Wednesday, May 9, 2018

OMNIBUS: The Retreat 'Learnings'

Since I'm judging this week's Wicked Wednesday submissions I get a free pass and don't have to follow the prompt (although one could argue today’s post is a peek behind the curtains). And since someone said of Monday's post "Great! - you should do more compilations like this. You've been posting for so long it's good to get some history" I will do exactly that now. Besides, my wife is back tomorrow so I will have this year's 'retreat/conference' to write about next week - since she's promising a lot of gossip. Apparently all the guys were very naughty - even the married ones (duh!) which doesn't surprise me at all, given past history.
Background: My wife is away in China, at a resort. She was there for four days on her annual 'retreat' with her BNG buddies, followed immediately by another four days at another resort for a BNG Conference. This year I didn't get to join her at the retreat because this year it wasn't organized the same weekend as our wedding anniversary. Believe it or not but in the two previous years she organized those retreats to co-incide with our wedding anniversary. For both those years I got a last minute invite to join them at the end of their retreat, after it was over, and I would stay the weekend with my wife. And any of the guys who also hung around a few extra days.  I've borrowed my #SoSS template to give you some highlights from what happened in 2016

Saturday, June 11, 2016 ~ The Dinner Fiasco

If you'd read Monday's post OMNIBUS - The Mysterious Case of the Brazilian Pussy you would have seen (in the Part 2 excerpt) mention of 'the dinner fiasco'. This was my wife's ‘Last Night’ dinner with her BNG 'bros' that I was only allowed to join after dessert! This is just a short part of that story and I recommend you read the full version here:
They were all quite merry because they were all quite drunk. Bear in mind they had been drinking from 4.30pm already, when their final 'workshop' finished. In very short order I got a complete breakdown on all the important stuff they had been discussing during their four day retreat, namely... sex. 
Apparently my wife got a bonus question ('have you ever been with a woman?') which I was told she didn't answer, but the guys were all smirking as if they had already decided amongst themselves that she had**.
I smiled through gritted teeth because I consider these types of questions wholly inappropriate for a male dominated group to ask of it's one female member. I know how men think and when a guy starts asking these types of questions he's probing to see if you're DTF (down to fuck). You might have been friends in College, or best buddies at work, but when he asks you these types of questions it's because he wants to steer things in a sexual direction. 
The bigger problem for me is that my wife wants to be one of the guys. She wants to smash that glass ceiling by smoking cigars and drinking whiskey just like the guys do - forgetting entirely that she is petite and will never be able to drink any of the guys under the table. (And she gave up smoking when she met me) 
[The next day...]
So the BNG guy had his date with Tinder Girl that afternoon and my wife and I met them for drinks in the early evening. By 8pm I could tell that Tinder Girl was getting pissed off because the guy was talking to his BNG bro'ette (my wife) so much, so I told him we were going to get dinner and they could join us if they wanted to. 
He declined and told us (Tinder Girl had gone to the bathroom) to go because he planned on fucking her now - but he would join us later for dessert. 
Sure enough the two of them turned up as we were finishing our desserts. They were both smiling so I presumed it was a good fuck for both of them, but I was wrong. I learnt later that she was a lousy lay and he was done with her. So... he ghosted her! Right in front of us!! He just stopped talking to her, wouldn't reply to her, and talked exclusively to my wife instead - ignoring Tinder Girl completely. He kept this up for at least half an hour, at which point she muttered something rude and got up and left. 
He then regaled us with stories of how bad she was in bed and how he almost didn't get off because she was a skank.
Seriously... What.The.Fuck?
I've never personally witnessed such appalling behavior from a guy in my life. Even if a woman is a lousy fuck you suck it up, behave like a gentleman, let her down easy, and send her on her way. She fucked you forgodsake - show some manners! 
But my wife's buddy showed no manners and worst of all... my wife sided with him! I couldn't believe it!! My wife was a real bro' for this douchebag and instead of calling him on his BS she pandered to it. I was disgusted but chose to STFU. The sooner it was just me and my wife the better. 
We left him at the bar, trying to pick up another girl, and went back to our cabana to have sex... [much more]

Wednesday, June 15, 2016 - More Retreat 'Learnings'
Okay, the above excerpt is still too long, but by golly there was a lot going on in the original post and you only got half of it. The same is true of this excerpt. This is just some of the section headed 'The Free Pass' - there's also 'The Players' and 'The Swingers' to check out (in the full version):
As I mentioned here, one of the guys had a photo of a Hot Babe as his screensaver. No big deal, plenty of guys do. This one was an absolute babe, in a black leather bikini, with a Doberman dog on a leash. It was obviously a BDSM fantasy pic, and again, it was no big deal. It was shown to me during The Dinner Fiasco and ALL the guys were hootin' and hollerin' about it. Yes, they were grown men, but they were drunk and obviously it had been a big topic of discussion during the retreat at some stage. When my wife came down to my end of the table the screen saver was mentioned again (or was it BDSM?) and my wife got all excited and told them to show me the screensaver. They said they already had, but got it out again anyway.

