she tried and failed to find me in her peripheral vision. She paused momentarily while her mind made it's decision, before swiveling her head back again to face the tree. As she did so she stood taller - more upright - and straightened her neck. She may be complying with my commands but she was not cowed.

This was my chance to run, my opportunity to bolt. With the amount of adrenalin pumping through my body right now I'd be so far gone she'd have no hope of identifying me.

But I didn't run.

I didn't run, I moved closer. She was like a magnet, drawing me in, and now I was standing right behind her - inches away from that firm round ass that had beckoned me close. My cock was so hard right now, and I didn't know why. I didn't know why I was still here. My brain was saying GTFO.


"What are you doing out here?" I asked, "what's a pretty woman like yourself doing standing half naked in the woods? Who are you waiting for?"

She didn't answer. She just stared ahead and said nothing.

I stepped up even closer behind her, and leaned in. There was no space between us and she must have felt my stiff prick pressed against her ass as it strained to break free of my jeans. She could certainly feel my breath on the back of her neck. I didn't know what had come over me, I was possessed. She was a witch and I was under her spell. This was Kiss of the Spiderwoman and I was caught in her web.

"What do you want?" I hissed into her ear menacingly. "What are you waiting for?"

My questions made no sense. Who was I to question her like this, demanding she explain herself? She was just a woman in the woods being at one with nature, I was the interloper. I should be the one apologizing for interrupting her private moment and

She gasped.

It wasn't a loud gasp - it was almost imperceptible - but she gasped. It wasn't a loud gasp, but I heard it. It was the sound of someone who had been holding their breath too long and then finally exhaled, but tried to do it quietly. She hadn't exhaled - her breath had escaped and she'd tried to stop it. Her mouth didn't move but I heard it.  It was a silent exhale. It was ... anticipation.

Anticipation for what?

My brain was in meltdown. So many thoughts at once and yet nothing made sense. My chest was pounding, my cock was throbbing, I had a naked woman in front of me and... I didn't know what to do. This was nothing like those letters in porno magazines I'd wanked to in my youth. Letters that always began with 'I know you won't believe this, but it's true...'

This was exactly like those letters. They were stories I'd masturbated to - in my youthful fantasies I always imagined what I'd do if I was ever stuck in an elevator with a woman who looked at me and said "it's so hot in here, we're gonna be stuck here for hours until they get us out..." Always imagining what I'd do if I discovered a woman half naked in a forest...

Except in those stories someone always knew what to do. The woman always seduced the man, or the man seduced her. Either way, primal lust took over and they always started fucking.


Was that what I was going to do? Was that what I wanted to do?

Oh yes, I wanted to fuck her alright. My dick was like concrete now, I wanted her so bad, but would I do it? How do you fuck someone who hasn't said one word to you. A woman who hasn't said one word to you since you discovered her in a clearing, half naked.

Oh, I knew how I'd fuck her alright. I knew that. I'd grab her arse and squeeze it roughly, my hand gripping that buttflesh as my other arm snaked around her body to grab one of her boobs from the front. I'd be squeezing them both, in tandem, as I brought my mouth down and ravaged her neck. My big hands would be all over that curvy body.

I'd be kissing and nuzzling her neck as both my hands toyed with her bountiful breasts. My fingers circling and teasing her hard nipples. Her body feeling so warm and soft as I pressed against her. Pulling her back into my strong embrace one of my hands would work it's way down her body, seeking and finding the treasure below. My fingers would probe her cleft, finding her wet and shaved. Using her own slick sweetness I'd run my finger up and down her slit, circling her clit, making it even harder.

She would be writhing now, pressing back against me, moaning as she felt my fingers work their magic on her slippery cunt. Her bare skin feeling so good in my hand as I clasp her pussy while I try to free my belt with my other hand. Dropping my pants to free my massive erection I

"You can't fuck me" she whispered, snapping me out of my lurid fantasy.

"What?" I stammered, confused. Was she a mind reader? Did she know my thoughts? Witches aren't real, I knew that, but now I was uncertain.

"You're not allowed to fuck me" she said in a low voice. It was an instruction, like the rules to whatever game she was playing in her head. Whatever game she was playing in my head.

"What can I do then?" I replied. I hadn't moved an inch, I was still pressed up behind her.

"Anything you like - you just can't fuck me" she purred "He wouldn't like that"

She underscored the latter by simultaneously arching her back and pushing her butt out, which bumped me back a few feet. My mind was racing as I gazed at this teasing treat before me. Who the fuck was He? Was he nearby? Was he on his way? Was he watching us now?

"Anything you like" she repeated, as she gave her ass a little wiggle.

I don't understand what happened next. I know what happened next but I don't know how it happened. I've never done this before, honest. Not ever. I don't know where it came from. Rage perhaps? I'd felt tricked. Cheated. All I'd done was go for a walk in the woods and now this temptress was shaking her ass at me but telling me I couldn't fuck her? I was suddenly enraged. The raw rage of a petulant manchild who can't understand why their toy has been taken away, knowing only that it's not fair!

