Thursday, November 16, 2017

21 Things I Hate About Me

21 Things I Hate About Me was almost the title to Monday's post What happens when I don't get enough sex? but at the last minute I changed it, and then once it was published I thought "Damn! I shoulda stuck with the original title!" So I thought I'd use it for today's post (originally titled Lots to Think About - yeah, I know!) since it is a companion piece to Mondays post. I didn't want to call it What happens when I don't get enough sex? - Part Two because it's not really a continuation (and it's as lame as Lots to Think About).

But you probably should read What happens when I don't get enough sex? at some stage, if only to see the video I refer to in today's post. (Assuming you're not interested in seeing which 21 Things I Hate About Me).  Anyway, we finished Part One (which is not really Part One, because remember: today's post is just a companion piece - definitely not Part Two!) at this next part....

Anyway, for some reason I decided to share the linked video with one of my Twitter followers (via DM) because I thought she might like it:
Here’s a vid you guys can watch. It's a series of vignettes and given you like your man in charge you should probably start at 18’45. Or not. I haven’t watched the whole thing myself so I don’t know how extreme it gets. I just like the dress up! I’ve always been a fan of Andrew Blake’s art direction, and this copies that perfectly. Have a great day.
It was only when I got her one word reply ("Ohhhh") that I realized I'd just sent the equivalent of an unsolicited dick pic. I genuinely thought she (and her partner) might like it (she's a sex blogger, unafraid of the odd spanking) but then I wondered if this was how Weinstein and CK started on their dark path. Louis CK said he thought it was okay to masturbate in front of women because he always asked first.

I hadn't even asked, I'd just assumed it was okay.

As one complainant explained, Louis CK is a comedian and when he asks if he can jerk off in your presence you assume he's joking so you say "yeah, sure".  That is not real consent. Apparently CK would jerk off in from of them, or behind the door in the apartment bathroom. If it was the first one the women would say "Ew!" and leave, and if it was the latter the women would say "What's he doing behind that door? Is he...? OMFG! - Ew!" and leave.

Where am I going with this? I dunno.

I do know I'm not really in any danger of following Weinstein, CK, et al down some rabbit hole into depravity. Women should know that the #MeToo campaign really has made men think twice about how they interact with women (well, at least the men on my circle). I'm not sure how that will affect singles out there, but I'm sure we'll muddle through - our species has managed to co-habitate for thousands of years.

My wife said she could have posted that hashtag but decided against it. She said every woman has probably had a few #MeToo incidents in their life because "that's just how men are - they all want their egos stroked - or to fuck you". She said her and some of her friends had decided long ago that all men want/need is a warn hole to stick their dicks into and they're happy. "And they're not that discerning" she added, "they'll literally fuck anything."

High praise indeed for the male gender.

Apparently the worst scorn is reserved for men who are not in their league and yet still try it on. "It's the guys who are a 'six' or a 'seven' who are most likely to try and use their power over you to get with you - when we are 'eights' or 'nines'!!" explained my wife. It did make me wonder how she would react if a 'ten' hit on her, but I kept those thoughts to myself. My wife said that when guys got too 'handsie' (at a bar/function) she would start talking about me, to let them know she was married. She said often it had no initial effect but she'd keep talking about me and eventually they figured it out.

Which is nice to hear, but in the four years she's been a member of BNG (Business Networking Group) I've seen plenty of guys put their hands around her, give her a little hug, maybe a little kiss, maybe even a squeeze on the butt - but all done so quickly it's over before you can think "what's this guy doing?"  Unless they're drunk, in which case their arm remains gripped around her waist as they pull her close and loudly tell the circle what a great and awesome businesswoman my wife is.

The worst times have been when my wife was also drunk and would just stand there, letting these guys paw all over her. When she seemed to enjoy the attention and would join in with the 'locker room' talk. My wife has been less enamored with all that lately and has switched her focus to mentoring women-centric business groups. She says she's just not interested in being a part of the Boys Club anymore. "Those guys are dinosaurs, and they don't even know it. They'll be extinct soon"

If you're thinking "why did you let all those guys paw your wife Nero? why didn't you do something?" the answer is similar to that given by the people who knew what Harvey Weinstein was doing but said or did nothing. There was no way to confront these guys behavior without embarrassing my wife and/or damaging her 'career'. Firstly these are high powered high profile businessmen, and they'd be the first to throw up their hands and say "Whoa, steady on, I wasn't doing anything, we're all friends here, that's all".

Secondly it would diminish my wife's power if I 'created a scene'. Her status of high powered high profile businesswoman would be reduced to 'woman with hysterical husband'. For me to intervene would mean my wife was incapable of defending herself, and if you want to be a leader you need to be seen as being able to fight your own battles and handle your own shit. Besides, I would discuss it with my wife on the way home and she would insist the guys were harmless and she could handle them.

That was in the early years - now she's a little more scathing of their behaviors and less likely to put up with it. I think she's probably a bit more jaded now, after experiencing it for four years.

[UPDATE:] The Waffle Story has been removed and placed here instead.


  1. This is a priceless post Nero - the bit about waffles should be taken out and used as separate mini post because it is soooo amusing and TRUE.

    1. It’s funny you should say that, since I did in fact remove that whole section and save it in drafts, thinking it would make a fine standalone post. But then I couldn’t think of how to end this post so I put it back in.
      Given the lack of response to this post (despite your sterling efforts to promote it on Twitter) maybe I will delete the Waffle story and make it a standalone post. Which will make your comment all the more intriguing for those that don’t know it (yet).


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