Saturday, March 24, 2018

OPP: #SoSS ~ The Sybian

Warning: Not only is the Sybian noisy AF, the blonde is a screamer too - check your volume settings before pressing play!

The #SoSS meme is meant to be a roundup of favourite blogs we’ve visited that week, but this week I'm again changing it a little and choosing blog posts that fit a theme. Today I've picked a rather expensive sex toy that I've had no experience with - the Sybian. 
It has always fascinated me, since I first saw videos of it in action on the free porn sites 10 years ago. It looks so awesome, but of course those videos were made by the manufacturer and used paid actors a.k.a pornstars. If you've actually used one personally I'd love to hear your stories in the comments section below.  
As always, click the links for the full stories, because these are just short excerpts. These are in no particular order:

Marisa Black ~ Dodson & Ross "Straddling the Saddle: My First Ride on the Sybian"

I have to confess that this first excerpt is a cheat - I used google. I had one positive experience about the Sybian from a sex blogger but I misplaced the link, so Replaced it with this one. It seems genuine and as you'll see if you follow the link Betty Dodson (co-owner of the site) doesn't like the Sybian. I recommend you follow the link and read the comments on the original post as they are quite amusing:
Knees cushioned by well-placed pillows, I lifted my body up and down, up and down, riding the rotating and vibrating cock. I alternated the riding with resting my pussy lips against the vibration. Back arched, mouth open, lids heavy, I floated into the realm of extreme ecstasy where time fades and everything is washed away except the pleasure rippling through my body.

After several minutes of orgasms drifting into each other, indistinguishable, I began cranking the vibration knob. The strength of the vibration made me gasp and I fell forward, palms pressed against the wood floor. I rocked back and forth, hair falling around my face, hips grinding in a circle, pushing my engorged clit and lips against the machine nestled between my thighs
... [much more]

Sammi ~ Squeaky Bedsprings "How a Sybian Made Me Contemplate My Entire Life"

Sammi is a twenty something college student in pursuit of pleasure. She blogs about sex - mainly sex toys and her own adventures. She describes herself as "a queer cis lady, and currently I am dating a lovely cis male human named Simon":

These past few weeks I got to play with a Sybian. I had chattered about it to my friends for months, thrilled to use this famous toy. I invited my friends to try it, and fantasized about the ways I could use it. This chance to play with a Sybian was supposed to be an exciting learning and sharing experience.  
I contemplated throwing my first play party (although that was before I realized I don’t have enough down-to-orgy sex posi friends in real life to invite to my tiny-ass apartment). Instead, this majestic giant vibrator simply stared at me from the corner of my room until I had to throw a blanket over it because the landlord toured my apartment. Awkward. 
However, after all the fanciful plans and aspirations, I only got to use it a handful of times. It sucks to realize how little I get to do the things that make me happy, like having my junk jiggled on a giant ride-on vibrator, but also... [more]

M ~ Cammies On The Floor "Sybian"

M needs no introduction to sex bloggers and has featured previously in my #SoSS posts. This is part of a story she wrote about her experience with a Sybian, not an actual review, so go to the original link to get the full picture:

I came back to the porn room in the swinger’s club and talked with some female friends. They mentioned how they had tried the sybian in the next room, and inquired if I had tried the machine. I was already overcome with shyness and not talking much by this point, not to mention that was I was very tired from the day’s events, so didn’t do much more than shake my head.
When I expressed that I had not but I was curious to try, David took my hand and steered me towards that room. Yes, I was tired, and incredibly shy, but I was so very curious, and really my curiosity almost always wins.

He went to the front desk and got the “box of cocks” for the machine, and the front lady sat in the room and explained things about the machine before leaving the room. I picked what she said was a favorite dildo for many, and then David took the control.

He told me to get fully naked. As I was undressing, he played with the controls and figured out how the machine worked. I slipped a condom over the dildo and straddled the machine, leaning forward the way the lady advised.

David started very slowly and I didn’t really get a lot out of it. At about fifty percent power, it felt good, but I had just had multiple orgasms, so a lot felt good. On stronger power, it did give me an orgasm, but again – that was only because I had just multipled. The machine on its own would not give me my first orgasm, as it vibrates more than penetrates, and I ....

Bonus clip: unlike the pornstar featured at the top of the page, this clip has all the appearances of being made by a 'real woman' a.k.a. an unpaid actor?

Friday, March 23, 2018

A Question for Fetish Friday...

Just for fun, since it’s #fetishfriday - which of these outfits would you like your lover to buy you? πŸ€” 
Answers in the comments below, numbered 1-9, moving left to right 😎😈 
To purchase go to @mrwilliamwilde (on Instagram or Twitter)

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Throwback Thursday ~ Sunday Sex - and Tuesday too!

My wife has trained me how to eat her just right...

This post was originally published  Wednesday, December 23, 2015. This is an excerpt, you can read the whole thing here.