I drew my arm back, all the way behind me, and then dropped it down quickly. My hand fell like a pendulum, swinging through, forward, and then hitting her butt with all the force I could muster.


The sound reverberated through the clearing. If He actually existed then he would have heard it for sure.

My open hand had caught her squarely on her right cheek and it made the most glorious sound imaginable. It stung me a little but most of the impact was on her. Time stood still as I saw my hand smack her ass and then watched as her whole rounded arse jiggled in slow motion. It was like a meteor hitting the earth, except instead of a dust cloud I saw a red flush spread across her rippling cheek.

It was an amazing, thrilling visual - matched only by the marvelous soundtrack that accompanied it. The loud resonant smack! that comes when skin meets skin in a short sharp slap. The sound of flesh punishing flesh. I'd never done this before but it was exhilarating. My anger vanished in an instant and suddenly I was calm again. In control. This woman had been playing mind games with me but now I'd shown her who was boss.

I looked up to see her reaction. I wanted to see her shocked face, I wanted her to cry out and tell me what.the.fuck!?

Instead I got the opposite.

Her back was arched, her head thrown back, and she was biting her lip.

"Yesssssss!" she hissed, "that's it. Spank me. Slap my arse! Punish me like the undeserving wretch I am."

I had no time to figure out what that meant. She'd turned to give me a look that made my cock twitch in my pants, and that was that. The flood gates were open now, I was electrified.

My movements were measured, but there was no pausing. I drew my arm back and struck her again.


Every time I smacked her she would arch her back, just a little. She didn't seem to be flinching, it just seemed to be a physical reaction to the strength of my blows. If He was watching I hope he was enjoying himself, because I was planning to give him quite a show.  I'd spank her so good she'd be begging me to fuck her by the time I was finished...

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Sinful Sunday: Why Should We call Ourselves Sinners?

May More has written a great little piece of erotic fiction (or so she insists) about a young woman with lustful desires for a young priest, called Why Should We call Ourselves Sinners? No spoilers but {ahem} desires are acted upon... you can find her story here.

In keeping with that theme (loosely) I dug out the above image from my archives. Of images I found on the internet!

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Replay: No-vember finished early ~ I got laid.

This image has been inserted here so Facebook don't publish the one below - but it's also a reminder that Xmas is a month away!
Today's post is an excerpt from one originally posted on Nov 18, 2013. You can read the full story here.
After four weeks my wife couldn't take it anymore and jumped my bones boner on Saturday night. We were getting changed to go out and after she was finished with her post-shower routine (but before she put on her clothes) she pulled me over to the bed and made me eat her out. 
After she came she tried to straddle me but I protested and demanded my own oral pleasure, which she duly performed. She gives great head (even though I never cum that way) and when she felt me getting close she climbed up and straddled me, as she'd tried to earlier. 
She rode me cowgirl style for a while, grinding herself deep down onto my cock, as I held her hips firmly. She squeezed her breasts and then her clit but didn't cum, instead jumping off me and assuming the doggy position. With her head down and her ass up I again grabbed her hips and started thrusting, hard. As I pummelled her doggy style she reached back and held her cheeks open for me so I could get in deeper. I was enjoying myself immensely and debating what to do with the beautiful round butt in front of me.  
Let's be honest, I was staring at her asshole, and thinking dirty thoughts...
This is the image from the original post

Friday, November 24, 2017

Thanksgiving Sex

Okay, it wasn't really Thanksgiving Sex - it was the night before - but I was definitely Giving Thanks afterwards! It went down like this...
@pamelaanderson via Instagram

On Monday I posted Today is Masturbation Monday  which was essentially me bleating about being rebuffed sexually by my wife for three weeks and deciding I would just jerk off instead because today was Masturbation Monday. And I did. In the post I mentioned that by finally 'giving in' I was giving up on waiting for my wife.  I also mentioned that based on past experience the odds were 50/50 that my wife would want me sexually after I'd masturbated.

I don't know why that is - maybe masturbation washes away the scent of Desperate Man? Anyway,  I was 'safe' since my wife did not come home from her evening function feeling horny - so no sex ensued.

On Wednesday I posted the original (and much longer) version of Monday's post, titled Happy Monday! (The Monday Blues). It was more of a diary note/journal entry for me but if you read it you would have learned of all the opportunities for sex that were missed last week. I shared it as an example of what has been going on pretty much all month. We have a good time as a couple and yet none of it inspires any libidinous feelings in my wife.

I didn't go into great detail on how I tried to inspire/seduce my wife, but I did mention the party on Saturday night. It had a Playboy theme and so I picked out a sexy outfit my wife could wear, since she claimed she had nothing to wear and didn't want to go.  And if she wore the blonde wig she loves wearing then she could pretend she was Pamela Anderson (hence todays pic).

For my part I was trying to spark something inside her. I wanted her to know that I thought she was sexy and by wearing the clothes and boots I'd picked out I knew she'd be a knockout. Remember these were all items she'd bought herself, for herself, and she'd worn the combination at a party a year before and totally rocked that party. She killed it.

