Saturday, June 9, 2018

OPP: #SoSS - A Call to Action

Are you finding you need to dial it up more to get to that climax?

Miss Scarlet : Miss Scarlet Writes ~ Masturbation Through My Lifetime

This post really set me thinking so I'm just excerpting this one post only this week. Why? Because I'm hoping it sets you thinking too, and maybe it will inspire you other sex bloggers to write on the subject (that I'm honing in on). Bear in mind Miss Scarlett has written on more than just the one part I'm focussing on today, but for me I found this excerpt fascinating:
My first sex toy was a flesh-coloured vibrator purchased from an Ann Summers shop in around 1999, before internet shopping had made a real impact. It looked like a cock, and I used it on my clit to bring me to orgasm. The vibrations weren’t very powerful, but were adequate to get me off .... my next sex toy ... was a g-spot rabbit from Lovehoney, purchased in 2011. The shaft didn’t do much for me, but the vibrating rabbit ears worked their magic on my clit after a few minutes or so.

A couple of years later, I learned about wand vibrators. I liked the look of a mini wand from Lovehoney. This tiny, powerful toy soon became my new best friend; at that time, the first setting was powerful enough to bring me off very quickly. However, before long the lowest setting no longer had an effect, and I moved to level two. After a short time, I could only orgasm on the highest setting. I occasionally tried to masturbate with my fingers, but I found that this no longer had the same effect, and trying to reach orgasm manually was hard work.

[A couple of years later] I acquired a Doxy massager. After using the Doxy, the mini wand became redundant as it had no effect on my clit whatsoever, although I continued to use the rabbit ears to achieve orgasm if it was inappropriate for me to have the loud Doxy out to play!
Since 2016, my clit has been battered and bruised by many powerful sex toys. What were deep and strong vibrations to my clit a few years ago are no more than a light tickle nowadays. My fingers may occasionally stray to my pussy, but they deliver pleasant, yet mild sensations – certainly not enough to achieve a toe-curling orgasm.
Over the years, my clit has gradually become used to quickly reaching orgasm through the use of powerful sex toys, including my latest acquisition, a Doxy 3 . My clit no longer responds as well to human touch (mine and that of others), nor will it produce a mind-blowing orgasm at the mere touch of a gentle vibration like it used to. Although a probing tongue still hits the spot with explosive results. 
It seems, for me, reduced sensitivity to manual stimulation is a natural effect from using powerful toys. This is something I have been pondering on for some time, and I am interested to know if others have a similar experience... [more]
This fascinated me because for the first half of our relationship my wife refused to entertain the idea of using sex toys because "I've heard they desensitize your clit, and that means you eventually can't cum through natural sex". So we never got one - until after our second marriage counseling session when (I believe) the counsellor told my wife to just get a vibe and see what a difference that makes. 

We now have two vibes for her and one for me (although she uses the other one on herself as often she uses it on me) not counting the We Vibe which we no longer use. I guess the We-Vibe was my wife's 'gateway' vibe. It was the one she bought after the Marriage Counseling session, and she bought it because it was a 'couples' vibe. It was awesome when we first got it but we quickly found it cumbersome and awkward to use.

I remember the first time we used it: I slipped inside my wife after she'd inserted it and I came very very quickly because the sensations on my cock were amazing. But like Miss Scarlett I also found that the sensations soon dulled and the vibe didn't really work for me any more. It didn't work for my wife either, which is why she bought a more traditional vibe about six months later. That worked really well for her, as did the next one I bought for her, but I too have noticed that my wife does seem to crank it up a little higher now than she used to. My wife doesn't use them that often, perhaps because in the back of her mind she's still worried about 'desensitization'. 

But what Miss Scarlett's post made me think about was the issue of 'desensitization'. Maybe it's not the sex toy causing it - maybe its just a natural 'side effect' of people having more sex for longer in this modern world. Maybe it's not even a gender thing. As a man I know that the porn I looked at in my 20s was a lot harder than what I looked at in my teens. A teen starts with Playboy but 'graduates' to Penthouse. And then with the arrival of freely available porn videos and DVD's in the 80s/90s we were able to see so much more.

Since the internet age we can now see so even more online and again I found myself graduating quickly from softcore to hardcore videos. Like many guys during those early years I was downloading free porn ahoy! but I found once I'd seen a clip I didn't watch it again because I'd already seen it and the endorphins didn't kick in like they did the first time I saw it.  

My point is: maybe it's part of the aging process that we all require more and more stimulation to get aroused. Is that what explains the rise in more sexually adventurous actives like threeways, group sex, sex clubs, fetishwear, fetish clubs, polyamory, etc? Everyone just need a little something more now to get their fire started?

This was the comment I made on Miss Scarlett's Masturbation Through My Lifetime blog post:
I wonder if it (higher levels of stimulation required as you get older) is an issue we (sex bloggers) need to look at? Is it a part of the aging process? Is it just a 'muscle memory' problem ie your clit is so used to 'that' after X years it now doesn't respond the same?

For years (some) women have complained about how hard it is to get/keep their man interested in sex after a few years. Some question why they have to wear sexy outfits or do sexual gymnastics just to keep the spark going in the bedroom.

Does that mean men suffer the same problem (higher levels of stimulation required as you get older)? Does that explain why men seem to escalate the type/level of porn they use when masturbating?

Are women better placed to deal with the issue because there are a multitude of sex toys available to them, whereas men have quite a limited range of toys available for self stimulation? 

Maybe you'd like to click the link and leave your own comment, or maybe you like to write your own blogpost on the subject? As a man over 50 with a wife with low libido I'm well aware of how the body 'slows down' at a certain age. I'm getting close to that age myself when I'm in the key demographic for Viagra - how long before I find things don't work the way they used to and I need 'extra stimulation'? How long before I'm popping the Blue Pill and cranking my Verge up to '10'?


  1. I am very flattered to be the subject of your SoSS post - thank you.

    I was interested to hear that you have used the Wevibe. We bought one and it is one of the worst toys we have purchased. I find the vibrations very mild and the device slips out constantly!

    I do think my issue is muscle memory as you call it. Which could be part of the ageing process. I do get aroused very easily - I just need more than manual stimulation to orgasm. I do orgasm very quickly with oral sex and with high powered toys. I am more interested in sex now and have a higher sex drive than ever.

    My lover is over 50 and age along with health issues mean he needs more manual stimulation to get hard. When we first met he relied on Viagra but he's ditched that now as I like to give a long and slow cock massage, which gets him very aroused.

    1. Your man sounds very lucky! My wife expects me to be hard and ready when she’s ready. I dont think she understands that men need foreplay too as they advance in years. Probably because rock hard erections are so easy (and constant) when you’re younger! :)
      Yes, the WeVibe looks good in theory but it fast becomes quite impractical. We enjoyed it the first time we used it (because we were sex toy virgins) but after that we pretty much stopped using it.

  2. I answered your call to action and wrote about my experience here -

    1. Thanks - a great post.
      I read all the comments on yours - so many different experiences, I guess there is no one answer. Which is to be expected since we’re all different.


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