"I want to eat your pussy" I said, as I pulled off the covers. 
As is her habit, she feigned refusal but did nothing to stop me once I bent down and pulled her ankles apart. She spread her knees wide to invite me in, and then clamped her thighs around my head as I went in. She moaned as I swirled my tongue around her pussy, before moving in on the clit. She was already very wet, so I wasted no time. Once I found the spot I kept hitting the mark - my tongue pressed hard and flat against her clit, movement limited to a pulsing back and forward - which is how my wife likes it. She doesn't like the fancy stuff, trust me, she wants it the way she wants it. 
I could feel my wife's hand on my head, pressing me in harder and deeper... 
"What are those?" she asked 
"Condoms" I replied 
"Really?" she said, not sure what was happening.
"Yeah, it'll be fun" I responded, throwing the box to her "you can put it on and pretend you're my dirty whore, fucking me for money". 
That made her smile, and she opened the box like it was Christmas. She pulled out a condom, ripped it open and peeled it down over my dick. It had crossed my mind to tell her do it with her mouth, like a real prostitute, but I saw no upside in that. Besides, she was into it already - and into it quite quickly I noted to myself. As soon as the condom was on she mounted me in the reverse cowgirl position and started bouncing. She was already wet.
Seriously, it happened that fast. 
So I was on my back, my wife was bouncing on my cock and rubbing her clit and squeezing her tits, and it felt great. I'm not sure if she came, but she leaned down and put her head on the bed, and continued thrusting back at me. I took that as my cue to get up and mount her doggy style. She moaned as I re-entered her and said in a low voice "Yeah, fuck me deep". I did exactly that, holding her hips and thrusting in long steady strokes. 
Soon I progressed to 'pounding' and she urged me on, imploring me to fuck her harder and faster. She was talking quite dirty and I loved it. She started slapping her clit with her free hand and...

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Everyone is feeling Sad this week!

This image made me sad once - find out why by clicking here

Wicked Wednesday
Be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked!

So reads the tagline on the Wicked Wednesday site, but this weeks 'prompt' is... Sadness. I wasn't going to participate this week because it seemed like such a downer but as fate would have it something happened that made me sad, so... here I go:

Regular readers of this blog will know I regularly complain about the lack of sexual intimacy between me and my wife. I'm well aware that this comes across as bleating, moaning, whining, whingeing, or whatever word you would care to use. I just wish I could articulate how sad it makes me that we don't have sex more often.

We're in our early 50s and there is no reason why we shouldn't. Other than that I don't generate any desire in her, of course. And that's what makes me sad. She used to be sexually vivacious and we had sex all the time when we were younger. Up to three times a day when we first started living together. But youth fades and I get that, and you have to keep the spark alive and I get that too.

I've tried hard over the years to spice things up, to add spontaneity and novelty to our sexual routine, and while those efforts have worked in and of themselves, they haven't fired her libido in any meaningful way. She does not desire sex with me, so unless I push (hard) for it to happen it doesn't happen. This is sad.

Saddest of all is that I know she is a sexual being and she has her own needs and desires - things that she doesn't share with me. I know she reads a lot of dirty stories (just check out the tags marked Kindle Porn and Literotica below to see those posts) and they can be pretty extreme genres. I used to know what she was reading on Literotica simply by checking her browser history on her iPad, but since she changed her passcode at the end of last year I have been left in the dark.

She denies she reads Literotica anymore, and this year she has made a point of insisting she only reads 'Chick Lit' on Kindle now, not 'Clit Lit'.  On the rare occasions this year that I've caught her on her iPad, reading Kindle, she would indeed be reading a romance novel - not a bodice ripping 'someone-gets-fucked-ine every-chapter' piece of erotica.

And so we come to the thing that made me sad enough to join the Wicked Wednesday prompt this week...

My wife left her iPad open and I was able to check her browser history. It turns out she is indeed still using Literotica regularly, and she's still into some fairly extreme genres. Normally I post pictures of the screen grabs I take (see here and here and here) but there are soooo many titles I can't just publish twenty eight pages of browser history. It would seem all my wife does on her iPad is read Kindleporn or Literotica - she switches to Facebook when she sees me coming it seems.

Listed below are just a few of the stories she was reading in the days leading up to and including the last time we had sex (Feb 28 - "I had sex last night" - that's three weeks ago)! The following are from just 6 of the 28 pages of browser history I captured. 