But on Saturday she initially tried to find something else to wear, before settling on what I'd picked out because we'd run out of time and had to get to the party. I suspect the reluctance on her part was partly due to the fact that I had picked it out and suggested she wear it. My wife is an Alpha female and doesn't like to be told what to do or what to wear. Which confuses me because some of the erotica she reads is all about women who submit to dominant men.

Maybe she doesn't see me as the man to tame her? Anyway, no sex ensued. I finished Wednesday's post (drafted on Tuesday) with the prophetic words:

[This post] could have been even longer but I cut out all the descriptions of efforts I made to be nice, charming, and seductive with my wife. Honestly, I don't just say "c'mon, we haven't had sex in ages, let's do it now". Not anymore. There have been occasions in the past where my frustration has led me to do something close to that, and the results have sometimes been surprisingly good (hot/quick/dirty/angry sex!!) but it's 50/50 whether that approach actually works - and when it doesn't I really feel like shit - so I just don't bother now. 

I really can't fathom where her libido went, she doesn't even read Literotica any more, preferring instead the tamer Kindle titles (still lots of sex but not on every page, maybe just once a chapter). At least when I knew she was reading her dirty stories on I could surmise she was more amenable to sex than at other times. 'Up for it' I think the Brits call it.
Those days are gone. Long gone.

Well of course as fate would have it the day I posted that was the day my wife left her iPad open and I was able to see her browser history. It turns out she had just resumed reading on Sunday, which really rubbed salt in the wounds. Whereas in the past this had led to sex, now she just wanted to read and find her own pleasure. Ugh, we've come to that?

So late on Wednesday I drafted My wife is back on the Crack, for publishing on Thursday. It lists all the stories she read on Sunday and Monday, and showed what type of genres she's into. They're clearly genres I can't be involved in, and I wonder if that's part of the attraction.

Anyway, my wife came home from a function at about 11pm. She shared some drunken gossip with me and then toddled up to bed. At about 11.30pm I joined her in the bedroom. She was lying down and just about to turn off the light and snuggle down to sleep. I leaned down and kissed her on the mouth, and then moved around to her neck, kissing and nibbling at it, and whispering in her ear. She squirmed with delight so I sent a hand 'downtown'.

I squeezed her vulva, and she pushed back, so I ducked my head down to try and get between her legs. She didn't make it easy but I persisted. As I said in the above quote sometimes I have to 'force' her to respond and when I do the results can be electric. Was tonight one of those times? To answer my question she again protested and said she had to be up early in the morning for another meeting. She said she was tired from all those functions she'd been attending and needed to go to sleep.

I didn't listen to her.

I decided I'd listened to her enough already and that was why we hadn't been having sex for three weeks. If I'm being honest I'll admit seeing her browsing history had pissed me off immensely. I know she gets horny when she reads those stories so I felt cheated. It occurred to me that I had given up too easily previously, and drafting Thursdays post two hours earlier had reminded me of what can happen if I push things a little further. I was fired up so I pushed things a little further - namely my finger pushing into her pussy. She was wet and slick.

I was already kneeling on the floor beside the bed so I just buried my face between her legs and started licking her cunt. My wife resisted a little before giving up and grabbing my head and pushing me in deeper. Cunnilingus sideways is no easy feat but my wife was squirming and grinding up on me so I guess my tongue was doing it's job. Or maybe not.

My wife told me to stop and pushed me away.

She repositioned herself on the bed so her body was perpendicular to the edge I was standing beside. She leaned back on her elbows and spread her knees wide. "Okay" she said, looking up at me "carry on!"  I ate her out with gusto and she seemed to be cumming, which snapped me out of the lusty spell she had me under. I stood up, opened the drawer of her nightstand and pulled out the Verge (a vibrating cock ring by We-vibe). I grabbed the lube and squirted a few cold drops onto her labia with one hand as I threaded my cock through the hole in the Verge with my other hand.

I stepped up on the plinth our bed sits on and then dropped down into her welcoming cunt. She was wet and tight and more than ready for me. I started pumping in and out of her from above and she lifted my t-shirt so she could watch my stiff cock slide in and out of her. I did this for a while before varying things by dropping down for some skin to skin contact. Propping myself up on my forearms I continued pumping in and out of her, swiveling my hips so that my ass was bouncing up and down.

The Verge buzzed between us, it's vibrations sending waves of pleasure through both of us. My wife was moaning and groaning the whole way through, gripping my hips and trying to pull me in deeper. "Cum in me" she cried out, "oh god, cum in me, I want to feel you cum!"

"I'm close" I replied "really close..."

"Oh god, yes, do it" she urged "fill me up, do it, cum inside me"

And so I did.

It was a long and intense orgasm for me, and I suspect it was the same for her.  With the Verge still vibrating between us I held my cock inside her, my erection not waning. I stayed there for the longest time and she made no effort to move me - until the cum started leaking and trickling down her ass. As we pulled apart and reached franticly for the tissues I asked her if it had felt good, and whether I had been grinding too hard on her. I was worried the Verge cock ring might have been too hard pressing against her clit/pubic bone.

