Thursday, January 18, 2018

'365 Reasons NOT To Have A Sex Calendar' ~ Part 2

There are two footnotes to the story I published yesterday (here). You should probably read it first before you read this part, if you haven't already. Although I've called this 'Part 2' I've also added NOT to the title, for obvious reasons....

i] The following year I gave my wife a 'Sex Checkbook', which I bought at a novelty store. It contained all these checks that she could 'cash' whenever she wanted. The checks/cheques were for things similar to the calendar mentioned in SweetenDirty's post. "One Makeout Session in the Car, just like High School", "One Candlelit Bubble Bath for Two", "One Fantasy Role-play Session of Your Choosing", "One 5 Minute Quickie", etc etc.  

I gave it to her because I thought it was a better 'prompt' than the diary she had given me the previous year. There were no specific dates to make you feel like a failure if you'd missed them, and it put the control in her hands. If she was feeling sexy/frisky/horny then she could 'cash' a check of her choosing, and if she wasn't then she could just leave it for another time.

Unfortunately I gave it to her on Valentine's Day (along with other gifts) and I guess it pissed her off. She never collected on any of the 'offers' and a month later I found it in the trash basket in her home office. What made it more bittersweet was that I found the discarded checkbook just ahead of my birthday - another reminder of the ill-fated diary she'd given me the year before.

ii] A few years after that, after we'd been to couple counseling about our waning sex life (where we were taught to openly communicate our feelings to each other) I told my wife on the ride home about that diary she'd given me and how sad it had made me since we never had any of the sex promised in the forward entries she had made. 

My wife made the sad face but then in typical fashion told me it was my fault for not initiating the sex promised in the diary. I explained that I had tried to do exactly that, many times, but that she would so often rebuff me with one excuse or another that I eventually stopped bothering. Her response to this was to laugh and say "I don't know what I was thinking!" (when she wrote and gave me that diary).

I then mentioned the checkbook I had given her the following year, which she'd thrown away. Unused. Her response to that was even more blunt. "Oh that checkbook was just stupid!" she scoffed.  

I considered both responses completely inappropriate given we'd just left the therapists office, but I bit my tongue. I knew then that couples counseling was a waste of time and we stopped soon after.

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