Japanese 'Hentai' - a.k.a. Anime porn, which always features girls
of a dubious or ambiguous age! Sometimes they look decidedly underage
- but always with elf ears and/or tails to show they're not human. So it's okay, right?
Trigger Warning: All titles are from the 'Incest' genre on

How Do You Seduce Your Daughter
Expecting & Expectations
A Sweet Life
Grandpa Fills In The Gap
Daddy & James Partner Up
Summer With Daddy
What Once Was Innocent
Daddy's Fuck Toy
Stepdad's Summer Secretary
Daddy's Girl
A Move To Daddy's
Home Invasion
Daddy's Breeding Slut
A Daughter Belong's To Her Daddy
Three Days In A Ditch
Daddy's Poker Chip
Mom Was Wrong
Lexi Classified
Daddy Seeded Me
Spring Break Wife
Stop It, Daddy!
Drunk daddy
Bless Me Father
Daddy Takes What's His
A Cock For Vikki
The Summer That Changed Everything
Fooling My Stepdaughter
Discovering Daddy
What Mama Don't Know
Adopted Black Daughter
Julie's Panythose

I understand that people often chose erotica about stuff they'd never want to experience in real life (forced submission, torture, etc) but given our daughter recently turned sixteen it's starting to feel a little creepy. I guess I should be grateful she'd not reading the 'Interracial' genre right now, because I certainly can't match those big black studs with their massive cocks.

So to conclude... I am sad because my wife seems to be having all her needs met via online porn these days. I'm here if she wants me, but... apparently my service are not required.

To finish on a positive note... it's my birthday in two weeks so I'm sure to get laid then, right? Maybe my wife is 'saving it all up' for a special night on my special day? I'll keep you posted!


This post has also been submitted to Wicked Wednesday

click here for more 'Wicked Wednesday' stories (NSFW)

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

TMI Tuesday: March 20, 2018 ~ The Life You Want

Not the Twins I spent a summer with, but yes they were this hot... (image via Instagram)
1. Who was the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them?
~ I'm over 50 so I really don't remember. Generally if I crushed on someone I would ask them out. If they declined my crush would usually be over fairly quickly. I guess yesterday's post could be labelled 'My First Crush'. It's all true and I remember it as clearly as I told it. I liked her because she was pretty and me feel funny.

2. What is the most important material possession you have and why?
~ I guess it's my phone? Because it keeps me connected to people online via Facebook and Twitter. Not great, but IRL I don't meet people that often since I am now 'retired'

3. If you were a cake which cake would you be?
~ Banana cake. With chocolate icing/frosting. Because I love banana cake with chocolate frosting/icing. Or with vanilla or chocolate ice cream, I'm not picky.

4. Has anything/anyone every saved your life before?
~ No, but I have saved other people. Both were toddlers - one floating/drowning in a pool, the other standing in traffic with cars approaching.

5. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
~ Invisibility. So I could where I couldn't be seen, and see things I wasn't meant to be see. But don't worry, you'll be safe. My asthma will probably give me away most of the time.

Bonus: Do you have a dream you’re pursuing? Tell us about it.
~ Still trying to develop a residential property I own. It's currently rented by I'm able to subdivide it into four lots. I have so many options on how to develop it I can't decide!

Double Bonus: Q1: I've just remembered something that happened one summer when I was about 14. The local school had a pool and a two week activity program so my mother signed me up. It was really just 'babysitting' masquerading as something more palatable for bored teens. Anyway, most afternoons were 'free time' in the pool so I spent a lot of time with two twin sisters who were about 16. We hung out together a lot, probably because I was a nonthreatening kid compared to them. This meant they were very flirty and there was a lot of innocent touching disguised as 'water play'.
I crushed on them madly but of course being older and hot AF they were well out of my league. So I did nothing, other than enjoy our time together. In retrospect I realize they were discovering their own sexual power and were probably having immense fun making me hard all the time. When you're 14 and in a pool with two hot twins in bikinis you're pretty much a walking swimming erection. Which is why I stayed in the water so long. Which I realize, in retrospect, didn't hide anything.

Triple Bonus: Floss has just reminded me of another ability I'd love (Q5) - Time Travel! The ability to travel backwards and forwards in time would be fascinating. And being able to be invisible while doing it would be doubley awesome!!

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Call me!

via Instagram 

Monday, March 19, 2018

Miss Green's Boots

Masturbation Monday image prompt provided by sub-Bee of  A to sub Bee ©

When I was about six years old I sat cross legged on the mat in front of our new schoolteacher as she read the class a story. Her name was Miss Green and she was a 'trainee teacher' and would only be at the school for a week, assisting in various classes. She was very young and pretty. We were all told to be nice to Miss Green because if we were she might come back to our school permanently. 

It was story time and we were all seated on the mat as she sat on a chair and read to us. I was seated right at her feet because I really liked Miss Green already. She was young and very pretty.

It was the early 70s and Miss Green was wearing brown suede boots. They had a chunky high heel and the boot went right up to her knee. The suede boots had matching suede laces that ran from her foot and criss-crossed all the way up the front of her leg, finishing in a bow at the top of the knee. The laces were cinched tight via a series of metals hooks, similar to what you might see on a corset today.

Whether Miss Green wore a corset I do not know, because I was only six.

As Miss Green read her story I could look all the way up her legs and almost under her skirt. Well, I could look up her skirt but I couldn't see anything because she sat with one leg over the other, crossed politely, and blocking my view of her underwear. They wore them short back then so I saw enough to make a six year old boy feel things he didn't understand. 