She blushed spontaneously and a wide grin spread across her face.

"No, it was good" she beamed.

Her eyes looked away and her voice dropped to a whisper: "Perfect, in fact"

Thursday, November 23, 2017

My wife is back on the Crack

"Be careful what you wish for" is an old adage that always bites me on the ass eventually.
If you need more proof of that then skip to the bottom of yesterday's post Happy Monday! (The Monday Blues)

This is the tab I found on her iPad browser - when I clicked on 'History' I saw all the stories she'd read.
On Monday I complained about not getting any sex for some time. My wife just isn't in the mood. Or so it seemed. It turns out she's been getting her needs met by another foray into Literotica, as I discovered when she left her iPad open (and then went out). My wife has been buying and reading a lot of Kindle Porn (as I call it) lately but those are book-length stories and most of them are just racey novels as far as I can tell. (Yes, with sex - but not on every page)

As far as I could tell, my wife has not been reading dirty stories on the Literotica website for quite some time. I don't have the password for her iPad but on the rare occasions when she's left it open I've scrolled through her browser history and seen nothing. That all changed today when I saw that she has returned to her old habits.

It turns out that on Sunday and Monday she was reading a lot of dirty stories on Literotica - none of which translated into any physical desire for me. Which is doubly disappointing since I felt I had made an effort to be nice, charming, romantic and seductive. And yet all my attempts were rebuffed. Not just rebuffed - she would also place a buffer between us. The dog, late night TV, "I'm tired", etc.

Clearly she doesn't want me at this time.

I know what you'll say since I've heard it before: she's going through a phase and I just have to wait it out. Stick with her, don't give up, and she'll come around eventually.

Yeah yeah, I get it, and I don't have much choice anyway do I?

God forbid she's reading all that porn to stir her loins so she can work herself up to the idea of having sex with me? That would be awful. Just look at the titles she getting aroused by - how do I match that 'excitement'?

(NB ~ to see the stories she read in correct order start with the image bottom right [1], read up the list, then move to the image bottom left [2], read up the list, then move to the image top right [3]... etc)

[4] [3]

[2] [1]

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Happy Monday! (The Monday Blues)

Firstly, yes I know it's not Monday. Secondly, this is the original draft of what eventually became a much shorter Today is Masturbation Monday (no hashtag allowed). Thirdly, this post is long because it's really just a diary note for posterity/any future divorce proceedings so with that in mind... read on! 

via Instagram
Happy Monday! #backtowork #mondayblues #thejoker 

Most of you are probably thinking 'Damn, I gotta go back to work' today. I don't have that problem because I don't work anymore, because my wife is rich, so every day is the weekend for me. Yay!

But I do get 'the Monday Blues' because Monday is the day I am forced to accept the weekend is over and therefore my chance[s] to have sex are over too. And since I didn't get any I am now forced to wait until Wednesday (although I think we can all agree that that aint happening anymore) or (more likely) wait until the weekend coming. And as you working stiffs know, the gap between Monday and The Weekend is... an eternity!!

For those of you tuning in late, my wife and I came to an arrangement some time ago - since our libidos don't match we would have 'scheduled sex' every Wednesday and Saturday, in order to maintain sexual intimacy. Since I am no rapist that still really means only when she wants to, meaning Wednesday fell by the wayside a long time ago and it seems lately that Saturday is following suit.

The last time we had sex was Fucking Friday, November 3rd - almost 3 weeks ago.

I know what you're thinking: 'Oh Nero, here we go again, you're just gonna bitch about not getting any again, we've heard it before'. Yes, you have, but bear with me - I'll keep it short*...

A few years ago a guy got roasted on the internet after his wife/girlfriend posted on Reddit a spreadsheet he had given her detailing all the things she had done instead of having sex with him i.e. all the promises she had made and the excuses given when she changed her mind (if she had every really planned to follow through, of course). Women around the world rolled their eyes, expressed their outrage, and mocked him mercilessly.

When that spreadsheet story blew up I thought it was so unfair because I knew how annoyed he felt. As I mentioned in The Muffin Story on Saturday, it can get damned frustrating when someone keeps promising you some sexual intimacy but then consistently fobs you off. I also thought it was unfair to mock him for keeping a spreadsheet. When someone complains/worries about getting fat they're often advised to keep a food diary to see how much they're actually eating. Doctors/nutritionists/weight loss companies often say people think they eat less than they do, so writing down everything you actually eat might surprise you.

It's the same with sex. I'm pretty sure my wife thinks we have more sex than we do, and imagines it happened 'a week or so ago'. Anyway, I'm not going to start a spreadsheet but here's what happened didn't happen in the last week (which is indicative of all my weeks):

One of this months Kindle purchases 
Wednesday ~ I dropped my wife in the city for a 5.30pm function. She had a second function at 6.30 and asked me to pick her up at 7.30pm. She said she'd text me when she was ready. She texts me at 7.45pm and tells me to come and join her and ten of her BNG buddies for dinner, which has already started. By 10pm dinner is over and people leave. By 11pm it is well and truly over and the final five are leaving but then my wife's BNG BFF (who's husband left her two years ago and still can't get over that and expects my wife to be her wingman) suggests we go to a bar.

