Wednesday, August 1, 2018

My wife wanted to buy me a blowjob but I talked her out of it?

Okay, this is weird, and it happened on Monday. 
I'll tell the story as it happened so bear with me because ... well ... you'll see.

After a tumultuous Saturday night that left us completely drained on Sunday (see My Daughter’s First Blow Job) my wife and I were mooching around the house on Monday morning. We took the dog for a walk up the road and bought a coffee from a local cafe. On the way home I mentioned how much my back hurt. This greatly concerned my wife and I immediately regretted mentioning it.

My wife kept telling me I needed a massage, that I should get a massage, and that she would book me a massage. I kept telling her it wasn't that sort of back pain, it was just an all over ache - fatigue brought on by only getting 4-5 hours sleep on Saturday night and probably only 6 hours on Sunday night. I told her that with a proper nights sleep I should be back to normal in no time.


My wife of course couldn't leave it alone and told me that afternoon that she'd found a place local and she was going to book me a massage. She said it was a place in XYZ Street, just behind the supermarket. I know the supermarket pretty well, and the surrounding streets, and I couldn't think of which spa joint she was talking about. There was only one, and it was a well known Spa franchise, but that wasn't the one she named.

I'm like a dog with a bone in situations like this, so I was wracking my brain trying to think of what new Spa had opened up. I'd just been to the supermarket on Saturday and for the life of me I couldn't think of one. Then the penny dropped. There was indeed a massage parlor in XYZ Street, just behind the supermarket, tucked away where it almost couldn't be seen. They specialized in 'Thai' massage and they had a red light outside the front door.

I've never been but I did notice it once a few years ago and when I saw it I was bemused because we live in a 'good' neighborhood. I was tickled to learn that right there in our well-to-do suburb was a place where one could get a 'Happy Ending' massage. Their branding and signage was so discrete I could well believe that my wife could have seen them online (via Google) and not realized what they were really about.

I laughed out loud - and decided to share the chuckles with my wife.

"Um, I don't know if it's the one you're talking about, since I don't know the name - and I've certainly never been!! - but there is a place around that way that's been there for years. They, um, have a red light outside the window and, uh, I'm pretty sure they do 'Happy Ending' massages. I could be wrong, as I said, I've never been, but ... well, when you book you should check whether they do legitimate massages. They probably do for daytime bookings I suppose, so I guess it doesn't matter..."

My wife looked mortified.

"I'll find somewhere else" was all she said, and she went downstairs to the home office to do more googling to find a reputable massage place. Which she did. Forty minutes later she told me she'd found a place that could take me two weeks from now. They couldn't take us together, unlike the other place, so she would get hers the following day.

I thought it was pointless getting a massage two weeks after my back was sore, since I knew it would 'come right' well before then, but she worries about my health so I decided not to argue. Still, it didn't make sense to me, but I resolved to let it go. Which of course I couldn't.

As I wracked my brain trying to divine her motives another penny dropped.

I remembered that early in July I'd discovered a list my wife had created in 'Notes' on her iPad. It was a bit jumbled but when I checked the date I realized it was something she'd written during a relationship seminar we went to as part of BNG group.  BNG had organized a free seminar so members could bring their partners and discuss ways to keep their relationships strong. (Because BNG members are all Type A individuals, their marriages and/or family relationships tend to suffer)

One of the exercises the counsellor had us do was write down four things we could do for $200 on a date night. I wrote down the obvious one (dinner at a fancy restaurant) and I forget the other two but the fourth one was 'Give my wife the $200 and go to the casino and see how long she lasts before it's gone'. After we'd finished our lists the counsellor said we had to keep them secret and share them with our partners later when we got home. the task was to pick one each from each others list and do it.

After the seminar finished we had dinner with another BNG couple at a local eatery and by the time we got home we had both forgotten about the lists. And we never came back to it. My wife is too busy for 'Date Night'.

So imagine my surprise when I happened one her list a few weeks back and discovered buried in amongst the cliches this little gem:

"Watch you get a blow job"

WTF?! At the time I was flabbergasted. It was so weird to see my wife actually express a fantasy of hers, much less for her to put it on her Date Night Activities list. Like many couples who've been together as long as we have, the frequency of sex diminishes and invariably jokes are made along the lines of 'I'm getting too old - maybe I'll just outsource the sex'.

But my elation turned to deflation as I realized she'd written that many weeks beforehand but had not acted on it. I was going to blog about it but I was on a cruise ship so instead I just sent the above tweet. It was my intention to blog about it once I got home, but by the time I did I'd forgotten about it.

Until last Monday afternoon when the penny dropped. Was this my wife's attempt at making her fantasy a reality. Had she known full well what services that massage parlor were offering when she suggested I needed a massage? And had I just done the unthinkable and unknowingly talked her out of it?

I was mentally kicking myself by this stage.

The thing is... I can't know for sure if she was planning to take me somewhere where she could watch me get a blow job. Sure, it's possible - but it's equally possible she was just thinking "My poor husband has a sore back, I should book him a massage so he feels better".

I'll never know - unless I ask her - and of course I'll never ask her because then she'll want to know how I saw her Note.  All I know is that I definitely won't be getting a blow job at my next massage - the one she's now booked is a 'straight' Spa.

So what do you think, dear reader? Is my sex deprived brain imagining things that aren't real? or do you think it's possible my wife was planning something?

-~o0o~-

This post has also been submitted to Wicked Wednesday




click here for more 'Wicked Wednesday' stories (NSFW)

8 comments:

  1. I think she would do that - so have a drink and ask - I think you two need to communicate far more than u are doinf

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    Replies
    1. Yeah. I have just today got our daughter’s therapist to schedule an appointment for just the wife and I - ostensibly to talk about how we parent our child - but who knows where that could lead?

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  2. I think you could have totally gone back to her and said, oh don't cancel it, it sounds like fun.... and see what her reaction is.

    Mollyx

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    1. I had that thought when the penny dropped a few hours later. I did think to myself “how can I walk this back?” but couldnt think of how to do it subtlely. A bit like how someone delivers a zinger at your expense and it’s only the next day that you think of what you should have come back with!

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  3. I'm with both Molly and May. Why don't you just ask your wife whether she could book you at the 'happy ending' massage place and if she would accompany you there?

    Rebel xox

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, but what if I’m completely wrong? I don’t think my wife would react well to me asking her to book me a ‘happy ending’.

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  4. I also think you should ask her. She put that on her list so whether she has mentioned it or not it is clearly something that, under the right circumstances, she would want to do. It might be that she is just too embarrassed to ask for it.

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    Replies
    1. Agreed, but it’s finding those ‘right circumstances’ that are proving elusive. We have, over the years, joked about ‘outsourcing’.

      Delete

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It’s goodnight from me.