She was this hot but more BDSM'ish 
My wife then proceeded to tell all the guys how hot she was(the Hot Babe in the screensaver), and that if I (her husband) ever got the chance to have sex with a woman like that it would be alright by her, because she was giving me a 'Free Pass'. There was more hootin' and hollerin' and I got the distinct impression this conversation had already been had before, with the guys all saying they'd love to fuck her (the Hot Babe) if they had the chance, and my wife (acting as their surrogate wife) giving them permission because "who could blame any man for wanting to fuck her". 
As I mentioned here this was the first night I'd joined them on the island and I was a little surprised at how my wife was behaving (notwithstanding they were all drunk, since that was a given). They had clearly all bonded very closely, and my wife seemed to have taken the role of Sexy/Cool Sister. You know the one: she wants you to fuck all the cheerleaders and does her best to help you get them.... [much more]

Thursday, June 16, 2016 - The Learnings [Epilog]

This particular excerpt is apt since on Monday night (2018) my wife emailed me from China to say how much she loved me and how great the conference was, and how things were going to be different when she got home and we would have more sex. I'll blog my reaction to that next week but {spoiler!} I did think to myself "did someone get naughty at the 'Last Night Before We Go Home' party at the conference?" :

My wife wore something like this but without
the stiletto heels, or a leather skirt, because 
that would be slutty.  I mean... too much 
for a morning meeting! And she wore a jacket*
In hindsight I think all the positive stuff my wife was saying to me ("I agree we should have more sex", "I think I'll make the Brazilian permanent, since I know you like it") was all just her post-retreat enthusiasm from whatever workshop exercise their guru had put them through on the island. I have no doubt they all got in a circle and shared their feelings and discussed their hopes and dreams and everyone promised they would be more pro-active in finding the unicorn perfect holistic work/life balance that every CEO strives for. (Yes, I know that's a long sentence - how else would you fully appreciate my cynicism?)

So my wife has her eureka! moment and realises our marriage is not all about her, and she could do more to keep me happy. I have no doubt she genuinely meant what she said at the time she said it, but unfortunately -as with all these types of self help seminars/workshops- once you get back to your home environment it's very easy to quickly fall back into old habits. My wife had suggested*** we have sex once each weekend, and once midweek as well, so we had sex (of sorts) last week Wednesday - our first week back.

It was great - but then the promised weekend sex that followed was a complete bust. Nada. Zilch.
[On Monday] morning she got dressed for a meeting. Black leggings, black boots well over the knee (thigh high?), and a short black skirt. I said she looked very hot and .... I asked her what time she would be back and she replied 'after lunch', so I suggested she come straight home so I could show her what I thought of her outfit. She giggled and said "maybe!" and then grabbed my dick... [much more]

* But jackets can be taken off, silly boy!
**Actually, it's just occurred to me now (in 2018) that maybe my wife did tell those guys about that one time she was with a woman?
*** Aha! So that's when the 'Scheduled Sex' thing started - June 2016 (and DOA Jan 2018)


This post has also been submitted to Wicked Wednesday

click here for more 'Wicked Wednesday' stories (NSFW)


  1. This is a great way to recycle older posts :)

    Rebel xox

    1. It’s also a good way to hone one’s editing skills ie get down to the salient points! 🧐

  2. Splendid editing Nero. Still as filthy and as enjoyable as ever.

  3. Geez...I wish I could talk to you face to face. Your life and marriage mirror my own in so many ways. Except, I am the bad guy, and I would love to learn more about how not to be.

    1. Hey, don't beat yourself up! You're not 'the bad guy' you just have libido issues. Low or no libido seems to be a problem of our times. Men have the little blue pill but women have nothing (if you don't count wine or weed!)
      You can find me on Twitter:- @NeroTweetsHere


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