My wife thinks that's a great idea. I suggest I go home since our 15y.o. daughter is home alone and thought we'd be home by ten. My wife insists our daughter will be fine (even though we've just engaged a Family Therapist to deal with her abandonment issues) and says we'll just have one quick drink and then go home. So we go to a bar where The Money Men hang out and whiskey costs up to $200 a shot. My wife and her drunken buddy are the only two women there so we don't get home until 1am, when I drag her away from all those 'networking opportunities'. Even tho' my wife is tipsy and has enjoyed being the center of attention for a bunch of men she's never met (mmm...strangers!) no sex ensues.

Thursday ~ My wife gets me to drop her in the city for a 12pm lunch with a gal pal. That will be followed by another meeting at 2pm where some guy is interviewing her for a podcast. My wife has a Spa booked at 2.45pm, also in the city but in another part of town. She wants me to pick her up at 2.30pm so I can drop her at the Spa. She says she has a second voucher and no-one to use it on and it has already expired but they said she could still use it today only so would I like to come and get a massage and facial? I remind her I have a 5pm meeting myself (it's in our shared diary that she ignores) but she says 'No problem!' It's a 2 hour booking so we'll be out by 4.45pm, she insists.

At 2.15pm I'm racing through city traffic to collect her, and run an orange light. My SatNav system tells me there is both a red light camera and a speed camera at the intersection so I brake and the light turns red as I pass through. I'm pretty sure I'll be getting a ticket in the mail. I get to the allotted meeting point at 2.30pm but my wife is not there on the sidewalk waiting as promised. I go around the block and come back (there is no street parking) but she is still not there. I call her and she is still wrapping up her meeting - but she's 'coming now'. At 2.45pm she emerges and cannot see my car illegally parked 15 feet in front of the doorway of the restaurant. She starts texting so I honk the horn, presuming she's texting me to ask where I am. She gets in the car, angry, and asks why I honked. It's rude apparently.

Enroute to the Spa I tell her about the redlight camera and my rush to pick her up and how she wasn't ready when she said she would be, even though she knows I have an appointment at 5pm. My wife dismisses her lateness and responds by giving me a point by point rebuttal, insisting that it's not her fault I ran a red light, and that I don't need to get so stressed out, and now I'm stressing her out, so now I'm ruining the massage she's about to have. We get to the Spa by 3pm and have a very unrelaxing two hours.

I get to my 5pm meeting at 5.30pm (who knew there's this thing called 'gridlock' in the city at 5pm? I've never heard of it in all my years). I have to give my wife the car so she can continue home and get ready for her 6.30pm function. I Uber home and arrive at 6.15pm, just in time to drive my wife back into town for her function. She arrives home at 11.30pm via a shared Uber. My wife is in high spirits but goes immediately to the kitchen and surfs her social media accounts to see what everyone posted about the function she was just at. No sex ensues. A day later I will learn the function finished at 10pm and they went back to the Whiskey Bar we visited on Wednesday night. Maybe she was checking no-one posted photos of that?

One of this months Kindle purchases
Friday ~ Our daughter alerts us late afternoon that she is going to a friends house for a sleep over. I think this is a great opportunity for my wife and I to have some quality 'together time' for ourselves. I ask her if she'd prefer a fancy restaurant dinner or just a quick bite and then a movie. My wife says neither, since she's been out late two nights already. She says she'd much rather just stay home tonight. Naturally I think that's also a great idea but whatever romantic notions I have are dashed when she rings up her friend and invites her and her husband over for dinner tonight. They arrive at 7pm and leave at midnight. Once they're out the door my wife asks me if I recorded her favorite TV show, and can we watch it? Of course I did, so we watch it, and then some other sitcoms she loves, and then it's 215am so we got to bed. No sex ensued.

Saturday ~ My wife sleeps in late and doesn't emerge until our daughter returns at mid day. Any hopes of Saturday morning sex (rare but not unheard of) are gone, but to be fair I'd long given up hope of anything happening anyway. My wife mooches around the kitchen on her iPad mostly and then tells me she wants to buy a new printer. Off to the Mall we go. It is on the ride home with our new printer that my wife tells me the theme to the party we are going to tonight is 'Playboy', not 'Hawaiian' - as she'd told me repeatedly since getting the invite. A shame she didn't mention this while we were at the Mall, since I now have no costume. I decide to stick with my Hawaiian shirt and tell everyone I came dressed for Poker Night at the Playboy Mansion.

When we get home my wife gets on the computer and surfs, while I set up the printer. When done I go and see what costume I can rustle up for the party. My wife says she isn't going to bother, since she's too old to dress up as a Bunny Girl. I can't find anything for me in all our spare wardrobes but I do find some stuff for my wife. I lay out on the bed a pair of skintight black leggings, a t-shirt with a big image of Pamela Anderson on it (arty, early 90s), and her leather biker jacket. I match that with a pair of thigh high leather boots she hasn't worn in ages. SexyAF.

