Wednesday, April 10, 2019

#WickedWednesday ~ Mental Health vs Sex Bloggers

The prompt for 'Wicked Wednesday' this week is 'Mental Health', which IMO isn't very sexy so I guess there won't be many fictional stories this week (if they stick to the prompt). But it's an important subject so I shall submit the following (even though I probably shouldn't).

Firstly, I'm no expert, I have no medical training, so I'm not really qualified to speak on the matter. My experience is limited to having a mother that drove me nuts growing up, and marrying a woman who turned out to be a lot more like my mother than I could ever have expected. Yes, I know the old adage 'you marry your mother' but trust me, if you'd met my wife when I met her there was no way on earth anyone on this planet would have said the two were similar.

Secondly, I don't believe that I have any mental health issues, other than what I consider to be the normal human experiences. Some days I feel like life is great, and some days I feel 'meh'. I might be bored, or grumpy, but I've never felt down enough to want to harm or kill myself. That said, I'm totally aware that this not the case for all people.

Some people within my own extended family circle have benefited from medication, and I once considered seeing a doctor so I could get Prozac prescribed. I wanted it because my wife said she was fed up with my shitty attitude, that I needed to be happier, and that I was bumming her out with my grumpiness. She said we lived a great life that anyone would be jealous of, so why the fuck was I so moody all the time?

It starts with a few sexy selfies for your man, but pretty soon
you're banging strangers in a Best Western near the freeway (#jk)
I won't bore you with the answer because it's a long one and I don't want this to be another post about me kvetching about my wife. Suffice to say I didn't get the Prozac because my wife found out, and made it clear that no husband of hers was going to be medicated due to mental illness - all I needed was to buck up my ideas and adopt a positive attitude.

Which brings us back to the topic at hand. If you feel 'off' or depressed, or even worse, then DO seek medical advice from someone qualified. It's great having a support network that can boost your self esteem but don't let people who aren't qualified or experienced give you advice. Just because they've read a few online articles doesn't mean they know shit really. And don't let friends or family try to marginalize how you feel. It's quite possible you will need more than "a walk in the park to clear your head"!

Anyway, on to the last point which I'm scared to say since some of you may not like it. And it's just my experience, so it's purely anecdotal and nothing more than that...

I've been reading/following sex blogs since about 2009/2010. Before that I would read articles in magazines - I've always been fascinated by the subject of sex!  Along the way I would come across many great sex bloggers, and due to my CIS het status I would invariably be drawn to female authors. As you'll know from your own journey through the blogosphere many of those bloggers were at various stages of their own sexual journey.

Some were just 'starting out', trying new things, exploring their sexuality, seeing what they liked/disliked, and sharing it with those of us reading along.  Others were more advanced - they knew what they liked, they knew what they wanted, and they certainly went out and got it. They would regale us with stories of their adventures, their conquests, and their pursuit of sexual happiness. 

Their sexual exploits were the stuff of great inspiration and men and women alike (mostly women, because male readers were wary of seeming too leery) would comment about how they wish they could be more like the author, or do even half the stuff she had done. (As an aside: it's crazy to recall that ten years ago personal blogs could attract 20-30 comments, and most of them would be at least one paragraph long - not the one or two sentences that seem standard today. If you can even get anyone to comment anymore, it all seems too much bother now)

At the Best Western, with those guys you met on Craigs List
But I digress. Back to Mental Health...

These women would write about the random guy they hooked up with at a bar or a work function/conference. Or the guy they met online specifically for a hook up, either in a hotel room or a nooner back at their place. Some had husbands/partners do kinky shit to them, other were fucking a neighbor(s) behind his back. Some went to sex clubs, dressing up in hot outfits made of leather or latex. They'd post pictures of themselves in these hot outfits, proving their stories were real. Other posted pictures of themselves going down on another man or woman, while their husband fucked them from behind at a Swingers Party.

The stories were hot, real, and made readers jealous. We collectively vowed to make our own relationships more like theirs, even if sometimes we'd confess that some of that freaky shit was well out of our comfort zones and most likely to stay in our fantasies really. It was all very erotic, and showed what was possible if we were willing to try a little harder to escape our vanilla sex lives.

But then I noticed a pattern of sorts. Again, I hasten to add it's a vast generalization, but it happened often enough for me to notice it...

After two or three or four years some of these female sex bloggers with voracious healthy sexual appetites would invariably announce they had been diagnosed with some form of mental condition, for which their doctor had prescribed some new pill. As a reader I was left wondering if their exponentially growing sex life was due to that mental problem? Was that the reason they were seeking out increasingly more risky or kinky sex? More partners? 

All this time did they have a rising libido or were they just manic?

Whatever it was (like I said, I'm no expert) the second pattern I noticed was that once these women started taking medication for their diagnosed mental health issue their libido would slide. They'd have less sex, or no sex. They no longer had that drive to go to a Swingers Party or a Sex Club anymore - and if they did they'd complain afterwards that it was a bust. 

Was their lack of libido due to the medication, or that the mania was gone?

Some of these female sex bloggers would discuss this issue, but by and large most would choose to stay on the medication (or switch to something else, with a similar result). Invariably their sex lives would dwindle and the gaps between blog posts would increase until... one day they'd stop apologizing (for not blogging as often as they once did) and announce that they were just stopping entirely. 

And that would be that. 

Another hot sexy sex-blogging Goddess would vanish into the ether. 


This post has also been submitted to Wicked Wednesday

click here for more 'Wicked Wednesday' stories (NSFW)


  1. I believe it is a known fact that many anti-depressants lower the libido. I have never taken medicine, but with all that happened and is still happening in my life, affecting my mental health, my libido is not the same anymore. The sexy me isn't gone, but only busy with some other things at this moment...

    Rebel xox

    1. That’s great. One’s sex life is important, but life as a whole supersedes that. You gotta get your life in order first, and all else will follow.

  2. I think you make a valid point there at the end. There has been a movement to be more open and honest about mental health, and many of us are now more likely to seek medical help. Medication does impact my libido, and when I was younger, I was more likely to do wild things. I don't have manic episodes like I once did and I don't self medicate with alcohol like I used to. All of this means my personal sex stories aren't as unusual or as hot. There is also age. I'm older, and I can't or won't do some of those things anymore. I might have to write a post about this. It's an intriguing concept.

    1. Yes, as we get older we are less inclined to swing from the chandeliers!

  3. Great post Nero - very interesting angle - I have past issues that have not really helped me trust - but TBH considering a lot of shit i have had thrown at me since i was a kid i think i am quite a stable sex blogger - and I am not going anywhere - i hope - u know my blog - though i only have my man so there is only so much stuff i can write about our sex lives which is why i incorporate other stuff on my blog.
    Medication is wildly known to lower your libido, decrease your concentration and altogether make u a bit more loopy than u were when u started taking it ;-)


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