As Miss Green continued with her long and boring story my attention returned to her suede leather lace up boots.  

They did not look like my mother's footwear so I reached out and touched them. The suede felt funny so I stroked my finger tip up and down her boot, leaving a dark trail along the path my finger had taken. It felt really good so I kept doing it - running my finger up and down and around her boot. I did it really slowly so Miss Green wouldn't notice. 

The tingly feeling in my finger spread all over and I felt funny. It was a weird feeling and I couldn't understand or explain it. I just know I liked it so I kept doing it. Sometimes I ran my finger all the way up to Miss Green's knee, but she never once brushed me away or told me to stop. I was in such a daze I didn't think to look up when Miss Green re-crossed her legs right in front of me. Instead I was mesmerized by the long suede leather lace bows as they danced before me when she moved. 

Even though I was no longer listening I could still hear Miss Green's sweet voice as she continued with her story, and my head felt like it was filled with honey.

And that, boys and girls, is how Mr Nero first fell in love with women...


This post has also been submitted to Masturbation Monday. You can (and should) read the story behind sub-Bee's photo here. Click this link for more stories like mine!

Sunday, March 18, 2018

OPP: #SoSS ~ March 18

South Park satirize the societal double standard (hypocrisy!) relating to female sexual abuse of young boys

The #SoSS meme is a roundup of favourite blogs I’ve visited this week. In order not to duplicate what others have done for #SoSS (Share Our Shit Saturday) (or Sunday if you run out of time like I did!!) I’m going to give you links to some of their older stuff - because I think their complete blogs are worth reading. Click the links for the full stories, because these are just excerpts.

Sweetgirl ~ Sweetgirl's Journal "Challenging Myself"

Sweetgirl is a self described 'submissive wife' but has only been in a D/s relationship with her partner of 23 years, MrH. I chose this post because I've been wondering about my wife lately. Ladies, the best advice I can give you is to let your partner know what you want - we're not mind readers so they only way it will happen is if your share it with us:
I’ve recently been talking about how I struggle to tell MrH my desires while looking at him.

I hide my face, feeling embarrassed at the things that turn me on.

So this morning I challenged myself to tell MrH two things that turn me on, while looking at him and while he looked at me.

He didn’t react with anything negative, he didn’t look disgusted which of course is my fear. Instead he said, “sounds interesting” which I take to mean he likes the ideas... 

Karin Bird ~ The Swing Shift "And Then There Was Stewart"

Karin is a woman on a sexual mission – a self-described ‘middle aged’ professional who wants to prove that sex does not end in your thirties, or when you get a bit fat, or marry the wrong person. Her blog is all about her journey, and how it led her to her 'Daddy'. I was going to excerpt something else (which I'll do in a later #SoSS) but I thought I'd start with this recollection of a previous lover:
When I walked into the barStewart stood up and I had my first good look at him. Now, I have to tell you I have known a lot of men in my time. Never has a man had quite the effect on me that Stewart did. Even seeing him from across the room was like being pushed against a wall and kissed hard. I don’t know how I was still standing after that first look!
He took my hand and lead me up to the room he had booked. Stewart said, “I am going to go and have a cigarette. Get undressed and put your hands on the desk.” I followed these orders and when he came back he gave me a solid spanking.

He got undressed and I sucked his cock. Despite its size, it fit perfectly in my mouth. We fucked, which was amazing, and again a perfect fit
... [much more]

Jack ~ Frisky In The 916 "It Happens To Boys Too"

Jack is a regular contributor to the TMI Tuesday meme and recently blogged on a topic that few people are willing to take on, Childhood Abuse:

The main reason why I’ve been so slow to acknowledge the insidiousness of her actions is because, to my mindset, it didn’t fit the profile. I was a boy. She was a woman. 
Wasn’t abuse usually perpetrated by men against girls, or as we all saw on that very special episode of Diff’rent Strokes, against boys? Women just didn’t do that, did they? I’m not saying that it wasn’t in their nature or anything; the relative in question had certainly always seemed self-serving and exploitative. Had I given it more than a cursory thought, I probably wouldn’t have put anything past her. It’s just that, as far as I could tell at age fourteen or however old I might have been when these things occurred, a straight-identified boy couldn’t be abused by a woman to whom he was attractive. I mean, it just wasn’t possible, was it?

As boys, we are taught to value sex with women. It’s a goal to which to aspire. It’s something to which we are told – verbally or through subtle programming – that we are entitled. So why would a boy below the legal age of consent who has sex with – or is groomed by – an older woman consider that abuse? He’s likely to consider it a victory.

