Monday, December 4, 2017

Driving Me Crazy

Masturbation Monday prompt: Week 690 by @sub_bee

Last Monday I decided to follow through on my promise to masturbate more (when I was horny) instead of just getting upset because my wife was not having sex with me. It was the middle of the afternoon and my wife was out shopping and then she had a late meeting, so I decided to make the most of the opportunity. I also decided to use the guest bedroom since it had the most sun.

So I stretched out on the bed and read some submissions to the Masturbation Monday meme, and some of the stories were quite hot so ... nature took it's course.

I had literally just climaxed when I hear a key in the lock and my wife opening the front door. Then I hear my daughters voice! It turns out my wife had picked her up from school early and was dropping her home. She was 'sick' (sick of school more likely). For some reason my wife decided to park on the street and use the front door - not the garage like she does 99% of the time.

My brain goes into overdrive (don't call it panic)!

My main concern is that the front door opens up to a stairway. We have two, one that goes to our master bedroom and another that goes up to my daughters room and the guest bedroom. I need to dash out of the guest bedroom, cross the upstairs hallway, past my daughters bedroom and then on to our own bedroom. I have two choices:

1] hide in the guest bedroom and hope I'm not discovered.
2] make the mad dash and hope no-one sees my naked body.

I make the wrong choice - I make the mad dash.

As I do so my wife walks in the door, looks up, and sees me. And calls out to me. I know she can't see my lower body so she can't see I have a rapidly softening erection that I'm holding with one hand so I don't drip on the carpet. Yes, she literally put the key in the lock just as I was ejaculating - that's why I had to think quickly and act fast.

Like I said, I made the wrong call. I should have stayed in the guest bedroom and calmly put my clothes back on and then come out. They would have been in the kitchen by then.

So I have to talk to my wife from the landing, holding my jeans in one hand and my semen covered dick in the other. My wife asks me to drop her in the city for her meeting, saying she'll take an Uber home. (Oh, one of those meetings is it?) My wife does not ask why I'm not wearing a shirt. I tell my wife I'll take her and nonchalantly walk to our bedroom where I hurriedly put my clothes on.

I only have time to wash my hands before we go, so I'm driving my wife into the city with a crotch covered in wet sticky jism. I wonder if she can smell it, but she says nothing. Other than asking me why I was in the guest bedroom. I tell her I was using the toilet because mine is broken (it is) so she says 'okay' and nothing else. Maybe she knew, maybe she didn't - quite frankly I didn't care anymore because I was kind of angry.

Not at her, but at the Universe.

Angry because the fates had once again conspired to kill my buzz. Deprive me of my sexual pleasure. Yes I had ejaculated, but the orgasm was over before it started. I can't speak for all men but I personally just want to lie there afterwards and relax - and hopefully fall asleep. Masturbation is a great catalyst for a twenty minute power nap, and I enjoy my power naps.

And yes, I do understand that this is a classic #FirstWorldProblems! I jerked off again later and everything was fine. All the stress drained away.

So... what's your worst masturbation story?


This post has also been submitted to Masturbation Monday.
Click the link to see sexier stories than this one! 


  1. Thats hilarious - you poor sod. I masturbated at work once - may have to write about that. I read a post from Sassy Cat few weeks ago - she was interrupted whilst masturbating - it happens ;-)

    1. Yeah, it was damn frustrating. One should be able to luxuriate in one's orgasm, not have it clipped short because people are walking in!

  2. Oh! I'm cringing on your behalf for that one...and also, I'm so curious...did she know?! I know we'll never know but my imagination likes thinking she did.

    1. Well I did go back later to stand where she was standing to see what she could see, and she would have seen nothing. But then I was shirtless so that might have raised some questions in her mind. Given she didn't ask I guess she doesn't really want to know why i.e. don't ask, don't tell!
      But yes, it could be turned into quite a hot story if you write it with 'a happy ending'!!

  3. My sympathies (lol). I almost got caught by my builder at the Oasis a couple of months ago. He was halfway up the stairs before the dog barked! I don't know if he could smell me when I came downstairs, but there was no time to wash either. Might have to write that one up too.

    1. I'm not sure about the builder but I bet the dog could smell you - they have a keener sense of smell! LOL


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