|Gerard Butler, from the movie 300 © Warner Brothers|
This week marks the 300th 'prompt' for the Wicked Wednesday (WW) meme, which means its been running for almost 6 years. That's a long time in Blogland, since bloggers come and go and some burn out quickly. It's one thing to find the time to create and write enough stuff for your own blog, but to actually find the time to create and run a 'meme' takes great dedication. So kudos to Marie Rebelle for keeping WW alive all these years.
Some memes have not been so lucky. #Tits Out Tuesday started well but soon fell apart once it became apparent that women were getting their tits out on the Internet every day of the week. #Flash Friday suffered a similar fate but was hit by a double whammy - not only were guys posting dick pics every day, making the meme redundant, but comic book nerds had appropriated the hashtag and more often than not you'd get a picture of The Fastest Man Alive rather than some beautiful penii (that's the plural of penis, if you didn't know).
I've written dozens of Wicked Wednesday posts (see here) but not all of them have followed the official prompts. A lot of them are about me masturbating. My problem is that I tend to have sex on the weekend, so I often blog about that on Mondays - for the Masturbation Monday (MM) meme. Which I've always found a little bit weird, because surely that should be the day we blog about masturbation, right?
So... on Mondays I often write about the sex I had at the weekend (if I did) and on Wednesdays I often write about the sex I had with myself on Monday (or Tuesday). The reason I'm masturbating on Monday (or Tuesday) is usually because I haven't had any sex at the weekend and my blue balls can't last a minute longer. I have to abstain and 'save' myself on Wednesday because that is the night my wife agreed we should 'schedule sex' because we are such busy people that often we don't actually make time for sex.
The problem is that there's a 90% chance the Wednesday night sex will be 'postponed' (because my wife is busy or has an important meeting in the morning) which means my balls are blue by the time Saturday rolls around - which is our next 'scheduled sex' night. And the odds are currently 50/50 that we'll actually have sex on the weekend, as scheduled, which is kinda sad when you think about it. Or type it, as I'm doing now.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Dude! She's just not that into you - if she was she'd be banging you six ways from Sunday!!" but you're wrong. I know she loves me cause she says so in the cards she gives me on my birthday and on Valentines Day. She also says it on my Fathers Day card - but in an 'you're an awesome dad to our awesome daughter' kind of way, because anything else would be a little creepy. Because Fathers Day.
Anyway, if we don't have sex on the weekend, and we didn't have any sex the Wednesday prior either, then my balls are really blue by Monday morning and I'm twitching in my seat just waiting for my wife to go out so I can jerk off. Sometimes it can be even worse: we don't have sex on Wednesday but do have sex on the weekend but I don't get off. As detailed in Monday's Wedding Night Sex I spent so much time getting her off (multiple times?) last Friday night that when I was finished and it was now 'my turn' she was done and went to sleep. Leaving me with massively blue balls.
Which brings us to the TPGMO portion of today's post. It stands for 'This Porno Got Me Off', an occasional series here on my blog. Feel free to take that idea and use it - maybe it will become a meme. Or maybe not.
There was no sex on Saturday night last weekend (even though our daughter was out for a sleepover, ferchrissakes!) nor Sunday either, so I was fit to burst by Monday morning. Luckily my wife had one of her ubiquitous 'early meetings' so I was able to rip open my laptop and get me some solo time with Pornhub. How blue were my balls? Well, I managed to cum only two and a half minutes into the video below. Yeah, thats right - press play and watch from the start. When you get to the 2'30 mark you can say to yourself "WTF? you climaxed to that?!"
Yes, I did. And I didn't. I was probably ready to cum to an underwear commercial at that point. The clip isn't that great and it's not even something I'd ordinarily watch. It's not my thing at all, but when I went to the Hentai section on Pornhub that was the screenshot that grabbed my attention. Probably because it didn't feature schoolgirls of ambiguous age. I'm not even into 'alien' or 'creature' sex but I watched it anyway. I was so keyed up for sex I managed to cum at the 2'30 mark - and that two and a half minutes includes the opening title sequence!
It was a pretty intense orgasm, but a fleeting one. As I recall there was something quite primal about the clip so, being a guy, I'll probably go back at some stage and watch the rest of it. No doubt I'll also be saying "WTF? you climaxed to that?!"