At the time that the relative in question was prancing around in a new bikini, giving me up-close looks at her ample breasts and ass, I was happy with it. When she was making plans to take me camping on the Oregon Coast the summer after my junior year of high school, I didn’t consider that abuse. As she was pointing out every porn shop in her neighborhood when I’d come up to visit; just to put it in my head that she was aware of such things and that she thought about them, and perhaps to make me think about visiting such an establishment – or consuming its wares – with her, I was excited
... [much more] 

It’s Sinful Sunday 😈

via Instagram

It’s #SinfulSunday 😈

πŸ“Έ & #latex #rubber by @libidex #latexfetish #rubberfetish #latexfashion #sexy #madonna #neroblogshere

Saturday, March 17, 2018

St Patrick's Day Orgy

I realise in previous years I have posted some very lame pictures on St Patrick's Day. Even though I think it is a silly day (what are we 'celebrating'? getting drunk?) I resolved last year that I would try to do better this year with my image choices.

Here are some photos from the St Patrick's Day event I attended last year. We all got drunk and it degenerated into an orgy - I think it was my shoes that got the ladies excited...

Friday, March 16, 2018

Is it #fishnetfriday or #fetishfriday ??

via Instagram

Is it #fishnetfriday or #fetishfriday?? @mistresstt.s has all bases covered!!

#mistress #leather #fetish #fishnets #leatherjacket #fishnetstockings 

Thursday, March 15, 2018

OPP: Two Truths and a Lie

The actual post by May More I'm excerpting from is called "Meet & Greet Me & My Wellington Boots at Eroticon" which is timely given that Eroticon is on this weekend in London. Too far for me I'm afraid because as much as I heart May I'm not ready to cross oceans for her. Not yet. Maybe if she stops blogging about how much she loves her man I might consider it... or if he gets struck by a meteor. 

Or run over by a bus.
These are 'Wellington Boots' apparently © May More (who has very nice long legs)

A bus which coincidently ran over my wife as well...

Hey, I'm not wishing this on anyone but if it were to happen then surely it's a sign that the universe thinks we should maybe at least have a coffee together and see where things go, right? Just sayin'

For legal reasons I need to tell you now that I was nowhere near that bus, and certainly not driving it. I don't even know how to drive a bus.

Actually that's a lie, they're really easy to drive since they're all mostly automatic now. I know because I stole one once, during my miscreant youth, and took it for a joyride.

A ten foot joyride, since the bus was full of my school friends who were all egging me on but then some of the girls screamed when I actually drove forward, so I stopped because I couldn't trust that one of them wouldn't snitch.

Luckily for me no-one did, even when the driver came back and asked who moved the bus. Lucky for them too because #BitchesGetStitches! Or is that #SnitchesGetStitches? I can't keep up with street slang anymore.

But I digress.

May More's "Meet & Greet Me & My Wellington Boots at Eroticon" is well worth a read in full but I want to focus on one small part of it. Eroticon presumably have sent the same questionnaire to all participants, and May's response to one question really had me going:

Tell us two truths and a lie about yourself
  • I love to have my cunt waxed
  • A topless photo of me once appeared in a soft porn magazine
  • I have never watched a star wars movie

I've been following May's daily blog* for at least a year now but I realized I had no idea which of the above was the lie. This set me thinking, and I left the following comment on her post:

I have spent some time trying to decide which of the 3 statements is a lie. That I can’t actually make a decision says a lot about you May! 
I love to have my cunt waxed 
I know you like it bare, but does that mean you enjoy getting it waxed? Some women enjoy the results but not the process. But you’re not averse to a little pain with your pleasure, so maybe you do enjoy the waxing? I still don’t know if this is the lie, but I did spend a lot of time thinking about it. Well, your smooth bald pussy to be precise. 
A topless photo of me once appeared in a soft porn magazine 
Given that we never see your face one could assume this is the lie. But then again you have blogged about your sexually open youth and… maybe someone sent in a candid shot of you to the local ‘Readers Wives’ for a laugh? Maybe you did it yourself, on a dare? All things are possible and upon reflection this one might not be so impossible to believe after all. 
I have never watched a Star Wars movie 
My initial thought was that there have been so many Star Wars movies over the decades that at least one of your boyfriends must have dragged you along to at least one of them. But then I’ve never seen ‘Dirty Dancing’ either, which every woman I’ve met seems to have watched at least 3 times. So maybe you were able to fend of your BF’s desire to see it – which is a shame because you’d make an awesome Princess Leia.

So now I’m imagining you as Princess Leia, but your white robe is see through and we can clearly see your beautiful bald cunt – and your amazing breasts are bursting out of the plunging v-neck of your robe as the photographer from Sci Fi Nerds Wives magazine snaps pictures…
Thanks, I think I’ve got my next #MasturbationMonday post sorted! :-)

*Actually May has two blogs, one in present day (If Sex Matters) and one from her youth, using old diaries (Before May Mattered). And just to complicate things she posted all her 2018 February PhotoFest images in Before May Mattered, because.

Anyway, if you're bored you can post your own 'Two Truths and a Lie' in the comments below and I'll try to guess which is which. And if you're going to Eroticon and you see a woman in rubber boots (as pictured above) give her a slap on the 'arse' and tell her it's from me - her old pal Nero!

