Thursday, May 31, 2018

You won't believe how the latest drought broke...

And yes, I'm talking about the SEX drought, in case you thought I blogged about farming.

Okay, a brief recap:

Like many couples my wife and I have a mismatched libido. In our case I desire sex more than she does. It didn't always used to be like that, but its been that way for at least the last 10+ years. Compounding the issue (in my view) is that when we do have sex she seems to enjoy herself (ie she's orgasmic, and sometimes multiple orgasmic) and when we're not having sex she still reads a lot of erotic fiction on her Kindle. The dirty filthy kind, not the frou frou romantic kind*.

This whole blog has been about me venting my frustrations, and trying to resolve the problem. After blogging for a few years the cycles became apparent and when I started looking back at old posts I became aware that nothing was really changing. The patterns kept repeating. I would initiate or make sexual advances and she would either accept, rebuff**, or reject them. She rarely initiated.

The last time we had sex was February 28, which was a Wednesday. By all accounts the sex was very good and everyone came at least once. My wife came at least twice, and possibly three times. So naturally I thought she would be keen for a repeat on the weekend - but I was mistaken. Her rejection of me was so emphatic I resolved then and there not to initiate any more, until she had at initiated at least once first.

And that's how it came to be that we did not have sex for three months - despite my birthday falling within those three months. She even got a Brazilian as my 'birthday treat' but then changed her mind and presumably decided she couldn't be bothered fucking me, not even for my birthday. And I hadn't done anything to piss her off, I swear. You can read all about that story here: #MasturbationMonday ~ Birthday Sex!

My wife and I have been to couples/marriage counseling twice in the last fifteen years and on both occasions I wanted to specifically discuss our sex life. Unfortunately (for me) both counselors took the 'holistic' view that sex was just a part of the relationship and that if we improved our relationship then an improved sex life would follow.

The first counsellor was a complete flake: she offered no solutions, made no suggestions, and instead answered everything with "so how did that make you feel?" It was 'talk therapy' pure and simple - designed to keep us talking at $200 and hour. My wife enjoyed unburdening herself for five sessions and unloading on everything that she hadn't liked about her childhood, her family, and me. After session six, when it was now time for me to talk about what was bothering me, my wife decided the woman was an idiot and it was a waste of time (she had business meetings she was missing!) so we never went back.

The second counsellor was just as 'holistic' but luckily we were able to expedite things since we would tell her 'oh, we covered that last time with the previous therapist a few years back'. So we did some 'trust exercises' and some 'communication exercises' but this time by session three I spoke up and said I really wanted to address the sex thing. The therapist said we would get to that soon, but session four was just more mamby pamby words, albeit with a brief discussion about 'scheduled sex' - which she promised we would get to later in a future session.

Once again my wife decided all these sessions were pointless and cramping her work schedule so at the end of session four she unilaterally told the therapist we were going stop now (this after the therapist said she was going to be away for the next two weeks on vacation, at which point sessions would resume). As we left her office she pulled my wife back for a quick private conversation, leaving me at reception to pay the account.

I thought it was inappropriate for a couples counsellor to talk to one partner directly without the other partner present but, whatever. That weekend my wife brought a vibrator and told me we would be scheduling sex every Wednesday and Saturday in an effort to 'get back in the groove'. I've always presumed that's what the therapist told her to do when she held her back for that private conversation after our last session. Particularly the vibrator since my wife had hitherto said she felt sex toys were unnatural (if she needed a sex toy I wasn't doing my job right).

That was a couple of years ago, and like 'Date Nights' it pretty much fell by the wayside after a few months. It became more of a 'guide' than a 'rule' because of course one should never compel one's partner to have sex just because you want it. Which I completely agree with. You can read my past posts on the subject by clicking the 'scheduled sex' label/tag below.

Anyway, I have a terrible head cold and I'm suffering terribly so I'm gonna have to stop it here and save all the sexy bits for tomorrow. As the title says, you won't believe how the latest drought broke ... but if you look at the labels/tags below you'll get an inkling of whats coming in Part 2 tomorrow! It was super-weird I promise you...

* No judgment. Everyone likes what they like. Don't go changin'.
** I say rebuff instead of postpone, because often the postponement would result in no sex anyway.

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