Thursday, March 15, 2018

OPP: Two Truths and a Lie

The actual post by May More I'm excerpting from is called "Meet & Greet Me & My Wellington Boots at Eroticon" which is timely given that Eroticon is on this weekend in London. Too far for me I'm afraid because as much as I heart May I'm not ready to cross oceans for her. Not yet. Maybe if she stops blogging about how much she loves her man I might consider it... or if he gets struck by a meteor. 

Or run over by a bus.
These are 'Wellington Boots' apparently © May More (who has very nice long legs)


A bus which coincidently ran over my wife as well...

Hey, I'm not wishing this on anyone but if it were to happen then surely it's a sign that the universe thinks we should maybe at least have a coffee together and see where things go, right? Just sayin'

For legal reasons I need to tell you now that I was nowhere near that bus, and certainly not driving it. I don't even know how to drive a bus.

Actually that's a lie, they're really easy to drive since they're all mostly automatic now. I know because I stole one once, during my miscreant youth, and took it for a joyride.

A ten foot joyride, since the bus was full of my school friends who were all egging me on but then some of the girls screamed when I actually drove forward, so I stopped because I couldn't trust that one of them wouldn't snitch.

Luckily for me no-one did, even when the driver came back and asked who moved the bus. Lucky for them too because #BitchesGetStitches! Or is that #SnitchesGetStitches? I can't keep up with street slang anymore.

But I digress.

May More's "Meet & Greet Me & My Wellington Boots at Eroticon" is well worth a read in full but I want to focus on one small part of it. Eroticon presumably have sent the same questionnaire to all participants, and May's response to one question really had me going:

Tell us two truths and a lie about yourself
  • I love to have my cunt waxed
  • A topless photo of me once appeared in a soft porn magazine
  • I have never watched a star wars movie

I've been following May's daily blog* for at least a year now but I realized I had no idea which of the above was the lie. This set me thinking, and I left the following comment on her post:


I have spent some time trying to decide which of the 3 statements is a lie. That I can’t actually make a decision says a lot about you May! 
I love to have my cunt waxed 
I know you like it bare, but does that mean you enjoy getting it waxed? Some women enjoy the results but not the process. But you’re not averse to a little pain with your pleasure, so maybe you do enjoy the waxing? I still don’t know if this is the lie, but I did spend a lot of time thinking about it. Well, your smooth bald pussy to be precise. 
A topless photo of me once appeared in a soft porn magazine 
Given that we never see your face one could assume this is the lie. But then again you have blogged about your sexually open youth and… maybe someone sent in a candid shot of you to the local ‘Readers Wives’ for a laugh? Maybe you did it yourself, on a dare? All things are possible and upon reflection this one might not be so impossible to believe after all. 
I have never watched a Star Wars movie 
My initial thought was that there have been so many Star Wars movies over the decades that at least one of your boyfriends must have dragged you along to at least one of them. But then I’ve never seen ‘Dirty Dancing’ either, which every woman I’ve met seems to have watched at least 3 times. So maybe you were able to fend of your BF’s desire to see it – which is a shame because you’d make an awesome Princess Leia.

So now I’m imagining you as Princess Leia, but your white robe is see through and we can clearly see your beautiful bald cunt – and your amazing breasts are bursting out of the plunging v-neck of your robe as the photographer from Sci Fi Nerds Wives magazine snaps pictures…
 
Thanks, I think I’ve got my next #MasturbationMonday post sorted! :-)
~ NERO 

*Actually May has two blogs, one in present day (If Sex Matters) and one from her youth, using old diaries (Before May Mattered). And just to complicate things she posted all her 2018 February PhotoFest images in Before May Mattered, because.

Anyway, if you're bored you can post your own 'Two Truths and a Lie' in the comments below and I'll try to guess which is which. And if you're going to Eroticon and you see a woman in rubber boots (as pictured above) give her a slap on the 'arse' and tell her it's from me - her old pal Nero!

Actually better not, it's 2018 and we don't just randomly smack women's asses anymore. Not without permission! Probably best you just buy her a coffee and tell her it's from me - her old pal Nero! Or tea - I hear they drink that a lot in the UK.

3 comments:

  1. Very amusing post Nero - had me laughing out loud. Fancy you stealing a bus!

    ReplyDelete
  2. We do indeed drink a lot of tea here in the UK! I am definitely meeting up with May ASAP tomorrow and I will grill her on your behalf! Did you guess which of my 3 statements was a lie? If you DM me I'll tell you (I think you'll like the answer - which I am revealing to anyone who asks me at Eroticon)... but Oh! you wont be there [sad face!]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tell us two truths and a lie about yourself:
      1] I have appeared naked on television
      2] I'm trained in reiki
      3] I have a photographic memory

      You have a photographic memory and are not trained in Reiki.

      Delete

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