I've called it Part 2 but this is really the prequel to yesterday's #WickedWednesday ~ Saturday Sizzle. 'Preamble' is probably a better word since it's just all the boring stuff before the sex started. I publish it only for those that are interested* in the minutiae of my life...!
The odds of having sex with my wife on Saturday night did not look good. I was quite frustrated and just a little tetchy - so she took offense at my 'tone' as we pulled out of the driveway and headed to the bar to meet our friends for drinks and dinner. I was frustrated because I was horny on Tuesday night and had tried to seduce her (knowing that she had been reading her dirty stories I thought she might be receptive) but she rebuffed me.
But she rebuffed me with a big sexy grin and an assurance that tomorrow was 'sex night' and we could have some sexy fun then. She seemed quite excited and animated and so I took her at her word. The following night she was a different woman - she said she was tired and had an early meeting in the morning - so she left me to the TV and said goodnight. I guess in hindsight she was so bright eyed and bushy tailed the night before because she'd had a sneaky climax on her own. It's a thing apparently (women having stealth wanks while their men are oblivious) I saw it on Twitter.
So my wife got upset with me because when she asked me to text our daughter to find out where she was, even though my wife had already done exactly that just before we left the house moments ago (we were now only half a mile from our house) I replied with "I will, as soon as the car stops bouncing around". My wife took that as a diss of her driving skills, when all I was referencing was that we were going downhill on a very narrow winding road with tight turns and it was hard to text which all the movement of the car.
She asked me why I had to talk to her like that and when I mentioned the winding hill we were driving down she promptly pulled the car over to a stop and then asked "Is that better? Are you able to type now? Can you do that now, or don't you care where our daughter is?"
I told her that she shouldn't stop halfway up or down a narrow winding road on a hill and that we were less than five minutes away from the restaurant so I figured I would text our daughter as she (my wife) found a parking spot. Which I didn't need to do because as my wife parked the car our daughter texted my wife back and said she would be home by 10pm - she was with her friend having dinner because she knew we were out with our friends.
So, as you can imagine, all my plans for some Saturday night loving were duly incinerated in that imaginary trash heap I keep in the back of my head. Instead I reminded myself of the immortal words of legendary bard Flavor Flav who said "Fuck that shit, homey!" and... I proceeded to get wasted. Which I did by drinking two beers, and three bourbon and cokes during dinner. The latter taste especially sweet when the rest of the table is drinking wine.
I was sober but surly by the time my wife drove us home, and not in the mood for sex myself. I stewed in my office for half an hour, checking my blog, but really doing nothing other than avoiding going to bed at the same time as my wife. Which I eventually did anyway because she was dragging her heels in her boudoir. When I climbed into bed I did not feel horny at all - I'd eaten too much and I was tired. It occurred to me that those were usually my wife's excuses for not having sex with me and I marveled at the irony.
After stewing for a bit I decided if we didn't have sex now then I wouldn't get another chance until Wednesday, at which point my balls would be bluer than Papa Smurf. And given my wife usually seeks a postponement on Wednesdays I figured I better make my move. Like most men my age I decided to go with what worked last time.
"Would you like me to smack your arse again?" I asked her....
Which brings us back to where I began in yesterday's #WickedWednesday ~ Saturday Sizzle.
If you've bothered to read all the boring stuff above I feel you deserve a reward! How about a little BONUS SEX? Yes, this bit below is what I edited out of yesterday's post because it was too long. It explains why I ended yesterday's post with:
Even nicer was later. when she admitted she had come three times. "Possibly four!"This bit below may or may not have been her third or fourth orgasm? (Who really knows? If only women flashed green when they came, then we'd ALL know). Anyway, here's your bonus content...
Unfortunately what I was feeing was a foot cramp! WTF?! (Note to self: Nero you are old now - you need to do stretches and a warmup before attempting sexual exercise!) I pulled out and stepped off the plinth and dropped to my knees. With my nose buried in her vagina I began licking her pussy lips and clit, all the while grabbing my foot and trying to massage away the knot.
It didn't help at all so I stood up again and tried to flex and bend it (my foot!) ...
That didn't help either so I knew I had to walk it off. Being a resourceful gent I masked what I was doing by walking around the bed from my side to hers, to her nightstand. I pulled out the Verge cock ring vibrator, switched it on, and walked back to where my wife remained prone on the pillows. With every step I pressed the sole of my foot hard against the floor and attempted to work out the kink.
I didn't quite get rid of it but the sharp pain was now a dull pain and I figured I would still be able to fuck. (Is it just me or is that the prevailing thought of all men? "Yes, my left ear has just been sliced off by the swinging chandelier but I think I'll just keep fucking and deal with the pain later")
I put on the Verge and climbed back up onto the plinth and re-entered my wife. Regular readers will know I don't wear it as the makers intended (seriously, there's no way I can fit my balls through that ring) so I just looped it over my cock and swung the curved part down, so it vibrated against my balls. I grabbed her hips and began thrusting, stopping at the end so I could press my balls against her and really feel those vibrations. As could she.
I continued thrusting but the cramp was not going away. Finally I pulled out and stepped backward, taking the opportunity to turn the Verge around so the curved bit was facing forward. When I re-entered my wife it was now pressed up against her cleft, splitting her pussy lips. It was probably a bit rough on her but she made no complaint, indeed she was tapping it with her fingers against herself as I continued thrusting.
My foot was now in sharp pain mode so again I withdrew, this time standing on the floor and flexing my foot against the carpet - trying to make it click back into its usual position. It was just a muscle spasm after all. When I pulled out the Verge stayed where it was, wedged between my wife's legs and affording me a good view of her wet hole. Clearly I had burrowed in deep!
My wife must have known I had withdrawn but that didn't slow her down one iota. She was pressing the vibrating toy hard against her pussy, her butt still jiggling from her own movement. She was moaning softly but possibly not quite hitting the spot because suddenly she grabbed the Verge and pulled it from its wedged position between her legs. Turning it around in her hand she held onto the O ring, using it like a handle to run the flat curved pointy bit up and down her slit.
... while I stared at the delicious round booty before me. I licked my fingers and inserted one slowly into her, which made her groan. So I slipped another finger in, which made her groan louder - and then she started fingering her clit as well.
The toy got lost in the melee and I heard it fall to the floor as I continued fingering her from behind.
I ran those two fingers in and out of her cunt like a cock and then curled them a little so I could massage her g-spot. She started massaging her clit and then whacking it with her open hand. I could tell she was getting close to something more so I started talking dirty, telling her what a wanton slut she was... [more]