I go downstairs at 6pm and tell her I've found a costume for her. I suggest she wears her blonde wig (I'm remembering the last time she wore it) and tells everyone she came dressed as a Playmate/Pamela Anderson. My wife says thank you, and gets back to her web surfing. At 6.45pm I find her in our walk in wardrobe, trying to find something to wear. She is exasperated and suggests we don't bother going to the party because she just doesn't feel like it anymore. This is clearly my opportunity to stay home and have sex with my wife but the party is being thrown by one of her BNG pals and my wife suffers terribly from FOMO so I know she will be kicking herself if we just skip it and don't go.

I ask her what she thought of the outfit I pulled out for her and she replied with a grudging m'kay. She didn't think the t-shirt was tight enough and asked if she could shred it with scissors - like how the models wear t-shirts. I said I didn't really want her trying that on my classic 90s t-shirt (yes, it was originally mine, from back when I was more svelte) especially since she'd never done it before. She said okay and that she'd try and find another top since it was almost 7pm and she wasn't even dressed yet.

One of this months Kindle purchases
She found a small black tight halter top and put it on. She looked similar to what she wore to this party but now she had a blonde wig. I asked if she had a push up bra and/or 'chicken fillets' to really pump up her boobs for that true 'Playmate' look but she said she couldn't be bothered. She still wasn't feeling it. I told her she looked great, hot and sexy, and off we went. We arrived just after 8pm and the party was okay but it was all the hosts thirty-something friends and only four other guys from BNG. It was a small party and most of the men had exactly the same Hugh Hefner costume, presumably from the same costume chain. Most of the women had just put 'bunny ears' on top of whatever they felt was sexy i.e. made no real effort. My wife looked great but felt judged by millennial women because she had made an effort. Which was ironic because she hadn't really, it was me that picked something out.

So we left at 10.45pm and I thought 'Great! We'll be home early - plenty of time for Sexy Time' but my wife had other ideas. We stopped at a Burger Drive Thru on the way home because my wife was starving - because she wouldn't eat any of the food at the party lest any of those judgey millennial women see her stuffing her face. My wife waited until we got home to eat (I ate my snack size burger on the ride home) which was midnight exactly. As soon as we got home she asked me to turn on the TV and pull up the rest of the shows we hadn't finished watching the night before.

While I did that she raced upstairs and got out of her sexy outfit and into her 'comfortable' pajamas. Any idle thoughts I had about having hot sex with her in those skintight leggings and thigh high boots were dashed. We watched TV until 3am and then went to bed. And slept. No sex ensued.

Sunday ~ As I've mentioned previously on this blog, when I go without sex for too long my brain goes squirly. One half of my brain knows we're not going have sex today but the other half thinks we might, for no other reason than we haven't had sex for so long so surely we must be having some today? It's the same logic you use when you buy another lottery ticket even though you never win anything ever.

So on Sunday I woke up early (as I tend do when I have blue balls) and my wife slept in until mid day, again. I'd spent most of the morning fighting the urge to masturbate, knowing full well that Murphy's law meant if I did my wife would come downstairs into our home office and tell me to come up to the bedroom so we could have sex. I even fantasized about her texting me from the bedroom, telling me she was horny and to get upstairs pronto! As you can imagine, this did not help my blue balls one iota.

And that was our Sunday - me online in the office and her online (on her iPad) in the kitchen. The only break was about 2.30pm when I emerged from the basement to ask her if she wanted to have lunch. She said no because she'd already made herself something when she got up at mid day. She hadn't bothered to ask me if I wanted anything because she thought I'd gone out. So I made myself a sandwich (actually the first thing I'd eaten since I'd woken up - when my brain is in turmoil I forget to eat) and went back downstairs. And that was that.

At 6pm she made dinner and at 7pm I asked if she wanted to watch the rest of her shows on TV. She said no, that she'd seen enough in the previous nights and didn't want to get caught up in another binge-watch until the early hours. She had to get up early for a meeting in the morning apparently. So I watched my shows in the TV room while she stayed in the kitchen on her iPad. At 11pm I was tired (because I'd woken up so early) so I went to bed. She stayed where she was. Apparently she wasn't worried about her 7.30am morning meeting after all.

I went to sleep. No sex ensued.


*"I'll keep it short" - Ha!  I meant it when I said it but this must be my longest post ever! It could have been even longer but I cut out all the descriptions of efforts I made to be nice, charming, and seductive with my wife. Honestly, I don't just say "c'mon, we haven't had sex in ages, let's do it now". Not anymore. There have been occasions in the past where my frustration has led me to do something close to that, and the results have sometimes been surprisingly good (hot/quick/dirty/angry sex!!) but it's 50/50 whether that approach actually works - and when it doesn't I really feel like shit - so I just don't bother now.