Actually better not, it's 2018 and we don't just randomly smack women's asses anymore. Not without permission! Probably best you just buy her a coffee and tell her it's from me - her old pal Nero! Or tea - I hear they drink that a lot in the UK.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

A little bit #foxy 🦊

via Instagram

A little bit #cheeky
A little bit #cheesey
A little bit #teasey
A little bit #foxy

I dunno why but this image spoke to me... #goodmorning
#blackdress #stockings #butt #ass 

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

TMI Tuesday: March 13, 2018 ~ Sexy Secrets

"I've just bought a sexy nun costume and I want you take me into that church and defile me"

1. Do you have a special place you like to have sex regularly?
~ Anywhere is good for me. My wife prefers the bed in our bedroom. Or so she says when I suggest anything 'spontaneous'.

2. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? The scariest?
~ The hardest thing was breaking up with a girlfriend I was in love with, for no reason other than I thought there was nowhere else left for us to go except to get married - and I didn't want to get married. In hindsight a very stupid reason to break up. In hindsight we would have probably got divorced if we'd stayed together long enough to get married.
~ The scariest thing I've ever done was... well, what happened to Lefty happened to me - last century. Two fun facts: (1) I got into the car knowing I could be facing a beating (I knew I wasn't going to get whacked) because you have to get in the car, otherwise you're a punk. And punks get a beatdown. Or whacked. (2) If I'd seen 'Donnie Brasco' 5 days before I got sent for instead of 5 days after, I might not have got in the car! It was a long 45 minute drive out of the city, let me tell you...

3. Are you annoying?
~ Not really. But I suppose I can be to some people. Stupid people. I don't take fools gladly.

4. A person whom you’ve had “the hots” for a very long time tells you they are super attracted to you. You spend a few hours together and the sexual attraction is overwhelming. You are dying to have this person as your lover. At the moment you are highly aroused, and she wants to have sex with you in a church, would you do it?
~ Yes, no question. I'm an atheist so it wouldn't bother me.

5. While in the middle of the best lovemaking of your life, if your lover asked you to squeal like a dolphin, would you?
~ No, that would be stupid. Is that why it's so good? Because you're tripping? Damn girl, and I thought it was just us.

Bonus: Are you good in bed?
~ A fantastic question and one I was about to ponder in a standalone post but you've beaten me to it. In my mind I am but... what if I'm not? I think I'm good but what if you read my stories (tagged 'We Had Sex') through a different lens? Maybe her back is arched because she's flinching, maybe her grunts are her trying to stifle a scream (and not of pleasure), maybe her dirty talk is her way of trying to finish me off and get the ordeal over with?
I'm not joking. Have been riddled with self doubt lately. Because if I was good in bed we'd be having sex more than once a month, right?

Double Bonus: Here's a question for you, dear reader. A poll devised by me, not TMI Tuesday. It's a question primarily aimed at female readers, but the guys are welcome to answer too. The question (prompted by a comment on twitter) is:
Q1: How long would you like to sexual intercourse (not including foreplay) to last for?
a] 5 minutes.
b] 5 - 10 minutes
c] 10 - 15 minutes
d] 15+ minutes
Q2: How long would you like foreplay to last for?
a] 5 minutes.
b] 5 - 10 minutes
c] as long as it takes to get me hot 'n ready
d] don't stop baby, I love it - even more than intercourse sometimes
Answers in the comments section below please, and if you're feeling bold tell us also how long foreplay and intercourse actually go on for you, usually (ie as opposed to what you'd really prefer)

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Saturday, March 10, 2018

OPP: #SoSS ~ 10 Things...

One of 28 images May More posted for the Feb PhotoFest Challenge. I preferred the ones where she's naked but she
kept publishing ones of herself in 'Wellington' boots (sometimes naked) .You can see them all here. © May More
The #SoSS meme is a roundup of favourite blogs I’ve visited this week. In order not to duplicate what others have done for #SoSS (Share Our Shit Saturday) (or Sunday if you forget/run out of time) I’m going to give you links to some of their older stuff - because I think their complete blogs are worth reading. Click the links for the full stories, because these are just excerpts.

Amy ~ Coffee & Kink "Ten Things I’m Taking TO Eroticon"

Amy CK came up with a great idea for a blog post, so I'm sharing a bit of it here. She says she's not planning on hooking up at Eroticon, which is a relief - I was worried I was missing out on all the orgies that happen 24/7 across the weekend!
Naturally, I’ll also be attending the Friday evening pre-drinks and the Saturday evening social. Other plans include a pre-‘Con run with Emmeline, dinner with Sarah, and food and recording a podcast with Kayla and John of Loving BDSM. Of course, my planned schedule is flexible if I find I’m really not in the mood for something at the time...

