Monday, January 29, 2018

TPGMO: Actual Masturbation on Masturbation Monday

No, I didn't masturbate on Monday. Today is Monday so... well, I suppose I could have gotten up early... but no. I thought I would blog about Masturbation for Masturbation Monday since no-one else seems to. Honestly when I first started with the meme I thought you had to write about a time that you jerked off, and then post it on Monday.

I'm wrong on both counts,  so clearly your ol' pal Nero takes things too literally sometimes. But I digress...

As I've mentioned in previous posts, and many times on Twitter, my wife left last week for an 8 day conference in China. Well, a four day conference and two days in Hong Kong on either side of it.  It's one of those BNG conferences so I know its BS. The good news is that this left me to my own devices ie I was now free to masturbate.

You're probably thinking "Nero, it's 2018 - if you want jerk off you can do it, you're a free man" and you'd be right, kind of. It's more complicated than that so read TPGMO: When the wife’s away.... if you want know why I went 21 days without sex (not even solo). Suffice to say with my wife gone I was no longer required to wait so I jerked off to this story on Literotica.

I couldn't watch porn because my daughter was in the house, and as I've mentioned previously no daughter should have to hear her father in the den, jerking off to some squealing pornstar.

Luckily for me my daughter left on Friday afternoon for a two night sleep over with her friend, which was unexpected but most welcome. It meant I could watch porn and jerk off - like normal guys do!

Better yet, unlike normal guys, I could watch it on the big screen in our Movie Room!!

Yup, we have a 'home cinema' at our house (but to be honest our daughter is the only one who really uses it) and I was determined to make the most of it. On Friday night, after dinner, I took a seat in the couch in the movie room, pulled up PornHub on my iPad, and streamed it the big screen via Apple TV. Since I was quite horny I didn't bother searching for anything in particular, I just choose from the suggestion on their home page.

A pretty unappetizing selection wouldn't you agree? The problem with free porn is that really have to dig around for the good stuff.
Probably because we all have different tastes I suppose, and everything is on offer.

Luckily the algorithm was working better than just now, when I took that screenshot. On Friday I was fed an array of attractive couples and I clicked on the thumbnail that screamed "Switch Me On - GIRLS RIMMING' since I enjoy the odd rim job and yet I've never watched a rimming porno. I watched all 13 minutes of it but didn't get off.

It was two girls and a guy, and whilst all three were attractive enough only one girl really knew what she was doing. The other one didn't at all, so if you want to educate yourself on rim jobs click the link. The other reason I didn't get off was that I hadn't anticipated seeing so much cock, balls, and asshole up close. Which was silly, since I did select a 'rim job' video!

I now perhaps understand why some women find porn so confronting - they're not necessarily excited by seeing extreme closeups of female genitalia either? I enjoy receiving a rim job but seeing it on the big screen? God - is that what I look like? Is that what my wife sees? Ugh!

Anyway, I didn't get off but I was highly aroused and keen to get off. So when PornHub suggested another title, 'Girl Giving Great Rimjob', I thought I'd try my luck again.

This video was amazing! The girl doing it was really into it, and was a complete master. Well, she looked like she was into it, so maybe she's just a better actor? Anyway, if you want to give your man a good rimjob just watch the movie and learn, she was great. And if you harbor any fantasies of pegging your man (fucking him with a strap-on dildo) then the way to overcome any of his reservations is to give him a few amazing rim jobs first. And finger his ass too, probably, but I digress...

The woman in the video was so good I came in about four and a half minutes.

Which meant 8 minutes of the video were left for Saturday night!  Yes, call me boring but Saturday was a repeat of Friday night. With my daughter back on Sunday I wanted to make the most of big screen porn while I could. The videos were all HD so the quality was excellent and it was like it was all happening live in front of me. So I watched the remaining 8 minutes.

The actresses name is 'Kerry' and the video is actually called 'Punish Me', but whoever uploaded it to PornHub thought 'Girl Giving Great Rimjob' was a better title. Fair call, I'd have to admit. Anyway, Kerry was great foreplay but when the video finished I was ready for one more. Luckily PornHub had another suggestion, and the girl looked cute so...

'Welcome Home by Lyndsey Love' is more of a blow job video, but she does switch it up by rimming him as well. It's one long static shot (emulating homemade porn?) which I'd ordinarily get bored with but once again the look on her face had me hooked. She looked like she was really enjoying what she was doing, and really into the guy she was doing. Maybe he was her boyfriend, maybe she was on ecstasy, -- I dunno -- but it looked hot!

But it didn't get me off.

I got off watching another of her clips, 'Lindsey Love: Rimming & Fucking' which was also sexy AF.  It's all shot from the guy's P.O.V. meaning it's like she's doing it to you (especially when you see it on a big screen). I only got half way through before I popped - so I guess I know what I'll be doing on Monday, after my daughter has gone to school!


TPGMO stands for 'This Porno Got Me Off' if you didn't know. All of the above links will take you to the named title on PornHub, which is an X-rated NSFW site. If you don't want their URL on your browser history (ie you're at work) you can watch the following with my weblink, not PornHub's. She's not a screamer so you don't have to mute it. And if you didn't know what a rim job is... well, I think the screenshot below tells you all you need to know!


This post has also been submitted to Masturbation Monday
Click the link for more stories about masturbation - on Mondays!



  1. My mans not into rimming - well me to him - he does me though ;-)

    1. My wife won't let me do her, but loves doing me. I think she enjoys making me squirm.

  2. How fun to have have the big screen 'voyeur' effect.

    1. Yeah, if the clip is High Definnition it really is quite something. A bit like the old porno theatres from the 70s and 80s. But if you have low quality clip it looks even shittier on the big screen!

  3. I can't imagine porn on a big screen but I can see how it might be really powerful, too.

    1. Back in the 70s and 80s it was the only way you could watch it. Then came the VCR, followed by the DVD...

  4. I'm so used to sitting at the computer, now I think I will have to fire up the TV.


We welcome comments but hate SPAM. If you are a spammer we will not only delete you but actively report you as well.
We encourage frank robust discussion on all subjects within our blog but NO hate speech will be allowed. Again, we will actively report this.