Wednesday, January 17, 2018

OPP: '365 Reasons To Have A Sex Calendar'


SweetenDirty caught my eye recently when she tweeted a link to her 2009 post Review: 365 Reasons to Have A Sex Calendar. I thought she was going to talk about 'scheduled sex' but it was about something else entirely, something more literal. It's a great post and you can read it in full here.

When I read her post it made me sad and a little misty eyed because it reminded me of a very sad year in my life (circa 2004). And I'm not overstating it - when someone gives you a Diary (or calendar) full of sex prompts you get reminded of it for a very long time. A whole year!

As SweetenDirty explains, the calendar works like this:

"...The calender is filled with more than just reasons to have sex.  
On each page of this daily calendar, there is a pickup line, a bit of “wisdom” (just some random fact or piece of advice that, of course, has to do with sex), a tear off “solicitation note” telling your potential partner your reason to have sex with them, checkboxes for (a) please (b) pretty please (c) I’ll pay you (d) or else, where, when, and “please bring,” and also checkboxes at the bottom of the tear off page saying (a) I’ll respect you in the morning (b) I’ll call you (c) The kids won’t hear us. 
Lastly, at the bottom of each page it will say how many days left in the year there are to “copulate.” 
Flipping through the calendar, I noticed that some days of the year will go along with the “reason to have sex.” For example, on January 18, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, the reason is “Three day weekends make me hot.” 
Speaking of weekends, instead of having two separate reasons for having sex on each day of the weekend, the calendar has a “reason to have sex this weekend” instead, putting Saturdays and Sundays on the same page..."
I posted the following reply on her post (which you can read in full here):
This calendar sound like a lot of fun. My wife once gave me a pocket diary for my birthday. She'd gone through it and inside it she'd hand written entries similar to this. It was fun for the first month or so, but then it became a testament to our waning sex life. It used to make me sad to leaf through it and be reminded of all the sex we'd 'missed'.  
Sad, because she was so excited when she gave it to me on my birthday, like she really did want to do all those things she'd effectively 'promised'. Sad because reality kicked in and the gift of 'reasons to have sex' were replaced with reasons not to have sex.
So, a word of advice from your old pal Nero. Don't give someone a gift like this unless you're prepared to follow through with it. Because if you don't it just becomes a depressing daily/weekly/monthly reminder of what is wrong with your partnership.  Sure, it starts out as fun thing but it sours when suggestions are left ignored.

And it's a two way street - you can give someone this in order to spark up your sex life but if they don't pick up on the prompts it becomes an albatross around your neck. It'll just make you more sad/depressed/or angry.

I should point out that I didn't get completely morose.  After about the third month I stopped looking at it. there was no point flipping through it because by then I knew whatever she had written in there wasn't happening. I'd look at it occasionally, when I wanted to feel sorry for myself, but then I'd bury it back in my bedside drawer - until next time.

I guess the smart thing to do would have been to throw it away but I didn't. Where it is now I have no idea - it would probably make me chuckle now, to be reminded of all her sexy promises. Promises she would have been so sincere about as she wrote them...

There are two footnotes to this story... which I'll save for another day. (see here for Part 2)

This post has also been submitted to Wicked Wednesday


click here for more 'Wicked Wednesday' stories (NSFW)

4 comments:

  1. Ah, you got me feeling sorry for your now ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Part 2 tomorrow, bring a hankie πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Delete
  2. I think the calendar is a great idea and sorry to hear it didn't work the way you hoped it would.

    Rebel xox

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, they're a fun idea. But yes, in my case it didn't go so well - maybe if my wife had actually followed thru on it (as you mentioned on Twitter!)
      Have you seen Part 2? (link above)

      Delete

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