...I’m not interested in hooking up at Eroticon, but I did realise last year that hearing so much glorious smut during the day would inevitably lead me to needing to have a quick wank back in my hotel room before bed. I’m gonna be short on packing space but I think the Tango and MiMi will fit nicely in my case... 
[much more]

Jacq ~ Jacq The Stripper "10 Things A Stripper Will Never Tell You"

Jacq is a Canadian woman making her way in New York City. She’s a writer and she’s a stripper and she's an artist and she's an advocate for strippers/sex work.  In this post she reveals the 10 secrets a stripper will never tell you.
Most strippers I know love getting paid (read: validated) for feeling sexy and sharing that with others, and personally I’ll be doing this job for as long as it makes me happy. A lot of people assume that we do it because we were broke and had mouths to feed, and although this can be true, a lot of the time we just like being naked, flirty and worshiped. Can you blame us? 
Girls don’t talk about enjoying it themselves. It’s sort of frowned upon, and I think it crosses the barrier between what is considered “sexual contact” (which is technically illegal in New York City, where I live and strip) and what is deemed mere “entertainment.” 
However, here’s a major secret: I’ve totally orgasmed giving a lap dance. They can be fun and... [much more]

Elyse ~ Smart Bitches, Trashy Books "10 Things I Hate About Sex (Scenes)"

I've credited Elyse, but the blog is written by a bunch of women. It's mostly reviews but there's other content as well, like this one I've excerpted by Elyse. It made me laugh because as you know my wife reads a lot of Kindleporn, and one was from the Colter series by Maya Banks. Like Elyse I'm often struck by the impossibility of some of the sex positions described in erotic writing. Make sure you click thru to the original story for the full 10 and check out all the comments too:
Anal is like the new virginity. The heroine has likely had sexual partners by the time she's met the hero, but she's never had anal. And he's going to go where no man has gone before. That's not the part that pisses me off. 
The part that pisses me off is that the heroine has enjoyable anal sex without any preparation or, occasionally, lubricant. The hero magically gets his whole wang in there without causing her any discomfort or pain because he strokes her clit or something like that. Along with misplaced hymens, romance novel heroines are apparently born with very loose sphincter muscles. 
I'm always amazed when the heroine has sex with two dudes for the first time and no one falls down, tips over, or slips out. Double penetration is apparently only slightly harder than anal for a newcomer (hur hur). And how is it that when she's with two different dudes (maybe even three) the dudes never touch. 
I'm thinking specifically of the Maya Banks' Colter series. The Colter brothers share a woman, and engage in four-way sex with her, but they never ever touch because that would be incest, I guess... [much more]

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Bikini Baristas serving Hot Coffee ☕️

via Instagram
The prompt for this week's Wicked Wednesday meme was coffee. My post this week is sourced from 
a story by Rebecca Kennedy  and published by Thrillist in March 2016. You can read the full story here. ©Thrillist

Bikini barista stands got their start in Seattle in the late '90s and early '00s, and can now be found in a handful of American cities, including, not surprisingly, Las Vegas. But Oregon and Washington are home to the greatest concentration. With names like Twin Perks, Peek A-Brew, Sips Ahoy, Java Jigglers, and Hot Chick a Latte, these coffee-shacks-with-a-view are vying with Starbucks for their share of the grab-and-go coffee business. 

Like bikini car washes and bikini landscaping services and bikini sushi joints before them, bikini barista stands are indeed a thing, and they’re all over the Pacific Northwest in the US, with the greatest concentrations in the Seattle, Portland, Tacoma, Spokane, and metro areas. One website,, features locations for 56 separate businesses with a combined 123 locations between them. 

The appeal of bikini coffee in the Pacific Northwest is perhaps obvious to anyone who has lived through the region's relentlessly gray, SAD-inducing winters. And obvious to anyone who has spent some quality time on the area’s blustery beaches, where bikinis are about as common as sunshine. Which is to say: not very. 

"I've had tourists from Southern California come through and I’ve asked them, 'Why do you think bikini coffee shops aren't as common where you’re from?'" Mandy of Hot Bikini Brew explains. "They tell me it's probably because you can see girls in bikinis there every day. Not here, though. It’s just too cold."

It's probably not a coincidence that these stands are popular in a region where strip clubs are also the norm. Portland is the per-capita strip club capital of the United States, with 54 clubs serving 600,000 people. Seattle's not far behind, and the areas between are dotted with enough clubs to make outsiders blush. In a land where free-expression laws are historically lax, people have long been comfortable in their own skin... and gazing at others'. 

That is not to say that bikini barista stands and strip clubs are easy bedfellows. The industry was rocked  by a scandal in the city of Everett, WA in 2013. Former exotic dancer-turned-madaCarmela Panico made roughly $2 million running Twin Peaks and Java Juggs, brothels that masqueraded as bikini barista shops. An Everett police officer acted as a friend and informant to Panico, trading information on police activity in return for sexual favors. 

And even before Java Jugg-Gate blew up, there was Bill Wheeler Sr. and his Washington chain of Grab-N-Go bikini coffee stands, where baristas received large tips for performing erotic acts for customers. Those customers included undercover cops, and soon the public -- and the court system -- was party to taped sex shows that included baristas licking whipped cream off each other. 

