Thursday, January 25, 2018

TPGMO: When the wife’s away.... 😈

via Instagram

I don't know if you've noticed but I've been making a whole bunch of sexualized posts here and on my Twitter and Tumblr accounts lately (some I’ve now deleted). These stem from my having abstained from sex since January 4th. Well, I didn't so much as abstain as not get any. As I mentioned on TMI Tuesday earlier this week:

5. Your most unexpected achievement? 
~ I haven't had any sex of any sort since January 4th (not even solo) and yet I've managed to keep it together. Usually I start climbing the walls, but this time I've been able to contain myself. The trick is to watch lots of Netflix and not join your wife in bed - otherwise you just upset yourself festering over the sex you're not having with that woman lying next to you.

I decided I would not initiate and see how long it would take for her to initiate sex. The experiment has been terminated at 20 days because my wife left today for 8 days in China. She's at a BNG 'conference' but that's only 4 days so the rest is shopping in Hong Kong. Or fucking her lover - what do I know? She has quite literally told me nothing about where she's going, where she's staying, or how I can contact her. I only know the conference is 4 days (3.5 really) because I googled it.

Yesterday Kayla Lords retweeted my Twitter link to Monday's Sexting Selfies - Part 2 post, along with a comment, that I replied to, that she then replied to:

Kayla is absolutely correct - I've been tying myself up in knots lately, getting more sexually frustrated as 'the drought' continued. That's been reflected in my posts, and more obviously in my attempts at erotic 'fiction' for various memes like Masturbation Monday, Wicked Wednesday, and Kink Of The Week.

Well, good news people! I've been masturbating daily since my wife left!! And I feel so much better now!!!

It's been so liberating. If I'm horny I just jerk off. No abstaining because I might be having sex with my wife sometime in the next three days. No waiting three days and then waiting some more because even though we didn't have sex we might be having sex sometime in the next three days.

So you're probably wondering what this 'three days' business is about...?

Every three days we have something on that a reasonable person in a loving relationship might reasonably assume could be a something that might lead to sex later on, given that 'Date Nights' were dispensed with a long time ago (my wife is just too busy to commit) so 'something' will have to suffice.

'Something' is usually dinner out, drinks with friends, or a party with friends. Or a big event where my wife can frock up and alcohol is consumed. The latter is key to all the 'somethings' I suppose, which is a sad state of affairs. Basically my wife has to be relaxed to be horny, which she achieves through liberal use of wine or Literotica. She'll binge on both and then get amorous. 

The problem is that lately she's ben doing the bingeing but not the amorous. 

I did think maybe we'd get some alone time before she left but that never happened. She'd invited a girlfriend over for the weekend (on her way to Europe) which put paid to that, and her last night before leaving was spent packing for the 8 day trip.  It's almost like she was trying to put obstacles in our way so that there was no time for intimacy.

Which was why I chuckled when she started texting me from Hong Kong telling me how much she missed me already. Dammit lady, you had your chance!! No, I didn't say that. I just sent her hugs 'n kisses emojis and dismissed her empty words. She always gets like that when she's lonely, the minute she got to Guangzhou the messages stopped. She's in conference mode now, meeting and networking with lots of new people. She loves that stuff (and the 'after parties'!) so won't be lonely anymore.

Anyway, I didn't mean to moan. I started this post to let y'all know I've been spanking the monkey like a teenager since she's been gone. All is good. And since TPGMO stands for 'This Porno Got Me Off' I'll leave you with a small excerpt from a five page story on Literotica that seemed to work for me (fee free to analyze why). Click this link to read the full story.

UPDATE: the excerpt is too long! So you'll have to wait for Part 2 which will be posted in 2 hours, I promise!! (here's the link to Part 2)


  1. Many times I've suggested a good wank to John Brownstone to calm his crankiness - especially when we haven't been able to have sex recently. Glad you're not waiting anymore. :)

    1. That was one of the first thoughts that run through my head actually - “Why did I I wait so long?”

  2. Excellent - i did notice u were getting a bit kinda hot under the collar lately ;-) And wanking is very healthy so get to it!

    1. Yes, I’m aware I become the boy in elementary school who runs around the playground pulling girls hair when I dont get some.


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