I really can't fathom where her libido went, she doesn't even read Literotica  any more, preferring instead the tamer Kindle titles (still lots of sex but not on every page, maybe just once a chapter). At least when I knew she was reading her dirty stories on I could surmise she was more amenable to sex than at other times. 'Up for it' I think the Brits call it.

Those days are gone. Long gone.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

TMI Tuesday: November 21, 2017 ~ Past & Present

1. What was your favorite band in high school?
~ I'm gonna say Talking Heads because because I'm playing them now, but the truth is I had a lot of favorites. Like David Bowie, Blondie, The Cure, Tears For Fears, The Police, and ... Neil Young!   

2. What is your favorite band now?
~ I don't really have one, but I still listen to music. Showing my age but I like David Bowie, Prince, Fatboy Slim, and ... that one you like too.

3. What was your go to “make me feel better” food in high school?
~ Didn't really have one either (I'm a guy) but I did enjoy my mothers hot home made custard. And her banana cake. Sometimes at the same time. (No, don't get Oedipal - ew!)

4. What is your go to “make me feel better” food now? Why?
~ I would say I don't have one in particular, but I am overweight... because I eat when I'm sad. I get sad when my wife makes it obvious she really has no sexual interest in me. I eat food because... (wait for it)'s the only aspect of my life I can control. She can stop me doing a lot of things, she can control my sex life, but she can't watch me 24/7 so I can eat if I want to.

5. Fill in the blank: That _____ was then; this _____ is now.
~ That time of unabashed lust and unbridled sex was then; this purgatory of waiting in vain is now.

Bonus: Where were you and what were you doing on November 21, 2016?
~ I don't remember specifically but I was probably still upset and angry about Donald Trump winning the Presidency. I was at home.

Double Bonus: May More suggested I make The Waffle Story a standalone post. So I did! It was originally included as the end part of 21 Things I Hate About Me

Triple Bonus: That Was Then, This Is Now was a book by S.E. Hinton that was made into a movie in 1985 starring Emilio Estevez and a very young Morgan Freeman. The trailer is below, and if you like it you can watch the whole movie for free here. Emilio Estevez wrote the screenplay for the movie. Hinton also wrote The Outsiders and Rumblefish, which were also made into movies.


How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Monday, November 20, 2017

Today is Masturbation Monday (no hashtag allowed for that!)

via Instagram
Today is Masturbation Monday (no hashtag allowed for that!) 🤛 This image from @kinglexagod (she’s a Dom) is about as close as I’m allowed I suppose, if I don’t want to get shadow band.
#soss #ssos #instablog #neroblogshere #meshtop #harness #masturbacion #pegging

The above post on Instagram, deciphered for you:

Using some tags on some social media platforms (i.e. Instagram and Twitter) will get you shadow banned. A shadow ban means your posts and tweets are still published but no-one will see them. And you won't be told, you'll just wonder why no-one is liking or responding to your social activity. May More has written an explanation here, which includes a link to find out if you have been shadow banned.

Shadow banning is a form of censorship and it annoys me greatly, especially since most platform allow you to (and often insist that you do) label/tag/flag your blog/account as R18/NSFW/Adult Content. So why do we then find we can't use tags like Fetish or Masturbation for images/stories we post online? It's because no-one has yet launched a social media app designed specifically for people who enjoy sex blogs.

It also annoys me greatly that I have to write 'shadow banned' as 'shadow band' in order to avoid the algorithm/bots that trawl our social accounts to see if we're saying things they don't want us to say. Again, they're forcing us to self censor. It's not good, I don't like it, and yet I feel powerless to stop it - I wonder where we'll be in ten or twenty years from now?

Anyway, you didn't come here to discuss censorship - you came for the Sex!!

Sadly I have nothing to report.

I haven't had sex since Fucking Friday on November 3rd, almost three weeks ago. I wrote a long post about it (and why we hadn't, despite all my charming attempts) but it was so long I ditched it (it was a little whiney) (a lot whiney) and started again with this one. Suffice to say I'm staying true to my word (see both the post and the comments in last Monday's What happens when I don't get enough sex?) so today was an actual Masturbation Monday for me. It's not just a meme!!

Actually, it was harder than I thought (no pun intended) because when you have a wife and daughter in the house it's not so easy. Luckily I was able to summon up some 'me time' and having not had any since last week (by which I mean masturbation, actual sex was ages ago) I popped my cork quite quickly. Once again I just watched another scene or three from the porn movie I linked to in last Monday's What happens when I don't get enough sex?.

This of course means my wife will come home (she's out again tonight, I'm writing this post late) and want to have sex with me. Ordinarily I'd say that's a win-win for me (getting off twice in one day? yay!) but at my age it now comes with the stress of performance anxiety. If I fail to perform she'll get angry and ask me if I jerked off today.

Which is probably a good time to ask her when she thinks was the last time we had sex (I'm picking she'll say 'the weekend before last' - wrong!) and how long she thinks I should have to 'go without' for?