The scandalous behavior isn’t just limited to inside the booths, either. Given that these stands are operated by nearly naked women, sexual harassment is a hazard of the job. Men have been known to drive up, pants down, mid-masturbation, expecting baristas to serve as live figures for their sexual fantasies. That’s why most kiosks are equipped with live-streaming cameras, and baristas aren't shy about calling the cops on anyone who makes them feel threatened. 

"The bad stories are really rare," Holly, from Dream Girls Espresso, insists. "I feel totally safe here."

The bulk of bikini baristas - probably 99.9% - are women. (A notable exception is the Banana Hammock in Port Orchard, WA, where strapping shirtless men in tighty-whities do the steaming.) Many of the kiosks are owned and run by women as well, making such shops an arguably feminist endeavor. 

Ladies doing it for themselves, in other words. And the majority of the shacks do above-board and scandal-free business every day. No prostitution, no money laundering, no dirty cops: just cups and cups of coffee with no G-strings attached.  

But what about the fact that these stands offer one more venue for the objectification of women in a world already saturated with such opportunities? The debate about whether putting one’s body on display is an act of empowerment or just one more win for the patriarchy will rage forever, but for their part, folks like Mandy and Holly are united in their feeling that what they're doing is good for them and for their gender in general, because they get paid well to love their bodies and promote, employ, and celebrate other women. 

Holly fields questions all the time from people worried she's sending the wrong message to young women. While we talked, a female customer in a Prius drove up and ordered a white chocolate mocha. I asked her why she chose to get her coffee at Dream Girl rather than at a "clothed" coffee kiosk down the street. 

"It’s a nice halfway point between home and work, and sometimes you just have to treat yourself, you know?" she said. "And I don't see my coming here as weird or anything. No one should be afraid to support a business just because a pretty girl is working there. Solidarity, sister, you know?" 

Bikini barista-ing is, at the same time, a young woman’s game. Now that she's pushing 30, Mandy is ready to hang up her bikini and work behind the scenes full time. She says she feels like a mama bear to her employees, both of whom are in their early 20s. 

"I'm sort of ancient, really, but I do love the work and when I stop being a barista, I’ll miss it."

PHOTO  CREDITS: The top two are by Steven Close for Thrillist ©
The bottom two were taken by Everritt Police officers and released by court order after media outlets argued publication was in the public interest!


This post has also been submitted to Wicked Wednesday

click here for more 'Wicked Wednesday' stories (NSFW)

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

TMI Tuesday: March 6, 2018 ~ No Frills

Scarlett was thrilled when I offered her my seat...

1. What food(s) is your city/country known for?
~ When I travelled through Peru a few years back I sampled a local delicacy that may make you squeamish: Guinea Pigs. Many kids keep them as family pets, like hamsters, but in Peru they eat them. Barbecued. There is one thing our city/country is well known for but it's so unique if I told you you'd know straight away where I live. 

2. What should people do when visiting your city/state?
~ Enjoy the sunshine, the beaches, maybe go sailing...

3. What do people do when they come to your home?
~ Drop their keys in the bowl and disrobe...
No, I'm kidding. They usually take their shoes off and walk all the way to the kitchen/dining area. And then they park themselves on a stool at our large marble benchtop and enjoy a beverage and snacks as we talk. It drives me nuts because we have a large lounge at the front of the house with a magnificent view but people like to stay where the food and alcohol is.

4. What should people expect when they visit you?
~ That at some stage I will get exasperated and suggest that everyone moves to the lounge, since we hardly ever use that room, and it has a great view and some great leather couches and we'd all be more comfortable there surely? More often than not everyone says 'We're fine, don't worry, this is good." 

You be Sonny, I'll be Chair...
Bonus: If you were a chair who would you like to have sit on you?
~ My celebrity crushes include Scarlett Johansson, Kristen Bell, and Charlize Theron (which I swear has nothing to do with them all being blondes) (honest!) and my internet crushes are May More and [names redacted because they might get upset by my unsolicited attention]. Not that May wants my attention either, I just know she wouldn't freak out knowing I'd want her to sit on me. Not that she would. Not that any of them would. 
But there is something deliciously kinky about the whole idea, isn't there? Being able to turn yourself into a chair and have people plant their asses on you. Free lap dances! It's right up there with having the power of invisibility. When I first read this question I imagined myself as some sort of sex chair - you know, one with a big cock in the seat (mine!) that women could sit on and bounce up and down on - but then I imagined myself as a simple armchair and I figure that would be nice too. Having a woman making herself comfortable, stretching out, and relaxing with me appeals. Don't get me wrong - I'd definitely prefer to be the sex chair - but the alternative would be fine too.

Double Bonus: I tried my hand at erotic fiction again yesterday since I had no sex over the weekend. You can read The Breakfast Meeting here.  My #SoSS post has more links to other people's (OPP) erotic fiction (here). I did have sex last Wednesday, so you can catch up on that story too if you missed it (here).

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

OPP: #SoSS ~ The Sybian