Wednesday, December 27, 2017

So... how was your Christmas? πŸŽ„


via Instagram

Mine was a bit lame actually.

My wife told me about a week before Xmas not to buy her anything, because she'd bought some stuff for herself because she knows what she likes. She then proceeded to wrap these gifts and place them under the tree - together with a label that said 'To: Mrs Nero - From: Mr Nero'. In her handwriting of course, so everyone would know who really bought the present.

I'd already bought her a bra and panties set from Calvin Klein, but I hid that and I'll give it to her on Valentines Day. I also got her a large expensive and smelly candle (3 wicks!) that she can use in the bath, and an essential oil burner that doubles as a vaporizer. It's very high tech (you have to plug it in) not that hippy shit you buy at the Farmers Market & Car Boot Sale.

I was also going to buy her a $600 watch from Swarovski but didn't because my wife has a habit of buying herself all manner of things around Christmas time, and she wouldn't tell me what she'd bought herself on my behalf so... #$%^ her! Seriously, when my wife goes Xmas shopping (for all her friends and family) she sees so much stuff she wants herself she just buys it. The ratio is probably 1:1 ie one gift for someone else, one gift for herself.

My wife has been like this for a few years now, ever since she sold her company for a lot of money.

She also did something else that's she's been doing in recent years too - despite me this year expressly telling her not to do it. That's right, in the middle of the Mall three or four weeks before Xmas, when we went as a family to shop/window shop I decided this year I would say it before anyone bought me anything, rather than opening my gifts on Xmas morning and sighing.

I told them (my wife and daughter) what size I was. My exact size(s).

Yup, my wife always buys me clothes for my birthday and Christmas but she always buys them a size too small. It's like she can't accept what size I am and hopes that if she buys me a smaller size I will be 'inspired' to get thinner. All it does is inspire me to eat the chocolate bars my daughter gives me each Xmas...

So this year I got... three pairs of underpants (a size too small), a belt, pair of pants, and a dress shirt (all too small AND in 'slim fit'), and two t-shirts that are actually a size too big on me.

It was so weird - and frustrating. It happens every year.  I asked her yesterday if she knew what 'Slim Fit' meant, before informing her that it was for slim people and that it didn't make 'Regular Fit' people (like me) look slimmer. It just made us look fatter. The 'Slim Fit' pants were so tight around the crotch it gave me whatever the male equivalent of 'camel toe' is.

So, all in all it was (for me) a mediocre Xmas.


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