But given her complete lack of interest, despite some great opportunities these past few weeks (as explained in the loooong draft of today's original post) it's highly likely she won't want sex tonight either. Which means I get to jerk off tomorrow as well. Yay!


This post has also been submitted to Masturbation Monday.
Click the link to see sexier stories than this one! 

Sunday, November 19, 2017

It's #sinfulsunday 😈

via Instagram

A lazy post I know, but it is a Lazy Sunday. Besides, Rosalee Bloom looks great. She's an inked pinup girl and does burlesque. Judging by that riding crop perhaps she does a few other things as well! I know there's a whole range of purpose built sex toys you can buy online now (or in sex shops), but what 'regular' household items do you utilize (or have tried) when having sex? Assuming you do, of course.

And as a guy, I have to ask - has any women actually really used a vegetable for pleasure in real life? Or is that just the stuff of cheap porn or erotic fiction? (I've never fucked a warm apple pie - like Jason Biggs did in American Pie - in case you wondered).

Find and follow @rosaleebloom 👀
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📷credits: @ddmagofficial @solizimages 
#burlesque #vintage #photographer #pinupmodel #fetishmodel #whip #corset #sexylingerie #inkedgirls #legs #sundayfunday #redhead #bootyfull #babe

Saturday, November 18, 2017

The Waffle Story

Photo supplied by May More, who enjoys a spot of home baking. She suggested I make this a standalone post.
Maybe I should get her to edit all of my posts since they can get quite long? The Waffle Story was originally here.

There was something that I said on Monday that might have come across wrong. In What happens when I don't get enough sex? I said:
#12: ....The reason I will be mad at her is because she would have fobbed me off with the promise of 'not now, later' and I fell for it.
I'm fully aware that my wife is not my sexbot and is not required to have sex with me just because I want to. But... well... 

Let's say your wife knows how much you love waffles, and she loves making you waffles. So then it kinda becomes a thing where every Saturday morning the pair of you cook up some waffles together, and for years you enjoy them heartily. And then the day comes when she decides she's not going to have any waffles, but she's made you some and tells you to enjoy them. So you do.

And then the day comes when one Saturday morning you ask "are we making waffles?" and she says "Nah, maybe later" so you skip breakfast thinking you'll both be enjoying waffles for a late brunch. By lunchtime you're really hungry but your wife then says "I don't feel like making waffles - maybe I'll make some tomorrow morning." But of course on Sunday morning she still doesn't feel like making waffles.

The same thing happens the following weekend, except on Sunday she sleeps in, gets up late and tells you she's going to make you some waffles. You tell her you don't want any because you woke up early and was really really hungry for waffles so you made them yourself. And then ate them all up and now you're full and couldn't possibly eat any more. So then your wife gets all pouty and says she would have made you waffles if only you'd asked, since she had no idea you wanted waffles so badly.

Inside you're rolling your eyes and thinking "but I keep asking you if we're going to have waffles and you always say 'no, maybe later' - but later never comes". But on the outside you just grit your teeth and say nothing, because if you opened your big fat stupid man mouth your wife would say she didn't like your tone. And that's why you don't deserve any waffles.

And then she goes back to her room and looks at pictures of other men eating waffles all day on her iPad, imagining what it would be like to make waffles for those guys. Pretty soon she spends way too much time on that iPad imagining waffle brunches with all those men. She's creating such lavish menus in her head (strawberries! whipped cream! chocolate syrup!) that she has no desire to make actual waffles because that just means the kitchen is messy afterwards - and is it really worth the fuss?

Okay, maybe I'm over exaggerating a little. My wife does still make me waffles from time time. Just not like she used to. Which doesn't have to be a problem. I can make my own waffles - if only she'd stop saying she's going make them later for me...

(Yes, waffles is a metaphor for sex)

Friday, November 17, 2017

Remembering an Ex on Fetish Friday

(This is a model, not my ex GF)

I posted this to Instagram for Fetish Friday but it didn't cross-post here. I guess Blogger are blocking the app that does the cross posting for me. 

I wanted to share it because I think she's beautiful, and she reminds me of a girl I dated in High School. We never had sex (we were too young) but I was besotted with her for a while. Then I saw her kissing other guys at parties, which she denied. After I broke up with her she denied we'd ever been dating - apparently we were 'just friends'. 

Decades later we were at a school reunion and she again denied that we were ever dating. And while she seemed genuine and sincere in her statement it was so damned weird because I know we were boyfriend/girlfriend. I did not imagine it. We made dates, I picked her up, we went to the movies, we made out in the car afterwards. We talked on the phone a lot, saw each other every day at school and hung out together - that is dating in my book!


The whole relationship lasted probably six weeks (a long time at our High School, what with all that teen drama and hormones). I know we were boyfriend/girlfriend because when I told her I was breaking up with her because I was going to see another girl I liked she started crying and told me not to do it, and to stick with her. And like a fool, I did. 

Next weekend she was making out with some other guy at a party, and he became her new boyfriend. I can't say 'new' because that would imply I was the 'old' boyfriend - and who am I to dare tamper with history?